Hurray for Frozens little one! Really pleased your scan went well.
Mscoffee hope it sorts out for you somehow. Your GP seems to be almost trying to be difficult... In the long run, would it be possible for you to see someone else, particularly given your history? I have relied heavily on my GP practice, who despite being very underfunded and oversubscribed (GGRRR rant for another day), have been absolutely fantastic. My first GP, who has now retired to care for his sick wife, really listened to me with both miscarriages, and sent me in for the hcg blood tests which predicted the second miscarriage. He said to me, 'As horrible as this is, it is important for you have control over your treatment'. He didn't fob me off, or give me patronising wiffle either. And the second one was just very, very kind, which helped in a different way. My community midwives have generally been useless, alternating between 'calm down dear', and 'if you are not past 24 weeks, there is nothing we can do anyway'. I hate going into hospital, I have so many bad associations with that place, so I am very grateful to have some medical treatment in the community that is not just the useless midwives. It had not struck me until the EPU rang a few days ago to ask how my miscarriage had gone, and as I told them the litanany of events, I kept thinking how grateful I was for the GP practice. Really wish you could find some similar support because although it doesn't really change the outcomes, (or at least it didn't for me), it has made a huge difference to my mental health, I am sure. As someone up thread said, it is bad enough going through this, without struggling for treatment.
Manda, very sorry about your hair. I do not think you are being silly at all. I always find that if I look good on the outside, it protects me a bit from getting down about myself, or feeling vulnerable. And vice versa. I always used to think that if people knew me well, they would realise that when my hair was done nicely and my makeup was looking good that I was actually struggling. It is almost like an armour. I am a natural blonde, so have never been another colour, but once went to a hairdressers for highlights, and they completely trashed my hair. I felt like a barbie. It was just before a ski holiday, and I wore my hat All The Time. And when I got back, I went to another hairdressers and had it toned down. And I completely understand your frustration that you cannot do this. Because it is not just the politeness/British thing, but also the fear that as they fucked it up the first time, why on earth would you expect them not to do it again.
Pebs, hope the spotting stops soon. My HCG tests were done at the GP too. They sent them off to the hospital labs, but it was just an appointment with the nurse.
Hello to everyone else!
I am really very down. I just so want to get pregnant, and I have no idea what my body is doing. My bleeding has stopped thankfully, and GP said my cervix is closed, so I think, read hope that this is the end of the miscarriage. I keep worrying that I may have missed OV this cycle, because TMI the end of the bleeding was very mucousy, sort of blood tinged CM. The thing that gets me the most about all the TTC business is the timescale of it all. Just this one little chance every month, and then weeks of not being able to do anything, and months clocking by. And then months and months of pregnancy worrying once you do get pregnant. And there is nothing you can do but live your life. I am so impatient with it all. I would have had my baby by now, and I am not even pregnant yet. I sort of regret the few months we 'took off' TTC, becuase I keep wondering if one of those would have worked out differently.
Oh, and my friend still hasn't got back to me. I suspect she is mad with me because I did not say 'oh it's ok' straight away, and explained to her why I didn't. I said that it hurt me, and that I didn't want to react instantly, but that I understood that it was an accident, and that I had deleted it from my phone. We are close, and in many ways she is a lovely person. She was one of the few of my friends who remembered my due date for instance. And she has a lot on her plate because her mum is ill, as well as her being pregnant. But, she is completely tactless, and is very uncomfortable at the thought of becoming a mum, which I struggle to empathise with, particularly after 2 miscarriages. She keeps probing into the politics, finances, everything really about me being a SAHM, and is very judgy about it. She often implies I have Let The Side Down. It is really hard, because at the moment, I think we both need support, but maybe we are not the right people to give it to each other right now. I just hope the friendship is strong enough to manage a hiatus.
I keep on trying my best to carry on regardless, just trying to pass the time along really. My DD is lovely, and really helps, and I am so very grateful for her in so many ways. We are having a small party for her tomorrow, with just a few friends we see regularly, some little cakes and some balloons. I am looking forward to this a lot. Sometimes, I forget, and actually manage to function at all levels like a normal person. Sometimes I feel like I am playing out a charade, because I have to, because just lying in bed and crying is not an option. But I do think that the last 7 months have been the worst time in my life for sure.