Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

For all you reading this, what type of mum do you think you will be??

Ew

tbh awayinamanger to me it wasnt a scare as knew I couldnt be really, so its just an annoyingly late period.

I think i'll, we'll be strict with my rules being adhered to. We do have some definate opinions about some things (tv, useless plastic tat etc etc) that don't think will go down too well with grandparents etc but we've had all these talks while waiting so "hopefully" we will be a united front. I have this lovely dream of having a kid who will prefer to be out about or drawing etc than watching tv iykwim.

I hope to be a bit of a hippy mum, but my OH can be the strict one if needed. I think he can take them for any jabs too, so I don't feel like a monster when they cry afterwards.

I agree with MrsT on useless plastic tat - in fact I've already told my parents that until my kids are 5 years old I want their christmas and birthday gifts in the form of contributions to a trust fund. I figure a couple of gifts is plenty until they're older, and it means I'll have less mess to tidy up it'll be more use to have money put aside for their 18th.

I completely agree with the tv and plastic tat thing, my niece has so many toys that she grows out of before she even plays with them.

maiden I love the trust fund idea, definitely going to try that one. It reminded me that when I was 16 my nan gave me a passbook for a savings account which she'd been putting her coppers in for years (16 to be precise) and I was able to use it for driving lessons which I thought I couldn't afford, it was amazing and totally appreciated xx

Lol, there's so many things I was adamant about before DS came along - no plastic tat was 1 of them, I only wanted either gorgeous wooden toys or equally beautiful ones and only a select fee toys as didn't want the house constantly crammed to the rafters full of toys. Sadly DS loves all sorts of cheap plastic crap, particularly noisy toys and I've realised plastic smashed against furniture is less likely to smash or damage anything than wooden toys! I'm a fat more relaxed mum than I expected to be, whic really surprised me as I'm generally a bit of a stress head and was during pregnancy!

Sorry, don't think my first post was very clear. We are going to start TTC when we can afford to move house. I'm hopeful that will be in the summer. I just hate waiting, DS was a very happy accident so never been broody before!

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to all the newbies!!

Well myself and DH are just constantly bickering over this, it keeps rearing its ugly head on the oddest occasions, mainly cos most of our friends are having babies so we cant avoid the topic.

I am now off the pill, which he is in agreement with, but while we were in the middle of some 'action' he literally stopped, saying he was too scared we would get pregnant. So i said, look, we can be careful, use condoms etc but if it happens its not the end of the world, we want to start trying this year, albeit the end of the year for him, but the mid year for me. Well that set him off. he said no, if i got pregnant, i would HAVE to get an abortion!!!!!

WTF. I was shocked and angry all at once, little did he realise that its my body but more than that, i said, uh nope, dont think so, for the sake of 4 months early, you'd want me to get an abortion cos it doesn't fit in your plans, he was like YEAH.

So, now its a massive sore topic and he is saying that he doesn't want to think about it until DEC now. Its not fair and i feel so upset and hard done by.

Oh dear Freckly that sounds only too familiar, it's like you are reading some of my old posts back to me! My DH is just the same. He has said this about me having to have an abortion several times. If you were to read back through the thread far enough, you'd see I've had to take the morning after pill three times at his insistence. Now I'm using Persona he flatly refuses to have sex on red days. This month the red days were CD6 to CD19, so half the month.

As to what kind of mum I would be, I think I'll find it quite frustrating in some ways because I know I'll be fighting a losing battle against an army of people led by DH, who want to spoil LO rotten. I hope I'm pretty realistic about what it will be like, I don't for one minute expect to be able to hold back the tide of plastic tat for example, and I know CBeebies is an inevitability. I hope I'm not too precious, as DH will be precious enough for both of us. I'd like to think I'd be honest and fair with my child, reasonably laid back, open minded and flexible. I like the idea of being a hugger mummy, with co sleeping and slings and bf till age 2, but I don't know if I've got it in me tbh. After 6 months I'll probably be shamelessly imposing a routine so I can get back to work.

Muffin- what a fab idea! Just things the babe needs and if to much then some saving! Sorry but I'm borrowing that idea.

Freckly- hmm... My DP is a bit like that. No no baby, but no abortion. Men on a different planet.

As for what type of mum??
hmmm the one where there is a routine, eg meals at certain times. However
I'm a bit hippy so lots of walks, I'd like to use a sling or one of those that is strapped to the front or back. Try and get some social time in with other babes. Id like to be strict about certain rules, feeding and bedtimes. But have plenty of play, in the mud and rain!

EW.

cooper don't assume cbeebees is a given, so far DS has no interest in the tv!! I've tried, he loves the characters (as teddies) but if I put kid's tv on he looks at it for a few seconds and toddles off!

I don't think we can avoid it forever though, the first year maybe.

Hello!
Can I join? Sorry this is going to be long -I have been lurking for the last couple of weeks thanking you all silently because I felt like I have been going mad wanting a baby so bad...
I found comfort that I am not the only one!

I am coming 25 this year and currently have a little girl who will turn 3 in April. I am no longer with her father and after I had her I said I would have no more children.

Well what a shock I got when I met my current partner. I was friends with him for a few months beforehand and had actually known him to say hello to for years. When I got to know him properly I fell head over heels and we hadn't even been together long and I just knew he was going to be the man I was with for the rest of my life and out of no where BANG I was desperate to have his babies! I watch him with my little girl and honestly he is so good with her it just makes me so much worse.

He always said I would be the mother to his children, but he is currently at University and how he was wanting to be sensible and how he wanted to make sure he was absolutely ready. He finishes his degree in April/May this year so he said possibly this year, he would see how he felt nearer the time, but rest assured we would have children one day.

This, of course, was not enough for broody me and I have been obsessing over it watching every pregnancy, birth related and baby related programme I can. I talk about babies with him a lot and he always showed an interest in everything to do with them asking questions etc because I have done it before and he genuinely wants to know.

Well this is the bit I'm excited about. Last night I said to him as a joke we should watch the episode of One Born Every Minute that I had recorded this week together (even though I've already watched it :P ). He just said go for it! Well this week was about the fathers and how they coped.

Later on I put my little girl to bed and when I came back down he looked at me and said I need to tell you something. Then he went on to tell me how watching that he saw the way one of the new Dads looked at his new baby and the look in his eyes......

He told me he wants that so badly....RIGHT NOW! It was like that one thing made him realise I really do want to do this and as soon as possible (the more we talked about it the more excited he got :D ). I did say to him he needs to remain the sensible one because my head just is not in a sensible place when it comes to babies right now and he said even though this has made him be completely sure he wants a baby as soon as possible - we would be best to wait until June to start TTC once he has finished his degree. Fine by me! I am just so happy I have a month to look towards. So I hope it is OK for me to join and wait it out with all of you lovely ladies :D

Hi Abcynthia sorry we haven't given you a warm waiting welcome until now it can be quiet on here at the weekends. That is a lovely background story, particularly the bit where your DP watched OBEM and got all soppy!

And yay another June starter!

Welcome Abcynthia, delighted for you that your DP is so excited too!!! Hoping time flies by for you.

I honestly dont know how im going to last until the end of the year, its driving me insane and i find it beyond selfish of my husband. More than that, i have been supporing him for 1.5 yrs while he is 'chasing his dream' of starting a business, which has meant for 8 months he has sat onthe sofa doing nothing, i am the only income and i find it so frustrting that its him who dictates when we get to do things,like have a baby etc. When i have done the maths, and we can afford a baby now even with him doing this business idea.

I dont know what to do to keep my mind of this maddness and from not fighting with him non stop.

I don't know about your DP, but mine is quite a control freak. He's very confident within his comfort zone, but very much needs to know exactly what's happening in every situation. I'm extremely laid back by comparison and happy to take things as I find them, try new things, etc. DH is very resistant to change.

We first lived together at his mum's when I was in law school. After a year or so this was becoming quite stressful and as soon as I qualified I wanted to move out and rent out own place, but DH wouldn't do it. I had to take a lease in my name alone and actually start moving before DH came with me.

He's the same with booking holidays and was the same when we got married. He drags his feet and never gets round to it and I have to make the booking and pay the deposit, and then he gets on board once the decision is made and is always perfectly happy in the end.

I think TTC is really frightening to DH as it will totally disrupt his nice predictable lifestyle, and no one can really tell you what it's going to be like. And this time it's not a decision I can take alone (apparently), so here we are.

Yeah mine does like to know whats happening but he is more selfish, he likes to do what he wants, when he wants and its my fault too cos i give in and go along with it.

But for the first time,im putting my foot down and stomping my foot and not letting this go and i dont think he likes it one bit, plus he has the control over it by the fact that he just avoids me like the plague.

God forgive me but i did consider even letting an 'accident\ happen cos i know that when we do get pregnant, (ok so he will make a crap person to take care of me when i am pregnant as its like pulling teeth for him to get me a cuppa tea now)but by the time the baby arrives, he will be a superb dad.
So i will be brave and admit the thought crossed my mind bout having an 'accident' but to be honest, its not worth the grief from him when i tell him im pregnant, plus i want us to both want this baby etc etc. But i dont want to get to a stage where i am resenting him so much...

In my mind i am giving him a deadline until July, to get his bloody business sorted out, cos after that, its just being ridiclous but in all reality, there isnt much i can do.
I hate this!!
I hope by July the business will have taken off and then it wont be so scary to him but right now,its still an 'idea' so i understand that he feels he cant provide for the kid and for me, and he has been supoprted by me for 2years now, which he doesnt seem to mind but obv isnt ideal when a kid comes along...

I just hate that i have to wait for him, plus i have no one to talk to as no friends are going through this and no one would understand. So im on these websites trying to find some solace, wondering if its making it worse or not.
I know ppl say, 'oh dont nag him, leave him alone til he is ready' well you know what, fuck off, you try waiting for so long for soemthing you are DYING for, and your DH KNOWS how desperate you are but still purpously delays with some bullshit excuse, which changes every few months.... i cant fucking keep quiet!

Ok moan over! Sorry

Good rant! You took the words out of my mouth!

Argh, not a good day for broody rockchick here... Having a big massive sort out of ds's clothes as still got everything he's ever worn shoved in the floor wardrobe. Well, I came across a pair of pj's that I remember going out to buy when he was a few days old as I had bought mostly age 0-3 months (he was predicted to be big) and they were massive so had to make an emergency trip to tesco! Next thing I found was a t-shirt age 12-18 months that dh went and got the following day as we had some vouchers and he thought he may as well buy stuff that wouldn't fit for ages.

Well, holding those in each hand, I ended up sobbing because DS is now in 9-12 months but it only feels like 5 minutes ago that we bought both of those items... I know, it's sad of me, but I just can't believe he's nearly out of babyhood and is becoming a toddler, I really can't wait to start trying for another baby! I love DS so much and can't wait to share that with another baby as well!

Hi all, not been around for a while but good to read everyones updates.

I just wanted to jump on to say hi to freckly, and say you're not alone in your situation with your DH as mine is very similar

DP and I have been together 8 years and have shared a dream to self-build, so that has always been #1 priority before anything else. Once that was sorted, the other major life steps would follow (although the post-self-build plans have always been sketchy at best - we've never discussed marriage or starting a family, other than him insisting he's not ready for kids whenever OPC visit!)

2.5 years ago we set a deadline of April 2012 to have the funds in place and to have found a plot. Then a year into the plan (which was all on-track) DP was made redundant and decided to set up his own business. I have always been in full support, but like you was not expecting it to take this long to get it up and running. He's now been in the process of building the business for 13 months (although he didn't start in earnest until about 10 months ago as we had the small matter of an employment tribunal to deal with).

I feel like our entire life has been on hold. The 30-Month Plan (as we called it) has completely gone out of the window. The money I'd previously been saving each month has been going towards supporting us while he has no income, and of course he's not been able to save. The only thing we've discussed and agreed on is that we would now prefer to do the self-build much later down the line when we can do it with a healthy budget rather than the absolute minimum we'd been planning.

So now we're at the point where the business is starting to take off. Website, supply chain, and manufacture is all in place and he has his first major client meetings all lined up for the next two weeks. He knows I'm chomping at the bit "to get on with our lives" but I don't think he realises that for me, that means marriage and starting a family. We've never had that conversation. I don't think there would be any point before now as my being self employed means no Mat leave and while he's been setting up the business, it would have been completely insane to think about changing our circumstances so dramatically.

Its all feeling a bit like limbo-land right now. I'm 33 in two months and really feel like I can't delay things for very much longer. I've seriously considered an 'accident' too, freckly. At Christmas, I ran out of the pill and missed 3 days, he was aware of this. We used other methods, but it would have been easy to 'forget'. I couldn't bring myself to though, as I really want this to be a joint decision, I want it to be an adventure we both set out on together, with our eyes open.

I know we really need to have a frank conversation about where we're going. But I know I just have to be patient that bit more until he's invoiced his first few jobs and is feeling more secure. I've started the conversation in my head countless times. But I'm quite unsure as to what his reaction/stance is going to be... [fear]

Hello everyone. Hoping to join you all if that's OK?

I've been reading throught the thread, so nice to know so many people are feeling the same way as me, you start to think you're the only one don't you.

Some introduction... I'm 25, recently married. Wanted children always really. Hubby not quite as obsessed as me, he's pretty laid back. He says things though that makes me know he's excited, like at xmas he was saying there might be us 2 and a bump next year :). Most of my friends are still either single/dating and not really at the same stage as me. My sensible head is making us wait until June time, reasons being financially things will look a little brighter then and also if all goes to plan (i'm aware this isn't always the case) but a baby in warmer weather would be nice.

I've been taking the pill for 10 years and stopped it 4 months ago. Periods REALLY irregular, so hoping over time that will settle down. In the mean time i'm a bit of a hormonal mess, feeling like a spotty teenager again :(

Trying to plan things in the next few months (cheap things to save the pennies!) to distract myself from having to wait until June.

Lovely to meet you all! x

Vivipru that ties in with what Muffin was saying, the credit crunch has a lot to answer for. It's at least part of the reason why I was trapped for so long in a job I hated, and it's certainly the reason we still don't own our own home (a real concern of DH).

Yes, I guess I hadn't thought about it that way. Although DPs redundancy was more due to his director being a fraudulent, tax evading, deluded, selfish arse bit unorthodox in his business practices than the effects of the recession. And the length of time it has taken DP to establish his business is solely attributable to his perfectionism and painstaking approach

But our domestic situation has definitely been affected, we're about 20K in negative equity which certainly doesn't lend itself to making you want to throw caution to the wind and throw a couple of DCs into the mix when only one of you is generating an income...

Glad to read on this thread that you're settled and happy in the new job now, AC

My plan after finishing university was to get a job, save for a couple of years whilst living with my parents, then self-build a small place nearer to OH's family in Yorkshire, before getting married and starting a family. But the economic troubles started during my final year at uni, so it's more of a dream than a plan now.

Currently my OH earns enough to contribute to groceries at home, and to visit his family twice a year for his birthday and christmas. (Although a recent promotion means we may actually have £200 to save this month )

Wow ViviPru, its like im reading something from my own situation....

Its crap to read someone else is struggling too but someway it provides a little peace in my heart that im not the only nutcase out there.

My hubbie and I were doing long distance for 4 years before we got married ( insert lunatics, crazy in love etc), before which he survived a very scary, near death cancer episode of 1 very long year where i gave up a year of uni to nurse him to health and he gave up his entire intestine literally! But we figured, hey, we have been through this cancer shit, we can do this long distance stuff. We got married and i moved over to the middle east to where he has been working since the cancer episode ( am presently in the ME as i type, so my isolation is more adept as have zero friends out here ( feeling very sorry for myself lately sorry).

Anywho, 6mths into marraige he quits to start the business and promptly sits on his blooody arse for 10/12 months and only in the past 6 months has he actively been doing something about it. Now its just about ready to go, its an online busienss, so it should ( knocking on wood) be ready to go in 6/8 weeks, once investors jump on board. Then hopefully money will start coming in and he will be more confortable with the idea of it all.

In the mean time, i had only been in the damn middle east 6 months, taken a job and now am stuck as i cant exactly move around jobs while im the only earner, paying mortgages( an appt he bought that im now paying off due to damn recession) and rent where we live, car loans and the usual stuff. So my career is stuck.

I'm not massively upset that my career has halted as im in finance so its quite a flexible job etc but im so bored shitless in my present job and no growth in the job that im just bored at it you know.....

So, i have to wait for his business to take off, earn some cash for him to feel ok bout me getting pregnant, even though i wont even be quitting my job as im the main earner etc etc. Its so stupid.

Even with this, im trying to scrimp and save small bits, even up to 300 a month of savings for my 'baby fund' as i call it, and he knows that i wont ever give him that savings. Its only for the 'baby'. He knows that!! I pay and support us for everthing else but any leftover cash at the end of the month goes for the imaginery baby

I pray that this bloody business gets a move on so that he can get a move on so that we can get pregnant FAST. I am so sick of waiting on him.. esp since he was sitting on his ass for so long just literrally doing nothing at home, and when id get home from work, id have to cook and clean etc, he would have done nothing. God, i nearly chewed my tongue off trying not to shout and scream at him. GRRRR
So i turned to my trusty friend...

Anwyay. I hope that all our DH can bang their heads together this 2012 and MOVE THEIR ARSES.....

Amen to that!

It must be extra tough being so isolated abroad, the "stuck" feeling must seem really magnified. They don't seem to get that life isn't some infinite timeline that we can just stretch out for as long as we like, till this magical utopia is reached when its the 'perfect time' for DCs.

At least you're over the first hurdle of actually pressing on him that you even want to start a family, I'm not even there yet.

Good luck and fingers crossed.

"More of a dream than a plan" - Sounds familiar Muffin :)

Whenever we used to watch self-builders on TV struggling with pregnancy and muddy DCs running around the site, we'd be all "as IF you'd ever do it with small children" and "Why do they always get pregnant before its finished - the fools" smug in the knowledge that our build would be complete long before DCs were even thought about.

Pfft.