TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

On the 20s vs 30s thing - in my 20s I wasn't at all interested in children (and now-DH was even less interested). Surely it's better that I have waited until I actually want a child, rather than having one in my 20s when I didn't want one just because it's easier biologically?

kitty thanks for the article - really really interesting. I'm now wondering which of those problems is mine...

All your stories about messy DHs make me . I'm the messy one - DH is really neat and always puts his clothes and laundry away. I must drive him mental.

That's a really interesting article kitty.

I was really interested to read about the way HSGs are often carried out. I have always been a bit sceptical about the fact that when I had mine it took them longer and more faffing to get the dye to spill out of my left hand tube. It is interesting that the article suggests that the pressure of the fluid alone will give an impression of tubal patency. Something else to worry about methinks

The article also make me a little bit more mad about how the NHS really just seem, in my mind, to offer token assistance to ladies with infertility issues and also hammers home how little they do to help those of us with "unexplained". It seems that you get some half hearted (and perhaps as the article suggests, half arsed tests) and if you are lucky and in the right postcode and fit the "criteria" get offered what evidently may be for some women the sledgehammer to crack a nut IVF treatment.

I completely agree with your second para, pout. I think that is one of the things that is bothering me about it.

OK I'm looking around the dining room table and realise everything on it is mine. However, if I look round all the other rooms in the house, it's boy's crap! Him - "why does everything have to have a PLACE?" Me - ""

I keep trying to point out that the only person in the this house that is constantly losing keys and wallets is, er, him.....

Anyway, he has decided that the "place" to keep you keys, ipod, and anything else that happens to be in your hand when you walk in the door, is the kitchen worksurface. Right in the middle of it. Not the key box, that you've just walked past behind the back door. Sigh.

Anyway back to more relevant matters. Not having a great day from a TTC perspective. Firstly Mr Nelly has announced that he has to be in London for the first 3 days of my alledged fertile period next month. And then has said he'd like to go skiing for the next 2 days, seen as he's in London anyway (I assume he means he will go to the alps, not to ski in London ). I have pointed out the timing isn't great (see how it's never even crossed my mind that I'll be pregnant by the end of this cycle). But I have left it up to him, and actually it might be nice to take the pressure off a bit. I say this now - wait until next month!

Then called today to chase my appointment. It's "only" been 3 weeks, so I won't hear for ages yet, and it'll be May that I have an appointment. By then, it will have been 11 months since I had the blood tests done. Oh and I'll be 3 months off the cut-off age for IVF. Fuxake . Not sure what to do now.

I also heard on the radio that they are looking to simplify Adoption rules in England. Not relevant to me as I'm in Scotland. But I got annoyed with a social worker who was interviewed who said " we must work in the best interests of the child and ensure we do thorough checks bla bla". OK I agree, need to not re-home a baby with a killer/paedophile etc. But the reason I was so cross, was because the obvious point is that nobody checks the parenting criteria of any young nubile couple who fancy a shag after one too many Lambrinis. I do think there should be more of a presumption of the likelihood of you being a GOOD parent, with suitable follow ups; rather than this current situation which seems to assume that all potential parents are monsters until proven otherwise.

Anyway realise this isn't an adoption thread, but as it may end up being the eventual route to parenting for some of us, just thought I'd have a rant .

Hmm now can't remember what else I wanted to say. Re parenting in 20's v 30's, I was sure in my 20s I didn't want children. In all honesty, if we'd had an accident, I bet it would have been fine, but I'm not sure whether OH would still be together? Our relationship took a while to solidify, even just the two of us.

Kitty I will read that article in a minute. You realise from the link I am hoping it's going to tell me the exact reason why I'm not pregnant yet?

What news fatima? Hope you are ensconced at home being spoiled rotten by DH.

Hello again Karbea, glad you are still around. How exciting for you too about the impending IVF. I do totally understand the feelings some of you have; although at the moment I guess I'm in the camp of "just let me at it" as I'm particularly frustrated at the delay with my appointment.

Pout I'm really not sure it was me who came up with Snakes in the pram. It sort of evolved, but I'm sure it was actually skeleton who sadly doesn't seem to post any more. I do hope that's because she got her BFP though :)

Will post this now as I have a habit of accidentally deleting posts (not nearly as badly now though, after izzy fixed that for me!). I may be back.

at tupperware addiction pout. I've never heard of a man suffering with this before, is it a common affliction? Is there a support group he can go to?

pout and euro I understand the sledgehammer/nut thing too. I feel like that about male factor problems, it seems such a drastic solution. But if that article is true and those 3 things are the true causes of unexplained then the answer to blocked tubes would still be ivf so I suppose the nhs doesn't understand the importance of finding out why as it isn't relevant to the solution. I guess they think it would cost time and money to find out why, only for the ultimate answer to be ivf anyway.

Sorry -far too many " " and ( ) and Anyways in the above post...

Read the article. None the wiser . But interesting about the HSG not being as cut and dried as it sometimes seems to be.

Interesting link kitty. I think I definitely fall into the category of low ovarian reserve for my age as I have been told as much. Cue rising panic and a feeling I shouldn't be hanging around and waiting any longer. The immune thing is interesting as I think I possibly have this problem as well but then I would have thought I would have had more miscarriages.

Pout - I don't know about you but DH and I are very immature for our age. I still feel too young to be married. I don't think any of us should worry about gettig too old to be a mum, I just adds to the pressure. I do wory about my ageing ovaries though.

Mrsd - sorry about AF. I am pleased you aren't feeling too bad though.

AF turning up doesn't bother me like it used to. I think because I know it will come, I don't have that hopes crushed feeling.

joycep are you going to be having ivf on the nhs? I can't remember if you're on a waiting list

Oh mrsden I knew there was heaps I forgot to comment on. Firstly the arrival of AF. But also what you posted a page or two back, about having small baby come to stay, and also heavily pregnant person. I shudder at the thought of both.

MiL dropping past for tea tonight. I am sooo looking forward to all the pregnant daughter chat .

Hi,
I was wondering if I could join you? I've been reading this thread for absolutely ages but have somehow never built up the courage to post. However, I feel the time has come and you all always seem so welcoming to the newbies!
I'm 34. DH is 36. We've been ttc for 23 months (gulp). Had the basics-his SA is normal and nothing has come up for me on bloods or HSG. Was so relieved that nothing was 'wrong' but now in that limbo land of 'unexplained'. We have been referred for IUI and are awaiting appointment.
Have always found this thread reassuring and it has often made me laugh out loud (despite the topic!). I also blame it singlehandedly for my obsession with ginger cake .

Mrsd - I don't think I am no. My gp wanted me to wait another 6 months before referring me so that would have taken me to now and I can't face all the waiting for something to happen. The gp told me to start saving for ivf oh and to relax as that is when it would happen. Haha

Nelly - good luck with MiL!

Welcome Frannie (phone is predictive texting you to Grannie which you are not!). We have been trying the same amount of time as you - although I count in cycles just to make it sound worse . Sorry you find yourself in this miserable position but I hope IUi does the trick for you. When will you do that??
How have you been coping with everything?

Haha- Grannie! I don't mind that- feel that it might describe the state of my eggs though!

First appointment re iui is late march. Feels like we have been waiting soooo long...but reading this thread has made me feel like we're quite lucky in the postcode lotto that is the NHS!

Not coping brilliantly at mo to be honest but, then again I am on day 2. I predict that by day 7 I'll be more upbeat, day 21 excited at the smiley face, day 30 have at least 3 pseudo preg symptoms and by day 35 sobbing! Sorry to sound so cynical...but isn't it exhausting!?!

Yes, think we have been trying the same length of time. In fact, I know because I've been lurking for absolutely ages!! You have all been a massive source of comfort to me (albeit unknowingly) although I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy let alone you lovely ladies!

I also hope the iui is going to do the trick but I've got a lot of questions as to how it's that different to 2 years of loads of well timed shagging!

phew, survived the MiL with very little pregnancy chat.

Welcome frannie. It's funny, it never occurs to me that people would be reading this thread other than the posters. I'm not sure why this hasn't occurred to me as I'm usually quite wary of security issues etc and try not to give away too much information that might identify me. But I'm very glad to hear we have made you laugh a little bit in this hellish journey. That was likely pout though .

Happy weekend everyone. By the way we are getting to the end of the thread again (unbelievable how much we chat!) so perhaps time to start copying the List from page 1 and updating, and newbies since the start of the thread can maybe add their info too. They're not stats remember, just a little reference point for our ageing brains

Hi all. Wohoo it's le weekend! Hope you are all having good Fridays. I'm posting on my phone, so not able to catch up properly...

euro I totally get your pre ivf wobble. I had a crying fit wobble yesterday morning about it all. I know we have to do it, but I really don't want all the needles/getting my lady bits out/surgery/mad hormones. Although we're not unexplained, I agree with pout about the whole sledge hammer thing. It all seems so drastic. I keep wondering whether iui with donor sperm might be better or easier but guess we have to give it a go with dh's sperms...doesn't help that whenever I get upset, it makes DH feel bad and guilty about not 'working'. Urgh. Oh well, I've been feeling a bit more positive today.

Welcone Frannie! Sorry you've had to join us but nice to meet you. I lurked for some time too. Am now totally addicted

My DH is super messy, although I'm the one with the Tupperware obsession! Was distraught when our local Chinese stopped using the plastic containers - no more free Tupperware!

nelly that is a mental amount of time to have to wait for an appointment. I'm the opposite of you in that I don't want my letter to arrive, as it'll mean more prodding to go on a waiting list thats not doing anything and I'm not sure I can be arsed/face it.

mrsd I'm not sure I could have a pregnant lady staying when going through ivf. Are they good enough friends to tell?!

joy I too don't feel old enough to be married, or own a house or drive a car...

fatima hope all went well with ET!

Hello to mini, kitty and everyone else. I met a friend tonight and we had some wine, well prosecco! Feel a bit bad about drinking but I'm def not drunk (well not compared to other people on this train!) so hopefully it's not too damaging for my ancient ovaries

Gin I've just had a glass or three of wine. I've cut down on drinking but if we are going to be ttcing for this long there is no way I'm staying completely sober that long. Plus it makes SWI more likely ... oh and wine helps us relax, which as we all know is all we need to do to get updiffed

Frannie - day2 is awful and how c an you be anything but cynical after this long? I did a couple of IuIs and It does seem to work for some people. I think if you have hostile ewcm or not a lot then it can help. It deposits the sperm 4 minutes away from where the egg pops out and so it could help if the sperm aren't that eenergtic as they pick out an Olympic squad. Well that's how my ex gynae described it. I think if everything else seems ok with you and your DH , it is a good route to try before taking out the big guns.

Gin- don't feel bad about drinking . A glass or bottle Really can't Do much.

Spent my evening looking Up fertility clinics. joyful joyful

Oh and welcome to Frannie! I lurked a little bit before joining a month or two ago. Your cycle mood swings sound very like mine - I'm just coming into OPK/Shag Week at the moment so feeling fairly positive.

Morning ladies and welcome to Frannie and Totally.
Frannie I think the mood swings are totally normally. I certainly have them. The worst bit for me is the waiting, waiting for anything to happen. So at the moment I'm waiting for my post op bleeding to completely stop, then I'll be waiting for smiley face, then AF positive on pregnancy test. I've started charting and even that is driving me barmy. I keep logging on to see if there's something I need to update. me thinks I need to get a grip .

I have to confess, I am the messy one in the house, you may have guessed from my choice of name. It is my rebellion against DHs freakishly spotless family and a solidarity stand with my own live life to the full, somewhat eccentric mother. Having said that I have promised DH that I will use his week away and my week recovering to blitz the house.

Oh, did I mention DH is away with work? We are supposed to be SWI, bit difficult when one of you is on another continent .

MrsD I'm not sure what to say about your visit. It is obviously going to be hard. Perhaps you could have a chat with your friend at the start about avoiding in depth baby talk. Hopefully she will understand and there will be enough distractions. I am part of a little group of friends who met when we had our first babies. Two of us in the group have been trying now for ages for our second with no success, while the others made it look easy. I've kept up with the group weekly, gone to christenings and have the babies round, but the other girl hasn't. I totally understand where she is coming from but still feel it's a bit of a shame as we don't see her or her daughter much. Also when things have been really tough, I have rung the girls up and they've met me in a pub and let me cry all over them. I guess it depends on how close you are and what sort of friends they are. Not sure any of this is helpful.

How's it going Fatima?

Wave to everyone else. Happy weekend.

Seems we all fell off the wagon last night! I "stopped" a week past Monday. Had one small glass of white last weekend. But a couple of decent sized reds last night. Can't cope with MiL without

Anyway between 4 the bottle was polished off pretty quick, so back on wagon today. Am going to give this a go for a couple of months.

We are now trying to decide if we should just go private. I pay so much flipping tax, have hardly needed a thing from them in all my years, but now need to wait 3 months just to get the first appointment .

Anyway, tis the weekend so I'll stop whinging and get one with some fun stuff

Thank you all so much for your lovely words ? I don?t know what I would do without you all. I wish I knew you in real life too, wine and mrsden. It always seems so much easier to say how I?m feeling to you all than to family and RL friends. Having no internet access last week was quite a challenge, I found myself wondering how you all were and wanting to tell you things that are obviously not important as I can?t remember what they are now!

Our few days away were lovely and just what we needed to get some perspective. I went from bursting into tears every few minutes on Tuesday and Wednesday with one particularly embarrassing incident involving crying whilst trying to enjoy afternoon tea to starting to feel a bit more like myself. We tried to remember all those things that the nurses and consultants have said about seeing it as a three cycle process and they learn a bit more each time but it?s still all a bit raw really.

However, after being caffeine, alcohol and everything else free since the new year, we went a bit mad. Think I?ve consumed my own body weight in wine and food. I?m paying for it now. Kitty ? was it you who mentioned about alcohol making you all puffy in the face? Well, after two months of no booze, a few glasses of wine had my face blown up like a balloon, not attractive and a good enough reason to get back on the wagon. Well, after one last glass of wine tonight!

I hope our follow-up appointment comes through soon as I?m keen to get some answers or at least more information about what happened ? were my eggs rubbish/why didn?t the embryos grow after day 4/ was I on too low dosage of drugs - and to know what they say about DH?s sperm count now it seems to have improved.

whatmess ? I?m glad your operation went well. Hope you?re feeling ok. Sorry to hear about how awful your periods are though.

wine ? sorry you've had horrid period pain too.

stasi ? how?s the end of your 2ww going?

mrsden ? sorry you had horrid PMT and that AF has now arrived. My cycles are ridiculously predictable too ? not even IVF can throw the buggers out of synch!

I find bumps and smug parents harder than babies too. After a blissful few months of avoiding everyone who is either pregnant or has new-ish babies, we?re about to launch into a few weekends of visiting friends with or expecting babies. I am dreading it. I would definitely put yourself first this summer, mrsd

fatima ? hope all went well on Wednesday and the start of the 2ww is going ok.

kitty ? belated congratulations to Mr Kitty!

euro ? I?m sorry you?re still unsure about IVF, though I?m not sure anyone is ever certain. I know you know all the arguments for IVF - that thread you started has some really useful perspectives. All I would say is that you need to be as positive as possible to get through IVF. Being totally honest, before we started I spent some of my energy being a little bit angry that we were in this position. This got better as the process went on, the relaxation CDs I listened to helped in giving me time to think and work though things so that by the time the important bits came round, I did feel positive and confident about what we were doing.

Welcome to totally and frannie

Reading all the talk of hormones in food was very interesting. My acu lady puts lots of fertility issues down to the hormones used in foods, especially men?s declining fertility ? overall it has halved in the past 20 years (or something like that!). I?ve tried to switch us to local and organic foods to avoid hormones as much as possible, don?t know how much of a difference it?s making.

Sorry for my rubbish attempt at catching up with everyone. Hope you are all enjoying the weekend xx

Morning lovely ladies!

Good to see you again lady. You seem to be remarkably collected after just a week. Well done you. And sorry for sobbing over your cream tea! I really hope it will work for you soon!

Nice to have you in the group frannie, as you are not dissimilar to me. Next AF (expected a week tomorrow) sees the start of IUI after 21 months of TTC, so I am quite pleased to have someone at the same stage here. Glad we've provided support and entertainment and a ginger cake addiction.

As to tupperware addicts, that is me, and as I have been unable to cook (although I made soup with some help from my mum this morning) we have been eating loads of take away lately and I have yelled at poor DH whenever he bins the perfect plastic containers. Oh and pout love the fact that we share a husband in addition to all the other similarities!

As to the wagon, I fell off spectacularly. Got a pg-announcement yesterday and coped by drowning it. It worked rather well! And we are off for dinner at friends (despite the soup, thanks for letting me know before I enlisted mother in helping with the soup, lovely DH) so that will be more drinking! Officially I am in the TWW but having attempted SWI only once, without too much joy, I reckon I can safely assume it has not worked (and if it has I have some explaining to do )

Right I should be doing and assignment, but MN has proved more interesting, but I am going to start NOW!

Thank you for all the lovely welcomes. Nelly I think the reason I've held back from posting is for the reasons you mentioned about being identified....I'm not sure if it's because I think that someone would be so desperate for something to do that they would start searching for me on ttc forums or if someone stumbles across it and thinks 'wow that sounds just like....'. Totally paranoid on both accounts! (I hope!)

I'm on my second glass of red- when AF comes I always think of it as a justified treat! As is the chocolate cheesecake for pud Ladygee I will join you with a puffy face but hope you enjoy every drop- sounds like you deserve it.

Lady - It's nice to have you back. You are sounding very together which is great. I am glad you managed to let your hair down and just go all out with the booze and food. You thoroughly deserve it.

Nelly- 3 months for an appt is appalling. How can it take that long ? It's just awful. Have you come to a decision?

Gin - was it you who went to Create Health open day? What did you think? I was reading about natural ivf today in the daily hell and I am wondering whether I would prefer this option to the full blown version right now. I see chances are slim though.

Lemon- sorry about your preg announcement. Drowning sorrows is always good. I have had a close friend pregnancy announcement today. It was the one I had an inkling about, I basically guessed when she was 5 wks pregnant. Still feels like a kick in the stomach and i have been desperately trying not to cry all day. They are so excited and over the moon. I just know I will never have that feeling even if I do get pregnant as I will always expect it to go wrong.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I am half way through my cycle and I have been really down the last few days with not an ounce of optism. I am just finding it overwhelming to decide what we should be doing now .

Morning all!
Sorry I haven't posted since wednesday, trying to keep myself busy on the dreaded 2ww.
I had one perfect blasto transferred on Weds, been given a test date of 19th March which will be 17dpec. I'm not sure I'll be able to wait that long.

It's my birthday this coming Weds so DH took me to the zoo yesterday for a day out to keep me busy trying to get him to take me birthday shopping this week as well.

I'm still posting on my phone so it's hard to catch up with people's posts, going to sit down with a pen and paper later today so I can do a proper reply