The BESH Factor. We're not on a journey or finding ourselves. We just want to win!

[InTheSunshine]

Join us. Not just Saturday nights but every night for fun filled 30 something TTC. Drumroll pliz. Bring out some sexy dancers. We're ready to sing for a win.

Sorry guys but I need to rant & swear & possibly break things.

I knew this would happen but still: After mc on Friday, today (my birthday) I got the first 'friend' kindly suggesting that maybe with the next pregnancy 'I'll be more careful...you know, with the exercise & flying & food and stuff'.

What the fuck? It's not as if I was kickboxing & riding wild horses. I was going to a gym, where my instructors were informed of my pregnancy and therefore I ensure I exercised safely.

And yes, I did fly while pregnant. As far as I am aware, it's completely safe to do so at the early stages. I travel a lot for work, it's not as if I was going to Ibiza for a clubbing trip.

And I don't know why I feel that I have to justify myself and I can't believe that there are still people out there that (consciously or not) think that if I miscarried, I must have had something to do with it. Apparently, I could have been 'more careful'. I fucking wish there was a way in which we could stop ourselves from miscarrying but there is not. It just happens and adding guilt to the grief is just cruel.

Rant over.

What a fucking ridiculously insensitive thing to say. What sort of friend makes you blame yourself like that? I would have gone totally mental and given her a massive piece of my mind. I know sometimes it is just ignorance, but who needs friends like that?

Of course it wasn't your fault. Of course it was safe to go on your work trip, or holiday or whatever. And actually it is recommended to keep up exercise in pregnancy (says she from her lazy arse sofa). Your "friend" is a twatting cunting cow.

I'm sorry you have been exposed to this level of cruel ignorance and stupidity. Have some gin and chocolates from me.

Thanks KatAndKit The worst is that I would have normally gone mental but because I feel so crap, I just wanted to end the conversation.

Actually, this is something that has bothered me all the time while pregnant. People that wouldn't normally dared to give you any unrequested advice would start giving you little sideways looks & comments like 'should you be highlighting your hair?' 'are you actually allowed to exercise' 'what are those vitamins you are taking? You know that too many vitamins are bad for the baby, don't you'.

I spent 12 weeks telling those people to fuck off and mind their own business. But the mc has made me feel so insecure that I'm scared I'll become one of those total nutcases that refuse to use the microwave if I get pregnant again.

It is funny how as soon as you get pregnant, everybody around you seems to have got a vast medical knowledge that you didn't know they had. Generally they know fuck all and I am quite happy to point out the errors of their ways to them. Still can't believe that someone would dare to suggest that the miscarriage was your fault though. Hopefully when you feel a bit better you will put her straight and say that the comment was hurtful.

My motto is that if you aren't eating it or inhaling it, then it isn't going to do any harm. And I have a range of pre-prepared responses for busybodies, most of which begin "actually, the NHS clearly states......"

What a brainless, senseless idiot! Miscsrriages happen to all sorts of people living all sorts of lifestyles, and meanwhile perfectly healthy pregnancies also happens to all the same sorts of people, living all the same sorts of lifestyle, and if you end up in the miscarriage camp it is neither more nor less than rotten bad luck. I'm so sorry you had to hear her say that, especially right now when it is all still raw. Idiot woman.

Exactly. It's not as if I was downing pints of snake bite or doing heroine and I did read a few books and went on the nhs website and spoke to my gp & midwife. I just refused to be one of those paranoid mums-to-be that are the living nightmare of any waiter in the restaurants.

Anyway, thanks for the support.

And all those ignorant judgmental fuckers can fuck right off

And when they get there....

...they can fuck off some more to the far side of fuck with a one way ticket!

Every time I see the "Pregnant after sterilisation - can I be?" thread, I have to snap "No you can't! Or it's not fair!"

Just thought I would share that.

Oh dear. It's so nice to speak to people that express all this frustration & turmoil with anger and a sense of humour instead of weepy clichés.

Feel much better now. Now, where is my wine?

PS What is this 'Pregnant after sterilisation -can I be?'thing about?

Oh God knows, madge. I only glanced at it. Someone was sterilised but subsequently had pregnancy symptoms and was wondering if she might be updiffed. I didn't wait to find out if she was, since it would only have sent me into a rage.

Bloody hell. I really don't get it. Every time I thought I could be pregnant, I just went out and bought a pregnancy test. It's not like someone is going to be able to tell you if you are or not by reading your post on an internet forum.

She has seemingly done a load of tests. Since she has been sterilized, they are of course, bfns.

I am getting wound up by a 19 year old on Relationships who wonders if she should have a baby. No! You shouldn't!

God I hate those threads! While I'm at it I also hate the "I think I'm pregnant but don't know how it happened" threads. FFS people, if you have unprotected (and sometimes protected) sex then yes pregnancy is a very real possible outcome.

Also adding to the list the "OMG we've only been trying 3 days and I'm updiffed with twins" threads. Piss off and die!

[grumpy]
[grabs gin bottle]
[swigs]
[scowls]

Yeah, the how did it happen ones are really dumb. It isn't like you can end up on an ejaculating penis without noticing really. One generally tends to be somewhat aware of the event taking place.

Ok KatandKit fair enough. But still. If your doctor can't tell you (and if you've done loads of tests I assume you have spoken to one), you are unlikely to find a more reliable answer from someone that hasn't even seen you!

Ditto for 'I think I'm pregnant but I don't know how it happened'. Either you have had sex (so take a bloody pregnancy test, they are not that expensive) or you haven't at all so you are not pregnant.

If people start asking questions like 'can I get pregnant if have sex standing up' or 'can I get pregnant if I swallow', I think I'll have to kill myself.

It reminds me of the West Wing (best tv show ever) episode where Sam tells Toby he "accidentally slept with a prostitute" to which Toby replies "Did you trip?"

Definitely best show ever!

The other thread that depresses me is "we all started trying in August 2010 and now we're all up the duff". I swear they started that thread in like November 2010. An entire thread's worth of people knocked up within 3 months. Gaaaah.

Right, please pour me a gin, we've been back to the house for the cleaning man to look at it, do you want the good news or the bad news?

Hit us with both so we can rage and rejoice together for you.

Good news is we will get new flooring, probably whole new kitchen, all new white goods in kitchen, everything replaced in living room and the house will be fully redecorated. They can come in and start cleaning tomorrow! Bad news is all of the above needs doing!
Seriously though he said if the hall smoke detector was going off we literally had minutes to get out Seriously. Don't stop to get anything in a fire - ultimately they saved the hamster but if we'd tried it may have been those precious few minutes....
Mr Rainbow can't remember his name but I quite like that said on a scale of 1-10 it's a 3, sometimes they are literally pulling the house down and pulling bodies out
We are so fortunate to still be here. Sends shivers down my spine. That's why I keep bubbling. Lucky to be alive but devastating how much needs to be done. Maybe won't take as long as we'd thought though.
Yes indeed, raah to all the stupid faling pg in five minutes/I'm sterilised am I updiffed/let me advise you how not to miscarry IDIOTS

Just nipped in to say Happy Wedding Day to our Alpine

What Rie said - you ladies can talk

Northey I would have a moan if I were you, it won't do you any harm & if you don't tell people where they are going wrong then they are never going to put it right

I've just been for the needles. It was luffly. And she said my pulse was very good

Happy Birth Maja Pliz to explain your name?

Just realised there was another whole page of chat!!

Maj my sil ran almost every day throughout her both her diffments. Never did her any harm.

Kat I sometimes wish I had got pregnant at 19. I might not be in this boat now! 2 of my friends had their kids in their very early 20's and did a great job. Horses for courses and all that....

I have to admit that I was a bit erm, nonplussed, by everyone's nicknames until I realise that it was a Christmas thing...

Thanks FrostytheSunshine , not sure that's the nickname you normally use? It just pisses me off that while pregnant most of us do our best to stay healthy and look after the baby but still, if something goes wrong, it seems there is always this little bit more you could have done or not done.

Maja15 is similar to my e-mail address. And the15 is because when I opened my first e-mail account, I was very much in luuuurve with my boyfriend and we had started dating on the 15 of the month. now you can all puke and now, don't judge me, I was just 19.

Just been to the GP - it looks like I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow in case I have developed an infection after mc. The fun never ends, does it.

But now, now I'm drinking prosecco and eating jamón & chorizo.