TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

Morning everyone and welcome Lisa. Sorry you find yourself here and for your MC. I hope this thread is very lucky for you.

Speaking about luck or really about superstition, I saw a single, lonely, by itself magpie yesterday on my walk home from work and was filled with dread. To put this in context, I am not superstitious. I came home and asked DH what it is you do to cancel out the bad luck. Of course he thought it was hilarious when I proceeded to stand up, turn around backwards 3 times with my eyes shut while touching the floor in btwn each turn. Somehow I think he was having me on .

Fatima Was it you who said about the delaying tactics. Apologies if it wasn't, my notebook is a nightmare to navigate, so I'm relying on memory, which in my case is very questionable. Anyway, I never thought of it at the time, but our PCT does the same thing. You get a temp appt which the GP requests, but then the actual appt does not get booked in until you've filled out the form and done all the tests. Funny as the GP had already ordered all the tests, but not on the correct days . Then I had to repeat mine a 3rd time as I was waiting for the elusive period, luckily they gave the appt before this 3rd test as I'd have been waiting months otherwise just for a date in 6wks time. Not sure if this is all intentional, I doubt it, I think they just have a poor system. All those NHS managers could learn a thing or two from industry slight dig at the MIL as that's her job.

Lemon With you on the weight. I have embarked on an aggressive exercise programme I drag myself to the gym 4 times a week and dream about all those chocolate biscuits my DH is eating while I'm there. I am trying to get my BMI in to the normal zone, so from 27.4 to below 25 by the 5th of March (Operation day). So far I made it to 25 but then despite the gym and no treats diet, I am yoyoing on or just above 25 and don't seem to be loosing any more. My target is 4kgs/8pounds in the remaining 3wks. Not sure I'm going to manage it.

On a more conception note, I am def not pregnant, got a happy face on an ovulation POAS 2 days ago but a neg on a really sensitive preg one. Very positive about the happy face as it means I may have ovulated. I haven't seen a happy face in yonks, although the consultant explained that a happy face only means I am producing the hormone to ovulate, it doesn't mean that ovulation is actually taking place. Still it is good as it is another tick in the hormone department.

And on that cheery note I'm going to say bye and give a big wave to everyone. I've got a packed day planned to get dd and I out of the house so that I do not attack the choc in a fit of desperation.

whatmess and lemons you are so good with your gym going, I really need to do some of that. Exercise is the main thing missing from my current healthy-ish regime. lemons the fact that you have dropped dress sizes but gained weight shows how unreliable bmi measurements are, especially if you do regular exercise. You are obviously fit, toned and healthy so I wouldnt worry about your weight too much if I were you?

Magpies stress me out too, as much as I try and tell myself it's ridiculous. Apparently you are supposed to doff your hat to lone ones! I do it in my head if I see one

Have spent last 24 hours convincing myself I've probably got HIV. Have only had unprotected sex with a small number of long term partners but now feel so so daft for never getting tested in between, or getting them tested. Everyone else is sensible about this aren't they? Not sure why I was so blasé but now feel very silly and about it. Plus DH is another matter. He has had more partners than me and hasn't been tested, ever. Aargh.

Quick post again, have so much to say to everyone and about consultant apt yesterday ( I'm still confused!) but work is still HORRID and I need the weekend. But kitty I too worry about HIV but I'm sure it is unfounded so try not to worry. The fear of it has put me if giving blood for my entire adult life!! If you do yours I'll do mine

Welcome lisa ? though sorry to hear about your MCs. I hope your stay is brief, for all the right reasons!

Minipie ? another skiing holiday for me to lust after. Happy booking! I?m in desperate need of sunshine but any holiday feels like a long way away right now.

Fatima ? Well done on the injection! at your wound. I have 14 of the buggers now, had a bit of bruising at first but it seems to have calmed down. Pressing the plunger is the hardest bit by a long way.

Kitty ? Yes, I had the irrational fear of the HIV test but everything was fine and it will be for you too.

It amazes me how they never seem to have all the information to hand at appts. Surely it's the one thing they need?

I?m not sure what to say about me being calm and composed?!? I think because I know I need to stay positive and calm for this to work, I?m trying my hardest to convince myself and everyone else that I am! I do mostly feel more in control than I have been for a long time but there are still whole days full of panic and nights of worry that things aren?t going right.

Lemons ? that?s definitely a muscle weighing more than fat thing, sounds like you?re in great shape. Hope work eases up soon.

Whatmess ? sounds like you?re on a mission ? going to the gym 4 times a week is dedication indeed. I?d like some of that but my limit seems to be a few walks and wii fit at the moment ? I?m kidding myself that any more than that would be bad for IVF?!?

Just got back from the hospital and everything is fine. My lining is nice and thin and ovaries are sleeping for now. So my reward now is two injections a day! Back for my next scan on Wednesday so fingers crossed things will stay on track and my ovaries will be back in action by then.

Hope everyone is having a good Friday, we?re nearly at the weekend

Waves to wine - I missed your post. Sorry you're still confused after your appointment. And hear hear for the weekend, it can't come quickly enough...

Bless you ladygee with your sleeping ovaries. I'm hoping for you do much. Some of my notes were missing yesterday too and he was scrabbling around in a messy drawer for some of them! From now on, I'm putting my own pretty Orla Kiely File of Infertility together. And when my kid is being all teenage angsty I will make them read it and look at photos of my lumpy womb

Thanks for the reassurance wine and ladygee, I'm glad it's not just me although sorry you both worry too. wine you are so right-let's just get it over with. Sorry your appointment was confusing. lady everything sounds like it is going perfectly so far, that's great

wine at the orla kiely FIle of Infertility brilliant idea.

wine - that is a fantastic idea! I have a scruffy brown file but I think I need an upgrade Love the idea of a soothing teenage angst with all the details of the hard work we went through to get them here in the first place

Just a quick post cos on my way somewhere but am loving the Orla Keily file of Infertility wine!! Wonder if Kath Kidson would do one too... Hugs to everyone else and happy Friday

I am very jealous of all this ski talk. I know I've only just come back but it feels like ages ago now! Have a fab time nelly. I wouldn't ski if I was pregnant minipie but that's because I'm a stress head and I know I'd be worrying far too much to enjoy myself. I would (and did) ski in the 2ww though, life is too short for us to put everything on hold.

kitty try not to stress about the hiv test, you know it will be fine. I think it's a test you have to have before fertility treatment, at least it is over here. I wasn't even told I was being tested for it. The first I knew was when I saw the print out of all my test results. I'm also free from every other std known as I seem to have been tested for everything under the sun.

fatima and lady I feel really quite excited for you both. Well done on being so calm, you both sound like you're coping really well.

wine love the Orla Kiely infertility file. I have a boring A4 file, I'm thinking by the end of all this I might have to graduate to a lever arch file, there will be so much paperwork. Sorry to hear that you're still confused following the consultant. Did he say anything about your missing fibroid?

lemon muscle weighs more than fat so don't stress yourself. Sometimes I think clothes size is a better measure than scales. I don't actually own any scales and have no idea what I weigh but I know how I'm doing as to whether my clothes do up or not.

whatmess yay to the smiley face!

pout can't wait to hear about the wedding and life as mrstrout.

joycep how are you doing? Have you been back to see the Chinese woo Dr?

Waves to everyone I've missed, cakes, pixie, purple, citysnow how are you all?

I'm in the boring bit of the cycle. Af has about gone, just the dregs to go. I'm feeling pretty good (which I'm worried won't last). Some female colleagues were talking about contraception over lunch and all their various problems with it and strangely I felt sort of smug that I never have to worry about that again. Except I do have to go through IVF, oh well. . .

Afternoon everyone. I hope everyone is close to the end of their work week, and looking forward to home time shortly. I know I am! AF arrived this morning, which I don't mind too much, as I want to get my HSG done and results back asap. It does mean I've had horrible cramps all day though :(

Welcome Lisa sorry you've had such a hard time of it. I really hope the medication does the trick and you get a sticky bean soon!

Kitty DH playing games so much does bother me yes, and we regularly have 'discussions' about it. When I met him he did so many things, playing piano, guitar, rock climbing? now it's nothing but computer games every night. He even sulked when I suggested a 'no games till after dinner' rule. Only 5 hours gaming a night!?! Shock, horror, no way! Try not to worry about the HIV test, it's not actually that easy to catch. You'll be fine, I'm sure, though I do understand there being a worry. It's strange how you can be happy you don't have something until someone wants to test you for it. Our minds work in mysterious ways :)

Lemon it's strange you can be smaller but heavier than you used to be, do you think you maybe did some upwards growing in that time? A late teenage growth spurt perhaps? Being on the wagon is healthier in lots of ways, but don't take it to the extreme and get miserable. I think I read somewhere a glass of dry white wine is equivalent to 2 digestive biscuits! So do a bit of swapping around and you can still have some alcohol in your diet, and relaxing evenings.

whatmess have you thought about charting? I don't remember if you do. It's a good way to confirm ovulation happened though, as a sustained temp shift combined with EWCM is I think a definite ovulation.

ladygee so excited for you, I like the idea of sleeping ovaries for some reason.

Wine hope things are settling down for you at work, and sorry your appointment has left you still confused. I hope there were positives in there too though.

Love the Orla Kiely File of Infertility. Maybe we should write to her and suggest it. Or Sam Cam could do a Smythson version. I know I could do with one, my paperwork is stacking up fast.

welcome to lisa. funnily enough, my friend who had 2 mcs, then treatment for immune issues, and is now 4 months pg with twins, is also called lisa... maybe a sign that that could be you soon?

mrsden oh I would def ski in the 2ww too, it's really a question of whether I book now or wait till my next AF to book (which means only booking a couple of weeks in advance of the holiday...)

lemon I really wouldn't worry about weight if you know you are smaller and more toned! muscle weighs more than fat as you say.

Stasi sorry about AF and cramps but very impressed you manage to stay positive despite that!

wine hope work has improved for you. I've had a bit of a shocking work week (well last couple of days anyway)... bring on the weekend.

kitty good luck with all the tests - I am sure you will be fine. That's funny that you have ov pain on the LH side if it is the LH one which is polycystic? you'd think it would be the other way round.

waves to everyone else! I am off to google ski trips do some work.

Thank you ladies minipie I hope you are right :-) i'd love twins, roll on Monday

Quick hello to everyone!

I'm feeling grotty today, got a sore throat and a bit achey. Hope it doesn't last long

I'm going to my friends for a catch up tonight, watching twilight and Gossip girl and having a bit of a natter, just hope I don't fall asleep as i'm shattered. How's everyone else?

Managed to read through the other posts....

Nelly Yes the witch nurse the consultant at Jessops was lovely though. But yes, I hope we don't need the cycle there

Lemon I'm happy you think I sound calm I am on the surface, but there are some worries bubbling away underneath but i'm trying my best not the think of the what ifs and just go in to my first IVF cycle with a relaxed, open mind. Keep those fingers crosed though

whatmess No it wasn't me who said about delaying tactics, but I agree, the definately add bits in to make it seem like they meet the "18 week framework". When I looked at the original NHS hospital I was going to use the website had lots of statements about less than 18weeks from referral to diagnosis and organising treatment. It took 5 weeks to get my first appointment, but then the next one would have been another 3 months away and there still wouldn't have been any treatment decisions. And then the waiting list for IVF was another 12-18months on top of this.

I know ladygee I was so proud of my wound, i'll probably be fed up after a few days of proper injections though. It didn't bruise at all so I think I did ok. We'll wait and see though. Glad the scan went ok and good luck for stimming. Are you going to do one on each side??

wine I think I need an infertility file. I miss having a file, when I was planning my wedding I had a file and a paperchase notebook with love hearts in that contained my whole wedding and a complicated spreadsheet i designed

Thanks Mrsden

I've done really well going to the gym for 3 weeks but this week i've been so tired and busy I haven't been at all, need to get back on it next week. Although I'm hoping i'm just doing it to get fit to then go and get fat

Thanks ladies. As ever you are the voices of sense and reason . I think ttc is making my hopefully irrational worries get out of control. I'm going mad, mad I tell you...

Just dropping in for a quick Friday night wave as on way to friends house for dinner will catch up again tomorrow.. Happy Friday everyone

Happy Friday ladies. Hope there is aplenty :)

Loving the Orla Kiely file of Infertitilty, although I feel a bit lax in my lack of paperwork full stop. Though no doubt that is going to start to change, I posted off the letter back to the hospital today (from my work mail tray, sneaked in between other letters and turned upside down as well )

Well done on all the injections and positive scans, I really think there will be some more BFPs on here soon :)

Just a quick one from me as loads to do, but wine hope you can get your head around the consultant appointment.

Waves to everyone else

Oo where to start. Well firstly thank f**k it's Friday! This week is always horrendous at work every year. Once the 2nd Friday of Feb is over my year starts to get a whole load better. And it is over. And I'm home from an italian meal with a glass of something very alcoholic in my hand. I'm done in.

lemon ignore the scales, you should be congratulating yourself on the gymming. I'm so lazy at the moment.

mini pie yes please to a Smythson Infertility File. I drool at the thought. I love stationary in a slightly obsessive way.

mrsden at the lever arch file. I def felt like I knew more about me than my consultant. He had my fsh as 6 and said it was fantastic. I told him that was from a day 21 test and that it had been 9.5 on day 5. He said, well I'm happy with this it looks great and totally ignored what I said and didn't have the 9.5 test in my file. Even I know that a day 21 test is NOT indicative. Do I trust this man with my womb?!!! I'm at exactly the same point as you in my cycle. Dregs indeed.

euro where are you? Did you test again?

mrstrout we need wedding reports!!!

Stasi sorry about af again. But I'm glad you are pragmatic about everything. I do try. But I often slip. As for computer games, I am also a games widow!! I don't understand it at all, particularly group online games but I don't mind. Mr wine and I work together in the same office and see each other All The Time. So it's ok that he disappears into the spare room on odd space missions. But if we didn't work together it would annoy me a lot more.

I don't think I've been very good at welcoming new 10 plussers and I'm sorry about that. I've only been catching the thread in fleeting moments on my phone and apologise for not being overly attentive. But I am glad you have found us in the strange path that is TRYING. I will try to be more personable!

As for me. Well. The consultant said I was a medical enigma and looked most puzzled. He then struggled to locate my womble photos and eventually they were located. I am shocked to see them again!!!!! My entire womb is full of what looks like a tennis ball (although I don't think it is quite that big) all bulging outwards, its gross. The nurse was quite excited by how big it was for a small girl. They got the ultrasounds and decided they could trace a shadow that was the fibroid but not enough to determine what kind it was. So MRI next. The notion of private MRI was scorned! Me and dh are such wusses so now we are waiting for an appointment when there is apparently no waiting list. My arse. But I will withold judgement until it comes. Anyway, even thought it is, in his words, an exceedingly large fibroid - he isn't sure if that is the reason for our lack of baby. He said that lots of women have a fibroid that size and get pregnant but, because it is blocking access for a canula, I can't have ivf or iui until it's gone. Now, in my mind, this feels like it would be a factor! So great, I'm having a fibroid removed so i can have assisted conception. This is not what I really wanted to hear. But hey, he can't tell me I'm going to have a baby any more than Mystic Meg I guess. So I left feeling that even if they take the bugger out, I'll still be buying my monthly pack of tampax. Poo. And that is my very long story of my consultant appointment. To be fair, the appointment was 35 minutes and very detailed and I've missed out loads of stuff.

I am watching a panda have assisted conception. I'm not sure what to make of that really. Am I in the same league of fertility as a panda? Oh dear!

Cross post nelly glad things are better in the nelly household. We are talking about snowboarding. I can snowboard and dh can't - I wonder if I will convince him that this could be a fun holiday?!

Evening all. I am just back from seeing Snow Patrol at the O2. The gig was a little lacklustre overall but Run and Chasing Cars were great.

wine I am still waiting for AF. I'm 13dpo so expecting it any time soon. Although pre-drugs my LP was 12-13 days. On my first medicated cycle it was 15 days (assuming fertility friend got my dates right). I know it's coming and am quite relaxed about it.

Mr euro is another games player. I don't really mind. He has few vices.

Hi all, happy weekend to everyone. I've missed a lot over the last few days.

oh wine - i can't wait for them to get this fibroid mess out of you!! I bet it will make all the difference and i'm sure it must be playing a part in your lack of pregnancy. I think we have all heard of people who had a fibroid and once they took it out they got pregnant so your chances will surely be much more improved. And if i was a bean - i wouldn't want to nestle down next to a tennis ball. I would want a comfy, large space as possible .

whatmess - at keeping the magpie devil away. My father is very superstitious when it comes to magpies and does something weird with his fingers whenever he sees one.

kitty - you're not the only one who is scared about HIV. It's only natural to worry but of course you won't have it!!

ladygee - glad everything is progressing nicely. Very exciting.

fatima - i am sorry you're feeling grotty and hopefully you feel a little better today.

euro - i do hope the witch stays away, the show isn't over until the fat lady sings....

stasi - I am sorry about AF. I hope the cramps have now subsided.

mrsd - i feel kind of smug that i don't have to worry about contraception again either. I was never on the pill but condoms are very expensive. Although i find mess that come with not having them a pain in the backside to say the least!

Oh and Mrs D I did go and do a second visit with Mr Woo guy yesterday. just a catch up. He is so lovely and knows a huge amount. Very widely read. We really discussed nutrition and progesterone and he did a bit of bone cracking but there weren't that many to crack this time.
In the last month I have lost 5lbs and amazingly can see a 9 on the scales as opposed to a 10. I have buckets more energy and don't get the crashes i was constantly getting. I always felt I had a lot of nervous energy and would always get quite jittery but this has all gone. I did a metabolic typing test and it confirmed I need protein to function. I was concerned because Zita West says you shouldn't go on a high protein diet when you are trying to conceive. Yet women going through ivf are specifically told to eat loads of protein. Confusing huh. Anyway, i am trying to eat organic meat because they pump animals with estrogen to fatten them up which isn't good for my estrogen dominance.
Anyway Mr Woo says one size does not fit all. It's all common sense really but some people need a high proportion of carbs to function and other need protein and others are mixed. I always thought i had a really slow metabolism because i put on weight easily but Woo chappy tells me i have a fast metabolism hence why i need to eat a few hours after eating sugary foods and carbs. When I eat protein I don't need to eat for at least 4 hours. My body for years has just been in constant feast or famine as i was eating low fat foods, pasta, beans on toast, manuka honey etc etc. I always ate carbs and sugary foods to keep me going which is pretty bad for a protein type and has obviously given me unstable blood sugar levels. My appetite seems to have been suppressed now I have stopped eating any kind of sugar. I don't think about food all the time either and I seem a bit more switched on.
And this Kokoro progesterone balancing cream certainly made my breasts less sore last month and my period wasn't as clotty. Obviously i need a few more AFs to really see whether it is helping my estrogen dominance. But you rub it in to areas with high capillary count like breasts, palms, throat. Mr Woo tells me the idea is to get rid of all breast pain and the clots. I start rubbing in before ovulation which can prevent ovulation but you need progesterone before voulation as well so it is hopefully building up my levels.
So at the end of last year after my last appointment with my gynae, I felt there was nothing more that I could do. As far as I knew I ate healthily, fairly fit and had spent a huge amount on IUI and god knows what other drugs to no avail. I am just wondering and hoping beyond hoping that perhaps all this time my blood sugar imbalance and progesterone hormone imbalance is why I haven't been able to get pregnant again. I still am very suspicious of my lack of colds for the last 5 years so i fear an immunity problem as well but the idea at the moment is to really sort out the balancing of hormones. And actually if it doesn't amount to anything, at least I have found a diet that suits me for the rest of my days.

Anyway...I had to buy another box of Pregnacare conception tablets today...I first started taking them in Feb 2010...FFS!!

Sorry about the verbal diarrohea . If you have insomnia read the above! zzzzzz

Hello everyone,

DH is at the gym, I was thinking of going too but then I realised I'd rather have an afternoon of pottering about and internet surfing. Much more relaxing!

wine I'm sure the fibroid and the lack of baby can't just be a coincidence. Surely it must be stopping something, as joycep says a bean wouldn't want to share space with a big, fat ugly fibroid. So hopefully once they remove it, it will only be a matter of time before you get a BFP.

joycep that sounds really interesting about the diet and Dr woo. What do you eat in a typical day now then? I really think I should probably eat less carbs and more protein but I always crave carbs so it's tough. I was about to have a chocolate bar but you've put me off!

My friend is still waiting to give birth. It's funny because she is such an organised, to plan person that being overdue is really bothering her. She got pregnant to order (within 3 months, which she thought was a lifetime!) and has had a really straightforward and easy pregnancy. She says she's never felt better. But now the baby shows no sign of coming and she's worried she is going to have to be induced. I do wonder if going through everything we have to go through will make us handle things differently. I did read somewhere that women who have had IVF are more likely to get PND. I think because they're less likely to ask for help because they think they should be so happy and grateful. Pregnancy to me seems such an alien thing, I can't imagine ever being pregnant which worries me that it's an omen or something.

oh and joycep, I was on the pill and we used condoms I was that paranoid about getting pregnant ha ha the irony of that. But I know what you mean about the mess, TMI coming up but I worry that one of our problems might be that I'm very leaky. So much seems to come out during the night and I so wish that I had invested in a mattress protector because I've noticed we have awful stains now. And I have no idea how to clean a mattress of stains. Oh, lordy! I'm half tempted to insist we buy a new mattress (and a mattress protector cover thing too).

please may I join? I have been waiting for #1 for almost 3 years. First there were some growths blocking the way, had them discovered and removed a year into TTC. Then one year later I got a BFP but miscarried 9 weeks in. I am now coming up to end of year 3 of trying. I am near on 34, DH 39. 3 newborns among close friends recently has turned me into a (privately of course) sobbing heap today. I feel completely stupid crying over my own sadness instead of concentrating on my joy for them. I need somewhere safe to hang out whilst TTCing until it's my turn. Does anyone else have days like this?