TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

Hello all

Wish I'd found this thread ages ago :)

What does ETRD stand for (it's not in the Acronym's page)?

hi bzzbee - I'm guessing something like Evil Red Tide of Death but that may just be in my head

Hi minipie what did they consider high estrogen? I just found out my estradiol test result today and despite checking Dr. Interwebby i'm not really sure what it means. I also showed signs of PCOS on my scan.

Afternoon - a quick sneaky one, because I am doing really well workwise today. But it did sound like poor Pout needs some petting and some "stuff-the-low-GI" diets cake. I am so sorry to read your very eloquent description of the low tide that often comes with AF. In my case, I am sure it is partly the hormones talking and the disappointment. It is also the getting further and further behind most of our friends... I so so know what you are talking about in every sentence. It is just shit. But for me cd5 is here, and I have done loads of work today and am having my hair cut tonight, so it is time to look up again. I am going to back a massive ginger-cake for all the lovely ladies here and think positive thoughts to you all tonight.

Btw I would really, really press for a referral before even contemplating giving up. Follow euro 's advice and switch GPs if necessary.

Sorry about the imminent AF arrival, nelly - btw for one of the newbies, nelly refers to the evil red tide of doom, I think. It's from a different thread (and I am now outing myself as regular lurker).

Agree with abbi, give them a call karbea starting on Monday would be so exciting!!! But if you do need some immunes sorted, waiting seems a sensible plan, so if there are no results yet. There always is next month. I am def having another two cycles unassisted as the letter telling me I can start has not come through yet :(

mini hypothyroidism can affect fertility a lot, and can explain your lack of luck so far, moreover it is easily treatable in most cases. So really I would prefer that over our unexplained category. Not sure about PCOS, but there are some ladies here who have it (a little) and still ovulate, isn't that you mrsd? Hope you are having a fab time skiing!!

Welcome bzzzb what is your story? Glad you found us eventually!

Close, mini. It's Evil Red Tide of Doom. Something we have far too much of on this thread!

back=bake - intriguing typos! Sorry

karbea, this is just a thought but I don't think you need to start most immunology treatment right at the beginning of the cycle. I only take my steroids after ov. I think people having intralipids before egg transfer have it quite a short time before. So if your results are expected back between now and when you would expect to be at egg transfer, you might be ok to start this cycle while the results are pending.

Your clinic might use different treatments but I think steroids and intralipids are the most common ones.

thanks Lemon that sounds like reason for optimism - you're right, better than unexplained I think and gives me something to google.

What is the treatment you are waiting for?

Your ginger cake sounds delicious!

cakes I don't have the figures, just spoke to dr receptionist on the phone and she just said "raised oestrogen" - guess I'll find out more in a week when I see the GP. But from googling I understand that PCOS + high oestrogen can mean not ovulating (because the oestrogen builds up when you don't ovulate, or something like that).

mini we're unexplained and starting on some IUI. The jury seems very much out on whether that is a good plan, but as we are too poor/too young/too little time trying to get anywhere on IVF waiting lists so far in our neck of the woods, I think they are using us as guinea pigs... I don't care if it has a glimmer of a chance for a BFP.

Apologies about terrible spelling - I have been working too hard. It must be nearly time for a tea break :-) with CAKE. I've definitely decided to opt for cake and exercise and a bit of as my approach to the last few months of normal TTC.

sorry Lemon didn't spot you are unexplained. Hope the IUI works for you - and enjoy the cake! x

Oh pout, I know exactly what you mean about the fear of dying alone. I've got a particular dread of having to have Christmas day on my own cos I don't have any kids! Maybe I'll steal one or get a Cambodian one a la Angelina if it looks like it's coming to that... As the others have said, don't give up! And lol re marbles in a sock. I had to have boobs sown into my wedding dress.

Hi to everyone else! Gotta dash...

pout so sorry you are feeling down and you have been in pain. I totally, totally empathise about the ?dying alone? thing, it?s a thought that has haunted me since we started having difficulties. Sorry you worry about that too, but I?m glad you mentioned it, as I reckon it?s better to talk about these worries rather than just letting them torment you silently. Can I also put my name down on the TTC 10+ months care home list? Please don?t give up yet. I?m convinced we?ll all get there in the end. Remember when I was doing all the celeb infertility googling and I found Joanna Taylor?s story and all the women on her thread got pregnant and had babies in the end. I know it?s no guarantee, but it does show that most people get there. I hope you feel better soon.

nelly hope you are ok today. How?s sludge gate going? Am v much hoping it goes away for you.

karbea hope you get some joy from the clinic and can start soon.

mini I?m not sure about your results, sorry. Are you going to go in and see the doctor?

Welcome to bzz how long have you been trying?

lemons love the sound of the ginger cake mmmm.

gin I am definitely going to steal a Cambodian baby at some point. Either that or set up a ramshackle home for unwanted animals. I had to have boobs sewn into my dress too ? I loved them!

Evening to everyone else. I am soooo knackered tonight, v v happy to have a day off tomorrow.

Hi everyone. Well ERTD is here properly. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I honestly have stopped counting but I think 20 cycles now, I know this cycle takes us into 18 months of trying anyway. I now just can't imagine this will happen for us, but I realise that it's probably just the hormones talking and in a couple of days I will be back to feeling a bit more positive again. I'm just a bit sick of it all. Ironically I don't actually dwell on TTC that often, between work being busy and my (not very) secret hobby I have plenty of other things to occupy my time. On a minute to minute basis it's ok, but every so often I get overwhelmed with sadness and despair. But as I speed-posted earlier, thank you so much for being there with the kind words, somehow you all know just what to say. Unlike my OH who made some kind of "well there is no point getting upset about it" comment earlier, that nearly had me ramming my fist down his throat. I was in a foul snappish mood which pissed him off, he didn't really mean it but when I really needed empathy and a hug I got rolled eyes and a lecture on taking it out on him. Men are gits sometimes.

I'm sorry to not name check again but I'm very very tired at the moment and must go to bed. I'm sure tomorrow the disappointment will have worn off a bit. Oh and yes t'was me that brought ERTD to the thread. The AF acronym always strikes me as a bit twee, and just not nasty enough to symbolise the pit of despair we fall into when it arrives. .

Hello to newbies. I promise to be happier soon!

God, I really am a miserable cow just now. I am tempted to delete this and not post, but really I want the bit about how thankful I am that you have been here for me to remain, so the rest of the guff has to stay with it! Sorry again :)

Hi ladies

My story is we've been ttc for two years, no pregnancies during that time, and all tests have come back saying everything is ok. So totally unexplained.
We have a three year old so things did work at some point in the past....! I know we are very blessed to have one child (and hence I don't think we'll go down the intervention route, though never say never, although time is running out due to my age(39)) but I never thought I would have an only child :(

It's really nice here. About two years ago I joined some of the bus threads and it took a few months to realise what was (not) happening!

Have recently invested in a clear blue fertility monitor so will report back.

Xx

hi bzzbee that sounds similar to us althought i have now been diagnosed PCOS and dont often ovulate. We have a 2 year old DD and like you didnt envisage having only one child. However i am thankful that we have her.

In a completely separate note i have just opened my brand new plasma tv and the screen is badly cracked, i am LIVID!!1

Awww nelly, don't apologise for being miserable! I think putting it all down really helps and as you know we all go through it! Men generally don't seem to get it. My DH has said exactly the same thing to me about there being no point being upset and also that it is what it is. I guess for them their bodies don't gear up every month for impregnation and they have no idea how it would feel to never be pregnant (a thought that depresses the hell outta me!) Hope you feel a little bit better today. Be nice to yourself and do lots of nice, comforting things (cake and gin in my world!) Big hugs.

kitty have a great day off and night away! And good timing for the old swi too We've got a night away in an oldie worldy inn for dh's birthday next weekend. Stupid ertd will be here tho, boo.

bzzbee good luck with the CBFM. Since our diagnosis (v few sperms), I've given up with mine but it was useful. Btw, I noticed when temping that I sometimes ovulated a day or two after the peaks, so do watch out for that!

Happy Friday to everyone else. Almost the weekend, wohoo.

gin nelly totally agree about men not really getting it. They could never understand the hell of the 2ww. My DH is hopeless when I get upset, he is very impatient, but I have come to realise that he is frustrated that he can't solve our problem. Sometimes you do just need a hug though, not another bloody lecture

bzz sorry to hear you have been trying so long without success. How long did it take to conceive your DD?

I'm still in bed!

Sorry, bzz, just realised you didn't actually specify DD

Morning ladies. Hurrah for the weekend, though I don't think that Friday feeling has quite made it to our house yet and I'm having one of those days. The dog lead broke this morning on our walk so I had one very excited dog making a bolt for freedom. the little gitstick he kept running up to me making out he was coming back but would then hurtle off again [grrrr smiley]. Did I look like a dick much!
Also knocked over DP's very poncey expensive syrup but didn't realise so it has trickled out all over the inside of the cupboard and somehow out the cupboard and all over the freshly mopped floor. Debating whether I can get away with topping it up with watered down Tesco Value Golden Syrup & whether he'll notice

lemons thanks for the petting and cake I love cake puts on best Worzel Gummidge voice
I feel much better today and agree that it is the disappointment of AF and for me the growing frustration. Also have got a GP appointment for Monday so for now feel like some progress is being made. How's your hair?

euro I am relieved that peanut butter is not for the banned list. I eat loads of the stuff and was a bit perturbed that maybe I was scuppering my own chances of conception with my nut addiction.

minnie I don't know about oestrogen or hypothyroid. I would suggest Dr Google but not sure that would help, it usually just scares me. I agree about the almost "wanting" a problem to fix and all will be well. I'm unexplained and it is really frustrating. I also was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries. What did they say to you about that?

karbea Any news on when you will be starting? Did you phone in the end?

gin Forget boobs sewn into a dress I wonder whether I could get them permanently sewn into my chest. LOL at your Angelina idea. My nephew suggested that we "do a Madonna and get a baby from Africa". All a bit weird especially since me and DP were discussing the blocked sink at the time

kitty I agree that it is good to vent on here, even about the weird preoccupations that really we ought to keep to ourselves It is the abstract things about TTC that seem to torment me the most. Dying alone is a new low though!
Definitely agree that we need a TTC 10+months Care Home thread.

nelly I'm sorry that your period has finally come. It is the pits and I'm sorry that your DH was less than sympathetic. Mine is the same. I think he has run out of things to say to comfort me and doesn't realise that he can say them all again and I won't mind, I just want him to say something!!! Be kind to yourself today and know that you will feel better in a few days

izzy Nooooooooooooooooooooooo to the cracked plasma. I'm guessing the delivery driver didn't realise that they don't bounce

Hello and welcome to bzzbee. Loving the CBFM. I would love one but DP and his cash are not easily parted!

Hi everyone

Well AF or ERTD has caught up with me too, finally after 5 days of trickle/sludge. Funnily I don't feel too down about it this cycle, I think perhaps because I'd had days of "warning" and perhaps because I have a GP appointment next week so feel like I am doing something at least.

pout I haven't really spoken to the gp yet about PCOS, although she was pretty sure I had it before she sent me off for the tests, and she was talking about Clomid, so I wonder if that might be what she suggests next.

what do you plan to ask your GP on monday? I'm not really sure what to say to mine.

Lol at your blocked sink/baby from Africa discussion. Maybe a baby will magically appear from the plughole How old is your nephew?

nelly vent away. Masses of empathy from here! Hopefully sleep has helped, I usually feel at my most despairing late at night.

at all these boobs being sewn into wedding dresses! you must all be more gifted in the boob department than me I think.

have a gret weekend everyone!

Um - me post coming. I had my scan today and they couldn't find the fibroid. They hunted for half an hour with two ultrasound ladies, but nothing. I am and because I don't know what it means. I've seen the photo of it from the lap and so as mr wine, so we're like, eh??? They said I might need an MRI. Now im back to wondering why the hell I'm not pregnant and what is this awful feeling of pressure I have. I hope it's nothing sinister. I am just having a small outburst here and will post properly later over a glass of wine or six

Hello lovelies

I've really missed you all this week and could have down with some of your fight power at work yesterday! I've been away with work since Tues and a trip to the office on Thurs was topped off by a disastrous meeting with work about time off.

I thought I'd got an agreement about the time that I was going to take (mainly unpaid leave as I didn't want to let work/clients down by not being able to give exact dates/times of when I'd be around) - in fact I think I wrote about how good they'd been on here. Well, they've totally backtracked and said they don't think IVF qualifies as sick and they don't want me to have the 2 weeks off unpaid as it will set a precedent for other staff. I was speechless - but more upset than anything that the day before I started treatment they saw fit to have that conversation with me, especially as I wasn't expecting it. Now, I feel so unsupported, stressed, angry and upset - all the things I was trying to avoid by being honest with them weeks ago.

Sorry for ranting I just don?t know what they expect me to do. I feel like such a fool for being honest with them in the first place. Our weekend is now going to mainly consist of drafting a carefully worded letter to them in response and speaking to someone who knows more about employment law than I do. Joy.

Anyway, onto more important matters. I'm sorry I've missed so much again and that a few of us have had tough weeks.

minipie ? a belated welcome and good luck with the appt next week

karbea ? any news on dates? Hope you managed to get your results in time for Monday.

Lemon ? sorry about your tears at work but I?m pleased your secretary was so lovely about it.

Stasi ? your father in law sounds lovely. I know I?m a bit late to answer but on the SWI ? we were told every 3 days is best but don?t just wait for optimum times as there?ll be a lot of older (not as good) sperm hanging around too.

Joycep ? I could have written the things you did about how when something is right it?s not long before something else comes along to make a mess of it. We seemed to have everything in order and having children would have completed the picture I?d had in my head since I was little. Somehow when we started to try, I just knew it wouldn?t be easy for us. Can?t believe your new colleague was so forthright too, how awful.

Nelly ? sorry you?re feeling tired and down and really sorry that ERTD has shown her ugly face. Has the doctor come back to you yet?

Bzzbees ? hi and welcome, sorry to hear you?ve been trying for a while.

Pout ? sorry to hear you had that awful pain. Hope the GP appt goes ok. Exciting that the wedding is nearly here!

wine ? oh my goodness, I?m sorry to hear about your scan. I can?t imagine how you must feel. It must be there somewhere? This might be a silly question but does it feel like the fibroid moves at all? Did they say when you might be able to have an MRI?

Oh in my work-induced rage I nearly forgot to say, everything went fine today at the clinic. So I?ve now officially started IVF/ICSI. I collected the biggest bag of drugs I?ve ever seen and then had to do my first injection in front of the nurse, who was lovely. I think it was better that they talk you through it there and then as I just told myself I had to get on with it. It was still pretty horrid though, and DH thought I wouldn't go through with it. I hope it gets easier over the next four weeks!

Hello and big Friday waves to everyone I?ve missed.

wine that is really odd! But didn't you mention that it wasn't picked up on an ultrasound before? My small one wasn't mentioned when I had my scan at the NHS fertility clinic (not sure whether that is because they didn't see it or decided it wasn't large enough to cause a problem) but was by my private gynae.

Wow ladygee you really are moving forwads now. Good luck!

Nelly my mood always dips around the time of the arrival of ERTD. I think it is a combination of the hormones and the disappointment. You'll feel better in a few days, I promise.

Welcome to Bzzbees.

wine WTactualF? that is so, so odd - v hard to understand this? When can you have the MRI? Fibroids can go away on their own, can't they, but it would seem unlikely that a large one could have disappeared in a matter of weeks? Hope you are ok. Have a very large glass of ,thinking of you. Maybe this is a good thing??

ladygee another wtf for your employer, I cannot believe how callous they are being; I don't know anything about employment law, but surely they are opening themselves up to discrimination type claims with this sort of treatment? Unbelievable, I hope you manage to get some good advice over the weekend, any give them hell next week. Utter bastards, I'm feeling very on your behalf.

Hi ladies.

Oh wine , another head fuck. Can it be hiding... you know how ovaries hide and scans can?t bring them up, could this be the case with the fibroid? Out of interest what was the scan for, is this in preparation for you to have it out? This does explain why your other ultrasound didn?t pick it up in the first place. Poor you. Have a good bottle of wine tonight.

ladygee - i can?t believe you have started. Well done on the injection ? i?m very impressed. I can?t believe your work have backtracked. How callous. It?s not like it?s paid leave for goodness sake . What are they expecting that you come in straight after ET? Do they recommend that you take off a few weeks after ET with ivf?? This sort of stress is not what you need.

nelly - sorry for the af arrival and for the insensitive comment from mr nelly. It sounds like all our men on here like to say similar things. I loathe it when dh tells me that there is no point worrying or getting upset about it. Why do they bother saying such a pointless and unhelpful comment? I can only imagine they just don?t know how to deal with our emotions and just don?t understand how much it is all on our minds. I hope you?re feeling better.

pout - sorry about your mishap on your walk this morning! My parent?s dog is a nightmare off the lead, she can be good until she sees a pheasant and all hell breaks loose. Also agree about being in the minority for the shit things...i just sometimes laugh that it is dh and me with the issues. Not sure why but i find it all so bloody predictable.

mini - sorry about the arrival for af.

The new woman in the office is so bloody annoying. It?s not jsut me who wants to throttle her. Anyway, she has kids of her own and she is in her 40s so i?m still slightly peeved by her stupid and embarrassing question in front over everyone.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend. Welcome to bzz. Waves to everyone else.