Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Come on down to the shiny new baby-friendly MOSH PIT.

[MarthasHarbour]

There's cake for scoffing, backs for patting, and screeching death metal for all your METALLING moments. All welcome!

Our last thread reached 1000 posts so i hope you have all found your way here! I have steaming hot chocolate croissants (or as my colleague said 'chocolate pasties'), blueberry muffins, grapefruit segments and hot buttered toast for brekkie!

Settle into the mosh pit, we have special VIP area's for those on the 2WW, the new bumps metalling with segregated areas for the first/second/third trimesters and the club class cocktail bar for those who have just got AF and can get-pissed let loose for the first two weeks!

Jaffa Good to hear you are doing OK :)

hi everyone, thanks for your messages. Glad that some of you have good news and bee so sorry to hear your sad story, I'm afraid I don't have any good advice, just take care of yourself and give yourself some time to think and talk with your DH.

I got a call yesterday just after I posted, the nurse at the EPAU said that my HCG levels had not risen enough, it is likely to be either a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. I am feeling very very shaky. Saturday the levels were 200 and Monday 268. I have an appt on Friday for another blood test, it's too early to do a scan (5 wks and HCG levels not high enough)

I'm just trying to have a normal day and keep busy, but I'm not sure I can get through the day without crying

Oh tas so sorry things aren't looking too good I hope the next set of results are better xx

Woohoo for missC and her little espresso! Hope you've slept a little easier since seeing your wriggler - lovely.

Bee Your situation is obviously complicated. Whilst most of us will hav emore 'conventional' set ups, and so not really understand that aspect, we do understand your loss. I'm so sorry it's hitting you so hard especially as it feels like that slip up was your only chance. We all pretty much felt an instant need to get pregnant straight away - maybe it's natures way as it seems quite a universal response despite all the fears of it happening again.

I think, though, that there are other avenues to explore - ICSI only requires a teeny tiny number of healthy sperm (in theroy just a handful), hand picked, and then actually inserted into each egg. As much as your relationship with your husband is 'open' wouldn't it be less complicated to have a child with him rather than your bf? Especially as your DH sounds incredibly supportive, kind and giving. Pregnancy and babyhood is one thing, but I'm just thinking ahead and how the child deals with it all (when you're a parent thats typically how it goes! Your needs tend to take a bit of a back seat in favour of what is best for them) particularly if BF turns out to be, as you say, emotionally immautre/incapable of a commited relationship - nothing more commited than parent/child.

I hope I don't sound like I've hoiked up my judgey pants because I'm really not judging! - I was raised by a man not my biological father from when I was 9months so I have some experience of 'being that child' - although, again, circumstances were different. These are just my honest thoughts.

How're you feeling today? Are you going to test for a bfn so you know it's all over physically, at least?

tits Your name is kinda familar... but then it's the kind of name my Aunt/Mum would give to someone so maybe that's why! DSis was often referred to as Fanny Fanackerpants!

Day 10 of which cycle though? Are you in the WTF cycle (the one directly after your mc)? Noticed any signs of Ov/do you get any usually?

Ah, you bring cake. You may stay.

tas I'm sorry things don't seem to be working out - quite a few of us here have had CP's and despite being early it doesn't necessarily mean 'easier'. If you want/need to cry then do! No point being 'brave' - holding it all in usually just stores up trouble for the future, it's gonna come out somehow, somewhere. I hope you get some answers soon so that the limbo can end and the healing begin.

jaffa Just... offering you a virtual hand-squeeze. That feeling of 'wne will I start to feel more like my usual self is still with me, as you probably remember, but we will both get there. We all will! I had a lot of crying yesterday for what seemed like 'no reason' but I'm flipping exhausted. Not sleeping well anyway and DS2 has been poorly with a high temp these last two days and spent most of the last 72 hours clamped to my breast (for comfort - the milk has all but dried up). It's draining. And when I'm drained, I tend to get far more emotional than I ever did 'before'. So... what am I saying? Oh, yeah! Look after yourself physically^ and I think it follows that the rest of it falls easier into place, y'know?

That applies to all of you!

Um, I need to change DS2's nappy from the smells of things. THis high temp is also producing some choice specimins, shall we say I may be some time...

Tas, so sorry about your call yesterday. Just wanted to echo the advice of manda above, if you need a cry then let yourself cry. Lots if necessary. I'm still crying lots and found it much easier when i gave up trying not to.

Manda - I left one cycle after mc so had another period just to make sure everything was settled down, I did test afterwards to make sure bfn. So day (now 11) of a fresh cycle, I never really get any ovulation signs tbh although I do have wicked bad endometriosis so often get a bit crampy, I had loads of it removed during surgery in November but alas it is still causing me pain, my periods are a nightmare!

Sadly I am no stranger to mc I had 1 before my eldest was born and 6 in-between my 2 boys they have never found out why it happens, I was due to see a gyne but found out I was pg with number 2 on the day of the apt.

I do have blood issues though so have to go on Clexaine injections as soon as I know I am pregnant, I had a Pulmonary embolism during my first pregnancy so it's a preventative thing now.

In other news, DP has a BIG job interview today, he has been home the last week after his last contract ended and I had already forgotten how damn hot he looks in a suit. :o

Unfortunately I am trying to lose weight so virtual mn cake is all I can have right now

Hi everyone, I've come to join your club after mc at 8+0 late Jan. Anyway, looking forward now and trying to be positive. Currently wallowing in the dreaded 2ww.

Oh and what JaffaSnaffle said about timings.... THIS!!!

hi projectg, sorry about your mc, the 2ww is a bummer, I know! Fingers crossed for good news soon.

Strangely I'm feeling better today, not sure how! Went to the GP this morning and sobbed. She examined me and said it's not presenting as ectopic, which reassured me. Also told a couple of people at work, who I know have been through similar experiences, which helped a lot. One said that a friend of hers had an ectopic and was very ill throughout the pregnancy, which reassured me, as I feel absolutely fine. My boobs were straining at my bra today, and I've got that happy pregnant hormone feeling, which I got with DD, where life feels good (even if it's not). I can't believe I actually feel ok, I think it's mainly hormones and keeping busy at work. I am very good at letting it all out, I did that very thoroughly for the MMC last year. It helps I've only known for 3 days that I'm pg and couldn't get much hope up after last time. Anyway, enough waffling on, I hope that all you guys are getting on ok.

sorry tits, I missed what you'd said about having so many mc, so sorry for all your losses. You are a very strong woman.

Hi ladies

just wanted to say hello to the newbies, I am so sorry for your losses - I hope that you find solace and support in this thread. We have a truly wonderful group of ladies here

Also I still haven't caught up properly but I spotted a question from Manda re DS being a march 2010-er...yes I was on the March 2010 thread initially but sadly work got in the way of my mumsnetting last time around so I kind of dropped off the radar after about the 12 week mark...no such problems this time around

Funny that so many of us have DCs of roughly the same age!

Speaking of my DS, I showed him the scan pictures today and I said "look, can you see the baby?" and he said "oooh, look, cat!" Hmmm. I think we may need to find an ingenious way of explaining things when the time comes...

Thank you all for your kind words ladies - were just seeing how it all goes at the moment with the LO and gramps!!

Huge congratulations to misscoffee, poppy and mad - hoping for lots more wonderful news from you all in the coming weeks!! Xxx

martha hope your DS is feeling better, your menu on sunday was fab by the way!! Any progress with the boiler cover??

pie glad you managed to tell work, now you can start to look forward to finishing and having mini pie home!! I know what you mean about not feeling confident until your holding that little one but were all 100% sending you positive thoughts that you get there!!

moomins hope your time away is going well and your having a relaxing time.

manda I totally understand about feeling at home here - I know that there are plenty of 'buses' for 2012 in pregnancy but as everyone was there just after the mc, BFP and during all the highs and lows of this pregnancy. I think I'll have to be chucked off this thread as I'll probably still be hanging around once this baby turns up!!

kali I agree with the other ladies that you should see your gp and get it all on record. So sorry things have gone this way for you!! Xx

whatso sorry your feeling unwell but hoping this is all a good sign for things to come. The random crying episodes are all part of it ii think, you have the positive of being pg against the sadness of your previous loss. These things seem to come up when you don't expect it but you're right about having positive thoughts!!

pebs so glad that things seem to have settled down with the spotting and will be keeping it all crossed for your scan next week. Fwiw I did the cb digi each week and it gave me a little bit of a break from metalling when it went up each week.

marbles thanks for the pancakes.....delicious!! Wish I'd made bought some today, I suppose tomorrow
blue yay for only 40 working days left - I must say maternity leave is pretty good....I might get 2 things done during a whole day, i don't even know how I managed to work to be honest.

tasmania so sorry to hear your news - sending you hugs and thoughts from here. Don't feel bad for crying if you need to, sometimes it really is just what you need.

jaffa so good to see you, hoping that your continuing to take care of yourself and things are going ok for you.

titsalina welcome to the mosh pit, so sorry you have to join us but its a great thread with plenty of support and advice. Yay to DH's in suits, I love seeing my hubby all dressed up!!!

bee come on in and make yourself comfortable!! I have no insight on the IVF thing but fully understand wanting to be pg straight after mc. I did actually get pg the cycle after my mc BUT that is very rare and shouldn't have actually happened!! I would say go with what feels right for you but to be honest being pg again doesn't take away the baby you lost, so processing the emotional side of things is a positive step regardless of when you decide to try again.

projectg welcome to the metal crew - its really pants that you had to be here but it is a wonderful thread with lots of supportive ladies, plenty of cake to go around and lots of tissues for any wobbly moments.

tiago how are things with you? Haven't seen you around in a while - hopefully your workload has eased a bit and your able to spend more time with your other half.

Anyone heard anything from baby she hasn't been around for ages??

Right I reckon I've managed to catch most of you......probably not all but then my brain is like a tumbleweed so please accept my apologies!!

Love to all!! Xxx

< Sneaks in to drop off a belated pile of pancakes for those who aren't fed up of them already >

Things are fine here iq. Work has been extreme recently, but this week I very bravely informed my bosses that my workload was unmanageable and has been making me I'll with sheer tiredness (I've had on off colds and things since November). I told them that it has to change and am now in the process of offloading some cases so I can get back to a point that it is manageable. I now feel much happier, just for having told them that it wasn't working. DH is also being v v v supportive which has helped greatly.

How long do you have left now?

< scoffs more pancakes >

Hello to all the new people, sorry you have to be here. I am a slightly sporadic visitor (damn you, work!) but this is such a lovely supportive thread.

Just TWWing here, twiddling fingers. My temperature went up a couple of degrees yesterday (9 days DPO), though that could be the acupuncture I had the day before. Hmmm. I have to go to the doctor on Friday to get my ears syringed (oh the glamour), I wonder will that be too early to test? I am normally a confirmed "do not test until after period is actually due" sort, but...

< attempts not to mindfvck, eats yet more pancakes, replaces them with some buns >

oh pancakes, lovely! I've run out of milk, so unable to make any in RL.

I'm feeling a bit more nervous today, expecting the worst. Had some acupuncture last night, she said it would strengthen my energy, either to kickstart my body into expelling an unviable pregnancy or to hang onto a viable one. Feeling fine, no pain, but still expecting the worst. Which I think is the best. I have resigned myself to this being a chemical pregnancy, though boobs are still big, which isn't a normal lead up to a period for me. Meh, there's always next cycle....

Well done for being honest with work, tiago and hi to leedy, how do you find acupuncture helps you?

i know i am getting ahead of myself a little bit but has anyone got any experience of going for a private scan instead of nhs one at 12 weeks? i really don't want to go back to the hospital where they told me i had the 20 week mc so would like to avoid it if possible.

i don't mind paying but will it be as good as nhs or maybe better? i was thinking of going to baby bond for an NT scan.

do you just take the report back to your nhs midwife? and if it's bad news will the nhs sort me out?

Hi tas - I find the acupuncture relaxing first and foremost, but it also seems to make my cycle slightly more regular/longer and I have more EWCM. This is the first time I've noticed my temp go up with it, but my temps were a little lower for the post-ovulation bit of my cycle than usual this time round.

morning ladies

leedy GL for testing (i would have tested by now) well done for holding off

tiago good on you standing up to your manager! i hope things start to improve for you and you start to feel better

nowt new here except for a horrible dragging tiredness...i think i am catching DHs cold again and i found out that the new job i have been offered has been rescinded due to a recruitment freeze in the new company so i am 9 weeks away from redundancy and still no job! still...there are worse things happening in the world

X-posted with pebs and tas

im adding to the posts little by litte as im in work skiving

pebs AFAIK the MWs wont accept a private scan for the 20 weeks or 12 weeks ones...i asked this same question and was told that a private scan will only be taken notice of if its private treatment and you would still have to have the NHS tests. that could be my PCT but worth a chat to your MW to check

tas good news that there are no pains etc...i have never had accupuncture as i cant afford the £280 the course costs 'round here. would a single treatment have any benefit? im not helpful in this area

pebs I had a private NT scan at the fetal medicine centre in harley street so yup, I have some experience (although my reason was different from yours - my nhs nt scan was rushed and I came out feeling anxious rather than reassured!)

If you are within travelling distance of central london I absolutely recommend the FMC - their director is prof nicolaides who pioneered the NT test! So, it's the 'gold standard' of NT screening (they also check other markers not included in the NHS test). All profits (and the prices are reasonable for London) go to the fetal medicine foundation which is furthering reseaqrch into prenata testing so as well as getting 'the best' care you are also kinda giving a little back.

In short, at fmc if they find a problem, they can either refer you their own doctors for private care or you just inform your doctor of the findings and the nhs will then swing into action. I have experience of this too as it was at babybond (who do not provide privare care for any problems) at 16+1 for a gender scan that we discovered Teddy had gone. They were obviously very sorry (although the sonographer waited for me to say 'there's no heartbeat') and told me to see my doctor asap. I think I got a scan at the epau two days later to 'confirm' the findings and then into hospital for induction the following day.

Remember, the nt scan/testing is completely your decision - you don't even have to have it! So, yes, if you decide to go the private route just draw it to your midwife's attention when you see her next so she's aware of your low risk, or, should your risk come back at less than 1/150 (that's the high risk cut off in my area, at least) then contact her before hand to discuss your options.

That's really helpful information, thanks very much MandaHugNKiss, I had been wondering about private scans before my mc and if when I do get pg again I will definitely look into this.

I have a question and please excuse me if it sounds a bit dumb. Does the 2ww apply straight after mc? I think I ovulated last week (some sort of +ve line on OPK, not as strong as the control line but at this stage we'll take anything, right?!) so am I right in thinking AF will come back in 2 weeks' time? (Or even better no AF and instead a BFP). It's weird to be in the situation of not really knowing what your body's up to.

projectg, yup, as far as I know. The reason the WTF cycle after m/c is so WTF is that you often won't ovulate when expected, I think once you've ovulated you get a normal luteal phase.

X-posted with marbles and leedy

It would seem a little churlish for them at your pct to not accept the findings of a private scan! After all, by going private you are taking some of the pressure off the nhs which can only be a good thing?! My midwife actually wrote in my notes that I'd gone for a scan at the FMC and the risk finding but then perhaps it's because the FMC is 'recognised'? Eh, dunno. But what I said about the scans not being compulsary does stand and even if pebs m/w wouldn't officially accept the findings, pebs would still have her risk factor in her own hands. I can't imagine that if a high risk result came back that the NHS would say 'tough'. Perhaps the answer is to have the private scan done at the earlier part of the NT window so that if a high risk result pebs would still have time to be referred for a NHS scan to confirm/go forward if indeed her PCT do not accept private results.

leedy EEEK! Do you have a link to your chart so I can peek? I'm quite the expert chart stalker, dontchano? A second temp shift at 9dpo sounds perfect for implantation... and if that's what it was you may get a positive on a sensitive test in a couple of days with fmu (superdrug early result are pretty good, as are most IC's with a sensitivity of 10miu). I probably shouldn't say anything as really don't want to falsely get your hopes up! And, yes, could be the acupuncture just having an effect on your cycle... but still! Fingers crossed and link to your chart keep us informed

project Here in the mosh pit, and perhaps else where if they are wise the cycle following mc/erpc is affectionately known as the WTF cycle - yup, the What The Fuck? cycle. Precisely because quite often we haven't got a clue what is going on, random spotting, Ov signs with no Ov, told by hospital to expect af within six weeks - there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to how things go. We're all different after all. The common theme tends to be that things just aren't how they normally are for that woman (including the 'severity' of the first af after mc).

So, you're WTF'ing right now? Welcome to another one of our crappy clubs!

Thing is, some women do return to normal STRAIGHT AWAY! And some women do fall pregnant in the first cycle following mc

Alas, Manda, I cannot show you my chart as I am doing it the old fashioned way with a pen and paper. :) But yes, implantation was what I thought as well. And then tried to unthink it so I wouldn't get my hopes up.... We'll see in a couple of days, might get the doctor to test me so I don't have to use up a pregnancy test on a "might be too early to tell".