TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

I've finished Project Boring. Woo hoo!

Ttc should be called Project Boring.

I think I am lucky in that all my good friends who I see the most have been accumulated from work, uni, school and college so I don't have one big group of close friends i feel left out of. Its more on an individual basis. I found my school reunion agonising seeing 6 old friends all pregnant at once. Something I never want to repeat and luckily I only have to see them every couple of years.

Never heard of Lisa Faulkner but read an interview and it made me teary. She went to the Argc for treatment. I am looking into others after having seen their costs.

wine - I was so panicked after my first cycle , I think it was the competitiveness with other people. Somewhere I had an inkling this wasnt going to be easy although I didn't have cycle problems.

Mrsd - saying I am going into the 3rd year sounds scary. That's tricky that they are close friends. I guess you have to face them.

wine TTC project boring...... really??

well totally it is quite boring, doing all the opks and vitamins and blood tests and inspecting knickers and CM and all that... with no result.

of course if a bfp happened, that wouldn't be boring... but the constant no bfp does get a bit boring.

at snake babies. A tiger baby just sounds so much better doesn't it!

mrsd I'm sorry you have a can't-get-out-of-it visit from a pregnant lady. I know I'd find that very hard. Maybe when it gets closer they will change their minds about coming - 7 months sounds quite late to be travelling abroad? Isn't it awful the way TTC makes you not want to see your friends. Sometimes I feel so guilty about how resentful I have become. One of my friends was telling me recently about a couple I vaguely know who were TTC for three years and had a baby through IVF. Apparently they completely stopped seeing their parent/pregnant friends and were upfront with everyone about why. That seems extreme but I can understand it. I'm not really sure where it leaves the friendship though.

wine well done for finishing Project Boring! I agree TTC is very boring, especially the internal monologue.

Any news from fatima or karbea?

I've just had the unfortunate experience of having my hair blow-dried by a fresh faced, smoothed skinned 17 year old. Seeing her face near mine in the mirror was not nice! And there was a flyer next to the mirror for the salon's botox doctor!

Thanks so much for the congrats to mr kitty - I will pass them on, you ladies are fab :)

wine my periods end abruptly too, blood bath one hour the next nothing. Hope kitty isn't right about peri-menopause I wish that I could enjoy all the pre baby things like sleep but that has been another thing spoiled by long term TTC. It's difficult to appreciate being childless when you are worried that you will never get pregnant.
Totally agree that TTC is Project Boring!

nelly and wine I don't test any more and haven't done for months and months. Like you spotting mostly always comes and tell me all I need to know. Weirdly, when I have had a long cycle and late spotting I haven't wanted to test because I have enjoyed the secret optimism and didn't want my hopes to be dashed by a test.

kitty congratulations on your DH's promotion. That is great.
Oh I can sympathise with the feeling old thing. In fact I get DH to cut my hair (cue lots of arguing and him getting offended when I call him Vidal Baboon) because I hate sitting in front of all those mirrors in the hairdressers and being surrounded by hairdressers who always seem perfectly made up & coiffed. I have noticed that I am getting jowls and keep pulling my face up at the ears to see what a face lift might look like - crap incidently!

Talking of age, did anyone see the thread in AIBU about how it was selfish for women in their thirties to have babies because the kids end up with elderly (or dead!) parents. Somebody suggested that if the will to have a baby was strong enough a woman wouldn't wait for the right man and would just procreate. I was a bit like and then hoped that I'd totally misunderstood what she mean't. Do any of you ladies worry about having a baby in your thirties - I know that quite a few of us are over the hill thirty something. I do, for mainly shallow reasons like not wanting to be the embarrassing and dowdy mum at the school gate - I wanna be a MILF for Gods sake! Damn you barren body, another thing I've been denied

minnie and mrsd I feel left out of the babies club too. Fortunately my friends are scattered round the country and I don't really see them and have more of an e-mail relationship these days but even still I find it difficult to relate to them now they are all mummies and so even these e-mail relationships are petering out. I just feel like I don't fit their lives any more and have not a lot to say to them.

mrsd Oh God on the visiting babies and pregnant people. That sounds heinous. It is such a difficult spot to be in and I can see why it would be difficult to get out of especially when they will have arranged flights and the like. A sudden "illness" just isn't possible.

joycep I agree that the length of time TTC when you sit down and think about it is scary. I keep panicking about what if this year isn't even going to be my year either. The thought of sitting down at Xmas facing another new year of trying doesn't bear thinking about.

lemons Hope that you and your DH have a nice meal out and so glad that your shoulder and arm are better and you are back online. Have missed you.
BTW snakes in a pram was from the genius of nelly but wish I'd thought of it

Hello to totally I would see your GP just to get the fertility clinic wheels rolling....these things can take a while! We were contraception free (well withdrawal method) for years before actively TTC too.

pout I daren't even look at thread.

kitty I really don't think you need worry about looking old!!!

totally don't get me wrong, I'm aware that the concept of getting pregnant, shagging all excitedly and then having a baby is far from boring. But approaching eighteen months with nothing to show for it bar a damaged self esteem and an inch scar on my stomach, well yes, I'm bored off getting nowhere and feeling stuck. It takes all my energy just to keep going, keep smiling and not get down about it.

Evening ladies! I've been out at court all day (losing miserably :( ) so I am catching up now. I was having to field calls from the fertility clinic during breaks. Apparently our IVF drugs are being delivered tomorrow. My reaction to that was to want to cry! I just don't feel ready. But I also feel like I am being left behind. The last of my friend's to get pg (after 3 miscarriages) has had an early reassurance scan and there is a heartbeat so hopefully this one will work for her. It does make me think I am being silly to delay. But I don't want IVF. I'm really quite stressed about it.

Welcome TU!

Heh@Vidal Baboon! I am "lucky" being shortsighted. I can't see myself in the hairdresser's mirror once the glasses come off so I don't have to sit their looking at my face!

I saw that thread (and posted on it) pout. She had some funny ideas. Personally, if I had got up the duff in my 20s I think I would have been an awful mother. I was far too selfish back then.

mrsd I can see how it would be tough having a big bump around the place for a few days. You can always escape to here!

Hello everyone,

Sorry I've been AWOL, so much going on!

I've been down regulating, and today I've had a hysterscopy, and taken my first 2 Stimming injections, tomorrow in for a blood test again.

Euro I know what you mean, I cant believe I'm doing ivf and will have eggs taken out of me in less than 16 days time! Id always thought that if I couldn't have kids naturally I would adopt. But here I am...
At then end of the day when you have a gorgeous babying your arms it won't matter how you got there.

euro just saw your other thread about IVF. I used to think IVF was a really radical and very much last resort option but my thinking's change d a lot recently. (Helps that I know 2 women who've had success first time).

I now see it more as "another thing we can do to help get me pg". I'm already taking supplements, peeing on OPKs, diarising SWI, having acupuncture, blood tests, medication ... so a BFP is already not going to be one of those totally natural "it just happened" conceptions... ivf is just the next step iyswim.

As karbea says it won't matter how you got there once you have got there. It's a bit like, it doesn't matter whether my teeth were naturally straight or I needed braces to get them - the result is the same (and maybe I appreciate my teeth more because I had to work to get them ...)

Having said all that, it's easy to be rational about these things when it's not happeneding to me (just yet) and I'm sure I'd be feeling super wobbly if I was in your position. Sending massive hug to you.

at the mothers in their 30s being selfish. wtf?

Euro- it is stressful and I don't think you can ever feel particularly ready for ivf especially when there doesn't seem to be a clear reason as to why it's not happening naturally. I know you haven't had too long to come to terms with either as you have been doing the other treatment. I Hipe you feel better about it soon.

Pout - I hear you about having the fear about another xmas not pregnant. Personally I can't see me being pregnant by then. My positivity changes from month to month and this month I am feeling particularly defeatist and negative

Karbea- good luck with the stimming. Glad all is going well. What is a hysterscopy? Is that to look at the tubes??

Kitty - I loathe going to the hairdressers. I had the same experience at my annual hair appointment in Jan. I stupidly had worn contact lenses so I could see what was going on and the bright lights just made me look soo old.

Sorry nelly I wrongly attributed your snakes to pout. It is a genius idea.

Vidal babboon , that is genius pout. I am with euro on the short sightedness, really good for not being confronted with one's face, quite distressing when the hairdresser has done something hideous unexpected...

AFM the dinner last night was somewhat disasterous - I am so clumsy with my left that I knocked over a full glass of red wine onto my DH. Oops. That went down really well. And we spent half the night discussing holiday plans, and particularly how to fit them between IUI. Read too many thoughts about cycles and periods. Better next time. The food was lovely though and it was a new place, so we must go back there and properly enjoy ourselves another time...

Well done on the beginning of stimming karbea. Good luck with it.

Hope all is well with fatima too, how many did you get to blast? Do you have frosties? How do you feel?

I can imagine the cold feet, and agree with joycep about the frustration at no cause...

And thanks for putting the idea of another Xmas without being diffed in my head. We should be onto IVF by that stage too

Joycep you definitely need positive thinking! "it will be me!"
A hysteroscopy is where they clean out any gunge from your womb, sttretch your cervix and look at your tubes, I'm still bleeding a bit this am and very sore still. Been in and had my bloods this am and waiting for the train to leave the station so I can go home!

Mini I think it's far more selfish to be younger where you don't gave the money or time to look after a baby, dumping it on anyone so you can go out, or where the baby isn't your priority. In my late 30s I've got more experience, I'm not trying to prove myself in the workspace etc. Apart from getting old, older parents have a lot more to offer. And younger parents can die earlier than expected too. Grr!

Thanks Karbea. I had an HsG once, I guess I would have to have a hysteo when ivf comes. You are sounding very calm and collected , hats off to you. I hope the travelling doesn't make it all too exhausting.

Oh and Pout, I don't think you need to worry about being the old one at the school gates. Plenty of people have kids in their late 30s and 40s . Even if they arent their first, they will still be the same age in the same position. And you're as young as you feel.

AF has arrived. Heavy but not painful so not feeling too bad. I much prefer AF to the spotting, I always feel grumpy and down on spotting days.

Good luck with the ivf karbea, not long to go now until it's over.

pout I can't bear to think of another xmas not being pregnant. That would be 3 of them. I think it would break me, but I need to accept that it's a distinct possibility that I won't be pregnant by then.

The young/old mother thing is silly. It's impossible to know which is better. I know I wasn't ready to be a mum in my early twenties.

I've been thinking about having a baby in your thirties versus your twenties. It's strange, though I remember being broody in my mid twenties in my mind it just wasn't an option to even consider actually having a baby, even though I had met DH by then and we were living together. Maybe it was because DH was so anti marriage and wouldn't even discuss the possibility of having a family. Not sure that I would have been a worse mum because I was younger. Since leaving university where I did have too much fun I have always been a bit sensible and "middle aged" so I doubt a baby would have made much difference to my life or clipped my wings at all too much. Financially though it would have been a disaster & couldn't have kept the job I had at the time. I do think though that now I am in my thirties and DH his forties our relationship is in a better place and better for a child. I think we both feel much more solid and we deal with problems and stress in a much better way. In a perverse way now we are older problems seem to bring us closer together.

I agree joycep about the periods of optimism and then defeatism. I think the "young as you feel" thing is a big part of the reason why we put off discussing babies for so long. We have never felt our age and so ignored the biological clock a bit too much I think.

mrsd I worry that another Christmas would be my breaking point too. Mind you the breaking point could well be sooner if the way I feel lately is anything to go by.

euro I can imagine that IVF must feel like a massive step and I wonder whether having an unexplained diagnosis isn't helping. I think where there is a concrete problem identified and a certain belief that IVF is the best shot then you might feel differently about it. I really feel like "unexplained" is a really awful limbo to be in because who is to say whether you will get pregnant next cycle or in five years or never. It just doesn't allow you to make any firm plans in your head about a way forward. I may be projecting somewhat here and apologise for assuming to guess what is in your head. I really hope that you start to feel better about it soon and agree with minnie that the route to the baby isn't the most important part.

lemons at you wine spillage. Sounds like the Pouts household approach to romance!

Am laughing at the whole idea of not wearing your glasses at the hairdressers euro and pout. Damn my 20/20 vision! Almost as good as that is the fact that my DH is blind as a bat without his lenses or glasses so when SWI occurs at a time when I can't be arsed with myself feel less than desirable I can suggest he takes his glasses off so he I can pretend that I am Angelina Jolie.

Good luck karbea

Waves to everyone else

I mean't lemons not pout. Self absorbed, me

Did I mention that DH collapsed on the couch behind a newspaper for the rest of the evening. Romance is overrated

Oh and pout I don't GO to the hairdressers without glasses, I'd get lost on the way. I take them off for the cutting stage... And put them back on for the IQ-test where they show you the back of your head with complicated mirror arrangements and I always fail that one...

And on the 20s vs 30s thing. I would have had to make babies with a totally unstable, unsuitable bf if I wanted to stand a chance of 20s babies. Better not me thinks. DH and I only waited about a year after he moved in and it seemed sensible to check whether we still loved each other when his dirty socks ended up on the dining table on a regular basis. The answer was yes, but the socks do annoy me.

pout that's just it. I keep thinking it could happen because there has been no reason found why it shouldn't Also, as my two closest friends have had it, I kept thinking that statistically I had to get lucky. It couldn't end up with all three of us needing IVF. And yet it has.

lemons that's one way to make sure he gets his trousers off as soon as he gets home!

mrsd thanks (genuinely) for mentioning the idea of another Xmas not pregnant. That is helping me to "get over myself" about the IVF.

Just wondering whether I am the only one who reads the thread "what did you give up TTC?" as "when did you give up TTC?"

lemons So glad that I'm not the only person with a DH who finds it totally acceptable to leave dirty socks on the dining table. In fact the dining table has always been his own personal wardrobe, come in-tray, come laundry bin. It drives me insane though not as insane as his tupperware addiction drives me. Every time you open a cupboard in this house a whole load of it tumbles out. That definitely tests my love!

at hairdressers mirrors IQ test!!!

Current status of the dining room table: 1 blue tie, 1 pair of men's winter gloves (that he has not worn for weeks), one shirt on the back of a chair. My view of our sleeper couch contains: a pair of trousers, another shirt, a wooly jumper and another glove (single).

To be fair I should probably admit the table also contains my laptop, a box of greeting cards, a few bits and pieces that I should be reading for work, and a book (that I have not looked in for weeks, either), some crochet that I cannot do at the moment

And we have some daisies in a vase, a candle sticks and a fruit bowl (which contains actual fruit, which has not gone off!) We are a tidy couple really, and have safely entertained small children here before (as we tend to tidy manically before guests arrive)

PS Can you tell I really ought to start back at work properly next week!?!

Hi ladies
Will post more later but just wanted to post this link (sorry, on phone so not sure how to covert it)

It is an interesting article about unexplained infertility where the doctor talks about what the real underlying causes are likely to be.

www.fertilityauthority.com/articles/unexplained-infertility-diagnosis-delve-deeper?utm_source=Daily+Shot+Subscribers&utm_campaign=f5802ac249-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email

Okay lemons am starting to think that DH has a double life and is also married to you too! It is the gloves that have confirmed my suspicions Does your DH get grumpy if you accidently mistake one of his shirts hanging off the chair for being dirty and wash it? I often get told off for that like I am a nutcase for assuming that clean shirts live only in the wardrobe & anything else must be dirty!