Fantastic 40+ thread - part 6

[Curlylox]

Over here everyone

Thanks Jolly just waiting to test.

Hey Italian thinking of you this morning xx

jollster - thank you so much for your lovely message. The friendly arm punch in soidarity is much appreciated. Flipping 'eck you went through the mill before getting your BFP. So lovely to hear things are going so well, though understand why you won't truly relax until you get that wonderful baby in your arms.

I've just turned 40. Had DD at 37, and since trying to conceive have had a chemical p/g and a m/c at around 6 weeks. Have had the usual blood tests and all looks fine. Next step, DH does the business in a pot, get that analysed, then back to the GP again. You're right when you say it feels like a frickin eternity since starting to TTC #2. Not helped by the fact that I conceived DD on my first cycle, so naively wasn't expecting any problems like this. I guess the reason I keep trying is that I know from this lovely thread that it is possible to get pg, stay pg and have a wonderful healthy baby at the end of it all at our age. Thank you again for your lovely message. It really means a lot. xxxxx

Thinking of you Italian. I've got everything crossed for you.Sending loads of love your way.

Just popping in to blow kisses at Italian. Been thinking of you loads, sweetie XXXXXXX

hello all, Just popping in to say I'm thinking of you italian, and also mucho congrats to Jolls and miasmummy

am 36 weeks now and feeling pretty weighed down - walking is rather tiring. still at work though until 39 weeks! fireflies I think we're at about the same stage - I'm going to haul myself off to get some raspberry leaf tea tomorrow, but I don't expect to give birth before 42 weeks. lol hope you're feeling ok.

Hello to everyone else!

Italian xx

Hello. Hope you dont mind me popping on to ask for a bit of advice. I've just plucked up the courage to postpone my FET (treatment was due to start next week) in favour of some immunes tests. I mc earlier this year after DE ivf, got BFP, but mc at 6 weeks. I just can't go again without getting myself checked out. I am booked in with Dr Gorgy and wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom or advice for me. I've heard that sometimes you're told you need a prescription, but not given it there and then. But later charged an admin fee for it when it is raised. I'm just trying to make this as stress free and cost efficient as poss - since i am over being stressed and broke with this whole process.

Thanks so much in advance.

Jolls - did you take the DHEA every day for 8 months, or just the first two weeks of the cycle? Did you take 75mg a day(sorry, I've probably already asked,but can't remember).

I've definitely ovulated, temperature has gone up and DH not back til tomorrow, so no go this month.So I now think I'll take DHEA every day,and have the odd glass of wine,and get my hair coloured. Always look on the bright side and all that...

((HUGS)) for you Italian

Morning Ladies

Knicky hope you are feeling a bit better today and that DD is not too uncooperative in her choice of pee pee spots!! Oooh, and sort out a date for your spa visit so you have something nice to look forward to. Your friend sounds lovely. Is she available for short term hire??!!

Tina have a fabulous holiday!

Angel great to know you can be away from work for six months and it not seem to matter!! I hope therefore you are taking it easy.

Beattie nice to hear from you and glad you?re doing ok. I am a little behind you ? 31 weeks today. From what you say our LOs will end up being barely 3 weeks apart. The weeks are flying by. I need to get my act together before I run out of steam, but have the essentials in place for the LO. What are you Lol? 30?

Pocket1 I was going to suggest looking at Fertility Friends to research Dr Gorgy, but see Carebear has already suggested that (I did a search on MN to see what came up on Gorgy). I used FF a lot for my specific assisted conception questions and think it?s probably the best place for that sort of info. Their threads are incredibly specific (eg IVF for over 40s using OEs). There are some ladies on there who have been through the most incredible number of treatments and they really do know their stuff and are willing to share.

Gum hope the hair do, DHEA and wine do the trick. Xx

Sending up some more prayer arrows for Italian.

How are all our other lovely snugees? Hugs to you all. xx

Hugs and baby dust to Hippy, Hopefulgum, Jolly Twirly Fireflies, Diege, Angelgeorgie, MiasAlexandrasmum, Lol, Elena, knickyknocks, MummyofMissM, Tina, Marythersa, Blackcatdancing, Shandy and all. .
Healthy pregnancies, happy babies and families and (as we say on the assisted conception thread) chocolate boobs to all .

I?m afraid it is not good news for us. I did the test Thursday morning and it was negative. The clinic said to wait 2 days, continue with the drugs and then re-test, which I did.

I didn?t want to come on here with a half hearted response so I wanted to wait for the second test before posting.

The night before I did the first test I wrote this prayer/poem before I went to bed, when it talks about babies I am meaning ?projects?, not actual babies!

Are there other babies
That you would have me bare?
Are there other people
Could I learn to care?

What visions and vistas
What lights in the dark
What places to travel to

What seeds of hope can I carry, if this final seed is gone?

Please, Lord, give me
Fresh vision
So I may carry on

The good news is that unless I am totally fooling myself I actually feel a sense of peace. This was a terribly long journey for us and it is finally over. Had I got pregnant I am sure I would have been overjoyed and seen a real sense of purpose in the last six and half years and thousands of pounds of trying. For those who are trying still I know this is always a personal decision of when to stop, and I know that for me the time is now. Although I expect I will take follic acid for a while in case the treatment has stirred anything up in my body. But I am ready now to move on. My hubby and I have chatted and we would like to look into adoption and/or fostering. Our DD is very happy to have a sibling this way and has even asked about it. I was not in a place, 20 months ago when our first lot of donor IVF failed, to go into the adoption process. I was very needy and felt really quite crushed by the experiences I had had. Now I feel empowered. I have come through all this with my marriage and my sanity intact. It is not the baby I had hoped for but it is a new start. I now feel able to be of help to a child rather than just needing a child to help me! If that makes sense! I genuinely feel that with my DH, my adorable DD and God that our family is complete so if this process is not right for all of us then so be it.

I am very grateful to all of you for sharing this journey with me, for you kind and wonderful comments and your helpful information, and your prayers.

I am sorry if at times I am long-winded, full of advice or if I have ever sounded sanctimonious! I can honestly say if I were not a follower of Christ that I would not be able to be this peaceful about the whole process. I know that many terrible things happen in the world and our treatment failing is not one of them. I can move on from this and I will. It is possible that we will adopt and the child we will adopt is already in this world, that is quite an exciting thought! My body has been through a fair bit with treatment, drugs, my tummy is like a pin cushion, clinic and even hospital visits and being overweight (I started a new weigh loss course run by the local PCT called OWLS) and so I will be getting my body fit for the challenges of the rest of my life now rather than for baby carrying.

Anyway, enough whittling on from me. I am posting this on the two threads I am on and I will pop back for news of your various successes. I am only sorry I will not get to meet you all in real life.

I might be hanging out on the adoption threads from now on, and also on the Philosophy/religion/spirituality threads. So do come and find me for a chat if you want to.

If anyone wants to stay in touch remember you can by the old email - it is my name on here and my imaginary age (39) at yahoo dot co dot uk

You are a fabulous bunch.

Thank you.

God Bless you all.

italian so sorry to hear it failed. What can I say? I really admire your strength of character in dealing with this. That you feel empowered and able to count your blessings is amazing. I hope will take the time to heal properly from all this before you move on. Will look forward to hearing from you again - glad you are sticking around. Keep being a fabulous woman, wife and mother.

Italian - so sorry to hear your news, but also not sure what to say because you do sound at peace, and I don't know whether saying 'sorry' is offensive in that case. All I can say is that I wish you well - I'm sure there are so many children out there who could, and hopefully will, benefit from your love.

Thank you for the link you posted - I'll check it now, have been away on hols hence the silence . . . not bleeding, but no symptoms either.

MiaAlexandra'sMummy - how are you?

Italian - you have moved me to tears with your gracious words. I would be angry at the world and everyone in it if I were you. You sound so calm and positive. I love your poem, lovely words. Your DD sounds like such a little character and I think she is your greatest miracle - she made it to life and made you a mummy. I hope there is someone out there who is destined to join your family and I look forward to hearing more of your journey. I hope your poor old pin cushion tummy is soon better and your health improves. Remember, your health is very important too, concentrate on you for a while, Mrs. Much love. XXXXXXX

Pocket1 - as far as I know Italian had extra tests regarding immune issues before her FET. She would be a good person to advise you. She is quite knowledgable on that subject. Although she may be fed up with talking about it at the moment.

Good to hear from the preggos - look after those babies.

{{Italian}} Well, it is disappointing. I so wanted it to end with a baby, but if it has brought you to a different place in terms of understanding yourself, then it has its purpose too. My friend, whose son was born with conditions incompatible with life, and who died just after his first birthday, who has gone on to have another child (she's in her 40s too btw), has as her FB quote: "we must be wiling to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us". There is much truth in that.

You take care of yourself for a bit now. I hope you can find some time to wind down and regroup. Sending you lots of love xx

(waves at everyone else).

So sad tonight. Not for the first time I am moved and quite humbled by Italian's words. I am so sorry this has not worked out as we all hoped. :(

But I know you have the strength and personal understanding to make good of this. Thinking of you and sending much love, Jolls xx

Italian you sound like a wonderful mother and there's a wonderful child out there waiting for you to love them. It sounds like it has been a very painful journey to get to this place, but the way you describe how you feel now makes it sound pretty amazing. We've all benefitted from your words of wisdom on this thread. You have even had the insight to write them down for yourself; so much better than ours could ever be. Will miss you - so will try to catch you on the other threads. God bless. (())

italian your words are beautiful, but that is because they have come from a beautiful, generous heart. I am in awe of your courage, dignity, and ability to love. Your acceptance of the end of this part of your journey is simply inspiring.

It is my sincere, heartfelt wish that your new life path is one which fulfils you, and that you continue to feel the joy of your marriage, your faith and your family. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us here. xx

Hi fireflies (thank you my dear for thinking of me), Twirly (thank you so much), Hippy (how lovely and kind), MummyofMissM (I love that quote, it is so true), jolly (that really means a lot to me), lol (if you could have seen my DD in tears because I would not let her make Gumbo ? after hearing about it on Almost Naked Animals ? you may not think me so kind! But thank you so much), and Miaalexandersmummy (honey you are nearly bringing a tear to my eye - you are the brave serene one, I am feeling fine, I can almost see a little boy or girl in our future and if not, then it is fine, I am ready but you guys have all helped to make me ready) - so thank you all for your lovely, kind words, thoughts and prayers and for the words of encouragement when I was waiting.

NO Twirly it is not at all offensive to say sorry. Of course we would have loved it to work and would be celebrating now (all be it not with wine and sex! ? see later in the post if that is confusing!). Of course we wanted it to work, but now it hasn?t it just seems time to move on.
Pocket not sure how the clinic will handle the money side or all of it, if you are a patient of the clinic then surely they could not charge for a prescription but if you are not their patient maybe they will. Best to ask up front about costs. All I know is type one tests can be done by GP for free (mostly, I think if you have sympathetic GP and Keziah on other thread knows what they all are ? I think ). Type 2 tests are done in the YUSA and cost a lot, about a grand. I am glad we tried them all before treatment as I now feel have dotted ?i?s and crossed ?t?s. My question is usually ?what else can I do to give this cycle the best chance or working?? Or what else can test? Etc. Good luck.

Diege any news on your elusive cervix? Easter eggs ? it?s OK, eggs are good for you, full of protein!

Fireflies hope your problems with neighbour get resolved.

Knicky sorry af has turned up. Just waiting for mine with a sense of dread! Been building myself up with loads of iron tablets and now fear all the goodness will go!
Angelgeorgie hope things will go well with your little one in nursery. Mine ended up loving nursery and often ran around the garden play area not wanting to leave! Most flattering for me after a hard day at work!

I am aware looking at my mega-long post that there might be others who have had bad news and feel very frustrated etc. I know that in the past I have felt much worse than I do now, so I just wanted to say that I know we are all different and I would not want my long-winded post to put anyone off coming on here and VENTING at how unfair this whole process is. It IS totally unfair how easy some get pregnant and others do not. I know that. I guess what I'm saying is that lots of people will have lots of opinions and one is that we wasted tons of time and money but I wasn't able to do it any other way and it has made me feel ready to move on, so in one sense I don't think I could have done it any other way! But others might be hurting and so those responses are totally understandable too. As I say we are all different. I'm just so hoping that my other cycle buddies and thread buddies will have a better time of this. Huge hugs to you all.

Hugs to BB, Hopefulgum, Jolly Diege, Angelgeorgie, MiasAlexandrasmum, Lol, Elena, Knickyknocks, Tina, Marythersa, Blackcatdancing, Shandy and all.

PS I am enjoying a lovely glass of wine and had a great time with DH this morning now the no sex/no drinking/lots of injecting in the tummy sessions are over!

Pocket I meant type two tests are done in the UK and the blood sent to USA (Chicago) and then the test results are sent back to UK and you see your consultant for results and for treatment plan.

Italian no words but xxxx take care xxxx thanks for your support .xxxx

Oh Italian - hugs and more hugs. So sorry that it hasn't worked - you are a very special lady and a child will be exceptionally lucky to have you as their mother, whatever the route they find you by. xxx

Thanks Angelgeorgie and thefatladysings, what a kind thing to say.

I just said to a friend on another thread that it really is much easier dropping out of this process having already have our miracle baby 7 years ago. I know it must be very tough for the ladies trying to get their first baby and if I am honest I expect I would not able to give up yet if we had not already had one amazing miracle.

I am actually looking forward to the future again rather than constantly trying to work out how pregnant I would be by a certain date or when I would need to do this or that or fit this or that scan in. I feel like a bit of a fraud because I feel so peaceful. [winkl]

I've only just got up to see your news Italian. I am sorry it didn't work for you,and also in awe of how peaceful you sound. I know you have so much love to give,and any child would be sooo very lucky to have you in their life. Your strength of faith has always shone through your posts,I really admire that.

I hope you will come and see us in the snug and let us know how everything is going.

Thank you for always being so supportive and non-judgmental. Your kind words always help me.

Italian that's a very moving post back there. Im glad you've at least found some peace. Wishing you all the best with adoption x

italian you are a loving mother with lots more love to give. I wish you all the very best with adoption or fostering, there are lots of children out there who would do so well in your family and bring more joy into your life.
It's good to hear how peaceful you sound and especially how you were able to just enjoy being with your DH. Things will work out, differently to how you wanted but you have a great attitude towards life so things will work out.