Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

Totally with you calamity. I can't help but torture myself on a weekly basis with OBEM, and it's definitely an even more emotional experience around OV and AF. I do sometimes wonder why I do it to myself!

I'm finding it really difficult not having a set date to look forward to. DH doesn't like to plan too far ahead, so at the moment it's all a case of once we've achieved XYZ we'll make plans rather than we'll start trying in a certain month. A lot of the milestones DH wanted to achieve have just fallen in to place really quickly without even trying, we've only got to move out of our 1 bed flat to have completed his pre baby checklist now which is a big improvement over a few months ago. I'm just worried that because everything is falling into place much quicker than we expected DH will find new reasons to delay things. If it was up to me we would be TTC right away knowing that we will be moving in the next few months so would be settled in plenty of time before a baby arrived anyway!

Can I tag on? Have a dh that is thinking on a 5 year time line, but I have been desperate for a baby for 6 years already. The closer I get to his "goals" (stable job for long enough not to be fired for taking Mat Leave, doing house up, moving to bigger house, buying bigger car, flying to the moon etc) the harder I am finding it, to the point where I burst into tears in John Lewis today because there was a lady in the baby department (I don't mean to stalk it, but I can't help myself!) who was proudly saying she was 5 days from her due date. Got another lump in my throat when a pg lady held a door for me. I cannot do this for another 5 years! And what then? What if I have our two children and the feelings don't subside, and I still cry all over the place at pregnant ladies because I want to be one so much?

I am getting to the point where I don't want to get intimate any more, as we should be making children, not doing it for fun. I feel so sad that I feel like this, but I really resent it.

I feel so mentally unstable!!

Welcome gogglemint of course you can join! Five years is a long time, but if it's how long you have to wait, you'll get there. I first felt broody about 4 years ago, so can empathise! You are not mentally unstable, no more than the rest of us anyway!

calamity I totally agree, I also have AF and had a 'I don't want to do it anymore I just want to be at home and be a mommy' cry yesterday too. I am an utter slave to my ovaries.

Still, now it's friday, and as we are not yet TTC, is very much on the menu, especially as I've given tea&coffee up for lent (DH has seen straight through this but it was worth a go)

I was beginning to think I was the only one, gogglemint, whose libido had taken a nosedive because we should be trying to make a baby not just because it's fun. The trouble is, that mindset actually stops it being fun anyway! Poor DH thought I'd gone off him until I told him what was going on. Good thing I did discuss it with him though as he admitted one of the reasons he isn't ready to TTC is because he thought our relationship might not be stable enough because of my behaviour.

HNIW, I made the most of this weekend; I tell you - have been feeling so guilty about wanting another DC, almost as though I am betraying DD. I obviously love her more than life itself, but for some reason it doesn't make my desire to have another one any less desperate.

I have only started feeling like this since Jan - before then I was adamant that I never wanted another and thy I wanted to give DD everything I possibly could - time, money, affection - I was so set on te fact that I didn't have space in my heart/head fe another DC.

What has changed so drastically? is there something wrong with me?

Calamity, there is nothing wrong with you! I've had these feelings too.

I've decided to set myself a fundraising sport goal that I could not possibly do if pg, and it should hopefully take two years to train for, so will be two years closer to having a baby! I'm scared of telling dh about it as he will laugh it off as another mad-cap scheme of mine, and I'm defo not telling him it is because I need to do something I could not possibly be pregnant for, but I need some goal to set my mind on (and I am not getting to do my sports at the mo as dh isn't getting home in time, so it will be nice to train in the mornings before work/school run so I don't have to depend on him).

Goggle - good idea. I'm quite lucky in that DH is just as desperate as I am for another DC, so he likes to laugh about my obsession to find the perfect name and also likes to talk about reaching our financial goals and what sort of house we might like to move to next. he is a bit more cautious I think, though, because he has always wanted another DC and I have only just agreed, so he is scared that I will decide that actually I don't want another and he will be heartbroken.

I have to admit, the idea of having another DC still scares me, but I can see such clear benefits for our family and I am starting to feel a real maternal urge for another child, so I feel as though both head and heart are behind this decision now.

I do wish we could win the lottery and stop having to worry about money, though!

Oh and goggle - are you going to run the marathon?

I'm going to cycle 300 miles and swim the channel! Will hopefully tire myself out too much to want babies! Am so fed up of seeing ex partners with new babies too (am still good friends with a lot of them). It makes me think "if only I had stayed with him I would have a baby now." I know the relationship would not have worked, and am glad that they have found the right lady for them, but the urge is making me crazy!!!!

Wow! That is a HUGE challenge (well, would be for me) what on earth put that idea in your head?! I am v impressed.

It certainly will be a distraction. My DH is running a half marathon this year, building up to the real thing. I have been wondering if maybe I should train with him to build my fitness back up again as pg and labour tend to be easier (relatively, of course) if you are physically fitter.

What's your line of work? Just wondering because I had been worried about taking mat leave etc, but 2 members of senior management are about to go in mat leave, and one of them ran a training course on HR the other day and laid out all the firm's policies, including mat leave and pay etc. It really put me at ease because babies and motherhood aren't frowned upon here like they were in the company I worked for before having DD. It's sort of taken that particular weight off my shoulders, iykwim.

P.S you should be thankful that you didn't stay with any of your XPs long enough to have DC - it's hard enough when you are with the right person, I can't imagine what it would be like if I had DD with someone who I didn't really get on with / went off / we didn't support each other etc.

At least, if you tell yourself that, it might help!

Hi - may I join this thread please?
{Waves to AmandaCooper}- we used to both be on the ditherers thread some years ago but even then I knew it was not a question of if, but when.
Things have generally been messed up for some time with the tanking of the economy and now being a single income household- DH is now getting another degree.
Not getting any younger though, am 32 this year and would dearly love to start TTC end of the year at the latest. But that will all depend on the financial situation IYSWIM.
So in the meantime, here I am.
{wipes brow, deposits luggage and looks around expectantly}

And till then I torture myself with FB stalking friends with babies, reading baby books, picking up too many things i may never get to use a few baby bits and bobs at sales, and making my perfect name list.
God I sound mental even to myself.
On top of that I was told by a specialist (had gone for AF irregularity issues) that I probably have dodgy fertility and should get referred for IVF if TTC doesn't work for three months. He put it more kindly but he did say 3 months

Hi PineCones

I totally understand re torturing yourself, making name lists (mine is constantly whirring in my head, and I have them on my iPhone!) etc.

Sorry to hear that you may need to see a fertility specialist, that must be constantly playing in your mind. What does your DH think about that? Is there a possibility that you could start trying soon, with the view that it could take longer / be more complicated than expected?

I'll cone back later with but must go into another meeting now.

Hi Calamity- thanks!
DH would like to in theory but the practical aspect is not lost on him. Ie till we have 2 incomes again it's simply not feasible. He grumbled the other day about already being too old to be a dad (tosh). So it's safe to say he is on board.
We had to work our way through own issues for some years and things are getting better now so it's only now that I have again started to see TTC as in my foreseeable future (hopefully )
I'm fairly certain I will at the v least be having to go the clomid way. Let's see.
In the meantime all the broodiness is distracting me from work which is the most dangerous thing I could do now! with myself.

How has everyone been this week?

I have been wavering, I think because I hate waiting! I always want to make a decision and act on it immediately, so waiting until the end of the year feels like a bit of a non-decision and it's driving me crazy! Part of me has to imagine that we're not going to have another DC, just so that I stop obsessing about it - otherwise coil will be out straight away!

I haven't explained myself very well, but hope that sort of makes sense

I'm also missing DD desperately whilst at work and having to force myself to leave the house! 10 weeks into tw new job and I already want to be a SAHM again.

It feels as though having / wanting to be physically close to DCs is a visceral need at the moment, and I can't even blame hormones ( or can I? Is that always an excuse, even if no AF?)!

Hi, Mind if I join in? Just started trying in the past few weeks and DH has gone mad looking at prams, toys, sterilisers everything! don't think it helps that i'm just as bad and have been asking all the mothers at work for advice etc.
I am mega impatient and want things to happen right away even though i know it will take quite a while, not enjoying my job either but want to stay so i selfishly get my full maternity leave! is that wrong? :)

Welcome gina!
Ladies I have truly become obsessed with babies of late. Funny because I have never been über maternal except with my pets!
I think what's irritating me is my clock is ticking, I'm not getting any younger, and it has never been the right time to start TTCjng. If EVERYTHiNG goes the way I hope it will, then could potentially start TTCing end of this year.

My stupid baby tee shirt/ babygro collection is becoming a bit obsessive now.
I need to stop.
And my friends are having babies left right and centre and I am getting a bit every time I have to congratulate a new one.

thanks pinecones, I need to get into this more I think and start making some friends!!
I'm not getting irritated so much, as being told it won't take long and having to stop myself getting excited as of course it can take months, years even.

Hi everyone :) this is my first ever post after joining the other day. I'm pleased to find a thread for those waiting before TTC! Myself and DH are waiting until September before TTC due to my college commitments and holiday we'd like to be back from before falling pg :) I'm 26 but will be 27 by this point and DH will be 30 looking forward to getting to know you all and reading through this pretty hefty thread at my leisure :) anyway enough from my rambling!

Welcome!
Trying to understand where we all are age wise. Since it's sort of relevant to the task at hand!
I'll be 32 in some months.

Oh and any other first timers? Sorry am a very late entrant to the thread. be nice to know!

Sorry about the repeated messages- perils of using a phone to access MN!
Thought I'd start a brief list since I haven't seen one recently in the thread and we have three newbies including myself since yday?If i've missed it would someone please kindly tack me on at the end?

So, me:
Pinecones WTTC%231- hopefully December 2012

Hi can i drop in on the thread?

I am 34, my 19mo DD1 suffered brain damage at birth and was cooled due to a mistake made by a doctor when I was in labour. We haven't had the easiest ride so far and I have spent a lot of time trying to work out when to have another. I desperately desperately want to have a 'normal' baby, one who does normal things, grows normally, sleeps normally and who I can just be a mum too as opposed to being a mum and a physio, OT, speech therapist, dietician, resuscitator and general walking encyclopaedia of her medical history.

BUT. There is a big but. Being pg again will be an emotional rollercoaster. The birth may or may not be a natural delivery, I've been advised to have a CS, as someone who wanted a home water birth believe me when I say that my DD's birth was like something out of a horror story. My DD needs quite a lot of extra mummying, and we won't know her future prognosis until she is 2+ so best to wait until she is a bit older. I'm not getting any younger. I am employed on a three year fixed contract which I am two years into, it comes with 6 months maternity pay, after the contract ceases I won't get maternity pay unless I get another job and get at least a year in. But I also ache ti get started and two of my friends have just had new babies.

Basically I want a shot at normal. Soon. And my DD would love a baby ti play with! But then I also want to send time with the new baby 1-2-1 and get to know them well and play with them alone to experience what normal really means, and that would be easier if DD is 3+ when next bub arrives. Argh. My head hurts it does!

Omg I'm a thread spammer. Thanks iPhone!
That was meant to be

PineCones- WTTC %231- hopefully Dec 2012