TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

Hi mrsden we didnt have any tracking scans just progesterone tests which were done on ovulation day (day 22) and 7dpo (day29). We had talked about multiples with the Dr and DH and I discussed it before deciding to start clomid. The Dr had spent a good time discussing it and said obviously that twins etc was a risk of taking clomid but we decided to go ahead. We would be thrilled with twins i think but i honestly dont think its likely as increased risk was only 10-15% i think.

Sunday greetings!

Big fat positive congratulations izzy so pleased for you. I send twin wishes, that would be my dreams come true, the words trying to conceive would never pass my lips again for sure. But can I just say that is my least fave position ever!

That is an awful lot of eggs Fatima so big grin for you too, I hope tomorrow goes well.

whatmess I hope everything goes well for you, update us when you can x

kitty may your woo listening keep the tww mentals at bay. I vote we settle for London for a meet up. mrsden I guess we will have to do some direct messaging to put plans together?

Well I started spotting yesterday. This has annoyed me spectacularly as after two months of no spotting at all, I was hoping the lap had sorted something, but apparently not. I'm on cd29 so expecting af proper to kick in anytime now. So that is 15 cycles down the drain now. Or 14, what with the lap and hsg, I've kind of lost track really. But appointment a week on Tuesday and by god if I don't some answers or some hint of a plan, I may scream on the floor having a tantrum and see what happens. I cried a tear or two yesterday at yet another fail. It does feel like this ain't ever going to happen without help and it's so rubbish. Your thread really struck a chord with me euro and I may go do some cathartic blathering on there. And then should take some of kitty's advice and go listen to something soothing. Trouble is, when I'm in a hole with it all, I don't feel like it. I just feel sad and grumpy. But it will probably do me some good.

There was a man on Country (just accidentally spelt that as cuntry) File just sending his non pregnant sheep to the Market and called them the barreners. I wanted to rescue them and let them live in my garden.

Oh god wine I saw that on cuntry countryfile :( :( poor barren sheepies. I also really want a donkey now and feel justified at all the cash I spend on organic meat!

I really hope the appointment brings some clarity and a decent plan of action for you. This amount of waiting is enough to drive any sane person totally round the bend.

euro that was a good thread you started. Really thoughtful discussion.

I saw that too and thought to myself, well at least I'm not a sheep and I get to live even if I can't have kids . Poor little sheepsies.

Random fact of the night. Donkeys don't have waterproof coats, unlike horses.

Just going off to read your thread euro.

Thanks for your thoughts on the IVF thread, ladies. AF is due this week and that will be the end of cycle 16 and we should be starting IVF on day 21 of the next cycle. I just need to get my head in the right place. One thing that thread shows is that the things I am feeling are really widespread - no one wants their pregnancy to start in a lab rather than in a loving bedroom, the sense of "failure" etc so that as been helpful. As has the advice on sensible thinking from carebear and others.

I had a nice day out today, visiting a shooting and archery club I might join with Mr euro and a friend. It was good to focus on some thing else for a change

Morning ladies, hope that we all had good weekends.

izzy multiples would be great. Interesting that you haven't got many "symptoms" yet.

kitty I too have a TTC aids graveyard. I have to laugh at some of the crap I tried like the bee pollen that I bugged DH to let me buy because I was convinced that it would get me upduffed. I even had this little "lucky" box from Thailand that, when it became clear ingesting those bloody pollen tablets wasn't working, I put a pollen pill in convinced that the woo woo would work. The box was just recently relegated to the loft.
BTW I have visions of you eating your organic rescue donkey!

nelly I can't help but feel a little envious that you are still enjoying the SWI aspect. This was the first casualty of long term TTC in the Pout household.

Gin I had to giggle at the idea that IVF could be combined with a kind of country house mini break! Word of warning I would give the Costa Cruises IVF package a miss!

ladygee Have you tested today?

Mrsd I'm glad that you are feeling better.

wine I am pissed off for you that you are spotting. I hate spotting more than proper AF. Does this mean that you can't press on at the hospital now?
I'm sorry that you are feeling so low about everything. DH and I have a defeatist attitude now even during ovulation and find ourselves thinking that it doesn't matter when or if we have sex because it never comes to anything anyway.

The ovulation window is just starting at this end but to be honest I still feel like AF is coming complete with sore boobs and what feels like raging PMT. Weird. I have spent the last week wanting to go postal or cry like a mad woman. I was Googling and came upon some article written by a barren about how there are distinct phases to long term TTC starting with hope giving way to frustration, then sadness then emptiness. Think that I have run through all of these and am now in a new phase of angry!

Morning ladies. I just did my obligatory test to see if I can stop the drugs this month and it was of course a BFN. So that leaves us at the door of the IVF clinic. I am much more disappointed this month than others because I really don't want to end up there.

Ah euro that sucks. Big hug. I haven't tested since the summer except when I had to for the hsg so it's grim that you've had to. The one line is mean. Would a month or two off to settle and get ready make you feel better? Or isn't that an option?

pout ha ha at costa ivf cruises! Do you know I'm actually ok in spite of all my warbling in here. I think I use mn as an outlet and then get on with stuff. This month I'm taking no prisoners it is operation healthy and the preseed is getting another outing. The tube has probably dried up now. My temp is an impressive degree less than yesterday but still spotting and no cramps.

Hi ladies

euro I'm really sorry to hear that, it's so frustrating when you've been having treatment as well. Hugs to you.

pout I can sympathise on the raging pmt, I woke up with it this morning as well as the heavy pre-af feeling and an air of general hopelessness. so I guess that's me out and on to month 19, I can't believe we've been trying so long. Also by my calculations I've still got another week before ERTD will arrive, sigh.

pout I have nearly cried at two different things this morning so I reckon talk of eating my organic rescue donkey could push me over the edge your story about the bee pollen was funny. I looked at bee pollen in h& b the other day but then had to admit to myself that I was clutching at straws

Re the meetup, mrsd if you don't mind, you could pm me the date of the wkd you're free, and I'll pm everyone that's expressed an interest (and anyone else if they let me know) how does that sound?

ah euro I'm sorry you got a BFN. I haven't tested for ages, it somehow feels slightly less painful when AF arrives rather than seeing just the one line. I've never even had an evap line, or a could it be? moment. Pregnancy tests are in my ttc graveyard. They'll be long out of date by the time I need them. When will you start IVF then euro? If you're not feeling ready then I'm sure a couple more months won't make any difference.

fatima how are you today? When will you have egg transfer?

ladygee any news yet? Is tomorrow the big day?

wine not long until your appointment. Grrr to spotting.

pout I meant to say in an earlier post that I don't believe for one second that you are mousey and boring. From your posts, I can tell that you are intelligent, very witty and kind hearted. And I'm a very good judge of character! I know what you mean about the phases, I'm in the empty phase I think.

mrsd we are due to start on day 21 of the next cycle. I'm hoping I will have got my head around it by then.

I've had a call from the embryologist and only one didn't divide so that's good. Of the seven left there's 4 8-cell, 2 7-cell an 1 6-cell. I think that's what she said anyway. So they're going to leave them until Wednesday. So fingers crossed there's some good blastocysts!

Had a pretty uncomfortabe weekend, had to go to A&E yesterday to get checked out for OHSS. Feeling better today though but not well enough to brave work.

ladygee Are you testing today?

kitty include me in the meet up, I'll come if I can. Have we worked out where everyone is from?

euro Sorry you're feeling crappy, I know the feeling all too well. But good luck with your impending IVF. Can't believe there are so many of us going through it now

mrsden I know nothing about the recipient but she got a form that I'd filled in with bits of information about myself which she used to pick me. She told the nurse that she loves me

Oh my goodness, i go offline for 3 days and the thread gets a bfp. Well done izzy. Thrilled for you but obviously massively envious too especially if you are expecting twins . Clomid has obviously done the trick for you. Does it work better for people who have ovulation problems than for people who do ovulate? I found it messed my cycle up and dried me out . I still have 4 months worth left of clomid so one day when i have run out of options i may just pop them for old time sake.

Fatima - woweee what an incredible amount of eggs you have produced. You must be thrilled. But I am sorry you aren't well. Was it ohss? 26 eggs does sound like a vast amount. I am pleased they are all dividing as they should though. Hope you start to feel better.

Hhaha at mini looking at my bottom when we meet. That made me crack up. I ?ll be the one with bulges protruding from my backside and if that?s not obvious enough, I will be wearing a badge that says ?I?ve got Piles ? what?s your problem??.

Gin -sorry you have been off sick. I hope you are feeling a little better. I hope the touring of clinics has gone well. Fancy an ivf place being a manor house in the countryside ? it?s obviously a massive business.

wine - i am sorry about the spotting . I hope to god you just get some answers once and for all on Tuesday week, I am still aghast at how long you have had to wait. Very sad to hear about barren sheepies, poor little things.

euro - oh sorry about the bfn. It?s fricking awful and i was really crossing fingers for you. that thread you wrote struck a massive chord with me as well.

kitty - sorry about pmt symptoms. That feeling of hopelessness is one of the most unpleasant symptoms of long term ttc.

pout - i do laugh at some of the things i have tried in the last two years as well. I thought your bee pollen experiments were genius so much so I looked in to it myself. I settled for buying 3 pots of manuka honey instead after a troll posted the manuka honey thing on MN claiming 7 people had got pregnant when they took it. Gullible. There is a huge publicity machine out there that sits in front of all these vitamins, oils and alternative treatment and all they have to do is to seed rumours about these things aiding fertility and before you know it, I find myself sprinting for the closest stockist. I think have been through all those emotions over the last 2 years. I am sorry all this business has knocked your confidence. You?re not alone. However, I don?t believe you are boring! Something tells me should be a writer , if you?re not already , because your posts are incredibly humourous.

Would be so lovely to meet up. Baron?s Court perhaps? NO very lame joke of course. Not quite sure how i am going to explain this to my husband, ? i?ve met some girls on the internet darling and i?m off to meet them. Yes darling, I?m sure they?re girls and not pervy men posing as women?. I can just hear the conversation now.

I did some maths over the weekend ? I?m on my 27th cycle. I have been sticking my head in the sand for a bit too long now and i think i have to seriously face up to the fact that this isn?t going to happen naturally now. I just am bewildered as to what is going on as I ?m sure is everyone else on here.

joycep I did some research when I was first prescribed Letrozole and I recall that Clomid/Letrozole rates for women who don't ovulate by themselves are really very good whereas for women who do ovulate the stats are only marginally better than for the control group. I guess because for the women who do ovulate, a lack of eggs isn't what is stopping them becoming pregnant, it is something else. I decided to give the Letrozole a whirl anyway as it is relatively cheap and non-invasive. But it hasn't worked for me after 3 cycles.

Fatima that sounds great!

Hi all, hope you all had good weekends!

mrsd pleased to hear your headache has cleared up. They really are terrible things.

wine boo to the spotting but glad you're not feeling too bad. Poor sheepies. I remember watching a country file where a boy sheep had got into a girl sheep enclosure & impregnated about 98% of them in something like 3 hours! I was v envious! How sad am I, being jealous of sheep! Apparently their shag to baby ratio is much higher than ours

pout lol at costa cruises ivf! Imagine if the shipped lurched when they had that big needle up my fanjo... I know the RAGE too. I think it's all to do with it being so unfair. I'm now feeling a bit more hopeful now we have something to focus on and have a plan c of an abandoned Chinese girl baby. My mum's suggestion!

euro that's shite about the bfn. I read your ivf thread with interest. It's tough to know what to do. We know that due to dh's problem ivf is our only chance, but I'm still pooing myself about it!

kitty yay to the meet up! I've never used pm, so that'll be exciting. As joy says, interesting explaining it to DH..

joy hope the er, bum grapes, have cleared up. And barons court made me snigger out loud on the train.

fatima Hope you are feeling a little better. I'm not surprised you are feeling a bit rubbish, having made all those eggs. Great news about their progress.

ladyg any news?! Have everything crossed for you.

Waves to everyone else! No news here. Found a forum for ladies using the clinic we're planning to use, but they're not as witty and as nice as you ladies.

Well, I tested this morning and there was nothing - just a big blank space where my second pink line should have been. I think I kind of knew in my heart of hearts as I felt sad before I even took the test. The only other spotting I had was a wipe of pink tinged CM on Saturday, nothing else.

I've been a mess all day, we've gone over and over things and I honestly don't know what we could have done differently. I don't know where this leaves us and neither of us know what we're supposed to do next, we're devastated. The last thing I want to do is go to the clinic tomorrow for a blood test but they've said to be there as planned.

Sorry for the selfish post - I'll catch up properly tomorrow. Going to have an early night, I'm just totally numb and exhausted.

oh ladyg sending you a massive hug. I'm still hoping for you as it could be too early for a pee stick to work - see what the blood test says. How soon will you get the blood test results? Can they do it while you are there?

joyce at Barons Court. Barking could also be an appropriate location... !

fatima sounds like your eggs are cooking well. So lovely that you are donating eggs to someone else as well. I bet she does love you! Hope your ovaries are on their way back to normal and no sign of OHSS.

pout I like the story about the box from Thailand... we do do some bizarro things in the name of getting pg don't we. On another thread I was on, one poster confessed to using actual egg white in place of pre seed

euro I know what you mean about not quite wanting to go down the IVF route... the GP mentioned IVF to me and DH and we both flinched a bit. But since then I have got much more used to the idea (being on this thread helps, as does increasing desperation to just get pg dammit!) Will go read your thread.

wine I too will be digging out the pre seed especially after izzy's success! might even copy her position advice too

kitty please do pm me about the meet up! It would be lovely to meet all you ladies in RL.

whatmess hope that AF didn't show and your op can go ahead.

I got my referral letter - appointment is on 21 March which is much closer than I expected. Dr Jan Grace at St Thomas's Hospital - anyone been there?

Got to run as DH is finishing work early for a change (yep, 7.30 is early for him...) so should pay him some attention really especially if I want cooperation on the SWI front

really keeping fingers crossed for you ladyg

oh lady I'm sending you the biggest hugs that I can. But, you never know the blood test might show something up different to the test. That's why they do it isn't it? There must still be a chance, maybe it takes longer to show up on a urine test. I wish I knew you in RL so I could give you a non-internet hug.

fingers crossed for you for tomorrow ladyg big hugs

just a quick hello, meeting up will be fun :)

waves to everyone else

Oh ladygee sending out a massive soothing hug to you. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, I was today a lot. Hopefully you are asleep now, you must be exhausted.

Mm can't scroll back on phone ...

Ok, scrolled properly.

Well minpie I draw the line at legs on shoulders, i really do. glad you have an appointment.

joycep 'baroness wine' doesn't sound too bad! I felt a bit telling dh I was meeting kitty but it was fine. He knows I'm on here, he's glad I have an outlet and even gladder that I met up. Bless. I'm really glad that we are thinking about all saying hello properly. What shall we do?! Exciting!

pout my ttc graveyard has its own shelf of kitchen cupboard. Most of it tastes foul and none of it as got me pregnant. I threw some Maca in a smoothie this morning. It tastes like woodchip.

gin I'm on a lumpy womb forum!

kitty sorry about the perhaps pmt grumps. Maybe it isn't that and is just a hormone surge of other origins!

It is Day One again my end. But it's ok, I had the let down on Saturday. Here we go again

Sending you a big bug ladygee. My heart goes out to you.

Thanks to everyone for the good wishes. The operation went well although I am in quite a bit of pain.
Tubes and uterus were both in good condition as were liver, kidney and bowels. She went ahead with the ovarian drilling. I was warned that she would only make the decision once she saw the state of my ovaries. Apparently, if they were too enlarged there would have been no benefit in going ahead with the drilling .
She also confirmed the endometriosis, stage 2, which is mild to moderate, but looked extensive to me in the pictures I saw. She has diathermised it all off with the laser.

My consultant has asked me to keep extensive notes on my cycles for the next 3 months, at which point we will have another appointment to see if I need to start Clomid or if the Op was enough. I have never charted before but thought this might be a good idea. Please can anyone recommend an easy to use iPhone Ap or website if that doesn't exist? And am I okay to use a digital ear thermometer or do I need to get a special one. I have the blue and white one the GPs use?

Thanks in advance for any advice. I've started a thread with these questions just to widen my audience .

whatmess glad all went well, you must be feeling bruised! Is it all through laparoscopy? Rest up today if you can. It's strange seeing your innards isn't it?

I'm laid on the bed with period pain and a hot sack, waiting for paracetamol to kick in so I can get my arse to work, agh! It hurts. I have a pitiful pain threshold. I'll just wait here and moan to myself for a bit

Oh and fertility friend is ace. Better online.

Oh dear, my post should have said hug not bug. Sorry ladygee, I'm afraid that was the anaesthetic taking over my ability to type.

Had a hysteroscopy as well wine so metal glue gun style apparatus up my 'down there' as the doctor put it . It always amuses me how we are supposed to use the V word when even the doctors feel uncomfortable with it.

I am bruised but I'm on three different painkillers so the pain comes and goes. I'm trying to work out if my bleeding is from the operation or if its a period set off by the ovarian drilling. It's heavier than it was yesterday but not as heavy as I would expect from a 51 day cycle and so far little to no cramping.

Oh well at least I'm not sat trying to interpret complex finances which is what I'd be doing if I was at work. Looking for my silver lining .