Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling or settle yourself down in our padded cell. All welcome! (Part 19)

[Poppyjen]

Another new thread for some more serious metalling - we really are a chatty lot!

Here's to making it through the WTF cycle(s), metalling* like a teenager from the early '90s in the 2WW, BFP colds and other classic symptom spotting and hiding in the (nice and comfy) padded cell post BFP

If you have miscarried and are ready to TTC again, come and join us!

• For those currently wondering what our mosh pit antics have to do with ttc post MC, a fabulous typo in an earlier thread resulted in "mentalling" becoming known as "Metalling" - a far more fitting expression I am sure you will agree!

Welcome!

pie I would say if you can afford it and it gives you peace of mind then go for it. I can totally understand why you would be cautious after what you have been through but only you can decide about that.

I am 10 DPO and had a BFN this morning but no spotting at all so progress I suppose. I am getting cramps though so I am thinking I am out this month, gah and we had loads of perfectly timed lovely SWI this month as well. :(

And my colleague has just told everyone she is preggers so there are hugs and congrats flying around and pitying looks in my direction (most of my team know). I have known for weeks but I am feeling insanely jealous and mean about it all. It was an accident

Oh mseltoe I am so sorry I cross posted with you, you poor thing that must be so so hard and grim.

I can't believe hos shit the hospital are being about this, thank goodness for that midwife giving them what for. They certainly seem to know how to make a tough situation even worse!

oh far :( There's still hope.

I don't know how many DPO I am but I am CD25 and my face is covering up with spots due to too much Ferrero Rocher impending AF so I reckon I'm out too.

Snap on CD25 :)

I could go POAS. But then I'd just swap one kind of metalling for another. I'm 98% sure it'd be a BFN.

It ain't over till the fat lady bleeds.

I have promised myself I will wait until Friday before testing again, perhaps we can have a co-ordinated POAS? Unless AF has arrived before then of course

Are you asking me to pee with you?

No-one's ever asked me that before

I was supposed to be on a POAS ban until the 12th, but seen as I'm pretty certain of the negative, sure, I'll pee with you

mseltoe so to read your story - that really was an awful experience for you to have to go through and for them now to have been so utterly useless with the PM results is just awful!! Really hope you get that appointment soon and can get some more information about what went wrong. I would also suggest a very stern letter of complaint to the hospital about all aspects of the treatment you have received - from the experience when you MC'd to the lack of contact and support you have had since, just awful!

far not long after my MC a male colleague stuck his wife's 12w scan photo up on his desk...it was the first time I'd seen one since my 12w scan when the MMC was discovered and I was a real mess. Then a few weeks later I discovered a girl at work was due the same day I would've been. There's never normally anyone pregnant here as it's a pretty male dominated office so her growing bump was hard to see and even though I was pregnant again when she went off on mat leave I still found myself feeling v v tearful. Here's hoping that bfn turns into a bfp in the next few days!

farfallarocks bluecrane Yup, pretty unpleasant but I would have still told work about the pg when I did. They were so supportive during & after.

far &mseltoe I've promised myself there won't be any POAS until the 22/01/12 (day my period would be normally due). It's so far away though...

manda Brilliant news on DS!!

mseltoe So sorry you had to go through that. I can't complain about the hospital & the staff because they were amazing but I still found the whole experience truly traumatising. You feel so f*cking vulnerable, lying on your back, knowing deep down what's happened but still hoping that somehow it will be ok.

blue I know what you mean. Not many of my friends in the UK have children, only two do. Both of them are due two weeks before my due date. It was going to be the three of us having them at the same time and 'forcing them to be friends' yada yada ya! Gaaaaaaaaaah!

Anyways, there have been some very good news here in the last few days. I think of that and it really helps me when hit by the 'I'll never have children, I'm doomed' paranoia and that's the cheesy comment of the day over & done with

MsEltoe your story made me fill up. You poor poor bugger! I thought what happened to me was horrid, but in comparison to yourself it was trivial really. I am shocked at firstly how long you were kept waiting and also by you being surrounded by women with heartbeat monitors on. Even the most short sighted individual can surely see that that will just make matters worse?! While there may be an issue with what equipment they have where, surely there must be a better way of treating / helping people during such a horrible time. And now you are being messed about with the post mortem results too

Maja your 'cheesy' comment nearly had me welling up too Maybe it's the hormones...

Blue I think someone being due the same day as I would have been would have done my head in too.

My last EDD is coming up now, it would have been the 17th Jan, and I am pleased to say I feel okay about it. In fact, I would almost go as far as to say I am not upset at all. I think this is mainly due to the fact that the foetus / baby stopped growing at 5/6 weeks, but everything else carried on developing regardless. If I had miscarried a few weeks after finding out I was pg, I would have been sad but it would not have been the end of the world as, due to so many miscarriages happening in the early weeks, I was half expecting it. Instead I found out at the 12 week scan which, as some of you know as it happened to you too, is fucking awful.

Anyway, onwards and upwards I think. PMA and all that!

HI ladies just a quick one to say YAYYYY!!! to Manda's scan experience - another DS, hooray so happy for you

MsEltoe your experience sounds terrible I am so sorry. I can't believe how insensitive some places can be.

Maja I was very pleased to read your cheesy comment actually, it is difficult sometimes to know whether to share happy news (and convey continuing happiness etc) when I know that others are going through and have been through such devastating times...

I did another CB digi today as it is a week since my BFP and it now says (with rather diluted evening pee) "3+" Hooray! Am a happy bunny tonight

Baby & Poppy - I really hope that people do keep on sharing good news. One of the worst thing about the mc is the feeling that I have somehow f*cked up, that I had my chance to get pg and have a baba and I blew it and now it will take forever or I'll keep losing it (irrational? me?).

Anyway, knowing that people do actually go and get pg, even mc and then get BFPs and have lovely little babies comforts me no end. Seriously. And that's cheesy comments done till 2013! :o

Ah it wasn't their fault. No-one thought the baby would actually be gone I don't think. They have to have a place to assess everyone who comes in metalling, right? EPU is just as bad after a MC. Did the discovery of my first MC by scan in EPU and was sent straight back out to the happy waiting room to sit with the rest of them. EPU for early pregnancy, labour/antenatal for later pregnancy and anything else goes to assessment - ie me!

Even after finding nothing with the doppler, they kept stressing how RARE it was and how UNLIKELY it would be that there would be a problem. Which is is and was, of course. I had a nice bath in a bereavement room after, though still on labour ward it was round the corner out of the way. They made me toast. There was a kettle and a double bed. Though we only stayed a bit as I wanted to go home.

They were all nice really.

Sorry I didn't mean to get anyone all teary. I have started on the Galaxy though as run out of Ferrero Rocher, even the less good white kind.

Now that's sad

maja I have a lovely little DC tucked up in her bed, fabbo she is. Reproduction isn't a game you can win or lose at, it's nature, and she can be very cruel or very kind - but you've about as much control over it as you have over the wind outside. Sometimes the weather will be awful and sometimes lovely but one thing is certain - there will always be another day.

Hurray for your super-preggo pee poppy!

MsEltoe God, that's exactly what happened with my mc. After the scan of doom, they sent me out to the waiting room with all the ladies that were receiving their little scan photos... I must have scared the beejesus of the poor ladies, staring at them all teary eyed and crazy looking.

Thanks for your kind words. Rationally I know that I have no control over it but ... I guess that waiting & seeing & hoping for the best is the most difficult thing to do!

mseltoe lots of hugs from me too, i only have an inkling of what you went through

blue i remember that happening (when your colleague put a scan pic on his desk) you were in bits - right enough. My good friend has just put her scan pic on FB tonight and me and DH have agreed never to do that again- it is just too upsetting - if anyone wants to see it they can have an email copy

I too had a colleague due on 10 October 2011 (my EDD) i think she was more uncomfortable about it than i was, i made a point of asking how she was doing when i saw her, even tho it was hard, i kind of had to do it for therapy IYSWIM we all cope in different ways tho

my stomach is feeling stretchy, i am hoping it is from the Wii exercises last night but am now metalling that i may still be PG - of course i am not but i will do a POAS at the weekend (might pee with mseltoe and farfall ) just to be sure before i go to the dox

maja the EPU did that to me too - i was sat in a wheelchair in my pjs as i had been on the ward - all dishevelled after a rough night sleep and bleary eyed - the sonographer went mad that i had been sitting with loads of excited preggy women - as you say i think i freaked them out more than the other way round

Ok I will finally get round to doing a proper catch up with you all!!!

Things are good here - just feeling knackered from working but keeping my chin up as its only a few weeks now. Spoke with my boss and big boss today and they've agreed that I can take my annual leave before I start maternity leave. I've worked it out that I will be finished the first week of February.....!!! Also realised I'm 29 + 3 today - it feels so unreal. I never thought I would get to this point and have started to think about the birth and not just metalling about whether the baby would be ok. I'm still worrying and poking the baby when she's 'quiet' but I feel like I'm really close now - IYSWIM!!!

So to catch up with everyone:

manda hope you have a wonderful trip away even if you can't get on the rides I'm sure a few spa treatments will be just as good!! Yay for a little boy.....so pleased that everything is going well and excitement that your feeling calm enough to wait until 28 weeks for your next appointment. My babys head is in the 80th percentile so I'm currently wincing at your 97th percentile measurements.

buggerlugs so sorry your feeling low at the moment. It is very sad and very hard when you think "I would have been X weeks", "I would be doing X now if I was still pg" ect. Don't worry about 'getting a grip' on yourself - were here to listen and offer support you whenever you need it.

poppy soooo pleased that you had such a positive phone call with the fertility clinic and huge that your Digi now says "3+"......whooop whoop!! Xx

baby so glad that you are managing well in such a tough time and its lovely that you have things planned with your grandmother. In terms of movement I didn't get anything but a sweeping feeling until about 22 weeks (possibly later). Also you can't tell on scans whether your having a boy/girl unless your an expert like manda I have a very good shot of my little ones legs and you can clearly see 'down there' but it doesn't look like anything to me.

pie not really sure what to say about the private scan. I waited until the 16 week mw appointment before I made a decision about extra scans. I know 8 days seems far away but once its out of the way the next few weeks will be your 20 week scan and then you could save your private scan money for sometime later. But obviously that was just what I did - maybe have a chat with DH and see what you come up with!!

maja so sorry that you had to have that conversation today at work. It is horrible having to tell people that things haven't worked out and even worse when you have to do it in public.

blue sooooo pleased that everything went well with your scan. The heart chambers was my fave part of my 20 week scan.

marthas totally loved your comment about wanting to punch your friend in the face when she was complaining. I often feel like complaining but I just think of all the women out there who would bite my hand off to be in this position. Really pleased you have an appointment with the Dr that you really wanted and hope that you can come up with a good plan of action to go forward with.

newton really don't worry about the BAM moments its important to talk through all these things.

mseltoe the story about your DD was very sweet.....clearly a very loving and thoughtful little girl you have. So sorry to read how terrible your hospital experience was and the lack of support through the PM process. Hopefully things will move forward quickly from here so that you can get some answers.
far the no spotting so far is definitely brilliant - I shall keep things crossed that your not out this month. Don't worry about feeling jealous - we've all been there and no one here will judge over it. Plus venting helps you to deal with these things.

Good to see you back marathon and great to see that everything is continuing to go well for you. I've pretty much got everything sorted baby wise as I have been going mad in the sales, plus because of DH going on his course next week he won't be available to shop with me so we've got ourselves sorted just in case they have to go in and get the little one due to my hernia complications.

moomin welcome back and best of luck with your ttc and swi!! Xxx

eve hope you are well - hopefully everything is good with you and your family!! Xxx

Hopefully I managed to get everyone - soooo sorry to any ladies I've missed!!

Right better get my stuff together and go up to bed, feeling knackered and desperately need to get a good nights sleep before work tomorrow!!!

Just been to check my Facebook and am now in tears. A friend announced the pregnancy of their second daughter right after their 12 week scan and now have had to announce that their daughter was born and passed away at 23 weeks last night. I was a bit when they announced but then so many people I know have done it I just thought "god their brave".

God it is just so heartbreaking - in his message he said "he felt he had to say something to prevent awkward and difficult questions which his partner was not at all prepared for".

Feel so unbelievably sad for them it's just terrible. I'm sat here with my hands on my bump feeling my little one kick and just feeling unendingly blessed.

:( IQ. I'm sorry for you and your friends.

I also had to post a 'retraction' on Facebook, even though we'd waited month after month to tell anyone at all.

IQ Your poor friends... that's truly heartbreaking.

I also told work quite early (9 weeks). The reason for that it's that there was this work trip that consists on 10 of us going to a conference abroad and it's, basically, a big piss up. It's a whole week long so I knew that going and not drinking (when previously I always stayed out partying till the morning) would be as good as writing 'preggers' on my forehead with a marker pen. So I decided to tell them before the trip and everyone was lovely, ensured I wasn't working too hard etc. And since I had told work, I thought I might as well tell my mates...

When I miscarried it was really hard telling everyone but their support has been amazing (specially since my family lives abroad). At least I didn't have to pretend to feeling normal or happy when I went back to work after mc. Everyone was brilliant. Hopefully your friends will get the support their need.

So sorry to hear your friends sad news IQ my heart goes out to them, big hugs xxx

Your poor friends iq its really awful :(

Hooray for poppy, your story is really encouraging to me as its quite similar to mine in terms of when you were losing them. I am off to see the PCOS specialist this afternoon (not the one you recommended poppy but another one in London with a similar approach apparently)

I am on CD26 today, no spotting at all. Had a bfn yesterday and I am waiting until tomorrow morning for a synchonised Pee with mseltoe :) :)
I have been using a tiny spot of natural progesterone cream , does anyone think this could just be dealying my period? I don;t want to mess about with my hormones.

Oh IQ i have just read about your friends and am so very sorry i cannot imagine how they must be feeling. How terrible for them.