Freak Out Room For Those Newly Diffed Up After MC Part IX

[LAF77]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the previous thread

Lady great news on the scan... looking forwards to joining you over on the grads soon

Lime I'm due on the 23rd of May.... race you :)

Lime my EDD is 30th May, so we are all pretty close!

Right then, Knitter wait and see :o

Where's googie so we could have a full picture?

May is a cracking month(or hope it's gonna be)!

Hey online pals!!! My ears are burning!

All good here - had the scan on Monday and everything as it should be, which is a huge relief as I started thinking I'd been bonding too much with the bean and I would crumble. How positive! I'm sure you all understand.
So am now 18 weeks today and team pink! I was sooo sure it was a boy too, so now we have to think of a girl's name.
Didn't get any more pics but will at the next 'main' scan on 10th Jan. Got all the results back from the blood tests etc and v low risk for down's (1:2800) which is also a relief.

So how's everyone feeling? What are you planning to drink over Christmas?! I'd not been missing booze but all the chat of champagne and whisky got me feeling bored of fizzy water so I've bought a load of fancy cordials and fizzy apple and plum stuff in a wine bottle.

Is anyone eating smoked salmon? The NHS website says you can but I haven't had any (or ham, caffine, booze etc) And are you eating meat pink in the middle? (only steak/roast beef etc, not burgers obv) Or salad in restaurants? I'm finding it realy hard to know what to order and I'm soooo bored of veggie pizzas (I'm not veggie!)

Googie!how nice to see you! and congrats on a little lassie :)
so what's your EDD?
Glad that everything's fine with your wee beanie re scan and letter.Must be a huge relief to you:)
Not drinking anything,plenty of booze in the house.I made some raspberry and blackcurrant vodka for MIL and her OH,will have to pour it into bottles,might get to lick the finger carefully.Currently on fruit juices,rasberry cordial with soda water and peppermint tea.Came back to having 1 cup a day of my favourite Earl Grey.Have some blackcurrant compote in jars,that will do me for Christmas.
I'm dying for smoked salmon(being in north of Scotland,so plenty supplies around) but got a scare the other day when they found listeria on one of the brands(can't remember which) so decided against it.Sad but will survive without :(
Always liked my meat well done,so no pinks here and I went off the meat anyway.
Salads-haven't got a clue.Home prepared ones are fine,I just make sure that everything is very thoroughly(sp?) washed.

I was just moaning on May thread that DP got 5 letters today and nothing for me-waiting for a scan appointment date and Down's results.Grrrr

Catch up with you later,have to put my a...e into gear and hit the town.Take care x

Hey Lime! I do hope you ass is in a slow gear - no need for rushing around in your condition!

I think my EDD is 16th May, but I'll know better when I have my next scan. I'm 18 weeks today though, so I can probably work it out!

Thanks for the info re:smoked salmon - I think I'll keep away too. Don't know about the rest of you but I don't enjoy anything I think could be risky anyway. It's just the salads in restaurants I'm not sure about - I think if I say 'can you make sure it's well washed' I'm likely to get an extra greenie (or worse) in it for being picky.

'your ass' even

KnitternotTwitter, Twittwooo and LimeFlower, thanks so much for your kind words/thoughts. The days are passing extremely slowly and I am trying as much of the time as possible to stay positive, whilst being completely fixated with the fact that it seems to me there's no reason to expect anything to go differently this time.

I can't help but notice that most of you have made it well past your 12 week safe zone, which is heartening and great news which you thoroughly deserve. However, I can't think too much about that for myself just yet - just one day at a time.

I may rejoin in two months (and you will hear me shout from the rooftops if I get to 12 weeks) but I am a bit fragile and worried, and will toddle off for now. Thanks again for the kind words all. Hope to see you back here at 12 weeks xx

Hello chatty - I just wanted to say that this is the exact place you should be for the next two months. You'll need somewhere to talk about checking your knickers everytime you go to the loo, feeling exhausted at 3pm everyday and panicking about every twinge. So don't go. We've all been through it so it's a very special place. I didn't know anyone else who'd been through a miscarriage so this thread was a real life line.
Good luck and I hope the next few weeks pass in a very boring, uneventful manner. xxxxx

Chatty, I second what Googie said. I have found this thread to be a fantastic support so I hope you decide to stay and keep us updated on how you're getting on. It is a worrying time, but I think it really helps to be in touch with people who have been through the same thing and we are all here for you, without a doubt. I didn't tell anyone in real life about my miscarriages when they happened, so I really needed this thread. I was on it at your stage so don't feel it's only for people who are further on, I think that is just coincidence at the moment. I do hope you decide to stay with us, but if not I want to wish you the very best of luck with everything.

Lime - where in the north of Scotland are you from? I'm originally from the north but now live in the central belt. I am also waiting for the results of my nuchal scan, which was almost 3 weeks ago now. I'm hoping that no news is good news. I'm waiting for my 20 week scan date too, and check the post as soon as I'm in from work on a daily basis!

Googie - I was out the other night and had a ginger beer with cranberry for the first time. I'm a big fan of ginger beer usually, but this was lovely. It tasted a bit like rhubarb jam. I think that may just be my festive tipple.

Thanks googie - really appreciate your words - but the numbers on this thread who are safely past the 12 weeks are so stacked against the numbers who are not. It's quite intimidating. I already have to deal with several of my friendship circles this year popping sprogs and telling me all the detail of checkups and scans and finding out the sex as if they had no idea how heartbreaking the detail becomes when your heart yearns for a baby but your only experience of a scan is being shown an empty womb and/or a dead baby. Being 12+ weeks and worried is just not the same as being sub-12 weeks and worried - surely you guys remember? I am only too aware that I may well never be in your position.

Perhaps there should be a new thread for people past 12 but pre 20? Just a suggestion, as I can see two other newly pregnant ladies who came and left this thread very quickly too.

I wish you all luck and love, I know you have all been through the mill if you are posting on here. Miscarriage and still birth are truly traumatic bereavements and everyone deserves their happy ending x

chattynat I'm sorry to know of your losses and to think that you feel that you might not "fit in" here. The thread was started for women who just got the BFP, after miscarriage. Some ladies "graduate" before 20 weeks, but others, myself included, are too worried to move across before then (or even after then), in case something goes wrong. As you say, when your only experience in pregnancy is one of loss, you are in a different mental state to those who sail through pregnancy without a care in the world.

It is luck of the draw when people start posting on the thread, depending on when people get BFP. Sometimes there are little pockets of people that end up going through all of the milestones together, which is nice. Some people are not quite as verbose as others on this thread!

I have had 3 miscarriages in 2010, they all happened in 8 months. I didn't think that I would ever be in a position where I was pregnant. I am coming up to the anniversary of my third loss next week which hit me the hardest of all of them, I think. Last Christmas was such a bitter time. Even though I am 26 weeks pregnant now, I shed tears yesterday for the baby that I lost nearly one year ago. I think about all of my babies every single day, and I think of her as an angel now, watching over her brother, who is with me.

Just because we may be pregnant now, or past milestones of 12 and 20 weeks, doesn't mean that we don't remember the early days and all of the fears that come every morning when you wake up through to closing your eyes at night. I found it comforting that I could see others going through the journey and getting a good outcome, whether or not they had a diagnosis as to the cause of their miscarriages. I can't be at ease until my baby is with me safe and sound, but each day gets a little better.

I completely understand if you don't want to post and just want to lurk, but all of the ladies who frequent the thread have been in your shoes and know how you feel. You aren't alone in your pregnancy journey.

LAF thankyou for posting that! I wanted to say something similar but couldn't find the words!

My angel bean would have been 1 today.

I would like to add to what Laf said. The list doesn't necessarily include everyone who posts here.

This time round I started posting here as soon as i got a bfp at 3+4. No way was I going on the list at that point. I think I waited until 9 weeks to add my name but I still posted a lot and got loads of support. So although lots of people on the list are 12 weeks plus, it doesn't mean that others cant post too, regardless of if they want to add themselves to the list or not.

Hopefully there will be some new recruits in the early days soon, as it is lovely when people get a bfp after a miscarriage. Regardless of what stage we are at, we can all empathise with the mentalling.

Is there ever a right time to post on this thread? I confess I have been lurking for some time (since I got BFP at 5 weeks, am now 14 weeks) and have mentally posted multiple times but never been brave enough. I don't know where people get their strength from I honestly don't and I am seriously having difficulty finding some now.

Lots of you are so good at saying how you feel, and so much of it makes sense to me (OMG the knicker / wiping checking!!). Can any of you give ideas as to how to get through the mentalling between check ups? I was fine for a bit after the 12 week scan (which was good news) But with each day that passes at the moment it seems to be getting worse and my next midwife appt is the week after Christmas.
I'm going to stop now as even to myself I sound like a whiney arse. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, I have a good life and despite 2 MC I have a beautiful DD (2). I know that lots of people are worse off then me.
Now I have to pull myself together and go to work in a little while.
Good luck to everyone (in case I am too to return!)

Chatty I am not yet 10 weeks and have reached new levels of metalling! Having only had a good scan 9 days ago I have booked in for a private one this Saturday as I need constant reassurance that this pregnancy will be ok. I am starting to think that I am nuts though as I can't have a scan every day until my 13 week one which is on the 4th of Jan. I have been posting here since I got my bfp and have found this thread both positive and reassuring which is what you need at this time.
I am terrified of not making it to 12 weeks but to speak to people who have fills me with hope.
I do think I am the tinsiest (ok more than that) nuts as my scan at 6 weeks showed a heartbeat as did the one at 8-9 and I know deep down (well I think I know) that this one will be fine too, so why am I doing it?!! Help am I going mental or is this normal? Oh and I know that if the 13 week scan is fine I will be in investing in a Doppler!

Oh and welcome Jetstar you are so in the right place! And well done for making it to 14 weeks :)

Hello! Just wanted to add my twopence worth for Chatty and Jetstar and any other lurkers, from a fellow lurker. I just occasionally post here too and I think it's something about not wanting to jinx things! Which is ridiculous I know as there's nothing we can do or say (and especially post) which is going to change any outcome. I guess it is that strange sense of failure that I have realised miscarriage has undertones of. I think it's one of the reasons people don't speak out about it publicly. Surely once you are pregnant, having a baby is the most natural thing in the world? Not so for all of us as we know.

Fo the newbies, I am on my third pregnancy of the year, my fifth in total. No children as yet. My first miscarriage of the year was in March and was a dreadful shock, the second in August I almost expected. This pregnancy is so far progressing. I had a good scan yesterday showing a heartbeat again and measuring me just passed 8 weeks. Although it could be just three weeks until I am getting a nuchal, those three weeks feel like decades in terms of what could potentially go wrong. Even though I had a good scan yesterday I already worry that is has gone wrong today! Every twinge and feeling, or indeed every time I DON'T feel anything or get my energy back is a nightmare. Time is dragging.

But what I am leading up to is that the last year would have been a vastly different place for me if I hadn't had the ladies here on the forums to relate to. I don't post on this thread regularly as I have a growing support group of recurrent miscarriers who are on the same treatment as me (for high NK Cells) but the power of being able to go there and off load some of the madness that is going on inside, to people who can actually relate, is unbelievable. I guess what I am saying is that although there are not many of us posting here who are less than 12 weeks at the moment, it would be a shame if we were not joined by those newbies who are just getting their BFPs after miscarriage as they are the ones who truly benefit from being able to come here and mental together! So please, new folk, do join. We need both the new ones to relate to AND the ones who are further down the line to help us see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Big waves to LAF, Knitter, Twitt, Velvet, Confu3ed, lady* and the rest. Thanks for the kind words too after my last posting! Am still lurking... xx

Thanks confu3ed for saying I am in the right place, as I really feel that I don't fit anywhere right now!

Thanks freelancegirl how I wish I had a way with words like you! Ditto the reassurance thing - It's CRAZY!

14 weeks is brilliant jetstar! It really looks like this is going to work out for you at this stage.

I guess the thing is to just try to take every day as it comes. I am not sure any of us will ever been completely sure it is all going to work out but I gather from those a bit further ahead that you do start to get a bit less mad as time progresses. But it's all hard. It's refreshing to hear that those with children already find it just as hard. One of the things that freaks me out is having never had a successful pregnancy I don't have any positive experiences to compare any of my symptoms to! I am told it is normal for symptoms to come and go but every time I feel a little bit less nauseous it freaks the hell out of me.

There is no trick for the waiting between scans except the waiting... There's nothing we can do to take our minds off it! I count off days on the calendar but they ooze by very slowly. One thing I have noticed is it is good to schedule scans for the morning so at least you are not waiting all day.

The waiting for scans is truly awful! I had a Doppler and used it every day from 14 weeks til about 20 weeks and even then I'd use it if she wasn't moving much or I just needed to hear her heart. I was quite lucky as my placenta was high and at the back so it didn't interfere but be warned dopplering can cause more mentalling if you can't find the heartbeat.

I think maybe we've gotten so used to how our various mc threads work e.g. some people don't join the list for a while, there are lurkers, people don't move to the grads list til much later etc that it may seem a bit intimidating for newbies to join.

I absolutely understand that it is scary seeing people who are much further on than you and wishing the weeks away but we have all been there and so can continue to support each other whatever stage we are at. These threads have saved my sanity over the past 18 months!

freelance well done on getting to 8 weeks. I do occasionally lurk on the pred thread to see how my compatriots from the testing thread on the RMC board are getting on. There is small comfort knowing that you have passed milestones where previous pregnancies failed.

I remember the feeling all too well of the elation of a good scan, freelance and then the panic the following day, that it could all be wrong. I'd be counting down the days until when I'd see my baby again. I had bi weekly scans at St. Mary's, but it wasn't enough to me. Daily scans seemed perfectly reasonable in my mind.

Confu3ed I was very close to booking a private scan between 8 and 9 weeks, but I couldn't get an appointment, so I was thwarted. I did come to the realisation that I would still start counting down the hours to the next one. I had to come to terms with the uncertainty in pregnancy, one way or another. I had to find a way to be at peace on a basic level. I don't know exactly how I did it, but I think that the self awareness of my fears and what the alternatives were to allaying my fears were (not sensible to have daily scans, as it would bankrupt me) made me chill out.

However, jetstar I bought a doppler and used it from about 14 weeks. I'd use it twice a day, when I woke up and when I went to bed, so I was able to mental away until the 20 week scan, so I'm not some sort of zen posterchild for a chilled out pg after RMC. I actually, used the doppler last night as baby was having a quiet day, for the most part. It was quite amusing because when I put it on my stomach, he kicked or punched it, I imagined him telling me, mum, grow up, leave me alone, stop worrying about me, can't we just go to bed now? I laughed and put it away.

Thinking of you all....

Hi ladies
Popped in from the grads thread to see how youre all doing. I'm feeling very reflective right now. 39 wks today, cant really believe it and feeling v emotional about the fact that this time last year i was awaiting a second scan to confirm my 2nd mc and that baby had indeed stopped growing. That scan was on the 22nd which is my due date for this baby. I hope no-one minds me posting here, particularly given the current discussion about the stages that everyone is at and how that can feel intimidating sometimes. I still cant really let myself believe that we'll hopefully have a baby at some point in the next 3 weeks. Despite all of the scans (ive had a lot!), despite seeing so many others reach the end of their journey and trying so hard to be positive, the fear unfortunately remains and at times i still remember those early stages and stresses so accutely. Ive had a flurry of friends announce pregnancies this week and although im truly pleased for them all, that niggling feeling of 'how did they find it so easy to now be on number 2' or 'how do they feel confident to share their news on facebook' still get me, and then i feel awful for it.

Anyway, this is just a load of waffle from me so i'll stop now. I hope i dont sound unappreciative to those of you in the early stages, im truly amazed and blessed that the aspirin seemed to work for me and that ive actually made it this far. I also hope i dont sound negative and that it never gets any easier, it does, ive had some exciting times and points where ive felt less scared and anxious and then other times when i dont seem to believe im pregnant and just cant find peace.

Wishing you all lots of luck and strength on your journeys wherever they may take you and thanks to all of you that have contributed to this thread which ive found a lifeline over the past 18 months (both as shit scared lurker and serial poster!). Good to see freelance lurking back here and to hear that things seem to be heading in the right direction.

chatty I hope you're still there.... even if just lurking... I do worry that there are other lurkers out there who are a bit swamped buy us who are further on. I think it's just that we're a weirdly talkative gaggle... I guess we need a few more posters from early days of pg to balance us out!

I'm 18 weeks tomorrow and while I can talk about everything on here I haven't posted my pregnancy on FB yet... DH and I were doing xmas cards and we have put that I'm pg in a few of them... obviously I became convinced that I'd jinxed everything... but a quick go on the doppler tonight and all is still ok.

hugs and kisses to you all (especially lurkers :) )

Just to add to what Laf said, I am 35 weeks and still too chicken to move to grads.

Had a consultant appointment today - scan last week all good.