TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

Hi everyone. Just checking in. As i went for day 7dpo bloods today ive been googling tosee what a 'normal' post ovulation progesterone level would be. I found this page which is useful. I cant remember who was asking about oestrogen levels, maybe minipie?? Hope it helps someone. I get results on mon/tues .

How is everyone today? I'm waiting for an unusually late ovulation. Slightly worried, as we tried to time things well, and now my timing is all off! I'm sure it'll be fine, and next month is the HSG and some answers.

Wine It must be so frustrating to have them unable to find the fibroid now. What's the next step? I hope it doesn't complicate your treatment - you need to get this sorted so you can move on.

I've got to get on with the day. I've looked back and there's 2 pages since my last post! I've been reading every day, but just not had the time to post. I'm going to have to just send hugs to all those feeling down, luck to all those waiting for AF, welcomes to the new people, and waves to everyone else.

Right time for an epic post. I will do my best to catch up with folks.

stasi hurry up egg. I have temped this month as I am a bit addicted to it now and like to know when I ov and when my period will come. I got ewcm form CD9-14 and clear temp rise on cd 17. Lo and behold at my headfuckery scan session yesterday there was a fat follicle beaming at me form the screen. She said I'd ovd the day before most likely which would have been cd21. AGHHHH. I obviously can't even trust my old faithful charts it would seem. I do wonder if I've missed the boat on loads of other cycles now. It should be more easy to tell should'nt it!!

boo to an annoying nosey lady in your workplace joycep. I hope I never put my foot in it ever in days gone by before I realised that people don't always get pregnant easily. But at her age she should know better!

I'm so sorry nelly that you are feeling low and that the red tide came again. I think I was probably a bit hasty to say I was feeling a bit better these days, it is more teeth gritting acceptance I think than any kind of peace with things. I'm with euro that my mood flatlines with af. I am tearful and gloomy but I get much better by CD3. I hope this the case for you. Don't feel bad for letting things out on here. We've all been there and we are here to hold your hand. And don't give up, so many chapters left to go through.

I can't believe your work ladygee! Is the conversation over? It seems very uncaring given how open you have been and how you were offering to take it as unpaid leave. Can you go off on sick with stress instead? Or would that go down badly?

minipie more red tide sympathies. I also feel at my worst late at night. I lay in bed at three this morning thinking desperate thoughts and woke up Mr Wine to make it go away. (he has neverending patience thank goodness!)

Kitty I hope that you are away from it all in the country doing country things and eating yummy food. I am going to look up Joanna Taylor to make me feel better.

pout I hope you are feeling better. I am typing this and can't look back to your earlier post to be more elaborate, sorry! How are the wedding plans? Oh and we won't ever be lonely old ladies, we can start our own geriatric club and do old lady meet ups. Lemon can bring cake, I'll bring wine and we will behave badly. And we will be lonely because our kids are off having fun

gin I think it was you that was saying about men and understanding. Well, mine is pretty good really but he is always optimistic, always. I know this is a great thing I really do. But he used to say it wouldn't take a year with such confidence that now.....

lemon when do you start IUI?

I am losing track so big wave to people I've missed.

As for the fibroid mystery, well what a bloody pain. The ultrasound lady said they would look at alternative imaging, which we presume means MRI. As there is a clear photo of a mass protruding from my womble and conflicting info from the ultrasound I do feel truly bamboozled and I'm hoping my consultant will shed light on what happens next on the 9th Feb. Dr Google says that ultrasounds can fail to pick them up and that MRI is better. There is an 8-10 wait for MRI at my hospital so we are going to cough up and go private, I can't wait anymore it is doing my head in. Last night I lay there wondering what on earth the mass could be instead. I hope it isn't a different kind of tumor. By 4 in the morning I was wombless and having chemotherapy. I got up this morning and said, enough, I want to stop trying and go down the adoption path. I really felt that I wanted to move forwards and not be in my forties before we had a chance to be parents. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I just am fed up of the not knowing and dashed hopes. And I want to be a mum. Maybe that is more important, I'm not sure. I just had a vision of it taking all year to sort out what is going on with my body, followed by more years on the IVF wheel by which I will be what age? I am sorry if this is a bit down, it isn't meant to be. I just want a plan to move forward and maybe I'm just feeling very very frustrated. I also have cystitis to stick the knife in a bit more! I think holding onto a wee for ages for my scan followed by half an hour with the probe is what did it. I haven't had it for years, most unpleasant!!

In other news we are making slow roast pork belly that I dried with a hair dryer. Life goes on

Sorry for the epic post x

wine that is a headfuck! I wonder if you could have ovulated more than one this cycle? One that is already out and releasing progesterone causing the temp rise and the other one you saw on your scan. After all it must happen not infrequently because there are a lot of non-id twins around and for that to happen there not only needs to be two eggs released but two fertilised and two implanted! Last month (my first medicated cycle) I had a temp rise and then big spike a couple of days later and my luteal phase ended up 2 days longer than usual so I think I oved from both ovaries a couple of days apart.

The pork belly sounds lovely!

I can understand how you feel but I don't feel the same. I have a very primal urge to pass on my genes rather than a maternal urge to mother someone, iyswim? I just cannot see myself ever going down the adoption route, but I very much admire those who do. A good friend of mine is adopted and had a wonderful life that way.

I can understand completely why you don't want to wait. Getting the private MRI will be good for your state of mind, I think

On the subject of men, mine is actually pretty good. More so I think now that I am on drugs and having to deal with the side effects. He's not only a man but a boarding school educated Irishman though, so not really given to talking about his own feelings. Nonetheless, he is pretty supportive.

I've been doing some mentalling over the past couple of days (as you might have seen if you lurk on some of the other threads here). On my first medicated cycle I didn't ov until day 20. I missed my monitoring scan because it should have been done over Xmas when the clinic was closed so I don't know what happened. I had been supposed to be back in for a monitoring scan this cycle on day 13 but I queried whether that would be too early and the dr gave me the option of booking for day 13 anyway and seeing what was happening or booking in a few days later and monitoring with OPKs whether ov was earlier. I ended up with an appointment on day 18.

My opk yesterday (day 13) afternoon was inconclusive. I retested 3 hrs later when my bladder had had a chance to fill up again and it was a clear positive. But by then it was early evening. I called and emailed to try to get a scan today but couldn't reach the clinic. Today I have had massively intense ov pain. I can usually feel ov but as discomfort rather than pain. I am very concerned that I am overstimulating. I don't want to end up as the net Octomum. We had already been having swi before the opk turned positive so there is no point stopping when I don't know for sure there is a problem anyway. I just wish I knew what was going on in there! Hopefully I can get in on Monday and they can see how many corpus luteums there are showing egg release so we will at least know whether the dose is right. I'm kicking myself because I should have just gone for the day 13 scan anyway but I was trying to save time (it is a 2hr+ round trip to the clinic) and money by trying to make sure I just had one scan. It took me by surprise. I usually get ov twinges for a while before ov pains but I had had nothing at all up to late on day 13.

Oh and ov means I am back on the steroids so I have few nice sleepless nights to look forward to... why can't we have a nice romantic shag like other people and end up with a baby, eh?

euro sorry to hear you're having a headfuck month too. In your position after a month with late ov I'd have done exactly the same, how very typical. But, if you've timed things right, maybe this just gives you a better chance of hitting the target. Over stimming is a worry, but would they see you sooner if you were very worried or in pain? I thought I'd never want to adopt but I have shifted on this to my own surprise. More than passing my genes on, I want the whole pregnancy experience and birth and would be heartbroken if this was no longer an option. But, it's like now I know we potentially have a real barrier and that I might (glass half empty)potentially never conceive - I can't imagine not being a mum either. It is cruel! I just wish I could know one way or another and come to terms with things. But I guess this game isn't like that.

As for the egg, well I am from a twinny family, so maybe that's it! It feels better than thinking I've no idea whats going on and I hadnt even thought of it thank you. Instead of thinking wonky body I'm going to think doub,e yoker!

Hi Ladies

Hope the weekend is going well. As euro and others correctly predicted I'm starting to feel a little bit more human again, as the hormones wear off or something . Anyway I had a great night out with friends last night, drank some lovely wine, laughed a lot, hardly talked about kids at all, and came home a little bit boozy about 1am. Hooray for not being pregnant . And it's been a cracking day today - cold but sunny, really lovely and I spent most of it outside. Now sitting by the fire with a GnT, with glowing cheeks and Police Academy 3 on the tv

So now to catch up with everyone!

bzzb welcome, as always it's nice to have you but sorry you have ended up joining us. We are all well past the buses, no one seems to take more than a couple of months and we just don't do well around such glowing fertility!

izzy what a nightmare about the tv - I hope you get it resolved asap.

gin thanks for understanding, in a weird way it's nice to know that your OH can say as stupid things as mine! Bless them for trying at least some of the time, but he just doesn't understand that partly I have no control over it (ie due to hormones) and partly I'm just so fucking disappointed, and feel like a failure every month.

Kitty I love that you were still in bed on your day off, hope you had a nice night away and had some good shagging! And wine reminded me to say thanks re Joanna Taylor, that was indeed helpful to read.

pout ooh that's a very naughty pooch. No slobbery cuddles for him! I agree that sometimes our OH's just need to comfort us and repeat platitudes, but they just don't understand . Hope you get a bit more progress from your GP this time.

minipie sorry that ERTD got you as well :( It really is just such a kick in the teeth, but I am glad you are coping well with it. I should pay attention!

That really is very odd wine you must be feeling so confused right now, this is really dragging you through the mill isn't it . I hope you get some answers soon. And then the weird timing of ovulation as well. We are always so busy and tired that we do tend to focus our shagging efforts around suspected OV time. Perhaps next month (this month) we need to start early and just keep going right until the inevitable ERTD proves I definitely have a tumblewomb the end of my cycle. I did actually read on here about someone who had been TTC for ages until someone on here suggested they had sex before their period ended. A bit yucky I think, but perhaps as I tend to have shorter cycles that's our problem? Thank you again for the support - I'm sorry you are feeling low too. I know it's easy to say but try not to think of all the terrible things that might be going on. Chances are, it's the most common thing - ie fibroid - and not some rare inoperable thing that will scupper any chances you might have to conceive. But I can see that a plan would be helpful, hopefully after the MRI you will know more. Hugs to you. And keep thinking about euro's double yolker theory :)

ladygee I can't believe your work has done that! I have no helpful advice but I'd be asking to speak to your HR department fairly quickly. Not the worry you need at this stage, but I am amazed how quickly the IVF seems to have come around. Does it feel that way for you? Well done on the injecting, I'm not sure I'll be so brave when the time comes. The doctor hasn't called me back, no. I'm a bit cross as now I really just want to move forward, clearly intervention is going to be required.

joycep sorry the new woman is being so irritating, though at least you know you weren't being extra sensitive if everyone else is equally annoyed, she sounds like a twat

I know what you mean stasi about the thread moving so fast! Hope the egg pops soon, and that you never need that HSG!

Euro sorry about the lack of scan and worry of 8 babies! Hopefully you are just ovulating normally, or at the very least just upping the odds a little! Just when we think we have cornered the market in head-fuckery, along comes something else for us to contend with.

It has taken me ages to write all this, I really need to keep up more! Anyway hello to anyone else I've not mentioned, I hope you are all having a nice weekend.

Afternoon lovelies!

How are you all today? Pleased to hear cd3 brought some more calm, nelly. I do remember pre-TTC that I was a bit fractious the day before and after AF arrival, so there is def a hormonal element. And it is bloody time for things to happen too.

So sorry about the mystery round the fibroid, wine. It is WEIRD. I hope they get back to you about the next steps soon, cos this is ridiculous. I second getting that MRI (if that is what's needed) privately. Enough is enough. Big hugs. Wonderful though that Mr Wine is so good and was there at 3am.

Sorry about delayed egg stasi, it can happen sometimes! And even more for the unexpectedly early one, euro. Just get yourself a scan soon and it would be too ridiculous if you now became octo-mum, because of the mistiming. But yeah, that makes is more likely in our world.

Grr about That Woman, joycep, but good she annoys everyone else as well. Always comforting to know it is her not you .

Well done on the unjecting lady! And exciting to have started!!

Waves and friendly pats/hugs/freshly baked chocolate cake (it is in the oven right now) to you all - too busy doing nothing for complete name checking. The weekend is good, a cycle ride again yesterday (bloody freezing) and a swim this morning, so now I am happy and starving, hence the cake :)

unjecting is injecting

wine that is a bit scary, from a knowing your body perspective, about the discrepancy between the temping and the follicle on the scan, but euro?s explanation makes perfect sense. It really is a good idea to SWI regularly throughout your cycle isn?t it, so that you can catch unexpected early or late ovulations. Was it your GP whose wife conceived in a cycle where it appeared to have been impossible from looking at the charts? I hope the pork belly was yummy and the cystitis is going away, it really is awful.

I'd imagine that a lot of people going through what you?re going through would be tempted to want to give up, and think about going down the adoption route as you say. But honestly, you have a lot further to go before you NEED to get to that point. The only thing that I can think of that might vaguely help is to try and take things one step at a time, focusing on what's coming next, rather than envisaging your whole future at once. and if you find out how to do that please let me know

euro aaargh sorry about the confusing ovulation and scan situation. You did make me laugh about being the net octomum though . Hope you can get in tomorrow and figure out what?s been happening.

nelly so glad you are feeling better. It is ridiculous how much our hormones affect our moods isn?t it. And your night out sounds lovely, and your weekend generally for that matter.

lemons choc cake and another outdoorsy weekend, fab.

Well we had a nice trip away. Good to get out into the countryside, have a change of scene, and drink wine by a roaring log fire. Did some SWI but I think we left it too late this month not that it makes a blind bit of difference to my tumblewomb Lots of sugar, booze and unhealthy stuff was very enjoyable but made me feel a bit icky after a few weeks of light and nutritious food, even DH agreed that he felt a bit grotty. So back on the healthy wagon today, I?ve made soup, flapjacks, mackerel pate, smoothies and am about to do a tasty dinner and then lie down because I?m frigging knackered after cooking for hours

Sorry for not name checking everyone, but I?ve probably blathered on enough. Hope everyone is well, big waves to you all.

Hi everyone. Wine that is odd (im a radiographer although i do not do ultrasound) about the fibroid although occasionally things are not obvious on US and can be much better assessed on MRI, fibroids are one of them.

Euro i hope that maybe you have released a few eggs, maybe not as many as 8 tho!!

Sorry not to namecheck more but my mind is scrambled and i am in a bad mood. Im 9dpo and started spotting tonight which means AF should be here tomorrow and yet again ive had a crappy luteal phase. I had 7dpo tests on fri which i can get the results of tomorrow hopefully. I am still deciding what to regards clomid and i need to decide by CD2 cos thats when ive to start. Am hoping the progesterone results is either really low or something so i know for definate that i NEED the clomid!

PS i got the tellky swapped no problem!

ah! telly! not i have no idea what a tellky is!?!

I'm glad so many of us managed to enjoy the nice weather yesterday - it was a glorious day to be in the countryside. We went for a nice long walk before settling in to a bottle of the good stuff - elderflower fizz in place of wine!

nelly - I'm glad you're feeling better and had a lovely evening with friends, sounds perfect.

kitty - your weekend sounds perfect too. Well done on getting straight back on the healthy wagon - can't believe you've whipped up all those delicious things to eat, far more productive than I've been today!

wine - I know what you mean about needing a plan and I think you're doing the right thing going for the private scan. Waiting to find out what going on, on top of everything else, would be too much. I've tried to have the adoption conversation with mr ladygee but he's relentlessly optimistic too and refuses to engage with me. I'm so ready to be a mum but I feel the same as you about the pregnancy and birth too, I can't imagine not being able to experience that.

The pork belly sounds delicious! Hope the cystitis clears up soon.

euro - sorry about all the strange goings on with your ovulation, especially after last month. Hope the steroids aren't too bad - I seem to be having the opposite problem at the moment, I can't stay awake at all. I hope you get a scan on Monday to ease your fears of becoming the next octomum too.

izzy - good luck for your test results

stasi - hope your little egg has shown its face over the weekend

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and thoughts on the work situation. After lots of research and a few conversations, I think I've managed to construct a fairly sensible response which essentially asks them to reconsider, read my contract properly and show a little empathy for their longest serving employee.

I haven't gone in all guns blazing as its a small (read 15 employees) company, so no HR dept nelly. I also want to keep a few cards up my sleeve if they don't see sense - the final one of which will be getting signed off for the whole period, wine, but I didn't really want it to get to that point.

kitty - From what I've read it would be open to a discrimination case.

joycep - I think most clinics recommend serious R&R for the two weeks post-transfer, and some insist on you not being at work. Mine haven't said that but I just think its sensible as it can be quite intense and I don't think I'd be much good to them until I know the outcome.

It's still a bit surreal to have started IVF for real. I'm three injections in now and I still need a pep talk from mr ladygee throughout the process! I hesitate and have a mini-freak out every time but then I remember why I'm doing it and try to get through it, not sure I'll ever get used to it though.

I think the side-effects are showing already - I seem to have developed an uncontrollable rage. I'm usually very placid, too much so really, but I've snapped at the mr twice this weekend and today I pipped my horn and flashed my lights at someone who threw litter from their car

Hope you're all ending the weekend well.

lemon your weekend sounds very nice. I have also baked, a coconut and passionfruit slice from Bill Granger. I made it even though Mr Wine hates passionfruit and says it looks like snot. But he ate a piece and declared it to be good. Winner!

nelly glad you're feeling better and that you had a good old night out. Hormones don't help. It's pants that periods make us feel sad - if only they made us feel joyous. It's enough of a crap thing without pumping us full of misery feelings. Ecstatic Red Tide of Delight?

today I have had my mid two week wait grump. So who knows if and or when my body did hatch its poor unwelcomed and homeless egg. kitty it was my gp. He said they charted and when they did conceive after 18 months, according to the chart there was no way it could have happened. He said that is why he tells people not to trust them as much as they do and to keep on shagging all month. My uber fertile brother and sil conceived my latest nephew on cd6. That was the only shag they had and her period hadnt quite finished.(my brother is not in the least bit inhibited in discussing such matters!) And my brother swears that his withdrawal method had never failed him before! Only I could have a nephew conceived via the withdrawal method. My brother is still baffled by his existence! Also, my mum charted and got pregnant on day 26 two days before she thought her period was due. She did lose that baby but often tells me how mystified she was by it. I have to say though that quite often we have a little hiatus after shagfest. Although by now, we've tried almost all combinations and permutations to no avail. Your food sounds so tasty. I might investigate mackerel pate. dh also hates ALL fish but I will make it anyway even though the smell will make him feel sick

My rabbit is flopped on the sofa by my feet, totally upset that I won't let him eat any of my cheese. Why does he like cheese!?

I'm sorry if my post yesterday was a bit lowering. I think the limbo is just making me a bit mentaloid. Thanks for all of your nice words x

Cross post Ladygee I so hope your work see sense. I think you are being so brave with the jabs. I have no idea how I would do that, I am the most squeamish person I know and faint at the sight of blood. It will be solely the job of my husband and I will make my mum do some too (she used to for her job). Do you have to do them in the day? You made me laugh about your rage, that's exactly how I know that my period is ahead, the threshold at which I beep my horn!

izzy thanks for the advice. It does seem odd how it wouldn't show up at all and the ultrasound ladies did seem baffled that in spite of clear photos it was no where to be seen. And they really did hunt! I'm hoping it is a fibroid and not something else. I wonder how it hides? sorry to hear about your luteal phase. When do you next see the hospital?

wine i found this in a medical study "On a standard ultrasound, fibroids are visible, but if a fibroid is protruding from the wall into the cavity, it is not always obvious since the uterine walls are collapsed together." Maybe that explains it. MRI is definately the 'gold standard' in soft tissue imaging now.

We have a prescription for 6 months of clomid at 50mg and an appt in 6 months time. Dr had said its up to us if we start clomid now or wait to see if the met will work on its own. She did say clomid would boost ovulation and therefore help with wht appears to be poor progesterone. Im hoping result will be conclusive one way or the other!

Ladies,

It's taken 15 cycles, 2 months of clomid, who knows how many ovulation tests, months and months of disappointment, not to mention hours & hours & hours of swi, but I finally got my first ever BFP yesterday morning & have had another one today!

I was convinced I hadn't even ovulated this month, as I only ever had a faint line on an opk on cd 14 (I think) this month. I can't believe it!

It just goes to show that a bfp really can just come out of nowhere.

I really hope that it sticks & all's ok, (though I suspect the paranoia every time I go to the loo will continue for some time yet). Here's to lots & lots more to come on this thread very soon. x

Oh Pixiepops what wonderful news. I am really, really happy for you. :)

Thanks ladygee. I have managed to get an appointment for later today so hopefully that will put my mind at rest and we can decide on a plan for next cycle.

Good morning to everyone else! I will try to catch up properly later.

Very quick post from me to say CONGRATULATIONS Pixie!!! Really very happy for you, and am sending you all the luck and best wishes for a nice, healthy, uneventful pregnancy.

Oh pixie congraulations. That is brilliant news, I'm so so happy for you. Here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy for you.

wine - I need to do them at the same time everyday so decided to do the injections early evening. I at least then have the chance to get some work done during the day as they seem to knock me out (though I think this might be the anxiety of doing the injections rather than the drugs themselves!).

euro - I'm glad you managed to get an appointment for today. Hope everything goes ok, I'm sure it will.

Wow pixie that is fabulous news. Have a very happy and healthy pregnancy!!

Its good to hear of clomid working as im due to start it any day now!

pixie yay!!! Fabulous news-many congratulations. Was it a huge shock or had you figured it out, how was the 2ww this time?

Really pleased for you, you must be thrilled. X

pixie* - woohoo ? that?s fantastic news and I?m so pleased the clomid worked. Oh it?s so nice when people on here get bfps! Congratulations and wishing you all the best for a smooth pregnancy.
wine - how bizarre about your scan. Do you continue to chart after you have seen a temp rise or do you stop immediately? I?m sorry that you are having so much to deal with this fibroid hell. It?s not very pleasant knowing this thing is There and the sooner they get it out the better for you. I often think about adoption to try and give me some hope that we can become parents but DH won?t talk about it and tells me to shut up. Somewhere in the back of my mind I just fear he is regretting having married someone who can?t seem to bear his children. Also, i find it extraordinary all these stories of people conceiving when it seemed impossible. I may have to push the boat out and i try and swi every other day throughout the whole month...
euro - poor you. Surely you haven?t been given enough drugs to overstimulate. I know when I had those 5 eggs on gonal f , my doc said I would definitely feel ovulation when it came and it would be quite painful and that was just 5. Anyway, i hope your scan puts your mind at rest. The mentalling is the worst.
nelly - a pleased you are feeling more cheerful and that you had a good weekend.
lady - can?t believe you have started and much kudos to your bravery in sticking the needles in. Do you have a stressful job? I do hope they see some sense and also some compassion.
I?ve been rubbing progesterone cream in to me for the last couple of weeks and my boobs are not as bad as they normally are and in fact have only just become sore. I?m not sure i even ovulated as i was taking the cream before ovulation. Anyway as we aren?t really trying , i won?t let it bother me hahah. So envious of my pregnant colleague who is going on maternity leave today. 9 months off work ? SO lucky. She spent 2 years trying to get pregnant so am very pleased for her impending baby.

Thanks ladies!

The 2ww was pretty non-eventful Kitty. I had an afternoon last week of wondering whether I had a slightly metallic taste (though put this down to the cupasoup I'd had!), and a couple of slight pains low down in the middle of my stomach (I wonder now whether this might have been implantation). I hadn't really felt as if ERTD was on its way, though I did have slight period type pains a couple of days before it would have been due. My boobs weren't painful at all, (though they are now!), and I've not had any spotting.

This is such a lovely thread, thank you all for being there & for your lovely comments.

Just thought I'd poke my head in to say congratulations to Pixiepops - very pleased to see your news.

Here's hoping the rest of you all get your well deserved BFPs soon xx

Wow, amazing news pixie, congratulations . It's so good to hear that clomid does work! I reckon we get an average of 2 BFPs per thread, not too bad really considering we're long termers.

wine how about your fibroid. Maybe it's just shy. Can you get to speak to the consultant again soon?

I'm back from skiing, we had a wonderful time. It's a great holiday for not mentalling about ttc because you don't really get pregnant bumps or babies on the slopes. I think I'm in the 2ww because I have the sore boobs now so I reckon I ovulated early too so probably mistimed the SWI. Oh well.

Waves to everyone, I will properly catch up later when I've had chance to read everything I've missed.