TTC for 10+ months, part 5

[MuddyWellyNelly]

Filled up our old one, I'll put our updated list on a separate post so that it's not a huge chunk of text at the top of every page.

Old thread here. Newbies always welcome, much as we'd like to hope nobody ever gets to this stage of TTC!

that you'll all be booking skiing holidays on the basis of my constipation. On that note, there has been no movement. I have never really had constipation before, does it make your insides feel like you've done a full work out? I've googled it and of course it comes up as a pregnancy symptom, along with every other possible symptom that exists. For the record, I do not think I'm pregnant. I'm only on CD24 so I don't think it would be a symptom that early anyway. I'm going to try a high fibre diet today to see if it helps.

pout I'm with you on adoption. It's not for DH and me but maybe I'll change my mind after failed IVF. How is the wedding planning going? I hope your bottom issues are sorted by then.

euro I didn't sleep well either because of the tummy soreness. I think I might fall asleep at my desk this afternoon, can you have a strong coffee to perk you up or are you abstaining for ttc purposes?

for your SWI and good sleep nelly.

Afternoon all. I've had a distracted few days, can't really call them busy, but I've not settled to anything and so time seems to have gone by quick, while each minute was slow. I've been reading all the posts every day on the bus to and from work, just posting from my phone is too much pain.

I found it hard to read about everyone, and the sadness. I'm sorry everyone is feeling that way. I feel like I don't really fit in now though I don't often feel sad about ttc, or that it's taken so long. I'm not really optimistic, but I guess I do have an overall feeling of life is life, and it'll turn out however it does. I think I just had a lot of disappointment in life, and have learned to deal with it. Or maybe I'm lying to myself, and have never dealt with it. I find it hard to really hope for things, and am never very surprised when AF comes. I would love to get pregnant and have 2 (or more) wonderful healthy children. However I clearly remember being in primary school, looking through the Argos catalog at the baby clothes and toys with the babies all pictured there, cutting out which babies would be mine, and which toys and cot I would buy. I knew I would have children, but I was never sure I'd have a boyfriend (I had no friends in school at all), so adoption (or being a single parent) was a plan even then! I guess I've never considered fully the reality of adoption, the fact that a child or baby you get may have 'issues'. Any child comes with the risk of health and behaviour issues, whether you give birth to them or not. I just want to help little people become big people, and know they're loved and cherished and wanted.

Sorry, that was a bit of a brain dump. I hope you don't mind. On another note - euro was it you taking Leterozole (sp?), and people were wondering the difference? Someone linked to a really interesting infertility blog the other day, and reading through I found some very interesting articles. His/her recent ones were a comparison of clomid and leterozole, their pros and cons etc. Very informative. There's also a very interesting article in the archives on 'normal' SA results, and the recent change in the guidelines.

infertilityblog.blogspot.com

pout I hope your bottom issues sort themselves out soon. Good luck on the wedding though, I didn't realise it was so close!

Must get back to work. Hope everyone is well.

Afternoon lovelies!

I had the plan to do a massive catchy up post, but the thread is moving so fast I cannot manage properly. Liking the need for a skiing holiday, to get upduffed and I hope for ironic wonders mrsd. Even if constipation is a pain. I have it in limited version after ovulation, which will happen between now and Sunday, so SWI is on the cards as is going to the gym for me. Does not combine optimally, I have to admit, maybe I'll just lie back in some appealing lingerie (in our freezing bedroom under three duvets with a hot water bottle on my feet). That should do the trick, shouldn't it?

Sorry and at the same time about the generalised backdoor problems. I really hope it is all sorted before the Big Day, pout. It is exciting that it is coming so near.

As to adopting, Dh and I have talked about it and we are unsure. We have shelved the idea until after a decent shot at treatments. We are not that old (33) so have some time to decide even after we've gone through every possible effort to produce a genetic child. I love the idea of fostering, but if I am honest I don't think I would be great at it. I really enjoy my job and I would need to cut down a lot to deal with the associated troubles (bonding and extra needs etc) and I am not sure I would be prepared to do that for someone else's child. I feel it would be different if our baby would arrive with some challenges, which incidentally is something I am very scared off.

Hmm, overwhelming sadness - I am with you all on that. Although it can deteriorate into floods of emotion with very little notice. I am so pleased stasi that you can be so level-headed about it. In some ways I am sure you are just a lot more experienced in dealing with challenges and thus better at it. I am not sure how it is with the other ladies, but TTC has been the first real challenge in my adult life. (I am sure I thought otherwise when I went through break-ups and stuff, but really, that was for the best...)

And as to after effects of long-term TTC, my friend who took 4 years from TTC to delivery still remembers all of it and can totally relate to all the feelings associated with TTC, in fact she is one of the best empathisers I have. But she seems not to be bitter and just exceptionally grateful for the little man. On the other hand, with my mother, TTC still seems like an open wound or nerve, even if she had loads of us in the end. She never really got over it and feels some bitterness. So I think it all depends on the person and on how you deal with challenges and difficulties.

On that happy note, the challenge I have to deal with now is a massive pile of work. So apologies for limited name checking, waves and generalised friendliness and food parcels to all.

I hope something comes out soon mrsd. Poo instead of baby probably, as if nothing else comes out in the next 9 months, that would not be good!

stasi I think the sadness is cyclical and of course personal. I think I'm in a slump, not a permanent downer. And FWIW I'd definitely consider adoption, albeit my age is a new consideration that hadn't crossed my mind ( thanks pout ). That'd be ironic. Ageing eggs resulting in wanting to offer a home to a child without. Oh no sorry, you're too old even though you are in a happy settled relationship, relatively wealthy etc etc. Well I'll cross that bridge if I get to it. I also haven't given up the dream of more kids; I just see it as a pointless wish at this stage. But anyway, don't feel you don't fit in, it's good to have opposing views. Otherwise we would just post "I'm sad" "me too" "me three" etc . Plus we could all probably benefit from taking a leaf out of your book, and try to be a bit more laissez-faire. Sometimes we need to wallow. Other times we need someone to lift our spirits. Anyway I feel a lot better today (bumgrapes notwithstanding!) and going to channel positivity this month.

On that note, any ideas how I'd find a good fertility acupuncturist?

Oh and in other news, I am treating myself to a home facial just now, and about to try a pedicure next

X-post:
Stasi, I second nelly on the not feeling out of place. It is good to have different views and ideas. I also agree with cyclical nature of feelings - it is all so bloody hormonal, maybe they should sort themselves out and make a baby instead of us miserable!

Good accupuncture person. I have wondered that. But am to scared of medical professionals to pursue it. And I don't know how to assess whether one is any good or not. Great that you are going to make this a positive month!

Hi everyone,

I really hope this isn't insensitive. I need some advice before I have a total melt down.
Been feeling ill so did a test and there is an extremely faint line almost none existent, however DH did see it as well. Thing is I don't see how it could be possible.
I'm only on day 18 of what is usually a 38+ day cycle and the last period was def a period as it was very very heavy. Been spotting for 3 days now and only done the naughty once about 8 days ago.
I know I just need to wait, but I'm beginning to panic and need someone to tell me a test could not have caught on so early.

This probably sounds stupid but I am scared stiff that if I am pregnant I will loose the baby again as I haven't had my operation yet. My rational for thinking this is that my ovaries are in the same condition they were in when I had the scan (enlarged). The diathermy op would reduce them in size and I've read that women with PCOS have an increased risk of MC.

On the other hand I would be ecstatic if I was and all of the above won't matter one little bit. As you can see I am having a total mind fuck and am scared stiff of what may or may not be happening.

Oh whatmess. What a muddle! Ok let's think this through. A usual cycle length doesn't mean every cycle willbe the same, but that indicates you usually ov around what, day 20? If this was a BPF then I'd say 7DPO at the very very very earliest, but let's say 9 as more realistic. That mean ovulation was CD9 or thereabouts? Is that possible, did you have OV symptoms?It's also possible the period was a red herring, or (worst case) it was an EMC and the positive is just the end of it.

Also isn't there the option of switching an OPK stick with a HPT, but can't remember which way round it works!

Sorry I guess that was all spectacularly unhelpful. How about a digi test?

mrsd I am down to the odd decaff at the moment, seeing if that might tip the balance, so no double espressos for me! I have just had a nice lunch and then some good chocolate so maybe the bit of caffeine in that will help. For constipation, I recommend drinking loads. And dried figs/dates.

Stasi I think that is a vry healthy attitude. I had a "what will be will be" attitude before we started ttc and in the early months but it is long gone as I have moved towards obsession!

Yes, it is me taking the Letrozole. That blog is pretty informative. I have gathered most of what is on there from reading about Clomid and Letrozole elsewhere but it explains the comparison and how each drug works considerably better than other sites I have found.

whatmess that does sound like a head ! It would be very early. Can you test again?

Nelly there is an official body of acupuncturists. I would advise picking someone registered with them. And then I went for a large clinic with a Harley St address and a number of practitioners who specialise in fertility. It is not cheap but it makes me feel comfortable that I am not having pins stuck in me by a charleton (! sp?) and I very much like my needles lady!

Hi,
calmed down a bit. It must be an evap line. Don't think I've ever ovulated CD9 (even when I was regular) and if I remember correctly I was still bleeding CD8 so very unlikely. Hope it wasn't a EMC, certainly possible as I flooded twice during my period but then I'd expect the line to be stronger now. Last MC I tested positive for about 6 wks after the EPRC (baby wasn't budging on his/her own despite heart stopping 4 wks prior to EPRC).
I will retest tomorrow with a digital and/or in the morning (first wee) with the 2nd test in the pack.
I think I need a drink .

Yeah, whatmess get yourself a drink. I have no idea what the situation is, and I would just test once with CBdigital in the morning. If positive, see your GP/fertility specialist/etc, if not drown your sorrows and get on with some SWI.

Nelly, I thought the score was possible to get an O-stick positive with pregnant wee but not the other way round (HCG and LH are very similar, pg pee-sticks are more expensive because they pick up only the one that we all want to see - incidentally, I am seriously considering POAS if and when I do the trigger injection, as it is HCG as far as I know; it would be so good to actually know what a positive pg pee stick looks like - ok I think I am loosing it, on with work).

fatima - i had no idea there was such a difference. Why are you on the SP out? How do they decide who goes on SP and who goes LP?

pout - i think about nature v nurture as well. I think that can be a very real problem with adoption now especially as they try and keep children within their family for as long as possible even though it could be damaging them.
Sorry about the grapes pout - they are miserable affair. I hope they sod off soon.

Hello ladies,

Sorry for being AWOL. Hope you are all well.
Good to hear a few people already started ivf!

I got my immune results back all fine, one was borderline, but If it rises during treatment can be treated with Progesterone.

So awaiting af (due today) and I'll start on day 17...

sorry posted too early.

stasi - I would agree with others. I think it just shows how everything is relative. You have clearly been through worse problems in your life and probably way up this issue versus previous ones. Oh and they say the key to happiness is to want what you have and not want what you don't have so it seems like you have a very healthy attidue. I am with you lemon and this has really been my first big challenge. It seems to have knocked me for six actually.

mrsd - drinks loads of water and hopefully that will unblock the pipes. I think i have permanent constipation, i only go every 3 or 4 days. Sorry you really dont 'want to know my bowel routines

euro - the steroids sound horrible. I'm sorry they're messing with your sleep.

whatmess - what a strange thing! I would say that day 18 is quite early but would test tomorrow morning and then have a big drink.

nelly - how funny i sometimes worry that i'm not doing sex right. Like perhaps i should have my legs in a different position or something, i'm not sure. also Apparrently it is better for ttc to have sex on a hard surface rather than a soft bed but it's too cold for that right now.

AF arrived last night and I found myself crying in the shower this morning. It has been a while since I have done that. Had my mother on the phone today. She does like to ask me how things are going at the start of AF and when I'm at my most hormonally unbalanced. So today she told me it was 'all mind over matter'. Gee Thanks Mum, another extremely helpful comment!

oh karbea i can't believe you are on your way soon too - exciting! What was borderline?

Oh god, I?ve missed loads! Am sending soothing thoughts to all of those suffering with bum related issues.

mrsd so pleased you had a great holiday. Skiing sounds like the perfect distraction from TTC worries, I?m very jealous. I also have all your fears. I?m quite a worrier anyway but TTC seems to be this endless fountain of worries.

izzy good luck with the Clomid.

pixie hope you are still feeling excited after your BFP! :) Am a little sad to hear that giving up booze appears to have done the trick though!

gin your guinea pig sounds so cute. I?m sorry ERTD showed up. Hopefully the purchase of vast quantities of sanitary towels will pay off soon, in an ironic fashion.

nelly I was on a meetup with friends and had a very brief conversation about my cat with another girl. Cue pisstaking from someone else about being obsessed with my cat etc . I just thought, jeez, I spend literally HOURS listening to you lot bang on about your children, I am surely allowed to have a tiny little conversation and iPhone photo comparison session about my kitty. Humph. Once again, I am totally jealous of the mutual appreciation ? how one earth do you do that? On second thoughts ? don?t answer that question!

whatmess I?m sorry, I can?t be any help. Hopefully you will test again soon and get the answer you want.

pout am so relieved for you that your new doctor is on board with things. But sorry about the bridal bumgrapes :( hope they go away before the wedding! I?ve never found a cure for mine.

fatima ooh the drugs have arrived! So excited for you. And I also really agree with you about the fact that the ?IVF money could be used for cancer treatments? argument is rubbish when you think about all the things the NHS fungs. Stomach stapling operations, smoking cessation etc.

ladygee really pleased that your work have seen sense and also apologised. Too bloomin right.

The sadness is the right description. I can?t add to what?s been said, as you ladies have said it all so eloquently already. I?m ashamed to say I have been giving in to some of the uglier TTC emotions this week. I had a huge fit of jealousy brought on by a conversation with my pregnant colleague, who is happily enjoying her growing bump and planning to have a long time off work followed by going back part time. I couldn?t help comparing it to what?s on the horizon for me, fertility treatment and working full time with potentially no baby at the end of it. I had one of those ?why me? moments and I?ve been feeling somewhat bitter all week. Sure I?ll pull out of it again, I just wish I could shake off this overwhelming feeling that it?s never going to happen for us. I do wonder what effect my negativity has on our chances.

joycep agree that the sadness comes in waves. I?d also like twins, I wish they weren?t so strict about single embryo transfer, although I do understand the risks. Really sorry that AF got you.

wine I hope your fibroid hell is over soon, I can?t believe you are now having wee issues too. Horrible. I was interested in what you said about having one child. I?m an only child and, in the spirit of wanting what you haven?t got, I always envisaged having a largeish family ? specifically three children . I?d settle for one now of course, but say we had IVF this year and it worked, unless it was really awful I?d imagine I?d want to go again. But honestly, even the prospect of one baby seems so, so unlikely now, that three is frankly laughable... Funny you said that about wanting to help people going through infertility, I?ve thought the same recently when thinking about potential career changes.

euro sorry you are knackered, I?ve had a knackering week too so I sympathise. Got to get up stupidly early tomorrow as well, aaargh, think I?ll be passing out on the sofa at 8pm tomorrow night.

Ooh ? I have some info to offer on the turkey baster method. Someone I know has used this method (using a plastic syringe purchased at boots) with a lot of success ? in fact, success in three out of three attempts, when it wasn?t even perfectly timed with ov. I have considered trying it but I worry about broaching it with DH, kind of feel like he might be a bit insulted, like I?m implying he?s not doing it right?

stasi you have a very level headed attitude, but I?m sorry that it is a product of some difficult times. Please don?t worry about not fitting in, we?re all going through ups and downs all the time.

lemon yeah I also see TTC as the first major challenge in my life. I hope you got through the mega work pile.

Hi karbea glad immune results ok.

Right really must go. Big waves, hugs, and Thursday night to you all.

Joy I'm not 100% sure :-s

My result was 10.1 and it should be 10 or less. It was something like NC and can be fixed by progesterone...

Aww dh is away skiing and I can tell he has been drinking! I'm so angry with him. So far they've found nothing wrong with me, so this could all be because of his sa and he still drinks! FFS!

Aww karbea can't believe you are about to kick off IVF too! It's really happening fast for so many of you. Good that the results were ok, but boo to your OH having a drink. :(

Sorry about the sex success Kitty. No I won't share the gory details, but Mr Nelly has skillz . And don't worry, the two times I've shared it with you, are the second and third time it's ever happened. But I may be getting my turkey baster out and giving it a shot. I wonder how it helps?

Oh, I'm just watching James May explain about sperm on tv. Odd.

joycep so sorry about AF and about crying in the shower. And sympathies on your mother too. Do they have a particular bloodhound nose to sniff us out when we are at our lowest, I wonder?

kitty - there's no shame in those feelings. There's nothing like a pregnant colleague to bring out the worst. I was very jealous the other day of sending off my colleague on maternity leave. I think it's the not having to go into work thing that bothers me the most. I do fear about the future if it never happens- I am just not a career woman, work doesn't fulfill me like having a child would.

Sorry am I being slow about the turkey basket - how does this work? Does it go up through the cervix? Does the woman wait to orgasm before it goes up there? I can't believe it works.

karbea - glad everything is basically ok but naughty DH for drinking. Interesting how this result can be fixed with progesterone. I am beginning to think that progesterone is the key in all this and lack of it or low results can be very problematic in all sorts of ways.

Oh and I just read on a thread that the average age of first time mothers at my local hospital St Mary's Paddington is 37years old. if that's really true I hope that makes people feel better! 9000 babies are born there every year.

I think, unless anyone can correct me, that the turkey baster method just involves using a device (eg said baster)to manually shoot the sperm up the fanjo. I'm not too sure why it would be more effective, maybe because there is less, um, random pumping from the man so it's more likely to hit the cervix?? Oh god, we're getting into the realms of sperm frittata aren't we? I dunno, there's probably nothing in it and it just reflects the general fertility of the people involved. I can't help thinking it might be worth a go though, but then I am pretty desperate!

joyce you've hit the nail on the head about work. I've never been career orientated either and have always daydreamed that at some point I'd have this rambling country home with a big family. Safe to say work did not figure highly in this dream! And now it's beginning to hit home that reality could be very different.

Anyway I'll try not to be gloomy, as it's Friday .

Oh meant to say-go mrnelly! And karbea-naughty DH. And joyce-it's quite amazing that the average age at your hospital is so high, isn't it? That means a good proportion of the mothers must be well into their 40s. I wonder how many have had trouble conceiving, I bet it's loads.

37 is high joycep, that makes me feel loads better. Do they not have any teenage mums round your way to bring the average down? I've read that the average here is 29 which is higher than I would have guessed looking at all the young mums around.

I'm not bothered about career either, I used to be but then we moved over here and I took the first job I could. It turned out to be a good one so I'm lucky but I don't see it as a career. I could have gone for promotion but I passed it up because I thought we would have a baby soon, this was in the early days of ttc. I regret that now, if only I'd known.

I think the only advantage of the turkey baster is that it takes some of the pressure off. I know some people try it when their man has performance issues. I think DH would be quite hurt if I suggested it. He still enjoys SWI a lot!

whatmess if you are pregnant the hcg should double every 48hrs I think. So, I reckon you should take another test tomorrow morning. Can you get a superdrug one, I've heard they're the most sensitive. If it's a BFP you'd think the line would be getting stronger. Good luck!!

kitty don't worry about getting the uglier emotions. I was thinking yesterday that along with sadness, I feel a bit of anger too. It makes me mad to think that we have to spend all this money on something other people don't. And others can take having a baby for granted. And then there are all those terrible parents who don't even appreciate what they've got.

But I'm determined not to mope this weekend. We're out for a meal tomorrow night, I just hope AF doesn't come along and spoil it all.

Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you. There has been movement on the toilet front!!

Morning ladies,
Did 2 tests this morning. Digital came back neg, the other one still had a faint faint line. I'm going with not pregnant. Apart from all the ridiculous worrying yesterday, I think I feel okay about that. I am trying to focus on loosing a few more kilos before my op to give me the best chance afterwards.
Also I now have no tests in the house so I cannot torture myself unnecessarily.

I agree with you Kitty re the turkey baster. It probably says more about the people using it than the method itself. I can't see how it would be any more successful than doing it from behind and that would be far more enjoyable

Joycep You are so right about work. I am used to be the ultimate career girl. I still feel I need to work but I'd be lying if I said the thought of 9mths-1yr off doesn't fill me with joy. And I can't see myself going back to a full working week any time soon, I currently do 28/37 hrs. Maybe I'll get the buzz back someday but my focus at the moment is all family.

Yay Mrsden It's awful being in that condition isn't it?