Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

TTC for 10+ months, part 5

999 replies

MuddyWellyNelly · 18/01/2012 20:51

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

OP posts:
whereismywine · 07/03/2012 21:19

Cross post nelly you are right about the test date! I never usually reach a point where I'm late, my period or fucking spotting always comes when I'm expecting it. I used to work my way through a test every day from 7dpo, putting the test in the bin, fishing it out, squinting at it in the sunlight and feeling wretched, with a layer of dread. I've had a test in my drawer since October from a two pack we got when the nurse asked me to take one before the hsg, cos she couldnt get blood from me. One day I will wee on it. But only when my period is substanially late and I've had 18 high temps. The single line is no friend of mine!

kittysaysmiaow · 07/03/2012 21:49

Evening everyone,

gin I am sorry I've passed on my irrational thoughts and phobias about infectious diseases! Funnily enough I KNOW you'll be absolutely fine, but I can't seem to apply that logic to myself.

nelly I totally agree about the organic food. Artificial hormones and pesticides scare me, I'm mostly organic now. We're lucky as we have a decent organic supermarket nearby which makes it easier. Meat I get online mainly from ocado. It is more expensive but I'm careful to make it all stretch over several meals, bulk out with pulses etc. As for fertility, it probably doesn't matter for most people but where things are a bit out of whack it might make a difference. The fact that pesticides are designed to harm the reproductive systems of insects is something that I worry about. But then I worry about a lot of things! Smile

I'm sorry to hear do many of us have bad periods. I'd describe mine as heavy but I can manage the flow ok so maybe they're not that bad. I do have bad pains on the first two days though. wine mine stop very abruptly too, they didn't used to. Now I get three days of heavy flow and then maybe a day or two of spotting. I guess periods do change throughout your life, but mine are much, much shorter

Had some good news this week as mr kitty got promoted. SmileSmile he has worked really hard for it so I am chuffed for him. Unfortunately all celebrations are on he as he is, er, at work.

kittysaysmiaow · 07/03/2012 21:50

on hold that should have been! Blush

whereismywine · 08/03/2012 10:12

Congratulations to Mr K - may celebrations be unpaused and ttc contraband be in full flow!

I am working on Project Boring today. Chat welcome!

TotallyUnsure · 08/03/2012 10:20

i think i need to join - me (27) dh (33) nothing yet - totally lax with contraception for 2+ years 'actively' Blush TTC for 11 cycles (since last may). was 12 days late his month and it was not to be..... so i am going to join in the threads on here

do you need to know more??

minipie · 08/03/2012 11:11

hello Totally! welcome and sorry it's not happened for you yet either.
we've been ttcing since May too. Have you had any tests done at all?

congrats to mrkitty! that's great.

wine I pretty much always get the spotting before I have a chance to test too. But I still sometimes have a go on an internet cheapy - god knows why. I think somehow I feel less disappointed when AF arrives properly, the more "negative" signs I've had beforehand - bit like breaking the news in stages?

Agree with you about the sleep! Also, babies involve lots of chores like laundry and wiping and cleaning up mess... none of which I like at all. I wish I could focus on the benefits of no-baby status rather than wishing this time away.

On the food thing - my mum is obsessed with nutrition. She says that most soil is now so depleted because of over farming, that fruit and veg and meat don't have lots of the nutrients they used to have so most of us have deficiencies in these minerals (eg magnesium). But then, as with the pesticides thing, surely that would affect everyone not just a few?

Nelly you're right we never do ask that. it's more for the bus threads I guess. I've stopped even considering joining the buses, somehow that would make me feel even more left behind...

I have realised recently that I'm avoiding my friends who are pregnant or had babies (especially a group of 3 who all had babies last year and are hanging out together on ML Envy). They know we are ttcing and are being nice about it but somehow I can't help feeling "you just don't get it" as they all got pg really quickly.

whereismywine · 08/03/2012 11:33

Welcome totally sorry you've made it here but we will keep you company through the waiting, oh so much waiting! I hope your stay is short Smile a 12 day late period was probably a real head messer. But remember, it does just take longer for some people.

minipie I also am avoiding pregnant people and yummy mummy friends at the moment in real life, but happy to chat on the phone etc. I have waves of feeling bad about that but it is self preservation and we are good enough friends for it not to be too much of a big deal. They are also together doing mummy things as they conceived easily and at similar times. It was our plan to get upduffed together, but I got a bit left behind.

mrsden · 08/03/2012 11:44

Welcome totally, like wine and minipie said sorry you find yourself on this thread, but we are a friendly bunch and it makes this stuff so much more bearable having each other to chat to.

minipie and wine I'm the same with friends. I actively avoid pregnant and new mums now. Although tbh I've found that they sort of avoid me now because they naturally gravitate towards other pregnant women and mums. And I'm not in that exclusive club yet.

One of the problems bonuses of living abroad is that lots of people want to visit. I normally like this, and love having people but we have some friends and their 5 month old coming to stay next week. I'm dreading it, I'm normally ok around babies but I don't know what I think about being with one 24/7 in my house. Also, I don't know if I can cope with the smugness of the mum and dad. It's their first and he's the centre of their world and all they talk about now. I'm probably worrying over nothing, it's only 5 days. But then last night another friend rang and spoke to DH and asked if him and his wife could come in July when the wife will be 7 months pregnant. DH said yes without checking with me first. I really don't know how I feel about having a heavily pregnant woman in my house. I'm being silly aren't I?

Spotting started today. One of the good things about ttc so long is that I finally know my cycles inside out. AF will start tomorrow or Sunday and then it's on to cycle 21. I would never need to POAS, my cycles are so predictable.

mrsden · 08/03/2012 11:53

lost a day there somewhere. Should have said AF will come tomorrow or saturday. Wish it was Friday!

whereismywine · 08/03/2012 11:59

mrsd I totally hear you about having babies and bumps to stay. I would find the bump harder than the baby. I recently spent the weekend with my friend and her baby and it wasn't so bad. Being with someone else's baby, to me, makes it look like hard work!! It felt nice luxuriating in bed when I knew the baby had been up since 5. That makes me sound so horrible! It was fine though. I actually found it harder being with a very funny and lovable two year old, that really bought out the longing. I wanted to take him home and our house felt empty when we got back.

TotallyUnsure · 08/03/2012 12:08

i am so glad all y'all are avoiding prenant people and lovely babies i cant go near!! at a family do at the weekend 5.5month old being passed around and i actually got the comment oooh TU dont you want one...... i thought i was going to throw something! (not the baby!) ahaha

Dh doesnt get when i sit sobbing watching one born every minute Biscuit - it is now banned in the house haha!

mrsden · 08/03/2012 12:13

I think it's the parents more than the baby I'm dreading! Which is sad because they are good friends. But they are very smug and were throughout the whole pregnancy which I found a bit unbearable. Perfect birth and oh so perfect baby who does nothing but sleep and feed. And he is so cute, and he is so intelligent and advanced for his age, we're so lucky blah, blah, blah. You know the types. Although, they probably won't be able to keep up the image of perfection for 5 days so I'll see the reality of it.

The pregnant stay will be hard. She's had a miscarriage before but conceived straight away with this one. But to be fair, so far she hasn't mentioned the pregnancy that much so they might be fine and they're not show off types. But the bump will be there and big. Also, in July it's possible we might be about to go through IVF so I might be feeling wobbly. But DH has said yes and so we can't really come up with an excuse now. They also said they were flexible and could come anytime in June or July so there is no way we can be busy all that time. I'm just going to have to grin and bear it.

TotallyUnsure · 08/03/2012 12:17

oh mrsd - is there anyway you can get out of it at all?? would DH understand?

can i ask for some advise - what tests shoukd i be asking for what do i need to do - am not smoking or drinking am trying to loose weight have been taking preconception vitamins (so has DH!) what next?

mrsden · 08/03/2012 12:23

totally go and see your GP and explain how long you've been trying for. They might tell you to try for a bit longer but after 12 months ttc then they really should take blood tests to check hormone levels and order a sperm analysis for your DH. It depends what these results show as to whether they will then refer you on to a fertility unit. Do you have any know health problems that might affect ttc? e.g thyroid? If so make sure you flag this up with the GP. Make a note of your cycles (length, duration, how heavy, pain etc) and take this with you.

Not smoking, cutting down on alcohol, good multi vits, all help with ttc so sounds like you're doing all the right things. Also, some women find that they need to make sure they're in the healthy BMI range to conceive.

joycep · 08/03/2012 13:12

Some guy at the farmers market was telling me not to buy potatoes grown in America because they pump them full of radiation. Nice! I know 1 in 7 couples are suppose to have trouble conceiving...not sure where these people are in my life...but this seems like a huge number to me. I do wonder whether it can be related to food & lifestyle or perhaps it?s just that we are leaving everything later. Some nutritionist who runs Optimum Nutritionists in London claims that the fertility diet has a 80% success rate with couples struggling to conceive and she proved it by doing some baby race on GMTV ages ago. I was tempted to go and see them until I read that they tell people to limit their meat consumption and i have found i function much better when i have more meat in my diet.

Well done mr kitty - that?s great news he has got a promotion. I?m crossing fingers my husband gets one after the summer.

Welcome totally - sorry you find yourself here but you?re very welcome to come and join in. Tests you need are Day 2/3 bloods for LH/FSH levels. A day 21 progesterone test which should be taken 7 dpo. You should then get tests for thyroid (tsh levels), vit D, iron levels etc. GPs have a check list of boxes so just get the whole hog. Just make sure you are going onthe right days. My GP sent me off for bloods on Day 13 and she was in a complete muddle about when i should do progesterone. Yes and sperm analysis is important too. Do you know your luteal phase length?

mini - totally understand the avoiding friends thing. I am very selective as to who i speak to and see nowadays. It?s the pregnancies I cannot stand. The baby thing isn?t so bad for me as long as it is on a one to one basis. I am dreading one of my closest friends birthdays soon as there will be loads of little babies and several pregnant women. I am already panicking about it. But mostly I have disappeared off the radar for the last 18 months. I have avoided parties, hen dos and even some weddings as I just can?t face the questioning. I actually felt harassed at one wedding last year with the amount of interrogations. One girl told me she knew I was pregnant because i wasn?t drinking. I do feel like i?m in a rather sad, parallel universe. Of course things could be so much worse than not being able to conceive but at the moment this is just such a raw, relative experience.

mrsd - oh i don?t know how you can stand having a pregnant person come to stay with you. It?s not so bad if they?re not all smug and me , me , me. But if you?re going through IVF , I would have thought you would need that time for just you and dh. But obviously it?s difficult to tell what you will be doing then. It?s the smugness that is so awful and the self importance that some friends seem to radiate when they have a child. I just think us ladies on here will be so self aware when we finally get there and I bet we don?t feel that competiveness that all these mothers feel. We?ll just be overly grateful that it finally happened. I just cannot believe my friend when she discusses how much more advance her 6 month old child is than the other babies from her NCT group. Can you imagine what these women get like by the time their child is at school?!

Hi wine et al ? hope you?re all having good days.

I do find it quite scary how time is flying by so quickly. I remember being horrified that i had been trying for 10 cycles, now I am on my 27th and even 18 cycles doesn?t sound that long to me now. I?m about to enter my 3rd year of trying, I just can?t believe it, it?s such a joke.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 08/03/2012 13:15

Hello lovelies!

Welcome here totally sorry you had to join. May your stay be a short one. And otherwise, follow mrsd's excellent advice!

Well done to mrKitty. A promotion is always excellent news. If you can't get to the celebrations, is there a chance for some celebratory shopping?

mrsd Shock about the concept of having a 7mth pg having to stay. That would be a firm NO in our household. But I understand wanting to see people. I like spending time with old friends (many of mine are scattered) and I have to balance the baby-numbers, the definite and possible updiffednesses and the pleasure of chatting to them. It does not always go the way of seeing people. Good luck with it all. So totally I avoid pg-ladies (I have managed to avoid my sister-in-law, who I don't like at the best of times, since her pg announcement in October, she is just over 20wks now!)

Good plan on focussing on the good things of being babyless, nelly. I think I am going to convince DH to go out for dinner tonight. That is okay with one arm - thanks for asking, it is mending well, but still being bloody annoying, at least I am less in pain now!!

Hope you are feeling better today wine! Quick waves to everyone!!

whereismywine · 08/03/2012 13:21

Hug joycep the numbers of cycles thing is hard isn't it. After 6 months it felt long. Now I can't remember why I felt so stressed so soon and two years doesn't feel that long. It is strange. I was just reading about Lisa Faulkner in a cooking magazine, talking about her little girl. I immediately felt Envy she is such a pretty little thing but had no idea that Lisa F had had infertility problems and adopted. I then felt guilty for making assumptions and all sorts of emotions actually.

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 08/03/2012 13:21

joycep OMG at the American potatoes. On the 1 in 7 thing, I know at least four other people in RL who have had trouble TTC (which has resulted in two babies and one pg since). They have slowly been coming out of the wood work as we have been open about our troubles. I wonder whether I know about 18 good pgs in the same period, - counting, counting - nearly but not quite...

mrsden · 08/03/2012 13:26

going out for dinner sounds like a good plan lemon. I like being able to be spontaneous and you can't be with a baby. There are lots of good things about not having a baby yet and I do think I need to remind myself of these sometimes.

Yay to the promotion of mrkitty.

joycep 3 years sounds long doesn't it? I was thinking today that this the last month to get a 2012 baby. Depressing when I think we started in 2010. Also, one of my colleagues (who is Chinese) said that lots of her friends have planned to have babies this year because it is the year of the dragon and that is a very lucky year to be born it. And guess what, yep they're all pregnant to cue. I hate that people can plan these things.

I can't really say no to the pregnant couple. I don't yet know when we'll be doing ivf but I can't really block out the whole summer just in case. I've learnt my lesson about putting life on hold. And they are very good friends who we often stay with when we go to the UK so it would be off of us to say no. But I know it will be hard, and I'll probably come on here ranting about it nearer the time. TTC is so hard, I hate the way it messes everything up and makes simple things complicated.

mrsden · 08/03/2012 13:32

I thought it was 1 in 6. I am the one. There were 6 of us who were close friends at Uni together. Out of the 6, 3 have children (and two of those are pregnant with their second) another is pregnant with first. One is single. And then there is me.

whereismywine · 08/03/2012 13:34

I would like a dragon baby. There are two months left! After that it is 2013 and the year of the snake Confused

whereismywine · 08/03/2012 13:34

Snakes in prams for us all?!

mrsden · 08/03/2012 13:38

snakes, that must be a sign for us all on this thread!!

Just goggled Lisa F, her daughter is gorgeous and looks so much like her. What a lovely story.

minipie · 08/03/2012 15:44

Well having said I was avoiding pg/new mummy friends I've just come back from lunch with 2 work colleagues who are on ML. Cue the usual "so when are you going to ..." and "can see you as a mum" comments Hmm.

Mind you one of them tried for 3 years ("unexplained") before having hers by IVF, which oddly makes me feel better.

One in 7 ... Let's see, among my immediate circle there is 1 person who struggled to get pg, and 11 who got pg super quickly (at least AFAIK). Though there are two or three couples who I wonder if they might be long term ttcers like us.

Shock at a snake baby. Mind you, birth would be easier Grin

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 08/03/2012 16:09

Snake babies are pout's idea, if I remember correctly. We were discussing all going loopy if no baby would eventually arrive, and we agreed that we would need replacement children, read pets, so we ended up with the idea of snakes in the pram... I would like to sign up for one next Feb, please!

Poor mini, did you cope okay?

Fingers crossed for a few miracle dragons, wine!