I don't really know if this is the right place for me to be. Everything feels very, very complicated and a bit sad at the moment. I've just had a miscarriage (am still having one really, or at least the bleeding hasn't stopped yet) that started on Valentine's day. I was at 6+6 when it ended, and I guess I feel lucky that it was still relatively early.
I'd like nothing more than to try and get pregnant again.
But... it was an unplanned pregnancy.
This is going to sound like a really odd story but there you go. I'm very happily married to a wonderful man, together for seven years and married for three, just bought a lovely house together, careers on track etc, and we'd like children. But we can't have children naturally together (his sperm count/motility is too low for it ever to be a possibility). We also no longer have sex as he struggles to get erections. So, how did I get pregnant, I hear you ask?! Well, since sex has been an issue we agreed to have an open relationship. DH is completely happy with this although of course given the issues at his end, he doesn't take advantage of the open relationship himself.
I met a really lovely man who I've been seeing for nearly a year now. I'll call him my boyfriend (BF) here. BF is a really kind, beautiful, special person but he has always struggled with close relationships and the level of contact that we have (regular emails plus meeting up once a week - I stay over one night a week and we usually do something fun for half a day the next day) is ideal for him too. He is such a beautiful man but he is not really capable of more.
When I got pregnant, it was a terrible shock for both of us, but I would say that I coped better with the news. BF really wanted me to have an abortion as quickly as possible. Once DH got over his initial shock, he was extremely supportive and told me that he would support me 100% whatever my decision. Because I am in a position to have children and do want them in the long run, I felt almost instantly that I couldn't bear to consider an abortion. I got so excited about it. DH got excited about it too. Even BF became marginally more positive about it and said he understood my decision and felt that everything would be ok.
And then I miscarried.
There's no trying again with this one, really.
I'm gutted. I feel as if this unplanned pregnancy, and the miscarriage, has made me want children even more. I want to try for another baby now. And I can't. But I'm so ready for it. I just feel so so sad. I probably would anyway, because of the miscarriage, but I feel even more sad because that was my only chance at having a natural pregnancy even if the circumstances were a bit odd.
Does anyone have any advice for me? On coping? On what to do? Should DH and I consider finding a sperm donor and TTC that way? Or would I just be rushing into something because of the upset of the MC?