Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

Hello to everyone and welcome one and all to a brand new waiting thread. The Gruffalo is on hand (don't worry, he's chained up) to deal with any badly behaved OH's, Jake and George our hunky bartenders are standing ready with cocktails (it is Friday after all) and I've got everyone a lovely comfy chair from Habitat's autumn collection. No more of that Ikea rubbish for us laydees!

Oooh lovely! Thank you Amonstercooper (you're the same person as AmandaCooper, yes?? I'm getting confused!)!

Yep... waiting waiting waiting. April 2012 is the fixed deadline to start TTC. Aaaargh it's so hard waiting but it just makes sense financially to do so for us (getting rid of student loan, want to have DC just after end of my fixed-term contract). Easier now that DH and I have agreed upon the plan. He is quite into the idea of it now, and asks me about my temp charting hehehe.

My latest worry: due to my job ending in December 2012, the ideal window for us to conceive is April - August next year. But what if it doesn't happen??? Then I'll have to look for another job in a sh1te economic climate, and my best-laid plans will all go to waste.

In the other thread Angelico was mentioning the CBFM - very keen to hear how she goes using that! Such a nerd but I think that might be my Christmas present to myself... they're less expensive on Amazon than at Boots.

Ok let's make a list of who we've got and where we're at... I'll start with me:

Zara1984 WTTC #1 - waiting till April 2012 (plan agreed with DH... itching to get to the starting line)

hi, nice new thread, thanks.

still waiting here but i'm really hoping its a short one cos i am soready for no 2 but dh is not. last month he said 1 more month now i have 2 days left of my pill and he's saying maybe after christmas, i mean arggggghhhh.

will you set the gruffalo lose please (and hand me a cocktail)

i'm really hoping i can convince him but don't want to push him cos he feels pressurised although its him thats brought it up for last few days!!

add me on the list please

redrhumba WTTC #2 - hopefully next month. ha.

Arrrghhhh redrhumba that is SO bloody annoying. Exactly what I'm worried about DH doing in March next year... grr. Does he have a specific reason for wanting to wait until after Christmas... or just stalling for time?

You could always go with the old chestnut that is "why wait? It will probably take us a while anyway..."

i think he's just stalling if i'm honest.

he's hoping to get a pay rise and said wait till then, tbh we can still afford to have another with or without it which is yet to be said but i have that and why wait stored in the bank ready to use!!

zara1984 why do you think your dh will change his mind?

Surely the payrise (if it's forthcoming, which I'm sure it will be!) will be in place by the time your DC2 would be born (even at the very earliest!).

I'm being a bit unfair here on DH - he has finally agreed to "The Plan" (gave him time and space to think about it, and after 3 and a bit years of us dithering about it, and he was happy with the plan), and is very enthusiastic (although not as obsessive as me [hgrin])! I guess I'm just being a worrywort for no good reason at all. We currently live in Ireland so always a teensy bit on edge about looming economic disaster (we'd probably just move home if real disaster struck). I think I'm just generally worried about the universe conspiring to put more obstacles between me and much-wanted DC#1.... [hblush]

yes he thinks he will get it in a couple of months, in all fairness i think it was just a passing comment, the other night it was lets wait till after christmas, when asked why he just said he didn't know and chuckled so i think he's just stalling cos he's a bit scared to agree to it!

I say destroy all contraception in the house, ply him with booze before (or at) Christmas, send DC1 to a friend/relative and have your wicked way with him!!

You could also be naughty and coach DC1 (depending on how old s/he is) to tell him they'd loooove a baby brother or sister.... but that really is naughty [hwink]...

LOL I have a few problems with that plan.

1. he doesn't drink so that won't work

1. i keep asking ds if he'd like a baby bro or sis and he keeps saying no. (he's 2.5 so when he says it infront of dh i tell him he's too young to understand!)

redrhumba - I'm WTTTC until after Christmas, if it helps your sanity, think of it this way, if you wait until after Christmas, you'll get a September/October baby, so they will be the oldest in their year, rather than risk an August baby, apparently it takes August babies until the age of 7 to catch up being nearly a year younger than classmates at school. Therefore, Christmas is a sensible time to start TTC.

Also, you get to be be in that first few months of post baby flabby belly in Autumn/Winter, when thick jumpers can cover a multitude of sins, wereas if you got pregnant now, you'd be due in July, meaning you'd be feeling huge over summer where the clothing is the most unforgiving! Throw into this, you don't want to spend Christmas sober and not being able to eat all that yummy blue cheese and such like you have over the season.

Really, January is a good time to start TTC!

Now, tell your DH you've agreed with him, January is a great time - so you're going to start taking the folic acid now, getting your body in shape for January etc. Treat it as agreed and all sorted.

LydiaWickham you make it sound so appealling and it probably makes sense!

either that or it might work as reverse psychology [hwink]

The best bit is, you can keep saying how you agree with him that christmas is when you'll start - how you fully support his idea so when it comes to it, he can't backtrack and say February/Spring etc. because it's his timing suggestion you've been working too.

Gives him time to see it's happening soon, and you are supposed to take the folic acid for 3 months beforehand, so you can start now. This gives him time to realise this isn't a 'mythical time in the future' it's actually quite soon....

you do actually make sense, i was just thinking when it comes to january he'd probably change his mind but i would hold him to it.

plus i've been taking folic acid for the last 2 months anyway just in case he sprung it on me!!

Well I'm waiting to ttc. My DP is against it, as the world is screwed, ect.
I never realised how emotional I would get as I got older.

We have just gone threw a rough patch and things are fine.

Lw

lw It sounds like you've been through a rough patch but are coming through the other side! Keeping the lines of communication open is key... And bloody hard when it comes to thus kind of stuff!

Hello everyone! Ooh, this is nice!

Thanks for setting this thread up AmandaCooper. I like your post-Ikea decor!

LydiaWickham I like your reverse psychology idea. I wonder if I could get DH to set a date? hmmm. Might have to give it a try.

Redrhumba: sounds like you're thoroughly prepared. Maybe I should start folic acid too.

I have to say, it sure is nice to hear others talk about having to wait. Two friends have had beautiful little babies this week and, honestly, my envy is putting a damper on my excitement for them. I want it to be meeee!

Hi
i'm only taking it cos last month was our last month but again he said he wasn't ready. since as he couldn't decide i chose to just start it no matter how long i was waiting. if i knew it wasn't gonna be in the next 3 months i would have waited.

Are you in a similar situation with your dh?

I know what you mean about being envious tho i have 5 pregnant friends and 1 new born and it makes the broodiness 10x worse!

Right any good tips on getting back to sleep! i slept well last 2 night but here i am again wide awake!

I'm on the folic acid. I guess I'm lucky that DH is quite relaxed about when we have DC2, DC1 did turn up somewhat early, we'd always wanted DCs "at some point", but at the time I got pregnant we were in the middle of trying to buy a "huge but every room needs work" house. When I found out I was pregnant, and suddenly we were buying this smaller, "ready to just put your furniture in it" house as we couldn't afford all the rennovations to big dream house on one wage. (I do sometimes walk past it and feel a little pang that it should be ours, but the I look at DS and think he's worth it!).

DC2 was supposed to be after a 4/5 year gap so we only had one DC preschool at a time (only way my going back to work adds up), but I snapped a few months back after hearing yet another pregnancy announcement/cuddling yet another snuggly baby and so we're going for after Christmas this year. This will mean DH can get a few professional qualifications he's taking out of the way before we have 2 DCs in the house, we can save a bit more and DS will be nearly 3 (if I get pregnant straight away!), not too big or small gap.... Not sure how we will make it work paying for 2 in nursery, throw in travel costs and it'd be cheap for me to stay at home - I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it!

Zara yes the very same. As if it's not difficult enough to remember who everyone is and everyone's circumstances, without everyone changing their names to something seasonal!

I don't have any experience of the CBFM but use Persona for contraception and think it's bloody marvellous! Everyone says its the exact same machine in different packaging, so if we ever do TTC I'll be using it to pinpoint my peak days.

Redrhumba gosh the Gruffalo already?! It's a good job I didn't feed him already, he was really whining for his dinner earlier! If only we didn't need men to be involved we could all just crack on when it suited, DTD at exactly the right time as many times as was necessary and not have any of our baby names vetoed! It sounds like we might have a very fat Gruffalo by the end of this thread!

LydiaW what a brilliant username! It sounds like you've got your DH well trained! Christmas is not far off, presumably only two more cycles of not TTC left for you?

A lot of what everyone has been saying about trying to find the right time resonates with me. I've just had a bit of a curve ball thrown in my direction: I have been offered a new job. This is fantastic because I hate my job and I've been trying to get a new job for three years and this seems perfect. But of course that's TTC well and truly off the table while I work out my three months notice and settle in at the new place. What a relief for DH!

Ittybittysmum cheers!

Loving all the halloween name changes!

Amonstercooper Interesting to learn the persona is pretty much the same as CBFM. I'd assumed it was similar but hadn't looked into it. I bought it years ago but DH didn't trust it so I stopped using it. I really should get round to buying some more sticks.

I'm hoping that now DH has come round to the idea of kids he will be willing to give it a go again. And if we do have an accident, well it's not the end of the world. Sure we're not planning on moving until next year, but that's just to give DH enough time to get used to the idea (it takes him a while to get his head around big changes). It's the kind of plan that could be bought forward if a happy accident were to occur. If truth be told I'd much rather have a baby whilst we're still in London though as I've heard the maternity unit in the area we're hoping to move to has a pretty poor reputation. Would it be utter madness to consider having a baby whilst we're still in a 1 bed flat and then move away few months later?

(Previously Lthewife)

Zara1984 WTTC #1 - waiting till April 2012
redrhumba WTTC #2 - hopefully next month
LydiaWickham WTTC #2 - waiting until after Christmas
AmonsterCooper WTTC #1 - waiting till settled in new job
LtheBrideofFrankenstein WTTC #1 - waiting until moved house/business more established

LtheBrideofFrankenstein you're likely to have dc in with you for first few months anyway so it could work but how likely is it you could move when you want to, are you in that position?

we're thinking of putting our house on the market to move to an area with better schools but we know how long it may take to sell so i'm not worried about the timing.

Amonstercooper you'll have to check out the new jobs maternity protocol too. sounds like you really want to move jobs, i'm sure it would be better for you if you were happy at work,

I am 25 and broody as hell. It's almost painful. I find myself staring at pregnant ladies like a complete lunatic! But dh is most certainly not up for changing our plans, which were to not start trying until I'm 28-30. He has actually stated it would be a disaster because we only have a 2 bedroom house and there's not enough space, plus we don't have enough money (according to him). In reality, we have a healthy joint income, and I wouldn't want more than two kids anyway. Me giving up work worries me, but I think if many others manage it on much smaller salaries than ours, why couldn't we? He's always banging on about people shouldn't have children if they can't afford them, but I don't think one or two children on an average salary is being particularly irresponsible.

I haven't brought up my massive feelings of broodiness as I think it will just cause problems as I did, initially, agree with the 'timetable'. But I feel like this will soon become the elephant in the room.

Dammit why do I not help myself by going on Mumsnet?

Redrhumba I'm not even sure where dh and I are right now. We had a big row over the summer when I told him having a baby mattered to my happiness and that I would be patient if I was 20 but I'm 31 so patience is at a low ebb. He said he understood and we agreed to wait until my job sorted itself out but we haven't agreed to start trying. Still, I might take FA anyway!

SpamMarie, Misery loves company doncha know?

I think I am being the ridiculous one sometimes as I am only 25, so I can't even argue that time is hugely against me. But dh wants to wait for everything to be 'perfect', which it never will be, and I don't see the point in waiting. In the meantime, I will become obsessed with midwife programs and drive myself up the wall!

SpamMarie you sound like me and my DH 2-3 years ago (when I was 25, too!). The broodiness kind of hit me from left-field then (although compared to how it's now, I was positively ambivalent!). It does take 2 to make a baby so if your DH is so much against it's a "long con" you're working on. Maybe it would be good (even though I know it seems scary, and potentially a disaster) to explain to DH really how broody you ARE? My DH was quite shocked I think when it all came tumbling out (burst into tears when close friends announced they were pg earlier this year) - and very much appreciated knowing what my real feelings about it were. Having kids sooner really started to play on his mind more after that happened. I think he thought I was happy to just wait indefinitely until my mid-30s. Open lines of communications are essential on this very very difficult topic. You (and Ittybittysmum!) are most definitely NOT being ridiculous - I and all the ladies on this thread are feeling the same! That babycrack hits you hard. My very clever biologist friend told me that human females are biologically programmed to want to have kids past mid-20s age (apparently the X chromosome does something funny about then) - so we are all completely normal!! So in a way understandable that DH/DPs don't "get" how the urges affect us.

Amonster CONGRATULATIONS on your new job offer!!! That's fantastic. I recall from earlier threads that you've been interviewing/looking for a while. I think that's fantastic! Yes it puts a real obstacle on TTC but surely it's best to be starting from the position of a happy work environment? Even though I was broody while a Miserable Big Firm Solicitor it's MUCH better contemplating it all now that I'm in a job I like more.

LydiaWickham Arrrgh the childcare dilemma is shite, isn't it? I am sure you will work it all out as you have to (what other choice is there?!). Was truly gobsmacked and shocked when I investigated the price of childcare (we have a very nice creche 50m from our place). ?900 a MONTH here in Dublin for full-time care. It's massively influenced our TTC plans. Essentially it means that we will, if all goes well for us, probably TTC#2 very soon afterwards, and I will be SAHM/part-time until they are about 4/5. Really not what I expected to be doing given how career-focused I usually am... but it's a ridiculous cost. Quite scary and an unexpected part of this whole concept of having kids. I am pleasing -hugely deluding- myself with the idea I could be a successful mumpreneur and make squillions from kitchen table - let's find something we can work on together!! Hehe!

Lthebride Not a mad plan at all!!! Hardly likely in 15 years time your DC is going to tell you they need therapy for moving house when they were 2 months old! Surely better than with a 5-year old? Mothers around the world have kids everyday in much tougher scenarios than fortunately most of us in Europe will ever have to.

[hangry] Generally my general glum rant for the evening is that while topping up on my mindless celebrity news on the Daily Mail just now, I see that Peter & Autumn Phillips are having a second DC due in Feb.... they got married the same month as DH and I (May 2008) and now they're going to have TWO before I even get to start TTC for #1!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH. Stupid fantasy comparison I know but I don't care, it's still annoying. Making myself feel better with some nice unpasteurised cheese and French cider (got to get my fill of that while I can!). Harrrrrumppph.

So glad to have you all here on this thread, I have nobody to talk with about this in RL.