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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Come on down to the shiny new baby-friendly MOSH PIT.

971 replies

MarthasHarbour · 07/02/2012 11:30

There's cake for scoffing, backs for patting, and screeching death metal for all your METALLING moments. All welcome!

Our last thread reached 1000 posts so i hope you have all found your way here! I have steaming hot Brew chocolate croissants (or as my colleague said 'chocolate pasties'), blueberry muffins, grapefruit segments and hot buttered toast for brekkie!

Settle into the mosh pit, we have special VIP area's for those on the 2WW, the new bumps metalling with segregated areas for the first/second/third trimesters and the club class cocktail bar for those who have just got AF and can get-pissed let loose for the first two weeks!

OP posts:
pebspop · 16/02/2012 12:45

it's is from my fanjo as i checked!! it started when i got the uti on cd23 and i have had it everyday since would be cd33 now.

i don't have it everytime i wee just sometimes.

i think i will try to relax. wish i didn't have this spotting but i can just wait for the scan. even if i have the hcg tests they aren't going to be able to do anything anyway. i would just panic for 48 hours i think!

MandaHugNKiss · 16/02/2012 12:47

No, no, there will be no photos. I feel bad for DF but I'm in a foul mood over my hair. I'm gonna have to get them (highlights) done several times more before I reckon I can even remotely look in the mirror without wanting to smash it up. There are too few/wrong colour highlights and I just remind myself of those greek/italian women who highlight their hair with a home kit...

No. It's not orangey. But from a short distance I look grey. And it somehow makes my skin look grey. I look grey and ill. Fucks sake! The guy colouring my hair (get this, all of 21 years of age) just didn't listen to me. I told him I was looking to GO BLONDE (ie, would need a LOT of fine highlights) but he put in not nearly enough saying 'oh people prefer less now because it's more low maintence and looks more natural...' and he also put a toner on it which says it all to me, after years and years of having my hair highlighted I have NEVER had a toner put on it - so despite me warning him my hair doesn't lift well unless with bleach he still didn't take it on board did he? And then the two juniors who were washing/brushing out my hair had no idea how to cope with a) the length and b) the fact it had turned into a 3 foot ball of knots. SO they just viciously yanked/brushed so have probably screwed the condition of it (I had nary a split end depsite not getting it cut for two years). The cut is ok.

The complication of this, aside from the fact DF thought he was doing something lovely for me (well, he was - it just hasn't turned out that way Sad )? It's his step sisters salon. Toni and huy, no less, who I KNOW have a rep for just doing what they want rather than what you ask for but, yeah. I'm British, so obviously usually if I go to the hairdresser and hate the outcome instead of going back to complain and let them get it right, I just go to another hairdress... but can't really do either this tim - It's her wedding in five months and not only will she expect me to be back in in four weeks for more highlights, she'll know by seeing my hair at the wedding that it's 'not the same' if I go elsewhere. ARGHHHH!

Sorry, I'll be back to catch up on everyone else a bit later. If I haven't done a Britney and just shaved it all off...

whatsoever · 16/02/2012 12:47

Thanks Bonzo but I don't really want to take ADs again unless I'm desperate. I'm pretty sure from my research that none are actually "safe" while pregnant, they just give them to some people because their depression is so bad it's more dangerous than the potential harmful effects to the baby. I'm working on the basis if I can make it to work and get through the day without total disaster, I'm still well enough to do without....

MissCoffee I wonder if doctors like the one you saw realise just how dispiriting their tone and pessimism is? Sad Many of my fingers are crossed for you.

FrozenNorthPole · 16/02/2012 12:50

Pebs - my GP did serial serum beta hcg draws over a couple of weeks with this one; the HCA or PN did each one before work on days 48 to 72 hours apart. They were reluctant, but I sold it as giving me more information than was available by any other means at this point. Plus I wondered aloud if it was ectopic and said that I wanted to have warning as soon as possible to avoid losing a tube (have dodgy tubes and endometriosis so am at slightly higher risk of this). In the end I think the doctor said yes just to stop me talking metalling in her office ... I did find the blood draws very reassuring but I realise that it might make things more stressful.

MissC - I hope they they are sorting you out with a scan as I write. Waiting is one of the most hideous things about this whole experience isn't it?

Not doing full personals (boss looking a bit disapprovingly at me) but scan this am went well, measuring 9 weeks with a heartbeat. Very grateful but aware it's still early days.

WhyAlwaysBoris · 16/02/2012 13:05

Frozen great news!

MarthasHarbour · 16/02/2012 13:28

yay for frozens li'l bean!

manda could you not bite the bullet and tell your sis in law that the thick-as pigshit 21 year old didnt listen to you? you might get another free colour from someone else....

OP posts:
MandaHugNKiss · 16/02/2012 13:43

Fab news, frozen - chances of mc after heartbeat seen at this stage become very small (albeit for some of us the 'usual' statistics don't apply). Yes, early days, but it's looking very, very good for you this time!

marff I could. I mean, if I wasn't so inherently British. As I say, my usual MO if this happens is to just go somewhere else. I can't believe how stupidly, verge of crying all morning, low I'm feeling about this. And I have no freaking clue what to do to pull myself out of it.

WhyAlwaysBoris · 16/02/2012 14:09

manda i'm so sorry about your hair. It isn't stupid to feel low about it....especially if you are flying on fumes to start with in terms of feelings, which i know i certainly am. Maybe we should have a thread outing and go and throw paint at the salon on your behalf or something....

MissCoffeeNWine · 16/02/2012 14:31

Hurray for little frozen bean! Shall we call it icicle, or snowball Grin

Sorry about your hair manda I do understand, it's one of the reasons I never do anything with my hair as I'm too scared of it going wrong, it's so personal. I did take 4 inches off with the MN haircut the other week though! Fringers crossed its a means to an end and there's a grand plan?

Well GP rang this morning and said I have an appointment for Saturday morning. I am working on Saturday morning. I don't just mean something I can call in sick to, I mean that for all of three hours in all of the next four days I am unavailable - taking part in a two hour presentation/show that I have been booked for since October, and being self employed yes, I am the only person that can do it. Of course if I were under a bus they'd have to lump it but short of that it's a no-go. GP told me it was important I go - yes I do understand that, yes I need to go, yes I want to go, but you said today or tomorrow and I cannot help it if you have booked it for the ONE time I CAN'T go. Yes I know I'm entitled to time off for appointments. No I cannot ask my boss - I AM the boss.

He said he'd call me back, hasn't yet. Can't go out this afternoon as stuck in waiting for him to call! If it's next week I'll have to cancel clients too but not quite so immovable as Saturday.

Did I do terribly wrong? Not like I have any choice. Feel very panicky now. If it's next week DP won't be able to come either. And DD is back at school so if they decide to come up with something like 9.20am or 2.30pm I won't be able to get there or back in time.

Honestly, all I ever wanted was to talk to the MW about my worries :(

Seriously seriously considering ringing up for a private and putting it on the credit card. The whole thing's a disaster and I wish I'd never rung up in the first place, this is more stressful than my symptoms.

pebspop · 16/02/2012 15:35

if it's only this month that paying for a scan is a problem, i would put it on the credit card and pay it off next month.

Just do it!

FrozenNorthPole · 16/02/2012 15:48

I think I'd stick it on the credit card and get a private one - I tell myself that you can't put a price on reassurance (obviously the scan companies do, but still!). I would also, deviously, get the GP to book another scan for me at the EPAU later next week for extra reassurance ...

FrozenNorthPole · 16/02/2012 15:48

PS - I'd obviously not mention the private scan to the GP.

JaffaSnaffle · 16/02/2012 22:02

Hurray for Frozens little one! Really pleased your scan went well.

Mscoffee hope it sorts out for you somehow. Your GP seems to be almost trying to be difficult... In the long run, would it be possible for you to see someone else, particularly given your history? I have relied heavily on my GP practice, who despite being very underfunded and oversubscribed (GGRRR rant for another day), have been absolutely fantastic. My first GP, who has now retired to care for his sick wife, really listened to me with both miscarriages, and sent me in for the hcg blood tests which predicted the second miscarriage. He said to me, 'As horrible as this is, it is important for you have control over your treatment'. He didn't fob me off, or give me patronising wiffle either. And the second one was just very, very kind, which helped in a different way. My community midwives have generally been useless, alternating between 'calm down dear', and 'if you are not past 24 weeks, there is nothing we can do anyway'. I hate going into hospital, I have so many bad associations with that place, so I am very grateful to have some medical treatment in the community that is not just the useless midwives. It had not struck me until the EPU rang a few days ago to ask how my miscarriage had gone, and as I told them the litanany of events, I kept thinking how grateful I was for the GP practice. Really wish you could find some similar support because although it doesn't really change the outcomes, (or at least it didn't for me), it has made a huge difference to my mental health, I am sure. As someone up thread said, it is bad enough going through this, without struggling for treatment.

Manda, very sorry about your hair. I do not think you are being silly at all. I always find that if I look good on the outside, it protects me a bit from getting down about myself, or feeling vulnerable. And vice versa. I always used to think that if people knew me well, they would realise that when my hair was done nicely and my makeup was looking good that I was actually struggling. It is almost like an armour. I am a natural blonde, so have never been another colour, but once went to a hairdressers for highlights, and they completely trashed my hair. I felt like a barbie. It was just before a ski holiday, and I wore my hat All The Time. And when I got back, I went to another hairdressers and had it toned down. And I completely understand your frustration that you cannot do this. Because it is not just the politeness/British thing, but also the fear that as they fucked it up the first time, why on earth would you expect them not to do it again.

Pebs, hope the spotting stops soon. My HCG tests were done at the GP too. They sent them off to the hospital labs, but it was just an appointment with the nurse.

Hello to everyone else!

I am really very down. I just so want to get pregnant, and I have no idea what my body is doing. My bleeding has stopped thankfully, and GP said my cervix is closed, so I think, read hope that this is the end of the miscarriage. I keep worrying that I may have missed OV this cycle, because TMI the end of the bleeding was very mucousy, sort of blood tinged CM. The thing that gets me the most about all the TTC business is the timescale of it all. Just this one little chance every month, and then weeks of not being able to do anything, and months clocking by. And then months and months of pregnancy worrying once you do get pregnant. And there is nothing you can do but live your life. I am so impatient with it all. I would have had my baby by now, and I am not even pregnant yet. I sort of regret the few months we 'took off' TTC, becuase I keep wondering if one of those would have worked out differently.

Oh, and my friend still hasn't got back to me. I suspect she is mad with me because I did not say 'oh it's ok' straight away, and explained to her why I didn't. I said that it hurt me, and that I didn't want to react instantly, but that I understood that it was an accident, and that I had deleted it from my phone. We are close, and in many ways she is a lovely person. She was one of the few of my friends who remembered my due date for instance. And she has a lot on her plate because her mum is ill, as well as her being pregnant. But, she is completely tactless, and is very uncomfortable at the thought of becoming a mum, which I struggle to empathise with, particularly after 2 miscarriages. She keeps probing into the politics, finances, everything really about me being a SAHM, and is very judgy about it. She often implies I have Let The Side Down. It is really hard, because at the moment, I think we both need support, but maybe we are not the right people to give it to each other right now. I just hope the friendship is strong enough to manage a hiatus.

I keep on trying my best to carry on regardless, just trying to pass the time along really. My DD is lovely, and really helps, and I am so very grateful for her in so many ways. We are having a small party for her tomorrow, with just a few friends we see regularly, some little cakes and some balloons. I am looking forward to this a lot. Sometimes, I forget, and actually manage to function at all levels like a normal person. Sometimes I feel like I am playing out a charade, because I have to, because just lying in bed and crying is not an option. But I do think that the last 7 months have been the worst time in my life for sure.

wonderif · 17/02/2012 07:53

hey everyone , can i join ?

i have had 2 mc's one in 2010 17 weeks :( one in 2011 12 weeks.

Last period was 6th Jan, got what i thought was a very faint line on a pg test yesterday , woke up this morning very slight bit of blood :( did 2nd test anyway no line, not sure what to think, maybe it was just our eyes playing tricks with the test yesterday.

good luck everyone on your journey xx

WhyAlwaysBoris · 17/02/2012 08:49

Good morning all,

Welcome Wonderif

Haven't read posts from last night yet, will come back later today when i've more time,

but I just wanted to check in and send a message to you Moomin - There isn't anything i can say to help, i know, but i will be thinking of you especially on this day. I hope the trip to the cemetery gives you peace, and i hope you are surrounded by those who love you today. Sending you lots of love from me.

kalidasa · 17/02/2012 09:34

Hello everyone, just checking in. Sorry you are having such a hard time jaffa. I'm working from home today and I find the less busy days are much harder as it's so much easier to obsess.

Anyway I'm 15 dpo now and my temps are still up and I still feel ill as I did in my pregnancy cycle (before a v. early loss). Not that exciting though as my average luteal phase is 15 days (which would mean a period starting tomorrow); it's quite often 16 and I can have 17 day ones without being pregnant. So I can't consider myself actually 'late' until early next week which is a real pain. I did a test a few days ago which was negative but I'm trying to hold off testing again because I didn't get a positive until 17dpo in the pregnancy cycle anyway (and even that was quite faint).

I know it's probably a good thing really to have such a long luteal phase but it's really a nuisance at the moment!

JaffaSnaffle · 17/02/2012 13:12

Moomin, you are in my thoughts today. X

pebspop · 17/02/2012 15:13

not had too much of the brown yuck today. just a little bit this morning.

i had an amazing plan for tonight but i am too nervous to pull it off!

i was going to pretend my uti was coming back and alcohol wasn't going down very well so i would have to not drink and could use it as an excuse for going home early as well.

i can't pretend about the uti cause i am a bad liar!

instead i am planning to ask for cocktails which look like the proper ones but have no alcohol in them. everyone in my office drinks cocktails on nights out. i have already said i am not doing rounds. i think i will just slip away early and try not to draw attention to it!

MandaHugNKiss · 17/02/2012 16:59

for moomin you and your angel are in my thoughts today.

pebs glad to hear the spotting seems to be slowing up - good luck tonight whichever way you play it!

jaffa so sorry you're struggling - I wish I had a bloody magic wand. WOuld wave it for all of us (me included! Still feeling horrible about my hair... but better after finally crying my eyes out for about 20mins yesterday). I haven't got any peppy talk for you today, but you are in my thoughts and just as soon as I get myself together I'll get the pom poms out again to cheer you up (not so much the outfit though... for a start, my hair will look ridiculous, let alone my cellulitey legs!)

Occured to me in bed last night (like it does) we've not heard from iq since she went on maternity leave, nor baby since her diabetes became unstable. Hoping both ladies/bumps are ok and will check in soon.

kalidasa · 17/02/2012 18:08

I'm sorry about your hair manda. I think it's v. understandable to feel upset. I think when you feel that your body is letting you down in one specific way it's easy for your confidence in it as a whole to really take a knock - I've definitely noticed that - so little things that help you feel good about yourself are v. important. I had my eyebrows threaded today for the first time - quite painful but over quickly and I'm quite pleased with them.

I had some spotting this morning and had another BFN too. But this afternoon I tried my first internet cheapie (only arrived today). I'm not sure what to think because it does have a line, but a) it is SO faint and b) appeared really slowly (not sure how long exactly as I was working but I think it was prob outside the 10 minute window. If you hold it up to the light it's a lot clearer and also clearly pink, but I think that might be cheating!

Are those internet tests prone to evap lines does anyone know?

It's actually our anniversary today and I was hoping either for a clear YES (double celebration) or an unambiguous NO (so at least I could have a glass of wine at the smart restaurant he has booked). Agh!

NoMoreMarbles · 17/02/2012 21:21

Evening allSmile

moomin thinking of you todaySad
kali IME the Evaps on ICs tend to be grey rather than pink so I would test again in the morningGrin FX for youSmile

Welcome to our new metallerWink

NoMoreMarbles · 17/02/2012 21:24

manda sorry about the hairSad I had peach hair accidentally one time and had to wear a hat for a week until my hair could take another beating (I did it myself with a home box kit so only me to blameBlush) I hope you can get it sorted and feel better soon

bonzo77 · 17/02/2012 21:45

kali what sensitivity are your ic pt's? I think some detect 10mIu, others (including the more expensive chemist / supermarket ones) only detect 20mIu. The first sort will detect lower levels of hcg therefore give you a BFP earlier if pregnant (or for longer after a mc) that the second. I would test again with FMU. I had the same thing as you and within a couple of days I got a good strong positive. Shame it didn't last! Anyway, I don't keep the expensive ones at home, just 100's a few cheapies. If i ever get a clear BFP I'll get what DH calls a "proper" test so he can be sure.

manda I know all about hair disasters. See my photos! What is missing is the photo where I stupidly put ash brown over the stripes. Of course all the blonde bits went green! And I did it late one night and had to go to work with it like that. One of my colleagues used to be a hairdresser. She said she'd never seen hair so green (except when intentionally dyed green).

kalidasa · 18/02/2012 07:22

bonzo I think they're 10miu. I got another v. faint line last night and an even more invisible one this morning but my temp has really dropped this morning so I think it isn't going to work.

pebspop · 18/02/2012 08:40

kalidasa I thought my ic's were really faint but from asking on here it sounds like they are all faint especially at first. I tried two this week and was panicing as i was expecting a dark line. when is your af due?

I have done a cb digi today and it came up 2-3 weeks so I am happy as I am 4+6 today. My spotting seems to have cleared up as well so I am feeling much better. Hopefully I can keep this feeling for the next two weeks until my first scan.

I went out last night and think I managed to get away with not drinking, not sure if one of my collegues noticed but I don't think he would say anything anyway. I sneaked away early though as I couldn't keep up the pretending to drink when I wasn't!

Sorry to hear about your hair manda have you worked out what you are going to do?

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