Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

Oh, I also had a chat with DH recently and asked him what age he thought was too old for him to consider becoming a parent. He's given himself a cut off point that is just five years away. After I reminded him that these things don't always happen as easily as we might like and that they won't even look into any problems until at least 12 months of trying and then there are waiting lists etc to take into consideration I think it has started sinking in just how little time he's got left!

L It sounds to me like your DH is very nearly there! Men never usually talk about babies, so if he's starting to bring them up and talk to other people about them then he must be seriously thinking about it.

I guess its harder for men to enter the mindset of wanting children as they don't have the hormones that us ladies do. Also age is less of a factor for them as they can continue to be fertile until way later.

I never understood the feelings of broodiness and how powerful it can be until it hit me, so its something they will struggle to comprehend.

I wonder if there are any men lurking on this thread who could give us a male perspective?

Hi every one,

I've been lurking around for a couple of months now but finally thought I'd join the discussion as I think the wait may come to an end sooner than I thought.

I'm currently studying towards a BA Hons in English Language and Literature and the dream is to teach however with the current teacher training situation I don't feel as confident any more. My partner (27) is ready for children and has been for a couple of years now however I have always had my eyes on gaining my teacher training qualification. Any way, I apply in september this year and together we've decided if I don't get a place then we will start trying for a family. Since this decision I am now constantly on the baby crack... I've decided on the prams, the nursery and even names!

I really want to have children now but to be honest at this stage in my life (23) I really want to get my teacher training qualification first as I know once we've had children it will be impossible.... very very confused right now! Have any of you felt this way??

Hello

Can I join? I am currently waiting to TTC no. 3, having finally decide to go for it. I have to wait til next month to start trying, due to a family holiday with my parents etc that is all booked and which I can't be too pregnant for. Obviously I am now paranoid that it will take ages and that I will regret having waited this month, but that is possibly just my natural impatience! The last two happened very quickly so I just feel that sod's law means that this one will take ages.

We decide to go for it at Christmas, but DH and I both had about 1.5 stones to lose that we accumulated after the first 2 were born, so we decided to lose the weight and then get going (sounds crazy but i just said that I couldn't spend my whole 30s failing to lose baby weight ).

Now that we are nearly at the first month of trying, I just want to get on with it! Every time it turns out that I find TTC quite an aphrodisiac!

Hi everyone,

Mizz I totally know how you feel, I was 23 when DD was born (22 when she was conceived). I had applied for my teacher training just before I became pregnant and put it on hold once we found out, as I was workig at the time and we needed my mat pay. The September I was due to start fell about halfway through my pregnancy, and I just didn't feel as though I could continue with it once DD had been born.

In the end, I was a SAHM for 2 years and have managed to go back to a fairly god job as an office manager, but I doubt that we'll have the finance for me to complete any kind of training until DD any any potential other DCs are well and truly grown.

I know my story has nothing to do with yours, but that's just my perspective and I wish I had worked out what I wanted to do with my life, and trained for it, pre-DD because it is so much harder to do it now and I worry that I will always work as n office manager / administrator etc, which isn't really the dream, but pays ok and I'm good at it... Does all of that make sense?

Oh, and Womanwith, nice to know that TTC can be sexy! I spent the whole of last time checking BBT and with my legs in the air post-coitally, which wasn't sexy at all - this time I'm hoping to be a bit more relaxed and enjoy it.

I've only posted a couple of times on this thread, but just reading it has made me feel much more confident that we can make the leap from waiting to TTC to TTC.

so... DP and I finally decided last night to stop waiting and go for it. My packet of pills went straight in the bin!

So its the beginning of a whole new chapter for us and I'm really excited but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too soon.

Good luck to all you guys, I'm off to check out the TTC threads.

Happy days Prickly... Have fun!!

Calamity, thank you for your little insight. I have decided I will apply for my pgce despite having a strong desire to start ttc now. I'll be over the moon if I get on as that way I can get myself on the teaching ladder and then have a family. However, if I don't get on then as I've promise my lovely husband, we will start ttc. I know I will be gutted but I will have to take it as a sign, destiny perhaps? I guess life never works out the way we plan it... Despite not becoming a teacher you sound like you're settled. People go into teaching at different stages in their life... hopefully it will still be there for you once your children are in school... x

Oh yes, things tend to work themselves out in the end :) My best friend did her PGCE a couple of years ago and there was a girl on it who had a baby in the December, carried on studying thoughout and did really well - plenty of women do it, but I don't think I could have. I couldn't concentrate on anything apart from my baby!

Stupid iPhone, sent too early!

Was also going to say, well done on making your decision. It does feel better when you have a plan, doesn't it?

And congrats pickle! I hope you enjoy TTC!

Just made the rather exciting decision to start TTC on 1 August.

Soooo - 5months of waiting.

Hello all...
First ever message and an extremely long one sorry! Feels nice to know there are others in similar positions to me...

I've been married for 2yrs and been with DH for 7yrs. First we/he would talk very openly about having babies and having a family. However as time has gone on things have changed and he's really negative about it now.

He has a DD from previous relationship who is 10. He had a really terrible breakup with her mum when DD was just a few months old and it was an incredibly stressful time in his life. I now think he associates babies with serious heartache and stress because it was awful for everyone.

He is now saying he doesn't want to even think about babies until DD is out of the 'danger zone' as he calls it. He basically says that she is at a very critical time in her life (starting secondary school) and it would be selfish of us to have a baby instead of focusing on her. He suggests we wait until she is 18 (!) He is 37 btw and I am 27.

I understand why he feels worried for her as she might be slightly more vulnerable than others as her mum is not a great role model takes a very relaxed approach to parenting. However I think it is crazy to put our lives on hold based on a fear? At the moment she is an absolute angel.

He puposefully makes me feel like I am selfish to want my own baby and the mere suggestion of a baby proves in his mind that I don't care about my step-daughter and don't see her as a priority. In fact he has said this. This breaks my heart because I love her absolutely but I just don't see what is wrong with having more than one child in the household? He takes the patronising view that I couldn't possibly understand because she isn't actually mine. Not much I can do to change this even though I would dearly love her to be mine!

On top of this I have done all the research and all the maths 1000 different ways and can't avoid the crushingly depressing truth that we would bankrupt ourselves on childcare costs if we had a baby.

I feel cheated like my future plans have been taken away. I honestly think that the truth is he doesn't want children and never did really. He truly isn't in the slightest bit interested. He talks about moving abroad or going to retrain when DD is grown up clearly not thinking for a second about any other children. Suspect he will do it in future to keep me happy but feel cheated that I don't get the excited planning that some of you lucky ladies will get. Just feel quite pissed off with it all. And to top it all off being recently married I have to constantly pretend that I'm not really in any rush to have any of my own when nosy people ask.

Help me ladies. I'm going mad.

That sounds horrible, rolypoly. Your H is being patronising and cruel.

Of course your love for your DSD shouldn't cancel out your desire to have a biological child of your own. His arguments are totally irrational and, I would say, actually quite manipulative.

I think you're probably right in that he never really wanted more DC; I find the idea that he might acquiesce in a few years quite worrying, mainly because babies are Hard Work and if he just agreed to stop you asking about it all the time, I can imagine a scenario where you get very little support, and his excuse is that you wanted Tk baby, so you should look after it. Having a newborn baby is hard enoughwhen two of you are workingtogether, I can't imagine doing it alone but suspect that alone might be betterthan a scenario where you are living with someone who absolutely refuses to acknowledge your baby / help you. I can imagine that it could cause serious depression on your part.

Of course, that is worst case scenario and he could falltotally in love with your baby at first sight. I don't know your DH. But the things he is saying to you seem bullying and snide.

How is your relationship generally? Does he treat you well / with respect?

Hello ladies, mind if I join in?

I have a DD who is 10 this September and a DS who turned 1 November just gone.
I have been wanting a DC3 (which would also be final DC) since DS was about 4 months so coming up a year, I hoped my want would fade abit but its just got worse and worse and it didnt help DP was dead against any more DC, I think cause we have 1 of each now.

He sort of talked about it in Dec saying he would see how money and other stuff was at the end of 2012 and maybe think about it which to me was a no but after more talking he good as said yes (he likes to wind me up for fun)
We have already had messing about fights over names and finding out the sex

We wont be TTC til 2013 tho he wanted to wait til we bought a bigger house but thankfully I talked him round saying we would have 9 months and a good 6 months after baby is born to get into a new house as it would sleep in with us.

Jan 2013 seems a world away, I would love to start TTC around DS 2nd birthday but dont want to push DP to the point he changes his mind

Hey ladies! I was on this thread way back at the start (and on the previous one too I think.... and the one before that). Started TTC in December. Got my BFP today - am ecstatic!!! Fingers crossed it's a sticky bean! Just thought I'd drop in because this was such a wonderfully supportive thread when I was driving myself bonkers with broodiness waiting. Arrrgh the months and years of deciding and waiting and dithering were painful. This place was a godsend sometimes... but at other times too much incentive to obsess!

Best of luck ladies :) :) :)

Hi all, can I join in.

We already have DS who is 13 months, so waiting to TTC DC2 starting in Dec time. Have been amazingly broody since my DS was about 9 months old, and its just been getting worse and worse, to the point I cant stop reading baby names threads, watching one born every minute and any other baby related documentary.

Finally spoke to DH about how I was feeling and he feels the same but is worried about how our money situation would be with 2 DC's. Especially as I'm currently studying for my degree in physiotherapy which I don't finish untill next May, DS was a happy surprise after my first yr of studying. The idea is to have baby 2 not too long after I've graduated, the job market for physios is fairly poor at the moment, so rather than trying to get a job straight away I plan on having a yr out, having DC2 and then getting a nice part time job and still spending time with my children.

This is obviously in an ideal world and dependent on 1) us saving enough for me not to work for a yr/ be on low maternity allowance 2) for me to graduate on time and 3) for us to get pregnant fairly quickly from trying.

I plan on taking my patch off in September and just letting my body readjust to no contraception and being careful in other ways, but felt the need for some company as some days really do feel like everywhere I look are pregnant ladies or newborn babies (bloody hormones!)

Sorry for the rant, I've clearly been holding it in. Hope every ones had a lovely weekend

Ahhh that's lovely news zara so pleased for you!! I have started my frolic acid just counting down to May now! Babies are constantly on my mind and it's becoming so hard to focus on work!

folic! Stupid autocorrect

Hello to all the newbies! (Waves)

I think I would be the same clamity, the pgce would go on the back burner and I would concentrate on the baby therefore I think doing things one at the a time seem best. However, that doesn't stop be from looking up baby things every day, hehehe!
Money seems to be the biggest worry for every one, especially in the current climate. Looking at the current teaching market I keep thinking what if I don't find a job once i've done the pgce? That will delay ttc even further... I guess there is only one way to find out... Bring on september! Do the rest of you sneak in to mother care and mamas and papas too? I keep wondering in and choosing things for a future child... however the future child is a long way off..... madness!

Congratulations Zara! I had a peek at the waiting graduates thread recently and saw quite a few BFP's from others too, looks like it's a very productive thread!

Had some more good news at the end of last week. My dad is starting to make retirement plans and has offered me first refusal on taking over the running of his business once we move. I know DH was concerned about finding new clients once we move, so the guarantee of flexible, well paid work for me will really take the pressure off him. It also means if DH can keep some of his London based clients there's a chance we might be able to keep our flat in London and rent it out rather than having to sell. Either way it will put us in a really good financial position to start a family. The TTC part is still quite a long way off, but I can't wait to start house hunting for the perfect family home in the next few weeks!

I don't do sneaking into mothercare, but I do order brochures and gaze at the little clothes. Esp baby Boden .

My addiction is names... I could spend forever looking up names, trying out combinations etc. Last night I announced to DH that I had cracked both boy and girl names, though he didn't like my second middle name for a girl. I can only hope that we have a boy, because I won't budge an inch on that girls' name!

Anyway, this is all so far in the future (our benchmark is September too, Mizz, ad that's just to consider whether we can afford DC2 yet: if not, will wait three months and reassess, etc etc), but I can't help myself!

Hi pinkbuttons glad I'm not the only one who is not planning to start TTC with the next 6 months, I felt abit silly posting as we have 10 months before we start.

Already chucking names at DP who is rejecting all.

Cant wait to start taking folic acid again around Oct, may sound silly but will help it feel more real seeing as its close to a year since I have been telling DP my longing for baby #3

Hi all! Welcome to the new people! I feel like I say that every time, there certainly are a lot of us.

I've been busy at work so haven't been on in a little while. For the newbies I'm WTTC no1, planning to get my mirena out in april then just DTD and see what happens, can't even remember what my cycles were like before so shall have to wait and see.
rinnyx you don't sound silly to me, I've felt so much more optimistic since I started the vitamins. And have been here a while (several months) and was lurking before I joined, and waiting alone before that! So don't worry about being here, you'll fit right in.

zara congratulations! It makes me feel positive seeing all the BFPs, the grads do seem to be doing well.

roly hope you're feeling a bit better. I agree with the others, it sounds like he's being unfair, it must be so tough.

That turned into an essay! Hope everyone else is coping ok? Any news or pending graduates?

I know what you mean rinnyx Ive been trying to not get carried away as still seems like such a long time but this is the first step on the way I feel, hoping it will keep me going until I can start getting excited :) Also dont think being excited about starting folic acid is silly. I have just made my Drs appt to get my final lots of patches which I am very excited about, they'll give me 6 months worth and after that Ill be starting the folic acid too yey! Oh the simple things

So, who watched one born every minute last night? I decided to torture myself for fun, and watched the whole thing. Ended up in tears, being snippy with DH (AF just arrived, which never helps!).

I know that we can't start trying until the end o the year, but I have to keep tellig myself that; I know that, given half a chance, coil would be out and I'd be buying shares in pregnacare (or whatever that multivit is called).

I just want to scream.

Anyone else?

Im with you CalamityLame- Im also waiting til Dec to start... and i mean 1 Dec at 1min past midnight! LOL

Im desperate but have been surviving for a while.

Got another dog to keep me feeling the love for small things that need love and affection.... DH even said- so this is your replacement til we can have kids- well i gave him some serious dirty looks. I said, dont think by us having another dog, it adds months onto your deadline! Bastard.

Ugh, time is going so fucking slowly- why cant it be Dec already(insert throwing a childish strop)

Plus, first period off the pill of 13 years after 42 days and looks like im heading for another bloody 40 day cycle. WTF. Though part of me is relived as at least i can concentrate on my fecked up cycles for a while, if they were perfect i imagine id be thinking of pushing the timeline back!