TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

Euro - nice baby! Although i'm well aware of money pit cars. It's always the good looking ones as well. DH's car burns money and i'm desperate for him to get rid of it so I can choose a sexy car that i like.
Lemon - uum thank you for the pear tart, v sweet of you. I don't know why she upped the dose, i guess the rationale is so i produce more than one egg and then hopefully one of those will fertilise. But I had 3 when i was on clomid and escaped the swimmers.
mrsd - your lunch sounds SO much worse than mine. You poor thing. I wouldn't know how to answer back to that comment. What an awful thing for that woman to ahve said. People don't think at all do they. I'm not going to see pregnant friends from now on because it just makes me feel awful. And from now on i will just see babies on a one to one basis where there can be no smugness and showing off between mums. Mrs D - will you let people know if you go through ivf? Or do you think you will tell people once you have a baby ?
And what a horrible dream. Poor you. I've also had a lot of pregnancy dreams in the last few months. I hate waking up because it take me a minute to realise it's not true.
Ladygee - welcome back and i'm sorry that you have a problem with your right tube. I can imagine it's very daunting when the prospect of going down the ivf route is suddenly upon you as we all hope it won't come to that. I guess it's sometimes best to get on with it , if it feels like it is putting of the inevitable. Keep us posted of how yuo are getting along.

To be fair, that woman at the party had had a few to drink and I think she was trying to make conversation by asking if I had kids and then when I said no asking when we would. Her "joke" about being 50 and having IVF probably seemed funny to her but it hit a raw nerve with me. She isn't to know that we will be having IVF.

I don't know if we'll tell people about ivf. Because we're not in the UK, it's easier to hide it from family and a big part of me thinks that they don't need to know. I'm worried that once we tell them then I can't untell them and I'm worried about their reactions. I think we'll get the "are you sure you're doing it right?", "2 years is no time, it took aunt flo 40 years", "but ivf isn't natural", "there are so many risks with ivf" etc, etc. And I don't think that will be helpful. Also, knowing my family they will ring every day wanting an update even when nothing is happening and I don't think I could cope with that. But, I might end up blurting it out at some point. We'll see.

ladygee nice to see you back. I think there are a couple of us on this thread hurtling towards IVF now. It will be nice if we can support each other through it.

joycep I think limiting contact with pregnant friends is a sensible thing to do. I decided to do that on Friday after spending 30 mins listening to a friend who is due any day telling me how horrendous an internal scan is and how I have no idea about the awful things she's having to put herself through. If only she knew the delights of the dildo cam, hsg (which I haven't had but will do before ivf), numerous poking about etc. I sort of find it amazing that someone can get to 40 weeks and this be the first internal examination when we have all had worse and no hint of a BFP.

Thanks lemon and mrsden for your replies. I realise that your both right I just needed someone outside my bubble to say it. My dh probably did think I was shutting him out and he is concerned i'm putting too much pressure on myself with now unrealistic expectations. Still not happy about MIL comments but hey ho. I don't think he has come round to the idea we may need help. He wants our children conceived entirely out of love and not science. Somehow I need to get to the way of thinking I had when I wasn't ttc so that I can be relaxed. Easier said than done when i'm using EWCM to figure out when af due. PMA here I come.

Mrsden so sorry for your dream, the subconscious is cruel.
Eurochick hope your car ok

Hi everyone, I've not been reading or posting recently due to wedding planning, wedding, then honeymoon. Back at work today, but finding it hard to concentrate. Trying to avoid going back to the start of this thread and reading it all - would take far too long and I really do have to try and work. So I'm just going to have to apologise for not really knowing what's going on here. I hope everyone is well and that things are looking good.

We were really lucky with our wedding, luckily all our friends are pretty immature and feel far too young to have children. Though they're all in their 30's now, and a few recently married. I did have a dream on my wedding night that everyone had told me they were pregnant. I was trying to smile and tell them all how happy I was for them. So glad it was just a dream, and one I could dismiss immediately on waking as very unlikely to have really happened!

My mother did however raise the topic of kids over the wedding dinner. She know's we've been trying for over a year now, and we've not told DH's parents. I really wish she had a little more sensitivity and sense sometimes. She is still convinced we're doing it wrong, and that the cure to our infertility is to get drunk and have sex. No timing, temping, charting, drs. It worked for her, it must therefore work for me. She was fed up trying for her 4th (in her 40's) that after a year she started looking into adoption. We had the interviews with social services etc, then she got pg. She seems to have forgotten how she felt while ttc though, or just doesn't think to relate what she went through to what we're going through. Sigh.

I've realised reading through just this page that there are all sorts of people I don't know. So welcome to the new people, and welcome back to any others who I just didn't meet in my previous posting. My post became a bit me, me, me.. I wasn't intending on doing that, sorry. I'll get back to constantly refreshing the page to read the thread as it happens, and start understanding more of what's going on with other people.

Hugs for you all.

Stasi welcome back!
Glad you had a lovely wedding and honeymoon, horrible being back in reality!

Welcome back stasi and massive congratulations. How does it feel to be a married woman? How was the honeymoon?

There is a pregnant woman at work who has been a very non-annoying pregnant person so far because she hasn't really mentioned it much, and only talked about it when asked questions. But yesterday and so far today she has done nothing but moan. How tired and exhausted she is, how she aches, the baby kicks too much, hates her shape, bump too big, can't wait for maternity leave to start etc, etc. In fairness, she does have a busy job and she must be feeling uncomfortable now (she is 28 weeks) but I'm having to bite my tongue not to scream "stop moaning, I want to be pregnant like you!". And I know the pregnancy was planned because she made no secret that she was ttc (it took her 3 months) so I am failing to feel much sympathy. I think I am a bitter person.

I've just seen on the Daily Mail website (my guilty lunchtime pleasure, to catch up on UK celeb gossip) that Chantelle is pregnant, isn't she the one we talked about earlier on in the thread? I thought she was infertile? Well, apparently not.

Thanks mrsden and joycep - it's good to be back. I'm trying to be positive and stop wallowing in self-pity. I think I've been through different stages over the past couple of weeks and seem to be finally accepting that IVF is our best (only) option.

Hi stasi - I think I'm one of the people who stopped posting and has started again whilst you've been busy getting married! Congratulations on your wedding - I hope it all went well. Where did you go on honeymoon?

mrsden - I've just seen that story about Chantelle and Alex Reid. Gah. Part of me wants to think 'what a lovely story, there's hope for us all'. But then the bigger part of me (the cynical, bitter part) says it all seems a bit dubious (and unfair)... She announced she was infertile in the Summer, then they announced they were trying IVF in September - after 2 and a half months of trying, now she's nearly 12 weeks pregnant PR stunt to show he has super-sperm after all (after he was dubbed infertile when he and Katie Price were trying) or genuine happy ending? Sorry - I'll now remove my 'bitter & twisted' hat and go back to work.

Hi, thanks for the welcome and congratulations. I'm not really enjoying being back to reality and work, but being married is nice. DH keeps getting a big smile on his face and saying "we're actually married", which is sweet and makes my heart melt into gooey squishiness. We're both also really happy we no longer have to plan a wedding!

I want to get some ideas around what's wrong with me/us, I think it must be awful to be told IVF is your only chance, but right now I'm not sure I wouldn't prefer to at least know. I don't mean to make it sound like you should be glad you need IVF, and I'm sure it'd be devastating to actually be told that.

The closest I can come to understanding it is to relate it to being told I had cancer. Scary as anything, but looking back at it, I think it was better to know rather than the 18 months of just being ill with no explanation. Also the alternative diagnosis which was a life long, and life limiting, condition with no cure.

I guess I'm saying IVF is an awful thing to have to go through, but I'm sure when it's worked for you, and you're holding your baby, you'll look back and wonder if it wasn't better than years of "unexplained" infertility.

I like your conspiracy theories ladygee and I think there might be something in it. I'm always sceptical when celebs who make their money from magazines and photo shoots get married, have babies etc. Maybe it's a miracle, but it does seem strange that KP tried IVF with AR because she couldn't conceive with him, then it happens straight away with his new partner even though she had been told she would need IVF to have a baby. But I suppose it could have just been extremely good luck and so it should give us all hope. But it does feel a bit like the whole world can get pregnant except for me. I want my miracle to happen.

ladygee it has taken me several months to get my head around IVF. And I'm still not totally ok with it. I keep thinking that maybe we will get a miracle and we won't need it. But then I remember how bad the sperm results are, and I know I need to be realistic. When do you think you will start? Are you going private?

Congrats Stasi!

Ladygee, I'm another one trying to get my head around IVF and desperately hoping for a miracle natural BFP in the meantime!

Just read about Chantelle and Alex. Quite a few people do get pregnant just when they are about to start IVF etc.
I'm quite excited, apparently the mid-cycle blood tests at ARGC aren't midcycle but are normally 7days after day 1-3 blood tests so hopefully I can get it all done before I go away... as long as AF turns up as early as has been normal as of late!

Just popping in to say I've also read the CH/AR/KP story and feel a bit about it all.

I read a link to an article in (I think) the Daily Mail? The whole thing just sounds the way it happens in soaps. Terrible trouble for KP/AR after 6 mths? Then CH getting pg in what just have been the very first month of trying?

But what made me most about the article was when it said how defensive AR was about not conceiving with KP. The whole 'the doctors say my swimmers are like superman swimmers' or whatever. It's that kind of attitude that makes subfertility such a 'taboo' subject. The 'well it's not my fault' thing . It's comments like that that make men all the more about having their tests and all defensive about the whole thing (well, not my DH as he'd never have heard of AR or CH and I'm pretty sure he doesn't read the DM, but you know what I mean). Whereas we're expected to have every bugger look up our fanjo to find something.

I should disclaim here and say my DH was never too bad about having tests etc, but there is a lot of that sort of sentiment around. And media attitudes like that make it all the worse. Grrrrrr

the other thing was how it came across like they now don't believe what the fertility doctors told them.

Tut, Karbea. Don't you know it's a well-known fact that z-list reality tv stars have far more medical knowledge than those silly people who work in the field?

Oooo, I've just seen we're about to fill this thread up. I'm going to start a new one staying with 10 months rather than upping it again, because that is a flipping long time for anyone to be trying and hopefully we can offer support to any new long term ttcers who find us. I hope that's ok with all of you!

Biscuits - it was the superman swimmers comment that I took most offence to too - for all the reasons you've said. It seems to be more acceptable for women to have problems and stories like this just make it worse. Though I don't know many men that would look at AR as much of a role model so maybe we shouldn't dwell on it too much!

Stasi - I'm sorry, I didn't realise you've had cancer. How awful. Is everything ok now? It sounds like your first few weeks as a married couple have been just lovely.

I know what you mean about it being better to know what we are dealing with and I am grateful for that. I know two couples (friends of friends) who have had several different diagnoses over the past six years and are only now being offered IVF. I can't imagine how they feel after all that time.

Mrsden - It's strange - I still change my mind from day to day about what we should do and when we should do it (hence my first post back containing a lot of 'I thinks'), and whether I'm even ok with the thought of IVF. At the moment, we're thinking we should just get on and pay for the treatment ourselves in January (and cancelling Christmas so we can afford it!). We'd still go to the same hospital as we would if we were on the NHS and, if it wasn't successful, we'd still be on the waiting list for NHS treatment. We went to an information evening at the hospital we would go to last week and, whilst it was very scary, it was reassuring too. This was for lots of reasons but mainly:

1, there were lots (20-30) of other couples in the room all of whom looked very normal to me. Sounds silly, I know, but I hope you know what I mean?

2, the embryologist who was there explained the process and there is more 'natural selection' than I had anticipated at various stages

3, the consultant said that IVF does two things - it gives you the chance of becoming pregnant/having a baby but it also is the next stage in finding out how your body works and how to compensate for any problems. So, basically, if it doesn't work first time round it isn't wasted as they'll know better how your body responds to IVF next time round and your chances increase as a result.

We have our next appointment on Friday so we're making a list of questions to go with and then we'll make our decision.

Gosh this is a monster post, sorry! I just thought, for mrsden and euro in particular, that some of that might be helpful. Equally it may just be a garbled ramble - apologies if it is!

Just to make sure everyone finds the new thread, here's a link

Hi ladies! Do you mind if I join you?! I've been lurking for a little while but only just got my act together to join MN...

I think I'm in a similar situation to some of you.. Here's our TTC "story" (vom!) I'm 33 and DH is 32 and we've been trying about 16 months, eek! Finally went to the Drs in Sept and I had 28 day blood tests for like everything (5 pots taken and one huge bruise!) and DH had a SA. My tests all came back fine, but his were pretty disasterous :( count of 3 million, very few normal ones and crap motility too. Anyway he's had to do a 2nd test and has a urologist appointment in Dec. Has anyone else's DH had one of these? Did you go with him (currently a topic of debate in the Gin household)? Suspect IVF will be the only route to a BFP for us.

Anyways, just wanted to pop in and say hi. Will be great to speak to others going through similar. And here, have some nice, seasonal sloe gin :)

Gin - welcome! I should just point you in the direction of the new thread though, as this one is nearly full. I'm on phone so can't link but Stasi did a link before. Or, it's in Conception called 'TTC 10 mths plus - part 4' or some such thing. Hopefully see you there!!

Technically I'm a graduate, having got my BFP after 19 mths of ttc, but you could wish for a lovelier more supportive group of ladies!

Hey Gin - move over to the Part 4 thread :-)

We had a dodgy first sperm test with 3%morphology. After 3 months there was lots of improvement with motility and the morphology went up to 7%. A vitamin regime and cutting back on caffeine seemed to have helped. Since then, dh has also changed diet and started swimming. I think it takes a while to change sperm and you might be able to get it into a better shape. As dh is now borderline, the urologist is no longer on the cards, even though it was mentioned at the start. We always go to all apts together, so it's team fertility I was glad dh was there to hold my hand at the hycosy and I'd go with him to a urologist, but I guess it's all a personal choice?

See you over in part 4!

Welcome gin. My DH has very poor sperm too. I am going to write you a proper, long reply on the new thread, part 4. See you there

Hi gin you sound like a lovely 10 month+ lady, do come over to the new thread but in the meantime I'll have a large one please

Hello girls,

its been around 9 months since i posted. Its funny reading my old posts and how confident I sounded about it. I was certain that it would happen immenently. Well, it didn't/hasn't.

The other half had his test and is all normal there. I also appear to be OK from the bloods & ultrasound. The GP just tells us to keep trying/shag more. But here we are still, 20 months later.

I've been using the clear blue monitor all that time. It just took a couple of cycles to calibrate. I get two peak/ov days every cycle, like clockwork.

Frustrate-ey!