Waiting to try to conceive

[Amonstercooper]

Another thread for those who are waiting to try for a baby. It doesn't matter how long or short the wait; why you are waiting; or how many DC you have. All are welcome.

Old thread here.

What is all this stuff about August babies??? Don't get it at all!

Angelico- basically august babies usually have a tougher time because they youngest in there school year.
I am a August baby and had a very tough time learning things in school.

Lw

Angelico - August babies can be only a few days short of a year younger that the oldest in the class. As children get older, it's less of an issue, but the difference between a 4 year old and a 5 year old is quite a lot - it apparently takes them until the age of 7 to catch up, so can struggle in the first couple of years at school. also if they have mild learning difficulties it can be overlooked/excused due to them being 'August babies' for the first few years.

Hmmmm... I was the youngest in our year all the way through primary school but was also one of the 'brightest' so tbh I think it probably depends on the child. I know lots of July / Aug birthdays who never found it affected them at all and who were very successful at school. As a teacher, my last form class were the youngest in the year and were also the most successful class in terms of GCSE results. So I would definitely not sweat it over an August baby. Personally I'd be sweating it more about a June baby and losing my whole fecking summer pay on maternity leave lol!!!

The undiagnosed learning difficulty thing is interesting though, although I would like to think Primary teachers would pick it up. It's yet another reason why gigantic primary school classes are bad news.

Angelico I'm glad to hear that you had a good time in school.
I'd love a march baby.

Does anyone have a preference for the month a baby is born?

Lw

Welcome EvaH. You're in good company - there are lots of us planning to start TTC around Christmas. I'm not keen on the idea of an August baby either, similar kinds of reasons, although my best friend is one and was fine at school so I think it probably depends a lot more on the child than anything else. Angelico I'm with you on not wasting maternity leave over the summer - from that point of view a Sept baby has to be the best!

We're mainly spring birthdays in my family so that would be my preference but I'm trying to be sensible and realise that we'll be lucky to conceive for any month so it's not worth worrying about it! :)

In my experience, Summer borns do tend to struggle, but it really depends on the child. I'm Summer born and have always been regarded as 'bright' - just easily distracted!
Am on a bit of a downer today as hubby is having a wobble about finances again. Says he feels pressured as he doesn't think we'll be able to cope on our salaries and that he wants us to be able to have a 'nice life' as well as having a baby. Also wants us to have the choice of me not returning to work... even though I think I probably would want to as I love my job, and was never considering being a stay at home Mum. I think we're just struggling a bit financially right now because we only moved in August, but I'm ever the optomist.
So I now have to do a new budget planner to work out what a baby will physically cost us. Wish me luck!

I'm so envious of alot of you having your DP and h on side. I just wish my DP could see children as a positive thing. :(

Lw

Aw Evilwater you sound a bit down, I'm sorry. It's been a long slow process with my DH, and I don't think it's really anything I've said or done that's changed his mind. Which isn't much help to you as I can't say what to do to persuade him, but he has very gradually changed his thinking, so it does happen.

Good luck with the budgeting nenehoo - I haven't really dared to think about the costs, but I think working it out on paper always helps to make it more manageable in the end (even if your first reaction is to panic!).

Hi, hope you don't mind but I was just reading your thread & wanted to add something...

nenehooo when you look at your finances don't forget that when you have a baby you could be entitled to child tax credits depending on your salary.Have you looked on the inland revenue website? There is a tax credit calculator to help you see how much you can expect to receive.You can make up income & child date of birth to get an idea.

For us it's been fantastic having that as an extra income. I am a full time mum to 3 children & used to work as a nanny so I wouldn't want to work with children & then have mine looked after by someone else.

You must persuade him!! You might never have enough money, we don't, but I'm more than happy

I'm trying to stay positive! I'm just hoping he will snap out of it. When I first met him he wanted children, and I was the one who didn't. Now the reasons I didn't want kids are the same ones he is using.
In the mean time, I'm hoping for an accident.
Lw

I'm sure deep down he does still want them then. Lots of us have little wobbles on the practicalities now and then, even though we are all besieged by broodiness, so it's not surprising that our men do too. Do you think he might even be relieved by an 'accident'? it can be hard to actually make the decision that now is a good time, and then it puts you under pressure for it to happen, but if it happened, it would probably turn out to be the best thing after all. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Thanks notthehippo.
Lw

Ah Evilwater I feel your pain - up until a few months ago, my OH was dead against having children. And rubbish that he's using your old reasons - these men are tricksier than us sometimes.
Thanks leaky I've just been on the gov website and we don't qualify for tax credits as we earn too much apparently! That's nice to know!!! And annoyingly, OH's sister was getting tax credits when her kids were little, and she and her OH earn WAY more than us!
So far my research has been quite positive - looking like monthly costs wouldn't be TOO much extra. But haven't approached the minefield that is childcare yet. That's a job for another day I think... when I'm less tired and emotional...

The thing is our communication broke down and we are slowly rebuilding it. I don't want to ruin all the hard work,by baby talk.
He will make a great dad. Sometimes I think that he is afraid of finding out whether he can have children, as his brother can not.

Lw

Ah I see... know how it feels to hold it all in. I used to when OH didn't want kids - was also scared of talking about baby stuff, but it just all came out one day and he didn't run a mile. So many things to think about for the two of you obviously - at least you can talk about it on here where kind ears are listening xxx

I've just used the tax credits and the money problem well... Not so much. I know babes cost a fortune but it will certainly help.
I urge people to have a look and see what they could get.
Lw

Well I told my dh how I was feeling, and he reiterated how unsensible it was to be thinking of children right now, and annoyingly he is entirely correct. But on a positive note, I think I managed to convey how I feel to him, and even though he cannot fully understand my addiction to babycrack, he certainly sympathises. It isn't a case of me versus him, or even trying to convince him (he is not anti-child), it's a case of working together to make it possible.

On that note, I'm currently looking into finances. I cannot understand people who have a baby (on purpose) without making a spreadsheet of how it would affect their finances! Nursery costs would wipe out a lot of my salary, so I might stay home, but then our income would be drastically less. It scares me that at a time when we'd need more money than ever, our earning potential could be halved. Eek! I might have to go back to my job and somehow make it work. My best bet is twins as then there would be no decision to be made! I definitely could not afford nursery costs for two and I'd only ever have to take maternity leave once.

SMP and child benefits, I can calculate, but I don't understand child tax credits!

Spam- I'm also having huge trouble in trying to explain baby crack and coming up very very short. I'm going to have a little chat with my union about mat leave and pay ect. As for understanding child tax credits, I don't think anyone can.

Lw

Hey everyone! Sorry to have been incommunicado for a little while there. School and work have been vv busy.

Welcome EvaH!

Spammarie I agree entirely. It's so scary, the cost of living is so high and wages can be eaten up so fast. Sometimes I wonder what we'll do. In my case, DH does 23 hours per week of school and about the same in homework, and will till the end of his program, so I'm the breadwinner, but he can't be a sahd, so can I afford childcare too?

Lw good idea about talking to someone about maternity leave and pay. Shall put that on my to do list!

Oh yeah! And I have a sliver of good news: This weekend was DH's birthday. I threw him a surprise party and invited friends to bring along their kids. A few of the kids even made him birthday cards and presents! Whilst doing the dishes later he started a discussion about how cute the littlest (7 mo) was and how we might hypothetically parent!

From a man who literally went white in the face when I told him I wanted a baby, I call that PROGRESS.

Ittybittysmum - yay! Sometimes it just takes a while for ideas to be progressed, give it 6 months and the whole thing will be his idea!

re planning the mat leave, please all remember you have to start mat leave from the day of birth, so if you are still using holidays, you can't take the first few weeks of your DCs life as holiday and then move onto mat pay, I have friends who's babies arrived early and had to just lose 1-2 days holiday.

Evilwater if he is worried about his fertility as well I can imagine that only makes it harder for him to talk about it. Keep working on the communication, you will get there - and hopefully we can help and support you on here along the way.

Ittybittysmum that is excellent news! Definitely progress

SpamMarie I had better get spread-sheeting! DH works from home and has a very flexible job so am hoping our childcare needs will be really limited but we will certainly need some and I would prefer not to go back full time either, so it will affect our income. I'm glad your DH is sympathetic and hope you can work out the practicalities successfully. :)

Notthehippo - thanks for your support. AF was supposed to arrive to day so I bought a moon cup.
But no AF.
I also spent time with my friend who has kids, damn that baby crack.
Lw