TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

What a stupid woman she sounds like joycep. Some people really do not think. I was at a wedding on Sat night too and I decided to drink just to make sure that no one asked "that" question. Although I did get asked twice if we had children already to which I said no and nothing else so I think they sensed to move the question on.

I have given up not drinking while ttc. I agree that when you've been doing it as long as we have it's not possible. I'm not a big drinker anyway though but at things like weddings it's pretty unbearable to stay sober all night. And my pregnant friend was even drinking at this wedding so I thought there is no way I'm going to be more sober than her and worrying about pickling my non existent two celled bean if she doesn't care about her 17 week bean. To be fair she only had a couple of glasses of champagne and a glass of red but I was a bit because every other pregnant person I know avoids all alcohol.

wine I'm trying to avoid setting myself deadlines that I know now will come and go and I'll still not be pregnant. Hitting 6 months was hard because I really thought we'd do it by then and my body played with me and I had loads of symptoms that month. I was so upset when AF arrived because it meant we were out of the average range. Then a friend got pregnant who started trying 9 months after us, that 9 month mark felt big. Then we went to a wedding that I had planned that I would have a big bump at and of course didn't. Then it was my 30th which really upset me because I always thought I'd have children or be pregnant by then, then our anniversary, then the 1 year trying and so it goes on. I booked this holiday next week because it was un pregnant friendly and I secretly hoped we'd have to cancel but of course that hasn't happened. This is tough.

yuk! I've just seen the video of Beyonce announcing her pregnancy "i want you all to feel the love that is growing inside me". And all that bump rubbing and turning to the side. I feel sick.

She was one of DH's good friend's exes. Luckily I don't have anything to do with her but I have a lot to do with DH's friends. I just hate the thought that his mates now think I'm pregnant. I am sure we are all the same on here but I'm incredibly sensitive about being asked whether we are going to have kids but it is so hurtful when people then jump to the wrong conclusion and spread it...
Skeleton - i like your revengeful tactics , chlmaydia is a great one
Mrsd - i think you are right to not give up alcohol completely. I certainly don't drink as much as i use to and I honestly cannot believe alcohol or eating peas is the reason behind our issues. I think I have learnt that much whilst trying to conceive. I have stopped the grapefruit thing as well. I'm sure eating grapefruit iis not going to help!
oh shut up Beyonce....I wish the DM wasnt online...I don't know what it is about it, I hate reading it but can't help it

Morning ladies. I hope that everyone enjoyed the long weekend. The thread has been busy. Sorry for not name checking but I have to make tonight's dinner before my sister comes over.

Sorry Joycep about that airhead acquaintance. How dare she tell anybody something like that. It makes me think that she ought to know the truth to make her feel bad but I guess someone like that would only spread that round like some salacious gossip too. If you had have been pregnant she would have so spoiled it by starting a rumour like that. Gah.

On the drinking front I don't really drink anyway but as for all the other dos and don'ts I have totally given up on them and do what the hell I want now. I really don't think that anything I do will make a tiny bit of difference to my pregnant proof body.

Hate deadlines. Like you Mrsd so many have been and gone. I'm now looking at my 35th birthday in a few weeks and of course the Christmas biggie.

I'm just waiting now for the inevitable start of AF (whilst avoiding googling toothache as an early pregnancy sign. Really scraping the barrel by holding onto that as a possible plus!!!). Does everybody else suddenly spiral into the "I'm barren & will never conceive" train of thought when AF comes?

Hello HillBillie Sorry to hear that you're having issues too. Hello to everyone else!

Welcome hillbillie and hello to everyone

Joycep - Really sorry about your experience with that stupid girl. Some people are just so insensitive - - you did so well not to react there and then, I'm not sure I would have been as composed!

It's the one thing that I really struggle with, I can never seem to come up with a decent answer to the question without feeling like crap. And the question has been asked more and more frequently since my sister (younger and not married) announced she was pregnant. The last time a relative said we really should be thinking about having children, I upgraded my usual 'it'll happen when it happens' answer to a snappy 'well, it doesn't just happen to order you know' No one has asked me since!

Thanks for all your wise words about whether you've told people or not, it's such a personal decision and I don't think either me or DH are ready to have that conversation with people yet.

Munki - good luck with 'o' day approaching! I too have read very different things about whether you should save them up or give them a regular clear out so fingers crossed your experiment yields positive results!

I have to admit to having a bit of a breakdown when I heard Beyonce was pregnant. It doesn't help that she's the same age as me and I've seen interviews with her saying 'I think 30 is the perfect age to become a mum' and hey presto, she's about to turn 30 and will have a baby early next year. Grrrrr indeed...

Mrsd I have that very bad and unhelpful habit of setting deadlines too - weddings, birthdays, Christmas. I don't think it can be helped. I've booked to go skiing next Feb with the full intention of not being able to ski due to a huge bump .

joycep I am sorry to hear about that insensitive girl. How very insensitive of her.

On the question of drinking, I drink moderately now but I do drink. At first I banned myself from drinking at all during the 2ww but now I don't bother. Any bean won't even be attached to you until a few days before your period is due. And most of the pregnant women I know do drink (in moderation). Particularly if it is not their first pregnancy. And none of their kids have shown any ill-effects.

ladygee we haven't told anyone about ttc. It's a personal decision. We are quite private people and I don't feel comfortable thinking people are feeling sorry for us or talking about us behind our backs. I've just found out from a friend (who was gossiping) that two other friends have just started ttc. I'm pretty sure they told this friend in confidence so it backs up my decision not to tell other people because it seems that people can't keep this sort of thing to themselves. I suppose it's fine other people knowing if you get pregnant fairly quickly but I don't think I'd like the pity if people knew that we still weren't pregnant. I don't know what we'll do about telling people when we do ivf, it's probably something that's harder to keep secret.

On top of hearing about these two friends (so now I'm going to be waiting for their scan photos to pop up in my email box) I've also heard about another two school friends who are upduffed.

Hello ladies, hope you don't mind me popping in to say Hi?

Joyce what a nightmare woman! You showed such restraint and can feel proud that you have come out of the situation with much more dignity than her. I am sure most people would probably take it as the silly gossip that it was - to be honest if that's the sort of thing she goes round doing she probably doesn't have much credibility! What an idiot. (Sorry, I was just on your behalf - I hope you don't mind)

Ladygee I always struggled with what to say too - I'm hopeless at making something up on the spot and I always wanted to say something really biting (and I am sure a few times my response was along the lines of it not happening to order) but then I'd panic and not be able to form a cohesive sentence. Which annoyingly makes everyone think you're hiding a pregnancy! For this reason I never enquire - people will jolly well tell you when they're good and ready. It should be against the law to ask people.

Gah I saw all that tosh about Beyonce rubbing her bump and wanting us all to feel the love growing inside her - WTF? There have been rumours about her being pg for ages and a teeny bit of me was kind of hoping that just maybe they had had a bit of trouble (I am such a bad person ) but then someone said she had said she wanted a baby at 30 and bingo - grrrrr! I mean what sort of an evil person am I wishing that she would have had to suffer to get there - eek!

Euro is it an HSG x-ray thing you're having? I never had to have antibs for mine. Sounds like you've thought it all through and made a good choice.

On the alcohol front I started off religiously not drinking in the 2ww but then you get to the thought of 'what's the point of that?' (not that I was being at all defeatist you understand . I think once you've been going for a while it isn't realistic to be practically tee total, and as you say it just makes people question and poke their noses in. I never got hammered or anything in the 2ww but I would certainly enjoy a glass or two every now and again.

Hope everyone else is doing OK xx

Yes, that's the one biscuits.

As I've said before on here I have been open with everyone apart from work folk about ttc. My mum knows. My close friends know. Anyone who pokes their beak in and asks awkward questions soon finds out! It works for me. I find it considerably reduces the stress. I don't have to wonder if people are speculating about us.

It helps I think that bar a couple of exceptions I am surrounded by people who have not got upduffed (or stayed upduffed) easily. My mum miscarried 4 kids after me and apparently took a year to get PG with me at the tender age of 24 - eek. My dad is an only and I would guess that wasn't by choice. There are 10 years between my mum and her only brother. Out of my close friends, besides two who seem to only need to look at a penis and they are pregnant, I have one who has 3 ICSI kids, one who is downregging for IVF now and one who has had 3 early miscarriages in the past year. We've all been pretty open about what we are going through.

joycep you are amazing - I'd have blown my top!!

To add, I've told my two bfs, as I've probably mentioned we all started trying together as we are v close. They both now have baby boys and I feel very much out of it. My mum and brother know, as do a few work people I'm close to. I am not a private person at all, sometimes to my detriment. It helps me to just unleash things, if people ask, and keeps me sane. That said, 2 other close friends are currently trying and I've hidden it from them quite sneakily so they can reveal their inevitable pregnancies without worry, if that makes sense.

I just saw my first underage and pregnant on iplayer. Why I do this to myself i don't know. It made my blood boil to see one baby so very unloved. Grr.

Also - biscuits how are things going?

hey Biscuits how are you? I hope you are accosting strangers in the supermarket and asking them if they can feel the lurrve ala Beyonce seriously though if I had to shag Jayzee even once, or sit down to dinner every night with him, I think I would go crazy (and not as in 'crazy in love' either) so, ya know, hats off to her
Pout I have a day (at least...) of crying, and shouting WTF is wroooong with us???!!! at dh the day before Af when spotting starts and have those 'barren forever and ever' type thoughts, then I dust myself off and begin to feel hopefull again about day 3 or so when I've accepted that the month is a wash out and start focusing on the new cycle. Dunno how many cycles I can keep the positivity after AF going though as a natural pesimist...

All going ok here thanks ladies - although very s..l..o..w..l..y

I am 10 weeks tomorrow - nice to be in double figures but the m/c I had (before DS) was between weeks 10 and 11 so nervous times. Although on that occasion the bean had stopped developing at 5/6 weeks and since we saw a heart beat at 8 weeks I know that we can't have an exact repeat of that, but nervous times anyway. 12 week scan is 2 weeks on Friday.

So far I have managed to refrain from asking people to feel the love. Although naturally I do get mistaken for Beyonce a lot when I'm out (erm....) so no doubt that particular problem will just increase as our pregnancies advance - what a bind

Can you imagine if anyone tried to feel Beyonce's bump - you'd have a restraining order slapped on you within seconds!

Oh, and Skeleton - I hear you re Jayzee - bleh!

Hello

Sorry I've not been around lately, back to work after 7 weeks off. I'm not charting on anything this month (can't be bothered!!). Dh is finally having his tests on Friday though! Whoop, whoop!

Hope all are well x

biscuits I had a mc then an early scan in my next pregnancy, I was told that once you've seen a heartbeat there is only a very, very tiny chance of mc so I am sure you will be absolutely fine - congratulations!

I think o day may have been yesterday, had a positive opk on mon and my temps have gone up today (for the moment I have given up the relaxed approach and am doing everything to try and get pregnant, think we need all the help we can get).

It's a bit weird as yesterday was cd12 and I normally o around cd15-16, not sure what that's all about, maybe all the vits I'm taking have brought it forward. Anyway managed to swi a few times so hopefully have given DH's knackered depleted sperm the best chance of limping to the egg.

Morning lovely ladies!

I can't believe the time of munki's post, please tell me you are in a different time zone. I felt all virtuous and sleepy at my desk already. But hey. Also the image of your OH's limping sperm has made me smile. I am quite sure my O has been and gone over the anniversary weekend. No need for details, but I surreptitiously (sp?) wave at pout and she'll know what I mean. Oh, and we gave my DH's limpers a good chance too. And it did not feel like a chore, being away in a nice hotel and stuff. And on anniversary sharers, we were v lucky too, massive storms while we were getting ready, but thankfully it calmed a lot before the actual ceremony, and we got to walk outside for a bit afterwards, although the dress had nice brown patches at the bottom, but that is all fair game, right?

Well done for the 8-week flickering heart biscuits that is very good news!! Welcome back karbea! And when is your HSG skelly, you are having it this week, right? And well done for feeling upbeat by CD3! Here hope has not yet returned and I am at CD16... OMG euro that is a lot of trouble TTC in your circle of friends. We just have two friends with recurring miscarriages, both of whom are having healthy pregnancies as we speak (after 4 and 5 m/c respectively) and one friend we met at the fertility clinic, who has PCOS. But that is it, except for us. ladygee I have told half the world, DH only about three people about TTC... It does take the pressure off, I found too.

Oh pout toothache as a pregnancy sign :( so not good, I am sorry and I totally sympathise with the lack of hope! Has AF arrived by now? It is just not fair and very frustrating. Mrsd we are approaching a whole bunch of deadlines, in the shape of weddings etc that I was going to sport a bump or at least not be allowed to drink! So now I am considering testing too early next week, so that I can avoid alcohol because clearly this will be the month... Setting myself up for some disappointment there. Not good! Oh joycep wat a COW. I love the chlamydia-rumour reaction. I suggest you go with that one!!

Anyway, I best get started and you'll forgive me if I just wave at the rest of you lovely ladies, leaving cupcakes (practicing for a wedding on Sat) and some

Maybe munki was posting from bed?

I've told all of my friends, I think everyone assumed we would be trying as soon as we were married, being we are so elderly!

I gave up looking for signs months ago, I've had a few months when I was sure I was and I wasn't, so...

How long did it take for the sperm results to come back? Did they give your dh's advice on how to improve the results?

I need to book in a smear as well, oh the joy!

Haha drizzle don't worry, I was posting from bed on my phone - have set my alarm so I can take my temp/swi if necessary as early as poss! Wonder how long before I get bored of doing it? Probably when AF turns up and I get all nihilistic and decide the universe is against me (I totally know what you mean pout - I have the same rollercoaster ride every month, psychotic anger towards all pregnant people/total hopelessness just before AF, then a bit of hope/determination that next time we'll do it after af starts properly, then maniacal symptom spotting, then downward spiral back to the beginning)

What a relief munki although nice and early for SWI. I just turn up late at work when we've DTD on gyn's orders... My boss knows and also knows not to ask!

On psychotic anger, I share that with you munki and pout, I am so not looking forward to the wedding in case of unexpected bumps :( and the people getting married have told DH (his side) that they are going to start TTC, so yet another couple to overtake us . I was displeased wiht beyoncé news as well, especially the manner of announcing. I still think that is plain RUDE!

Morning everyone,

That's awful that you know so many people having problems ttc euro. Although I think it must be nice to know people going through the same thing. I have the opposite, my family and friends are all super fertile. All my family who were in serious relationships had their first child in their twenties and my friends all seem to have no problems at all. They decide to have a baby and then that's it they're pregnant. It's one of the reasons I haven't told anyone because I've racked my brains trying to think of someone I could speak to who would understand but I can't think of anyone. I just don't think it would be the same talking to a pregnant person.

lemon I've started to hate weddings as much as pregnancies because now I think they're getting married because they already are pregnant or they are going to start trying and then will overtake us. I found out yesterday that a school friend who got married at the end of August last year is due in Feb. And another one who got married the beginning of July is due in Feb too. I hate this being overtaken feeling.

skeleton I feel positive from about CD4 until about 5dpo. It must be linked to hormones or something because I have a melt down at about the same time each month, CD6. Yesterday I cried for about 2 hours solid over nothing in particular, just the sheer hopelessness and frustration of it all. Up until then I'd felt fine this month. And interestingly when I didn't ovulate last month I didn't feel that emotional so I think it must be something to do with progesterone. DH was quite sweet while I was sobbing hysterically, saying that he feels just as frustrated and that he wishes he could say something to make it all ok. I do feel a bit like hiding under a rock at the moment as now I know another two friends are ttc I'm dreading seeing them and being told they're pregnant. Does anyone else ever feel like hiding away?

pout how's the toothache today? I've woken up with a sore throat so I'm adding that to my symptom spot. I have very sore boobs too which started yesterday so I'm wondering if I ovulated earlier than my temps show because my boobs don't normally hurt until CD8ish. munki I find that the pregnacare vitamins bring my ovulation date forward, no idea why. The local ones I buy here don't have the same effect though. I must study the packet to see what's different. I have to stock up on pregnacare when I get back to the UK.

karbea a smear isn't too bad if you get someone who knows what they're doing and it's so quick. Good luck for the sperm results.

Morning all.

I received a copy of the gynae's copy back to my referring GP last night and as I read the word "normal" about 10 times it dawned on me for the first time that we are hurtling towards a diagnosis of "unexplained". We have my HSG (tomorrow) and a repeat SA for my husband (his volume is the only thing that has not come back as "normal" so far) and if those don't show any problems we end up in the "unexplained" bucket (at least as far as the NHS is concerned).

I think then I will go down the immunology route. I've been following the Pred thread on here and doing my own research and the fact that I have Raynaud's plus a few other family history factors I really think that might be where the problem lies. That is going to cost some serious cash but it should be worth it, because if that is the issue and an embryo just won't stick, IUI or IVF will be a waste of time and money.

I'm on CD8 now and off to acupuncture shortly.

euro I also worry about immunology and have raynauds - what's the link? How do you go about being tested?

THanks ladies. I always worry that I totally overreact to things so it is nice to hear I wasn't from other people in the same boat!

Biscuits - glad things are moving on your end. I'm sure you'll feel a lot happier when that scan is done.

Euro - that's extraordinary you know so many people who are struggling. In a way i can imagine it's comforting not to be the only one I'm in mrsd's position where no one seems to be having a problem and i think it would be nice to have someone to talk to in RL about it. I can't talk to pregnant people and one of my best friends isn't trying and she just doesn't get what we are going through. If 1 in 6 couples have problems, I can't believe we are going to be the only ones out our friends with problems but knowing us, it probably will be like that. ! And sorry about the unexplained issue euro - do you know where you can go and get tested for this immunology stuff? I thought immune stuff was done before you go to ivf but perhaps i am wrong.

Wine- that must be so hard to have 2 bf's who now have kids. i hope they are supportive towards you.

Pout - i hope the witch has stayed away. If metallic taste in mouth is a symptom then i don't see why toothache can't be..!

Mrsd - sorry you had such a lousy day yesterday. And yes i often want to hide away in fact it's more often than not. I really dread seeing people especially the ones who have recently got married. I feel there is a certain expectation on us being at least pregnant by now as well especially by those who aren't proper friends and don't know we are trying. An old friend emailed me yesterday asking me whether i had any exciting news to speak of. I just know she was poking for pregnancy news. I cracked open some cava for an old family friend recently and she said in front of my parents, 'ooh are we celebrating some exciting news Joy'. But I totally agree with you about that feeling of hopelessness and frustration.

Is anyone finding it difficult to look forward to anything? I'm finding it really hard to get excited about anything.

I think that about the 1 in 6 thing too joycep. We can't be the only ones struggling but honestly I've racked my brains thinking of everyone and can't come up with another likely candidate. Maybe some of my currently single friends will struggle when they do eventually settle down but who knows. It seems we really are the only ones. This thread is so important to me because it's the only place where I feel I can say things and other people understand.

I agree with what you said about lifestyle things not making any difference. Our problems are more fundamental than that. I know too many smokers, drinkers, overweight, underweight etc people who conceive easily to think it makes much of a difference.

I know what you mean about finding it hard to be excited about things. The only thing that would make me truly excited would be to be pregnant. Nothing else comes close. I should be feeling happy about going on holiday next week but it's just another holiday with no hint of a BFP.

Is dropping things a pregnancy symptom? So far today I have spilt washing powder all over the utility room floor, dropped a jar of pickles, dropped a carton of juice which then sort of exploded and juice was dripping from all the walls as well as being all over the floor and I've also dropped a runny egg I'd made for my lunch. Not a good day, I might go and have a lie down before I do any more damage.

euro will you get put on an nhs waiting list for treatment if you get unexplained as a diagnosis? Do you think you'll try IUI? Joycep did you make a decision about IUI? I need to contact my gynae again after I have my HSG to arrange ours but I have an awful feeling that AF is going to come at the start of our hols and I won't be able to have a hsg for ages yet. And then it will be ages before we can do IUI. And I don't think we can do IVF before July next year because of cost so I'm feeling thoroughly fed up about all the waiting. I wish I could click my fingers . . .

pout did AF turn up?

Hello everyone,

Mrsd - I absolutely feel like shutting myself away from it all most days. As joycep says I dread seeing friends and family for fear of pregnancy announcements and the dreaded questions. Last time we went to see my sister-in-law I felt sure she was going to announce she was pregnant, I'd got it all worked out in my head (she never invites all the family round together, her other half was coming home from work early to see us, they've finally finished sorting the house out) and I couldn't relax until I'd seen her drink at least two big glasses of wine! It's horrid but this is just an example of what goes through my head now before any social occasion.

Joycep I'm with you on the not getting excited about anything. Having a baby is ALL I can think about and the total lack of control over what happens and when is really hard - so, yep, a pretty consistent feeling of hopelessness is the result for me. I know we should keep positive but it's damn hard sometimes. I think I'm in a bit of a slump all round at the moment and need something to kick me into action.

biscuits - so glad all is going well and you're moving towards that 12 week mark. I would definitely second your law about not asking people!

euro - sorry you know so many people who have or are struggling. Depending on the outcome of our next appointment, I might say a bit more to close friends and family. In a strange way, I think I'd be ok with talking to people if I could tell them what the next steps were (IVF) but we're not quite there yet.

Karbea - My smear is due next month too - any excuse to be poked and scraped at the moment! I think they say it takes around 10 days to get the SA results back, but it was more like a week for DH.

Better get back to work... so hi to everyone else