Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

xdeejay could you not take baby with you to America? It's a pretty child friendly destination.

Chemise I'm actually quite tickled by the idea of giving over a whole room to a library, you must have a lot of books? Or is he buying those as well? In fairness I just fitted our spare room out with shelves as well, it's our home office. It will be a minimum of nine months before a baby needs it, and it could be years.

flysindreams when is the wedding?

xDeeJayx my wait is hopefully nearly over (I have been let down before on this though) but I have been waiting a long time. Sometimes time passes quickly, sometimes it drags. I've had ups and downs, it's not been easy. But this thread is a great source of support. And as I've said unthread, the fact is we are in a much better position now than we were when I first got bitten by the TTC bug.

I went to the US with my best friend and his (at the time) 10m/o PFB last year (And my DP and his DW of course) - it was great!

Hi ladies. Its good to know i'm not alone!.

freckly12 thanks for the reply I have spent the last few days looking through previous posts and there really are a lot of us!. Good luck for dec, I hope it doesn't drag too much and your hubby keeps to his word.
rebecklet Good luck with the weight loss, I know what you mean about 2013 being soooo far away, are you planning to TTC at the beginning of the year?.
Awayinamangercooper we could take a baby with us but we already have a 3yo DD and 2yo DS who will be 4 and 5 by the time we go and my DH wants the holiday to be about them, taking them on rides at disney etc and we wouldn't be able to do that with a baby aswell. I totally see where he is coming from, but it just seems so unfair at the same time, especially because it wasn't my idea to go it was basically booked (by DH) then I was told about it, even though we were talking about TTC this year.

Hi everyone. This is my first post here. What an amazing place this is!
We are waiting until after our wedding in August to start TTC. Never really felt broody until I hit 25 a few months ago and it hit me like a tonne of bricks! I had a sense of longing for a family and feeling my child inside me. Then my younger brother got his GF pg and then my H2B's brother got his gf pg (Who is 16!) i got insanely jealous and depressed as I felt like it should have been me in their place as we were getting married and buying a house etc and they are just kids themselves. But after speaking to my H2B about my feelings it turned out he felt exactly the same as me and wanted a baby more than anything :)
We decided that we will wait until after the wedding before I stop taking the pill as I already have my wedding dress so I can't get pg yet.
Is it normal to have these insane jealous feelings? Or am I just a mean horrible cow :(

Pinkapple welcome to the thread! I don't have personal experience because so far (touch wood) noone in our family has pipped me to the post - but it's very common to feel that way when they do, you are not alone.

xDeeJay ah well it's a delicate matter is DC3!

welcome Pinkapple- thats great your hubbie is also wanting to have a baby soon. Hope time flies for you and enjoy the wedding preperations and then you can maybe have a honeymoon baby :)

As for the jelousy, yeah i think its quite natural, well its happened to me too. So im hoping im not the only biatch out there who thinks these things. Its good you can talk to your hubbie about how you feel.

The first time i had a major meltdown over friends/ cousins getting pregnant , my hubbie didnt know what to do,he thought i was just annoyed cos this friend is not maternal etc. I said to him, you idiot, im not crying cos they are having one, im crying for me, for self pity. So he just let me wallow in self pity for an hour, til i came back downstairs and he gave me a cuddle, trying to cheer me up he said 'even if i wasnt doing this business idea, i still wouldnt be ready' Obv not what i wanted to hear and i started crying all over again ! :( God love him and his attempts at comfort!!

So yeah, i think its quite normal and i do struggle to stop thinking these things. It is tough but at least you have a firm date set, and some fantastic wedding planning to do!

Hi everyone i'm new to this and would like some advice please, I really do not know what to do for the best. I'm 29 and have been married for 4 years, all I can think about is starting our family, my problem is that i'm halfway through a 3 year degree. If we wait until I qualify in 2013, I would need to get a job in my profession, providing I can get one straight away, then work for at least 6 months to a year to fully qualify and get good mat pay etc, by which stage il be 31 plus. Or we start trying soon and I can take 6 months maternity leave with my course and then continue and finish degree as a mummy and I would be able to start a job without the thoughts of starting a family. Only im worried if I got bad morning sickness I may be unable to continue the rest of this yr, I'm worried about money aspect, paying for childcare, would I cope with finishing degree with a young baby etc. But then I think you would always have these worries when planning a baby, is there ever a good time? I'm worried about waiting to try until im 31 plus (my husband is older) and realising we have fertility problems etc.

Sorry my message is a bit of a ramble but I really don't know what to do for the best, I have never been broody before only last year and half seriously, my husband is ready. Should I stop thinking so much and trying to plan things and see what happens??

Im sorry others are having similar situations, who would have thought planning a baby would cause so much angst

A28 it's so hard to know what to do for the best isn't it.

If I were you I'd talk to either my course tutor, or a careers advisor, or preferably someone neutral who works in the field you are looking to get into. In a lot of professions it takes a long time to find your feet, you need some informed advice about how best to fit in a career break. Would you have much family support? How would the two of you split childcare responsibilities? Also think about any debts you have and find out if you could take a payment holiday.

31 is relatively young in terms of fertility, but it depends how big a family you want. If you do decide to wait, have you thought about getting some of your partner's sperm frozen, as an insurance policy? It's very straightforward and not that expensive.

Thanks ladies. This forum is already starting to cheer me up.
A28 - Are you actually attending uni? Because you might be able to have the option of studying from home. I'm doing a Open University degree and I know that you can transfer existing study into OU points and finish your degree at home looking after the little one :) That might be better than starting your dream job, only to leave after a year.

xDeeJayx I hope so - I was a September baby and always felt it held me in good stead. Plus I keep seeing a lot of research coming out about Summer babies being at a disadvantage. If I hit my weight loss target by September then I will come off the pill in the hope that my body is back to normal for the start of 2013 and then fingers crossed.

A28 That is a lot to think about - if I didn't have weight to shift then childcare would be the main reason for us to wait to TTC. We have a 5 year finance plan so that we know how everything will fit together (or give us different options). Perhaps something like this will help? One with the basic maternity pay and another 1 year after you finish your course with the average maternity pay you could achieve from a prospective job?

PinkApple86 It's great that you and Hubby are on the same page and congratulations on the wedding. When we got married it felt like we had been waiting for ages and now we have to wait to TTC - but it will all be worth it :)

Hi,

I'm kind of halfway between waiting to ttc and coming to terms with the fact I will not get to have another baby. Dd is 8 now, and I changed career when dd was 3. I am coming up to the end of the last year of my degree now. Dp wants children "when we are earning enough" but I'm worried that as I will be the principle earner in a city-driven job that I will not be able to take maternity leave at any point, or if I do I will not be allowed back in.

I'm of the opinion that if we ttc at the end of my degree, I can take a year out and then go into my training contract after that. Dp does not agree, and believes that ttc when I am 35/36 in a very high stress job, and once dd is in her late teens and I'm finally rid of the worries about childcare, is the most viable option. I'm therefore struggling to resign myself to the fact I probably will never ttc, despite the desperate longing I have had for the past 8 years.

I've started knitting baby bits and pieces. Dh thinks I am being a total mentalist and trying to push him into ttc, but I feel like I need to do something baby-based (but also feel like a mentalist at the same time). I keep telling myself I can always give them to friends (many of whom are currently upduffed), they are not for me, but dh and I both know the truth and he is secretly furious.

Somehow there is just never a right time is there, Paint? Even harder when you and your DP can't agree. Feel for you.

Bit of a milestone in my world - DP has just had his first order placed. Its feels like a massive relief even though I've always had huge faith that his enterprise would be a success. Its been 15 months since his redundacy and last salary so this will be a huge boost to his feeling secure about the future.

We've got a trip away planned in a couple of weeks which I which will be a good time to have a real heart to heart about our plans :)

Congrats ViviPru,that is wonderful news bout your DP business!

Hello everyone!

I disappeared for a couple of weeks as I'm on a work trip in the USA at the moment. Currently feeling rather miserable and full of unhealthy food - my "pre-conception plan" is not going too well at the moment (although I think a bit of that is because I don't want to get all gung ho about everything and then feel even more devastated when DH changes his mind about starting to TTC and / or nothing happens).

awayinamanger thank you for the welcome.
MrsTwinks so glad to hear that you're immune. Not long to go now!

Theoretically, this weekend is the beginning of TTC (that's if it is physically possible). We said the beginning of Feb, but according to ovulation calculator, I should be fertile Sunday - Thursday next week... so no point waiting another week after that to the 1st of Feb.... not sure DH will agree though. Feel a bit like I'm pressuring him - which I am, but I don't want to! Really want him to look at me with perhaps slightly teary eyes and tell me just how amazing it would be for me to be mother of his child. Instead he rolls his eyes and says "yes, you want a baby, you've mentioned it before. Can we talk about something else". Doesn't bode well does it?! :-(

Paint if I'm understanding it right, you're about the same age now as I was when I was coming up to the start of my training contract - that was in 2006 when I was 28. I'm now 3.5 years PQE and I'll be 35 this year. I just moved from a high stress city pressure job to something more family friendly. I'm still childless, which has a lot to do with the job, but the main problem has been my debt from studying - because I can't take a payment break and the firm I was working at didn't offer any kind of maternity package (most don't, a few weeks at half pay would be considered very generous). Colleagues without this debt got pg at around the 2.5 year PQE point and seemed to cope. Taking more than a few months maternity leave is rare but not unheard of.

I'm hesitant to suggest it for obvious reasons, but have you thought about posing this as a question in AIBU? Maybe namechange first! There are loads of professional women on here, you should canvass their opinions.

Paint I'm not sure what sort of City-based career you're in/going in to but I know the big firms are pretty careful to offer reasonably decent maternity packages (to stop themselves getting sued) -it does set your career back a little but only in the sense that any absence from work means you have to "catch up" again. My DP used to work in the City and women at his work (even at senior levels) took year-long mat leave.

Speaking of DP, had a talk with him re: 'and why are you turning the spare bedroom into a library then?' Turns out he feels that as I'm 25, we've got a long time to think about children and he isn't planning any now. Which begs the question of why the fuck we moved to an area with good schools and a spare bedroom? Trying not to look too broken hearted about the whole thing but am really upset- we'd had conversations where we agreed that the spare room was for a child etc. and he's nearly 40 so it's not like we're young'uns gallivanting around or that I could be "robbing him of his prime" or something. :(

I am really cross at him about this, as he let me switch jobs etc. to prepare for kids and never said 'oh, why are you doing that right now?' :( On the other hand I was thinking and he really isn't grown up enough- he gets so upset about eg: me leaving things around the house (not in an aggressive way, it just agitates/worries him) and on spaces being really clear and calm etc. that I'd be quite worried about whether he'd cope with the shock of a baby/toddler and all the disruption. I am trying not to be too weepy about it as clearly I'd read all the signals wrong (although we had talked about this specifically so ) and he is clear that he does want children eventually but aaaaargh.

Really wish I hadn't made the job decision I did. Have a totally mumsy type position now and although it's great for that, I could've taken a different career trajectory if I'd known he was going to fanny around for another few years; it's so frustrating when I explicitly brought it up with him several times. SIGH.

Suppose I should probably stop haunting Mumsnet to traumatise myself about the whole thing, as it just makes me want a baby even more. In the words of Tina Fey: blergh! I know I should feel lucky I have got quite a few years left (although not that many- I have arthritis and I'd really rather do things sooner rather than later) but I'm so broody/impatient/hormonally mental.

Argh, sorry for mega-rant. Have been feeling grumpy and sad since last week about this.

Sorry you've had a bad time recently chemiseblair. Sometimes ranting helps to get it out of our system at little doesn't it and if it's ranting on here instead of to him it saves arguments!

I know what you mean with visiting sites such as this, and watching/reading baby related things, it does make you want it so much more, so are we just making life even harder for ourselves?!

I'm not in your position in regards to partner wanting to wait much longer than me before TTC, but like you say you've made real changes to your life/work based on the conversations you have had and that must be difficult for you now. Each month to him will probably feel like 6 to you in terms of waiting and as many people have said before it's sooo hard to try to get across the NEED we feel for a baby, it's not just a simple, yeah i'd like one now thanks!

Good luck with things and hopefully you can come to some sort of comprimise which you are both accepting of. x

Hello! First post. I really like this thread. What a nice lot of women you all come across as.
I have a beautiful little girl and yearn for another child, but my hometown, where we must live for another year, is not the place to dream of having another in (earthquakes galore, it's nervewracking enough with one little one to shield from falling things). We will start thinking about another in another year. I can't wait, feel like my next little one is waiting "in the ether" as another lady here so aptly described it.
Some lovely ideas here about how to pass the time. Feel quite inspired to learn how to knit. :)

chemise Sorry to hear about your situation. It must be hard when you've readied yourself to find out your partner hasn't come along for the ride. At least you won't have any of the financial or career obstacles when you do agree on TTC. You could always let him put a couple of shelves up in the spare room and fill them with classic childrens story books as a compromise.

Hi to all the new people! There's been quite a few in the last couple of weeks (including me).

How many other WTTCers are trying to get fit while they wait? I am hopelessly unfit (two flights of stairs and I need a sit down ) and made it my resolution this year, but so far I'm struggling to stop curling up on the sofa with a duvet because it's too cold.

Oh Chemise, that sucks. So Sorry its been a tough time for you!!

Welcome to all the newbies. {waves}

Chem, and paint,
I'm in the same position as you. I get "well we are still young!" "why do you want that for?" and my fav hate at the mo "it's just your hormones!!"

Well I get to order a new car soon, and then I'll bring up babes again. I went to the bookshop for a nose and somehow ended in the parenting section. Looking at the dad books.

Ew

Thank you so much for your replies ladies, you have certainly given me a few things to think about.

My heart and my head are saying 2 very different things and the one I listen to changes every day. I'm starting to notice that i'm getting really emotional when I see babies and jealous too. I under estimated how strong a feeling it would be to want to have a baby of my own

sorry I have been away for awhile. A lot of new people on here since - Hello everyone.

I am still on the waiting list...getting to a stage where I am unable to focus on work and just keep thinking about babies. MuffinMaiden I will own up to all those sugar treats over christmas (patting my belly) attempting to work it off with some Zumba.

In the meantime...counting down to when I will be eligible for a decent maternity package.

Hello, can I join? Lovely to hear all your stories.

After being with my partner for ten years, we had our first serious talk about having a baby two weeks ago (it had always been an abstract concept before that). I had always been adamant I didn't want one (although I am not quite sure I was being honest, even to myself), but now I feel hugely excited and somewhat obsessed about the idea (and a little embarrassed about this sudden and dramatic turn-around).
We decided that we would start TTC at the end of the year (time to get used to the idea, much much better for my job, a September baby for school reasons etc.), it all makes perfectly logical sense.
Except that I am 34 and suddenly have no idea why we are waiting (if we are lucky enough to conceive quickly that is nearly TWO YEARS untill I will be holding a baby!). I am still scared about the whole idea, but I have become obsessed! Yesterday I spent 2 hours reading about nappies. Nappies!
January 2013 is when logically we should start TTC. But a voice with gradually increasing volume is screaming 'What are you waiting for?'. Where did this voice come from!?
January 2013 is so much better for my job. It is the sensible choice. But by then I will be 35, so maybe being sensible is not sensible. January 2013 is a whole year away, I might have gone mad waiting by then.
I think I am in a bit of shock that I suddenly feel like this!