The BESH Factor. We're not on a journey or finding ourselves. We just want to win!

[InTheSunshine]

Join us. Not just Saturday nights but every night for fun filled 30 something TTC. Drumroll pliz. Bring out some sexy dancers. We're ready to sing for a win.

Breath?

I've been ridiculously busy the past few days, but how in the hell did I miss Starry's BFP???!!!

Whoop whoop!!!

Back later...

I feel a tad lost BESH.....butter dishes but I get it now secret lezzer love chat between riehie and boobelicious?
It never rains but it pours. I am feeling very odd at the moment not that you can tell of course but giving our home circumstances with the whole lost most possessions - seriously I've been told I can't even keep my make up but my favourite, well fitting jeans were in the tumble dryer with the door shut and may be salvegeable! Hooray! But obviously we have the flip side so...lost most possessions/didn't die stuff. Very strange.
Also feeling the flip side of the BESH, such tragic losses recently but also the joy of moley 's long awaited BFP and the snowyhorse wedding day.
Hmmm I am over thinking things. I may need a nap. Last night MSB's snoring reached epic proportions. I had to retrieve the spare duvet from my Dad's camper and kip on the sofa.
Speaking of, he's heard from the consultant. He does have a growth on the pituitary after all. Which is not good but also good. Do you see a theme?!
So the good news is after two years of unsuccessful shagging, we know exactly why we haven't won a barbed yet. He can be treated with tablets then they will scan his brain again to check there's still one in there to see if the growth has shrunk. If not I guess they'll need to chop it out but we'll jump off that bridge when we get to it I iz therefore optimistic that we will win a baybee in the next year. A
So the growth has probably been causing trouble for a while so it's good to know the stress itself didn't stop us winning a baybee as had been implied at times.
Oof right nap time.

palmy she was über discreet! Just a quiet reference to ovulating....

Bugger me, you lot don't half witter on do ya? 22 posts since I last checked in a few hours ago!

Tis ver chilly in Suffolk this arvo, so pliz to excuse from the total nekkidness. At the very least can I keep my socks on? [sechsy]

(you were talking fast?)

Albridepony sounds lovely, romantic and just gorgeous. You made me feel all warm and christmassy. (except the sick)

Shit I've turned into a sap, someome hit me with a tuna.

AriethaFranklin though there is nothing I can do to make your insides feel better, (much as it pains me, as I don't like my best girls to feel bad) I can maintain a constant state of bliss for your outsides which could help distract you for a while? I have a selection box of young,nubile, enthusiastic boyband members, all ready and poised to do your bidding.

Thanks all for your lovely messages, having seen so many wonderful and awe inspiring BESH pass through these halls it feels a bit like seeing yourself on telly- you know it's you, but can't quite line up the two universes. Not that I've seen myself on telly. Apart from the top of my head on Songs of Praise once. You may be evil selfish old hags, but you're my old hags and I luffs you x x

(Ha, yes I did.)

faith am sorry, cross posts, great news that you've found the source of the prob,though boo to it not being easy, and fab about the jeans

I think that what you're referring to was put best by R. Keating in 2004 (made up date)

'Life is a Rollercoaster, you've just got to ride it.'

(shit, I am going to be singing that all the sodding day now)

You are remaining incredibly positive and enthusiastic in the face of all that has just occurred, and I admire you greatly for it. (why are the flowers for thanks? are they not also as a reward for not crumbling into a heap when your kitchen burns down? Well they bloody are now)

thanks moley I do recall the original brookers thread graduates found themselves haven't a penchant for power ballads when they first got their BFPs. Not sure Mr Keating quite qualifies but you're well on your way!
I dunno if I'm dealing well. In fact my sister has been worried I'm dealing too well. Then I sobbed on her yesterday which reassured her! I am gutted to lose some things - my favourite Bench top, my jeans if they are knackered. It has been questioned whether my GHDs have survived [fschock] but little things do, like our wedding photos from the disposable cameras My boss was very supportive - I popped into work to see her - which has helped as well. Now I know I've got the rest of the week off I can relax a bit more. I feel a bit jittery though. May take some more Kalms.

Rie I think Bugs meant breathE

Pone your day sounds splendid.

Right I have to stop being on here and go & do some work before I get found out. Back later.

Wot? Moi. I iz not an Engleesh teecher.

Come on RieRie be honest, you've been at the garlic again and bugs was only commenting that you smelt, er, "fragrant"

[runs away, quickly]

'Allo!
moley Proper, huge, giant congratulations on your BFP! Sorry if I was a bit vague last night, wasn't totally with it had a bit too much to drink , this is fantastic news & worth plenty of nekkid dancing.

bugsy I'm also fucking fed up with this mc bullshit. When is the bleeding and the pain going to stop? Just been to the hospital today because they thought I might need an intervention. I didn't in the end but they gave me antibiotics because I've had some fever & they want to ensure I don't develop an infection. Antibiotics very often give me cold sores. Fucking fantastic. What DH and I need now is to have some sechs, not too keep on contemplating my mangled body.

I think people/we feel failures for TTC for a long time & MC because people don't talk enough about it, they/we treat these situations like embarrassing/dirty secrets & therefore we feel like freaks.

After my MC, loads of people who had never mentioned it, have told me they've gone through the same (it appears my godmother miscarried twice & then went onto having three boys. I never knew). That is also why these forums in general and this thread in particular are so helpful, they make you feel less lonely in such a frustrating experiences

If everyone went around being upfront about how fed up they are of shagging & shagging to not avail and how shit they feel about an mc (even though, you know, 'they happen all the time') I think we wouldn't feel such failures.

I know it's pretty unrealistic that we will all go around talking about such personal matters but us girls have to put up with so much crap already, we should at least support each other.

Rant over.

oh bugsy . Your cat sounds amazing, I love animals that dare to be different.

I hate wearing these fucking nappies but it's the pain that it's killing me. I want to go to the pub and get embarrassingly drunk with my girls and probs have a little cry. Can't do that when I spend so much time limping around like a poor old lady because the pain won't let me stand straight.

Try & not worry too much about fight with GP. When we were going up to the hospital to be told my cervix was 'closed, as it should be be' fucking fuck, still so bitter we were pretty much shouting at each other. It's just stress. And men being a bit crap at expressing feelings.

bugsy I want one too. Mine needs to add *and was caressing my belly and talking to my baybee & wondering, like the arsehole I am, when my bump was going to pop out'.

Everyone was telling me 'Oooooh, you are so lucky, you look so thin at 12 weeks, you're going to be a total yummy mummy' and I used to smile and think 'yeah, this pregnancy thing is not that bad'. Now I want to smash my head against the wall. I WAS FUCKING SKINNY BECAUSE THE BAYBEE WASN'T GROWING'

bugs I don't think it is mega morbid, it may be something that allows you to become more at peace with what has happened. Obviously it's natural to be extremely angry about it at first, that's a normal stage of grief. But some little event to mark the BOCs short existence may help you to move on a bit when you are ready. Bollocks to the NHS. That happened to me both times with the card. An advance warning to you that if your hospital are really shit, you may need to be mentally prepared for receiving a scan date letter if you didn't already have that. Why don't you go to the church and light a candle if you like that sort of thing? The hard thing about early miscarriage is that unlike other bereavements, there is no official tangible way of saying goodbye. So do whatever works for you to say goodbye, there's no right or wrong way. I personally never marked the event at all.

bugsy re: prayer - I am not religious but I am sure the vicar would do that for you. Re: balloons. I don't think it's particularly morbid, if it makes you feel better go for it. Some people get a pendant of an angel to wear around their neck. To be honest, I could do withouth a constant reminder of my dead baybee but it must make them feel better in some way.

Another thing that helped me after last time when I wasn't coping very well was that we both went to the EPU and the nice nurse lady took a whole hour to talk to us and just listened and was very reassuring. She had some personal experience herself and did make me feel that my reactions were normal and that I was not in fact losing my mind.

When you are over the worst of it, think of some plans for the coming months, something to keep your mind occupied so you don't dwell on obsessive ttc too much. Home redecoration is one such option, or whatever floats your boat. Have some little achieveable goals for yourself. Make it stuff you enjoy so you can build your feelings of self esteem back up. I found my confidence took a massive battering.
Eventually you will find there comes a day when you don't think of the miscarriage for a day or more at a time. It may take a while and of course you never entirely forget. But you will get there.

Someone said somewhere in the miscarriage folder that since her miscarriage (I think she even had several) she doesn't now automatically associate a bfp with a baybee.I reckon that if i ever get duffed again I will actually have to have it handed to me before I even buy a nappy.

Or maybe I will eventually just man up and stop being so negative. Eventually.