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Freak Out Room For Those Newly Diffed Up After MC Part IX

999 replies

LAF77 · 27/09/2011 08:52

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

  1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
  2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
  3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
  4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
  5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
  6. And the presence of symptoms.
  7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
  8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
  9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.
10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the previous thread

OP posts:
LimeFlower · 11/10/2011 21:07

LAF mc is still treated as taboo.I'm not surprised as I wasn't shouting from the rooftops about mine.It's such a deeply emotional subject that it really takes a while after it happened to come back to reality.They were talking about MN miscarriage campaign on BBC Radio2 yesterday.
I've read another thread on Conception board about a lady who was asking what's next after her second mc.Poor soul went to the doc and couldn't speak half of the time because she was crying.Gosh,I was in the same turmoil and didn't know what to say to her :(

LimeFlower · 11/10/2011 21:20

Great news digi you must be so relieved to see your baby in good form.Did you have a positive meltdown?I would have.
As for scan-I haven't got a "special" treatment as I had just one mc and according to the doc it might have been bad luck.I spoke to the doc 2 weeks ago-said that now I'm over 35 so what happens if it goes wrong again(touch the wood) as I can't imagine another year trying to get pregnant in my age."Well,if this is the case we would have to take your age into consideration".I bloody hope so.
So I can't do anything now except from sitting on my bum and waiting till 12 week scan.Thankfully no bleeding,spotting and I have a couple of symtoms to keep me sane which I didn't have during the first pg.
And I've got YOU lovely ladies,the place for a chat,support and a bit of haddock plain talking to keep me straight which I'm very grateful for Thanks

LAF77 · 11/10/2011 21:44

digi I didn't realise it was your dating scan today, well done, were you at St. Mary's for it? Do you have the chicken pox now? It is such a beautiful thing to see your baby moving around on the screen. So happy that things are working out for you and you are in the second trimester now.

limeflower BTW, when I get fish and chubbies, I always order haddock! If you are that far away from a clinic for scans, you could always get a doppler. You should be able to use it from 11 weeks onwards. Mine was £25 from Amazon. I wouldn't suggest using it every day. We have to learn how to be calm some of the time :-) but when you are mentalling, it does help. When I spoke to my colleague, he said that baby bond does have a mobile scan unit, so it might be worth looking at their website to see if you could have a private scan.

MN has been such a support throughout all of this. I wouldn't have had a clue about what to do after MC and RMC and what options were available if it wasn't for this website. My GP wasn't sure what to do with me after my third loss, but I knew what I had to push for because of MN. A relative told me a story about a friend who had multiple MCs a generation ago and was never able to have her own children and adopted. Perhaps her problem could have been easily treated with aspirin. I'm just so grateful for all of the research being done that allows for more answers and happy endings with babies in my time.

OP posts:
Biscuitsandtea · 11/10/2011 21:46

Great scan news Digi - so pleased for you SmileGrin

Velvetcu · 11/10/2011 21:48

Fab scan news Digi Grin

digitalgirl · 11/10/2011 21:56

LAF no, I don't have chicken pox - but I was supposed to be on a shoot tomorrow with a woman whose daughter is currently incubating it. I asked the midwife whether I'd be at risk of catching it if the woman has already had it and if I've already had it. She said you CAN catch it twice, especially if your immune system is compromised (which mine is as I am still on the steroids). In all probability I'd be fine - but there are no guarantees. And that was what swung it for me. A small risk is still a risk and DH didn't want me taking any. Haven't really had to make a decision like this till now. But I talked it over with some friends and they also agreed not to do the shoot. It would involve spending ten hours in a small and not very well ventilated studio with her. She is lovely and haven't had the heart to tell her why I'm now avoiding her (she recently mc'ed).

scarletfingernail · 11/10/2011 22:17

Digi fantastic scan news, very pleased for you.

I have my dating and NT screening scan tomorrow at 11+6. I know nothing about what the range of measurements should be. Can any of you advise? Will they tell me what it is if they ask? I wasn't told anything when I was pg with DS, I just had to wait for the letter.

LimeFlower · 11/10/2011 22:53

No idea scarlet,hope somebody more experienced will appear soon.You can always ask them whether it's fine or not.Good luck!

stitchinline · 11/10/2011 22:56

Yay digi excellent scan news - so pleased all is going well Grin

LadyMaybe · 12/10/2011 02:59

Oh fab digi, so pleased for you and it sounds like it was a lovely experience after the initial small panic. I think you're right to avoid the chickenpox possibility. Grin at wondering who katandkit was Grin

LAF thanks. I will shuffle over to where you are and lean against you, whimpering quietly. Have been taking it really easy today and had a small weep in bed which seems to have let some of the anxiety out. A little over a week to go now.

Scarlet there's quite good information here about the test. From what I can see, normal is up to 2mm at 11 weeks and up to about 2.8mm at 3.6, so I guess they'd be looking for something up to about 2.2ish for your dates, but they'll take it from CRL they take on that day, IYSWIM. So if your baby is measuring at 12+2 rather than 11+6, then they'll assess the nuchal translucency against the 12+2 date.

I think the line where it says: "Nine out of 10 babies with a measurement between 2.5mm and 3.5mm will be completely normal." is important to note as well. Good luck for tomorrow!

I'll be going to get my bloods for the combined test done tomorrow or Friday, in preparation for it. And have just had the nurse on the phone saying my b12 levels have come back a bit low. Hmm, not sure what more can be done about that, I'm taking a b12 supplement and thought they wouldn't be able to do a b12 injection while I'm pg. Guess a trip to GP is in order...

Biscuitsandtea · 12/10/2011 06:48

*Scarlet, good luck today - am keeping everything crossed for your scan.

I think I was 12+2 when I went for my scan and they moved me forward by one day to 12+3. Was it Lady who posted that info about the nuchal numbers stuff? (sorry, on iPad and can't check Blush) that sounds like pretty good info, but just thought I'd let you know what they said for mine, since it'll be the same dept. I actually can't remember my number (don't know if it's written in my notes and I'm still in bed) but I think it was perhaps 2.3? I asked the sonographer what was 'normal' and she brushed me off said they can't say what is normal without the bloods etc all being considered alongside it etc etc. So I think, yes, they will tell you the number, but she might not tell you if it's ok? Unless you get a nicer one than me Wink. There was a trainee in with her when I had mine done do perhaps she was on her best behaviour?

Then when I got my letter back it just said the risk was 'low', it didn't give me a '1 in x' chance like everyone else seems to get? I found that a bit odd but I guess it must be our pct? I vaguely remember only getting 'low' when I had DS but because we went to a different hospital for him in a different pct, they didn't offer the nuchal fold stuff anyway at that time, so that one was only based on the blood and other factors.

Anyway, keeping everything crossed for you my lovely xx

KatAndKit · 12/10/2011 08:28

biscuits I only got a "low risk" letter too. I think they don't like people to get too hung up on specific numbers. The NT measurement will increase with the crown rump length of the baby, so the number alone doesn't help much, as a number that is a bit high at 11 weeks could be within the norm at 13+6. And then they add the stuff from your bloods too. They probably only tell the actual number to high risk people so they can make an informed decision about cvs.

digi fantastic news about your dating scan! Am so pleased for you :) I got my letter back on the Friday after a scan on Monday morning, so I guess it just depends on how efficient they are with admin at your hospital. It is amazing to see them grow from a little squiggle at 6 weeks into an actual baby!

Biscuitsandtea · 12/10/2011 08:32

I had my scan on a Friday and got letter not the week after, but the week after that. But they said at ours that everything go sent off to Cambridge to be analysed so if that's the same it might just depend how much of a backlog they have?

I see what you mean Kat about not getting hung up on nos. But I've seen people on here say they got like 1:10,000 and things?

KatAndKit · 12/10/2011 08:34

Yes but elsewhere on the internet I have seen a not very intelligent young woman freaking out because she had 1/800 and she thought that was high for her age.

I did try to tell her that there was a 99.8% chance that her baby was totally healthy and her result was very low risk but she wouldn't listen and was convinced that she ought to ask for amniocentesis...

Biscuitsandtea · 12/10/2011 08:37

Ah yes, I do understand why they don't give the numbers - for exactly that reason. I think that because I saw so many people talking about nos I assumed I would get one, and then I wondered how come they seemed to get numbers?

In any event if they say it's low risk, I'll take them at their word!

Moominsummermadness · 12/10/2011 08:55

Congratulations on your fab scan news, digi.

Final update from me before I sign off. Went for my appointment at EPAU, at 10.15am on Monday, as planned. It was very busy, and they were short-staffed, as staff were off sick. I thought that there was usually only one midwife and one sonographer on duty, but apparently there are two of each, but both midwives were ill, so someone had had to cancel a day of annual leave and come in. We sat for 2 hours while other patients came and went, and wondered what on earth was going on. Eventually, a student midwife saw us, took my name, came back and said that I wasn't on the list (!), even though I'd booked in at reception. It was the end of the morning session, but the midwife would still see us anyway. We went in to see her, she was asking about what we'd decided to do (despite me being given absolutely no info about the ERPC and having to google it myself), and she was being constantly interrupted by the phone, and other members of staff walking in to discuss other patients, including the same doctor three times. She booked me in for the procedure, thankfully the next day, but because of all the interruptions, she kept forgetting what she had just said to me, and I had to keep reminding her. I asked about testing the baby etc, but because it was only my second consecutive miscarriage, as I've had a healthy child between my 4 mcs, they would only test the remains for anything 'untoward', as she put it (I presumed she meant for a partial mole). She also said that they wouldn't do any tests on me for recurrent mc, until I have a third consecutive mc. She did say it would be ok to try again after I have a period. Eventually, we got out of there. I have to also say that there were patients notes everywhere, and the list for that morning which explained what was going on with each patient was sitting right in front of me. While the midwife was out of the room, I could read my own notes from Friday, which said that I was 'very upset'. Well, what did they expect from me finding out such awful news at my 12 week scan?!!
After our horrible morning, Mr Moomin and I popped into town to pick up some essentials for the hospital. We'd been home half an hour, then I got a call from the midwife at the EPAU, saying that she was supposed to have given me some blood test forms and I needed to come back to the hospital immediately to pick them up. So off we went again. I told DH to wait in the car as I only needed to pick some forms up, I asked at reception, and was told to sit on the chairs at the entrance to the antenatal ward. I sat and waited for half an hour, while hoards of pregnant women walked past me, some waving their scan pictures, and one woman who was clearly about to give birth who had been brought to antenatal instead of the delivery suite. I felt like a total fraud for even being there. Nobody could find the midwife who'd called me. Eventually, a community midwife walked past, saw me looking lost and confused and on the verge of tears. I explained what had happened, so she found the forms and took the bloods herself. At least somebody had an ounce of compassion.

My experience of the Day Procedures Unit was totally different. Despite being very busy, the staff there were great, especially the lovely auxiliary nurse who booked me in. They treated me with kindness and compassion. My surgery was delayed by two hours due to emergencies, and I was discharged 4 hours afterwards. I don't feel too bad now, just a bit drained and crampy.

We will start trying again as soon as I'm back to normal and I've had another period, we still want one last baby moomin to add to the brood. I will be able to have early scans if I want them, although will be terrified to go back to EPAU (I'm considering complaining about the treatment of women going through a traumatic experience). If I am lucky to get pregnant again, providing I don't have any bleeding, I would probably wait until 8 weeks for a scan anyway. I would urge anyone if they are having any kind of blood loss, even if it's just spotting like I had, and feeling a loss of symptoms in early pregnancy to please, please get checked out. Don't be a pushover like I was and accept reassurances without a scan.

I will still be lurking from time to time, hope to be posting back on here before long with some happier news!! I wish you all healthy, happy pregnancies.

Lots of love, Moomin. xxxx

bigmacandhappymeal · 12/10/2011 09:01

Fabulous news digi :)

KatAndKit · 12/10/2011 09:02

moomin I'm glad it's all over and at least you were treated well in day surgery. My hospital has the epu and the recurrent miscarriage clinic in the maternity wing too and I know how shit that is when you are getting bad news.

What you have been told about rmc testing is technically correct, but it is worth trying to get referred via your gp anyway. I have only had two proper miscarriages and one chemical pregnancy which they wouldn't really "count" but my lovely GP took pity on me and referred me for the sake of my mental health. Since you have had 4, you may be able to twist their arm, especially if some of those have been losses of a baby rather than blighted ovums where no baby developed.

Wishing you all the best with trying again and hope to see you back on here as soon as possible.

Biscuitsandtea · 12/10/2011 09:03

Oh Moomin I'm so sorry you had such awful treatment at the EPAU Sad

It's so so awful the way they treat some people. I think it is a very good thing that mn are running a campaign about care of m/c patients.

I am glad however that your treatment at the day procedure unit was 'better'. And I wish you every luck when you are ready to try again. I'll be looking out for you and hope you're back here soon.

Do take care of yourself xxx

bigmacandhappymeal · 12/10/2011 09:45

Sorry to x-post moomin, I am shocked and appalled at the treatment you received.

Wishing you every luck and hope to see you back on here very soon
xx

shellshock7 · 12/10/2011 13:15

moomin I am disgusted at the treatment you have had to endure, as you say the total lack of compassion is unbelievable, I'm glad your experience at the day unit was a bit better. Look after yourself x

Re talking about MC - We found the opposite experience tbh when I had the MMC at 10 weeks...a lot of people new I was pregnant as I have started to show both times at about 7 weeks! And I told work after booking in appt as was quite poorly. When I came back from work the amount of people who told me that had had a MC was a real surprise (I didn't know that much about it at the time), I think it was probably 3 for every 4 people I spoke to had either had one (or there DW) or their sister had. And they were all very willing to talk about it and ask me how I was - was hard, but I think better than everyone ignoring it?

Re boob changes - I don't think there is any rhyme or reason to it...with the MMC mine were so sore I couldn't have a hug on lie on my front...this time they were tender for a little bit, but mainly just massive (34B to 36D, now 38E!) and very veiny, even got veiny nipplesBlush which is just wrong!

LAF great that you have felt the baby Grin

Lime hope you are feeling better today, need to find something to preoccupy yourself to stop the mentalling, but now is prob not the time to take up a hobby!

digital great news re scan Grin

Doh! I didn't realise Kat's name change either! Kat hopefully doppler should work for you at this stage.

scarlett good luck for scan tomorrow

scarletfingernail · 12/10/2011 14:32

Moomin I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible experience. The staff working there of course can't be held responsible for lack of staff but they sure as hell should be for being so insensitive and unprofessional. I hope you have a quick physical recovery and best of luck for the future.

Thanks so much everyone for the NT screening info especially Lady for the link. I had my dating and NT screening this morning and all appears to be well. My date's been brought forward by 6 days to make my due date April 20th. I can't understand why as I know exactly when I got pregnant, but I'm not complaining as it's one less week to wait now. The NT measurement was 1.2mm which I understand to be within the normal range for 12+5, but of course I have to wait for the blood test results to be combined with it before I can truly relax.

The baby was having a good wriggle around and waved to us a few times which was lovely to see. Seems like ages to wait now until my next scan at 20 weeks.

stitchinline · 12/10/2011 14:33

moomin so sorry to hear about your treatment, that really is appalling and sad especially at a time like this. Also very shocked at them leaving patient notes on display. Wishing you all the best with trying again and hope to see you back soon.

scarlett hope your scan went / goes OK, not sure what time it is today.

Not posted much as not too much to tell here, just marking time til the next scan.

Been knitting an itty bitty cardigan, keep telling myself I can always give it as a present if things don?t work out ? positive attitude is a bit off at the moment. Think it is because it is a bit of a nothing time for me, not sick so much (although did just throw up the crisps I ate after lunch), and not really feeling any movement size. Although I should just look down at my bump and realise that something is causing that Hmm. Need a bit of a haddocking myself today.

I did get a number with my NT but it was done privately so that may have been why. Also they did the blood and gave the results at the same time as the scan which did save me any waiting and stressing. Just meant I found other things to stress about though.

googietheegg · 12/10/2011 16:42

digi smashing news!

moomin sending you Thanks and happy thoughts.

scarlet sounds like a great scan! Well done you.

I'm now 9 weeks today and still have sore boobs and no more blood, so I'm hoping all is still growing well. Just have to decide when to go for my next scan as I'm now back home in France (had the scare and scan in UK) and I'm not quite sure what to do next...anyone else here?

KatAndKit · 12/10/2011 16:50

Isn't the 12 week scan standard in France too for doing the NT screening?

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