Freak Out Room For Those Newly Diffed Up After MC Part IX

[LAF77]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the previous thread

moomin sounds like you have some amazing rl support. How kind that people are bringing you flowers and acknowledging your loss. Fwiw, don't beat yourself up about not 'knowing' you had mc'ed even though you think there were clues. You were just trying to be positive about the pregnancy which is the right way to be. I really hope next time works for you - and that you are able to be just as positive.
If you do end up having an erpc you can request that they test the baby for chromosome problems - especially after your history you should be entitled to this. It may help give you closure. Good luck and take care (and don't let dh scoff all the choccies!)

Hello...please can I join? I plucked up the courage to take the test this afternoon, it was positive. Now I am excited/trying to supress excitement and crapping myself

Hi there mookymoo - congratulations and welcome! I've found this a very helpful place!

Welcome mookymoo lovely to have you here.

Welcome Mookymoo - and congratulations firstly on plucking up the courage to test and secondly on your bfp. It is a very scary time in those early weeks, but we are all here to support each other (and I must say the ladies on here have done an amazing job of supporting me so far - thank you all )

How many weeks do you think you might be?

Oh thank you! I'm about 6 weeks, but I don't think I'll really let it sink in for a good while. MC in June at same stage...eeeeek
How are you all? Feels good to be back, found MN so good over the last few years since pg with DD

Ah Mooky - I'm not sure it has sunk in here and I'm 16 weeks on Tuesday!

Sorry to hear about your m/c though - it's an awful awful business.

You're right though, I've found mn so supportive. I've only been on here since June (just before I got my BFP although we'd been trying for baby no 2 for 19 mths) and it has been an absolute godsend

moomin I'm glad to see that people in RL are thinking of you and looking after you. I'm not a medical expert for sure, but if your cycles are short, it might be worth having your LH levels tested. I think I recall reading somewhere that short luteal phases can have higher instances of miscarriage. I've never had ERPC, but as digi said, they should be able to test for chromosomal abnormalities when you have it done. I think it is important to try and get answers after RMC. It helps to cope with the loss and start the healing process when you know why it happened.

Welcome mooky

As for me, I've been mentalling over the weekend. I haven't had access to my Doppler and have just felt scared. I don't feel particularly pg. Im not sure if i feel the baby move or if it is other stuff happning in my stomach. I've taken a friends maternity clothes and was fitted for a new bra over the weekend. DH and I strolled through the baby section of the department store, looking at cots and prams. I guess I feel like everything is happening in terms of future expectation for the baby, but what happens if it doesn't come? I shouldn't think like this and be negative, but it's hard not to be scared sometimes. I shouldn't have been looking at the stories of second trimester mcs. It probably didn't help my mental wellbeing. I've got a midwife and consultant appt at the end of the week, so perhaps I can plead for another scan at the hospital on Friday.

Ah LAF I share your current mentalling! I think we're in that inbetween stage aren't we. I feel like I have more energy, get the odd wibble in my tummy but not like movements yet so other than expanding tummy (going quickly because this is no 2) I don't feel pg.

I have mw on Thursday (no consultant until 20 week scan) so am hoping we can listen to the heartbeat - I'll be 16+2 and will beg her if need be .

LAF sending a gentle haddock your way, step away from the mc stories. It is very hard not to be scared given our history. But I have enberything crossed that we'll all get the happy endings we deserve.

I always feel like I?m going to tempt the jinx pixies when I start to be positive and do things in preparation of a little one actually arriving. I bought a couple of things on the weekend and then came home and had to whip out the Doppler straight away to check it was still there. This in-between stage is hard with not really feeling anything but starting to feel a bit better, I?m still losing the odd meal but think is more heartburn than ms. I am too scared to make any major changes yet, we really should move as space is a bit limited at our place but until I?m holding a baby in my arms I?m not even going there.

biscuits my mw listened to the hb at my 16 week appt ? I didn?t even have to ask.

I have 2 weeks to my next scan and it is just dragging on, so wish they could have done it at 20 weeks, having to wait to 22 weeks is just cruel!

Morning all... mooky welcome and congrats on your bfp!

moomin glad to hear you've got lots of good support in RL, flowers and the all important chocolates!

I've been feeling soooo sick this morning and have had my debut experience with the work loos today - fun, not! Trying to see the sickness as a good thing as I didn't have it last time but it is just so draining and I feel so exhausted by the constant feeling of nausea...what are people's best survival tips? I tried plain biscuits earlier and they just came straight back up

Good to hear from you moomin glad you are being really well looked after in RL and digitals advise re ERPC is a good thing to note.

Massive pain in the arse Livin, but a relief too I bet! I'm having blood tests fortnightly at the mo so know what you mean about getting fed up of the hospital.

That's great news googie

Hi mooky congrats on your BFP

LAF I could have written your post myself and came on to get the same things off my chest I also was away at weekend without the doppler and spent too much time googling what will happen if I lose the baby now, tbh DH had a bit of a go at me. I think its because I am pretty big now so it is all anyone is talking to me about and my 20 week scan is on Monday so all the old scan mentalling feelings a coming back. I'm doubting that the movements I feel are even movements, even tho the MW said there were when I saw her...think I just need this next week to go quickly!

stitch I do want to go shopping so much but DH and I have agreed not to till after 20 week scan, we have booked the morning off and if all goes well its straight to jojo and mothercare!

Oh and just so I don't sound all doom and gloom, had my HR meeting this morning - I finish on 31 January 2012 and don't come back till 2 January 2013 on three days a week...so only 16 weeks left in work tomorrow

(I know I'm finishing early but I can't carry hols over to 2012 so am taking them before ML instead)

shellshock I plan to finish before Christmas which is super early i know but a combination of reasons inc annual leave, commute and mean it will be the best thing for me. Don't plan to go back but that's a whole other story

stitch thanks for the slap with the haddock. Seeing that you, shell and biscuits also have similar fears like me suggests at least I'm not alone in a padded room, mentalling away.

I think that there is an expectation that once you get past 12 weeks, you can relax and everything will be fine. For the vast majority of people, this is the case. When you have MC and RMC, you learn that you can't take it all for granted. You have to be prepared for the worst, as you know the worst all too well. However, each day brings new challenges and a chance to grow. I'm not normally a fearful person. I live life to the fullest and do take chances and risks. I don't want to spend the next 5 months afraid of my own shadow.

I did bust out the doppler before I went into the office and found the heartbeat, so that helped put me at ease. I will speak to the midwife and see if there is any sort of counselling they can offer me at the hospital to try to help me get through the next 5 months with my sanity intact.

shell and stitch it's great that you are finishing early. Already, I can sense a mental change within me towards my work. I know that I am not going to be available for sometime in 2012, so I'm not busting a gut all the time. I'm not working extra hours if I can help it, because they are going to have to cope without me!

Aww moomin just come on her after being away for a while, big hugs to you. Like people have said, hope you have people in RL who are there for you.

Hello ladies and welcome mooky - congratulations!

I just wanted to say how much your message chimed with me laff and tell you how it shifted for me in the hope it helps a little bit? Like you I hated the idea of being frightened of everything for the whole PG.

I got to the 12 weeks scan and went from being on mental red alert to slightly less mental red alert :) . It's so hard because like you I had always approached life with a spring in my step and was happy to take risks/do new things/accept the world around me, but I just couldn't relax and lived pretty much in a constant state of anxiety. The 20 week scan was a big milestone for me but again, while I chilled a bit more, I still couldn't relax and enjoy. I started to tell people after 20 weeks but every time I talked about the PG, it was always linked with a 'touch wood' comment. I have a diary and when I read back, I see how worried I was.

Then at about 24 weeks a mental shift happened. It was definitely linked to feeling stronger movements from the baby (gave me feelings of control back, even though I still couldn't control anything!) but also the PG just seemed to become a reality for the first time (even if having a baby at the end of it still isn't) and I am delighted to say that since then while I have occasionally felt worried, I have never felt like I did then. Another thing that happened was that time, which seemed to slow to an interminable pace from finding out I was PG to 20 weeks, suddenly sped up.

While i'm not 'loving' being pg, that fear is most definitely not with me anymore.

Hope you don't mind me posting this? I'm not for a minute suggesting that this will be the same for everyone but I just remember so clearly how shitty those feelings were and wanted to say that it can change.

List hadn't been done for a while but it with huge sadness that I've moved Moomin.

LimeFlower and Mookymoo if you want to go on, please just copy & paste and add yourself, or one of us will do it for you if you're on phones, just say.

Tuesday 11th October

Hairylights 26+2
Pigletmania 25+4
MrsSteph 20+4
LivinInTheMoment 20+0 EDD 28/02/12
Shellshock7 19+2 EDD 4/3/12 next scan 17/10/11
LAF77 16+6, next scan 4/11/11
Biscuitsandtea 16+0 EDD 27/3/12, next scan 11/11/11
Kat2504 13+5 EDD 12/04/12
Digitalgirl 13+2 EDD 15/04/12, next scan 11/10/11
LadyMaybe 11+0, Next scan 20/10/11
Boodleboot 9+5 EDD 14/5/12
StickThemWithThePointyEnd 8+5
Googie 8+2
KnitterNotTwitter 7+6
BlueCrane 7+0 EDD 31/5/12 Early scan 20/10/11

MIA
Bump 26+5 EDD 14/01/12
Mamarara 25+5
ladybird33 25+4 EDD 22/1/12
purpletoes 23+1 EDD 08/02/12 next scan 04/10/11
angela85 baby #2 22+1 EDD 13/2/12

And on the grads thread too:

IreneHeron - DS no 2, 38+2 weeks, EDD 23rd Oct.
Tunnocksteacake - baby#2 38+1 weeks EDD 24th October
Hotnspicyonions - baby#2 38+1 weeks EDD 24th October
Velvetcu - baby#1 38+0 wks EDD 25th October
MummyAbroad - baby #2 36+4 wks EDD 4th November
CEP - baby #2 36+3 wks EDD 5th Nov
Katherine2008 - baby#2 36+5 EDD 10 November
Collieandpup - baby #1 34+4 wks EDD 20th Nov
Wombatinwaiting - baby # 1 33+5 wks EDD 24th November
LaraMi - baby #1 33+4 weeks EDD 25th November
Izzy - baby #3 33+3 wks EDD 26th November
Bigmacandhappymeal - baby #1 33+0 weeks EDD 29th November
Blackkat - baby #1 32+1 wks EDD 5th December
Minnie74 -baby #1 31+5 wks EDD 12th December
Harassedandherbug - baby #4 29+5 wks EDD 22 December
Dooscooby - baby #1 29+5 wks EDD 22 December
Youremindmeofthebabe - baby #2 27+6 wks EDD 5th January
Sunchild77 - baby #3 27+4 wks EDD 6th Jan - Elcs at 39 wks
Freezingmyarseoff - baby#2 27+3 wks EDD 7th January
Milkyways - baby #2 27+2 wks EDD 8th January
Laylasmummy - 25+3 weeks EDD 21 January
Stitchinline - baby #1 19+6 EDD 29th February

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... MumTum; Mistress P, willitbe, twittwooo, Lily06, doitnicely, freelance, Notnowimreading, Moominsummermadness

I'm having the same problems with The Fear, although not as far along obviously. I can't stop myself from seeing the MC threads and every time I seem to find the poor woman at exactly my stage with good scans beforehand who has just lost theirs.
I'm trying to do the antidote to this by going on the antenatal club threads and reminding myself of all the hundreds of women for whom it does work out, but I just feel like I'm fooling myself, that I won't be lucky this time either. Sigh.
Anyway...counting down the days to next week's scan. Getting slightly more mental as we go but the days are passing and that's the main thing.

BlueCrane you have my sympathy for the nausea and sickness...it kicked in at about 5 1/2 weeks for me and is only just starting to lift a little, still threw up yesterday and the day before but the constant nausea is less constant. More in waves now.
Anyway, these are my strategies:

-- Don't get up until you've eaten something and drank a few sips of water. Plain biscuits or crackers or ginger biscuits.
-- Don't let yourself get hungry. Eat a tiny something every hour if possible. If you're working, stock up on those little snack bags from Boots etc. Cheesy bites, cashew nuts, those bags of apple slices & grapes, dried apricots, mini bags of crisps (salt & vinegar especially), carrot sticks.
-- Sparkling water is good. Or Sparkling with a little lime.
-- The moment you get a feeling like you might want something to eat for dinner, try to eat that. Even if it's just toast with some sliced tomatoes on it. Or some cheese.
-- Try to get DP/DH to cook something and stay out of smelling range. If you smell it too long you'll go off it. If it just arrives in front of you, chances are you might eat it.
-- Don't worry about salad or veges or meat if that's not doing it for you right now, plenty of time for that later, just take your folic acid!
-- Drink little and often, large amounts of fluid are a trigger for me.
-- If you're taking an antenatal multivitamin, try taking it at lunch rather than breakfast. Mine makes me feel worse in the morning, it's ok once the worst nausea wears off though.
-- In the weekend, or whenever possible, nap. Tiredness = more nausea in my experience

oh bigmac, just wanted to say, that your experience is exactly how a RL friend who suffered 5 mcs before having her first described it too. Not til she reached 25 weeks did she start to relax more. I've known that for ages (she's now had her second), and it's always been in the back of my mind but it's an exhausting thought.

moomin ,sounds like support in RL is just amazing.Take care of yourself.
shellshock and stitchline good that you'll finish work early,hope you'll manage to put your feet up and relax a bit.LAF,i think everybody on this thread has The Fear-as the name indicates "Freak Out Room" we're bound to have it due to previous experience.mooky,congrats on your BFP:) bigmac thank you for your post,lifted my spirit up a bit.

Woke up this morning choked up again and making lots of disgusting noises went to retch say good morning to the plug hole in the sink(strangely appeals to me more than hugging the toilet).FFS,will this slimy thing keeping me will EVER go away?No point in going to the doctor as they won't give me anything,so back to inhalations and eating garlic in the evening.
Good thing about my strange attraction to the sink is that i have to keep up with washing up to keep it empty so all dishes being washed in the evening
Could somebody please explain the strange phenomenon of my boobs?Morning is fine,evening-sore like hell.DP got a slap when in admiration for their size tried(very gently) to swing one of them.
POAS on my last remaining stick yesterday-never even bothered with FMU and took a great pleasure in watching the test line appearing straight away and dark like hell.That's my (only) 4th one
Right then ladies,hope you'll have a nice day,time to take the plunge and call the MW for my first appointment.Hopefully she won't moan about coming too early.

Sorry to hear about all the sickness! My boobs are the same limeflower they are absolutely fine until I go to bed at night. bigmac it is nice to know that a point comes when The Fear goes away. ladyM it is hard not to worry when you read those stories, especially if you have also had a miscarriage after a good scan. But this time has every chance of being different.

I have ordered myself a doppler off amazon which will hopefully arrive tomorrow or Thursday. I hope it isn't too early, I have a bit of chub on my belly which might not help. I suspect a massive amount of mentalling will result from this purchase but I really hope it does reassure me. I can't see how I am supposed to go 7 weeks without a scan!

Not coming back after xmas sounds perfect but Jan is my busiest month at work, I would get lynched if I tried to finish before 31st!!

LAF I have worried more after 12 weeks weirdly....I think its because I tried to ignore it till the 12 week scan and now it can't be ignored!

Bigmac ditto the 'touch wood' comment...I always tag something like 'all being well' or 'assuming we get there' on the end of my sentences...really good to hear how you are feeling now, I am hoping the 20 week scan will be a turning point for me

Lady hope the days fly by till your scan

Lime sorry you are being sick everyday, hope it lifts soon!

Kat I can't remember how far along you are, sorry but I think I started using mine at around 11-12 weeks maybe?? Just make sure you have a REALLY full bladder is my advice if you are early on

thanks for sharing bigmac I'm glad for this thread because it helps me realise that I'm not alone in my thoughts. I know very few people in RL who have had a MC, let alone RMC, so I know that I'm not the first woman to think the way I do. I'm not totally out there in left field.

I'm pretty sure that I have felt the baby move today. I don't think I can pass it off as a bowel movement. It makes me glad to feel the baby, as the pregnancy becomes more real.

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague at work. He shared that his partner was pg and she is at 22 weeks, and it was their 4th attempt. They went to Dr. S for treatment as she had high NK cells. I spoke openly in the office with him (other people could have overheard me) about my issues, and that this was also my 4th attempt. We agreed that MC is a taboo subject, but people will sometimes share that the experience has touched their family too. I didn't feel so alone and isolated after talking to him about it. I was quite moved when he spoke about the emotional side for him too, as DH never talks about what happened from an emotional viewpoint.

I said that it is becoming obvious that I am pg, I could try and hide in metres of fabric, but I want to talk about this pg. I don't want to hide it or hide what I have been through in the last year or so. I won't open up to just anyone about what I've been through, but I don't want to pretend like it never happened. If I can help anyone feel that they are not alone with their feelings, then at least the experiences won't have been in vain.

squeezing your hand lady I'll be strong for you, if you'll be strong for me. I do feel like a fraud visiting some of the other threads, just because like bigmac and shell said, I feel like I want to add the tag, "if it works out this time" and it isn't fair on all of the ladies innocently enjoying their first pg.

lime I don't think that there is any rhyme or reason to boob changes. I had various sensitivities throughout pg. I may have to give you the haddock and tell you to step away from the sticks. Once you have confirmed your pg, the sticks can't help you any further. Save your money for a private scan instead, although it is possible to become an obsessive with scans too. I didn't have bad nausea, so I can't help you there!

kat as you are nearly 14 weeks, you shouldn't have much trouble with the doppler. You will probably find the heartbeat somewhere between your "hair" line and your belly button. Try to have a full bladder and use plenty of gel. Also, please heed my misadventures and don't try to use it right before bed in case you struggle to find it. You will be guaranteed a sleepless night if that is the case!

Aaaaaahhhhh,hhhhaaadddoock!Love fish!
I think this is the first thread I've seen haddock being used!Great shock therapy.

Rattling like mad again,deffo inhalations tonight,if you know any other stuff that could possibly help me please let me know.
Private scan-nearest over 100 miles away-that's the advantage of living in very rural village.I don't think I'm going to have it before 12 weeks,will wait for my NHS one(unless I change my mind which is quite usual in my case)
Bored like hell,don't know what to do with myself.Anyway,another day behind us :)

LAF glad you've found someone in RL to share your experiences with. I've been fairly open with most of my friends, but none of them have gone through it. Only one of my NCT friends admitted to having a mmc before getting pregnant with her second - but she was telling me this after I'd had my third and I felt like such a veteran by that point.

lady thanks for updating the list. I tried to do it the other day but then cancelled it as I just didn't feel right moving anyone - but it's better to do that than have them come back and see where they 'should' be.

lime boobs changing by the hour sounds fairly normal! Do you have a scan booked. I really think having regular scans from about 8 weeks is much more reassuring than trying to second guess symptoms - but I realise not everyone's hospital are as accomodating as mine.

Flipping hell I've just realised katandkit is Kat2504. Is there a Doh! emoticon??? Sorry for not acknowledging you, I just couldn't figure out where you'd sprung from! I think it's a lovely very positive namechange!

Good news from me. I had my dating scan and combined screening test today. Very nervous about the screening bit. I was a bit preoccupied yesterday with a chicken pox dilemma so hadn't really had much time to mental but once I was in the waiting room I had a mini internal freak out and said to DH 'shit I don't want to know, maybe we shouldn't have the screening' but then quickly said 'but we probably should' and DH agreed it was the right thing to do. We'd only spend the rest of the pregnancy worrying. Scan went well, measured 7cm - 13+1 - so I'm back to my 16th April due date. She made sure baby was well and hb was nice and strong, then did the NT measurements. 2mm - so well within range for 13+1. Then she asked us if we'd like to look at the baby again. She showed us it's hands, feet, tummy, heart, face, top of its head. Was so lovely to see it and such a surprise to see how much it's moving around yet I can't really feel it. So lovely to it developing and seeing it look much more baby like.

We've still got to wait for the blood test results - I think if I don't hear back by the end of the week then I'll assume all is well. The official response is 2 weeks but I've heard that if there is high risk then they contact you within a couple of days.

Feeling very excited about it now!