TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

Hi kitty it is the same friend. She's fairly disinterested in her pregnancy and very matter of fact - it's all rather strange. But I think when you conceive straight away it must be a very very different experience?

You made me feel better by saying that periods can make us feel so shitty. Its annoying as I was just starting to feel better and this feels like a set back! I've done very little today. In a way, I wouldn't be surprised to be told I've got endo and it would make a lot of things make sense.

I've been rubbish with exercise of late. But I was super super fit over the summer and it didn't make for a better egglet! I'm still doing hatha yoga but don't feel into running and bikram just yet. I dreamt of bikram last night, i miss it so much! It will be nice when I can do that again. Ante natal yoga will be even better

My acu has given me a list of foods for blood building etc. Whilst they don't all appeal, I'm going to give it a good go this month and continue to see her every week. Peoples Christmas presents may be a little more budget than deluxe...so today we have tucked into roasted chestnuts followed by roast with leafy greens (and garlic mash, not on the list!). Tomorrow is aubergine parmigiana with beef tagine on tue to get in beef and apricots. I don't hardly eat meat, but I'm going to see what happens when I do. I'm rambling!

Wine - I am sorry about AF. It ne'er gets easier and those hormones are the worst to deal with. Generally I get irritable and then weepy with AF although this month I was ok when AF arrived. Also am sorry about your shopping hell. You're a better person than me. I couldn't handle maternity shooping.

Kitty - I am also going to get into some fitness regimes. Its a good plan.

So after thinking I had turned a corner with positivity and being able to handle babies rather than pregnant women, I have gone off a bit of a cliff this weekend. Had the most awful lunch with friends yesterday and 3 newborns. It was unbelievably depressing and I was trying desperately not to cry in front of everyone. My very good friend seemed to be really smug and was showing off a lot and she was just talking non stop about baby stuff. There was a lot of kissing and cuddling and exclamations of how cute babies were and to be fair they were all adorable but sitting in the middle of it felt horrible. There was quite a lot of terminology they were using i didnt understand and I felt so out of place and realised how I am clearly drifting apart from friends. They are all in such a happy mummy zone which is a club I am not in and all I could think was I have to go home and inject myself with fertility drugs .

Xclose friend really didnt seem interested in what we had been up to and our house hunting. DH and I had to leave after a few hours and we just walked out agreeing how depressing it all was. I think the drugs I am on are making feel miserable so I hope this passes. We've agreed we will avoid group lunches like that again. I am so sad we have become like this as it's not us at all but we can't seem to help it.

Sorry for the depressive post. Probably not what Anyone wants to read.

joycep the lunch sounds like a total nightmare. If it's any consolation, most of my weeping this morning was the realisation that I'm rapidly getting left behind with only one of my friends left who isn't upduffed or with a little baby. This is problematic on a number of levels. (into lists today)

1. I am on the 'other' side. I haven't braved pushing a watermelon out of my fanjo or recovered from a c section. I still get lie ins and to be spontaneous, I can't really sympathise with exhaustion and sleepless nights, or incontinence or boob abscesses or baby illnesses or expressing milk. In fact, not only do these conversations make me feel clueless and inadequate as a woman and friend - they bore the pants out of me!

1. My friends have changed. They have a little person as a priority. They don't really drink anymore, can't really go out v often and are all broke. I miss wine nights out and talking about sex and boys and films and music and books and holidays. They're still my friends - but we are on shifting tectonic plates?

1. I'm on the otherside by choice. I'm stranded here and they can't help me. That makes for a strangeness.

1. They have, understandably, made new friends, through ante natal classes, that get them and have a shared thing in common. I know this is totally right for them, but i feel kind of redundant.

This isn't meant to be a depressing post, more to say that i understand. I've tried, since moving north, to make new friends. But that's not so easy in your thirties and the two girls I've bonded with so far have got pregnant this year! I think that's why I'm glad of this thread. I wish we could be friends in the real world. And even though none of us are exactly drinking loads, it would be nice to have cake and coffee raspberry leaf tea with people who understood and, even when we get preggers (which we will) we will know what to say and what not to say and how to soothe each other. But for now, I'm mostly avoiding my friends and will never ever out myself through maternity shopping ever again. Until I'm fat with my own baby. And breathe!

Good luck with the injections.

I'm NoT on the other side I meant. You know what I mean!

joycep that sounds like a special form of torture . I am not surprised you feel so low after that. I think I can handle one at a time, but a clutch of babies/new mums is a bit too much to cope with. Well done for getting through it at all, whatever your inward feelings were.

wine so sorry that AF turned up. I had my fingers crossed for a cluster of BFPs on here. I find it hard these days to decipher how I'm feeling on CD1. I usually feel angry and sad in equal measure. However I don't remember feeling this way before TTC (the mid-month temper tantrum, on the other hand, is a long-term issue ) so I can only assume that, rather than this being a hormonal reaction, it's a genuine response to yet another BFD.

Good show on the exercise kitty

cross-post wine. God those conversations bore the pants off me too. The good news is, when we get pregnant, you don't have to be fascinated by those conversations. I went out with my sister a while ago with about 10 people, all of whom had kids of various ages, except for me. My sister has an 18 month old and she kept rolling her eyes at me and trying to change the conversation round to more interesting topics. So it is possible to have kids and not turn into someone whose only conversation topic is the content of baby's nappy/weaning/crawling/walking/talking etc etc.

Maybe we should have a virtual night out on here one night? All get a bit plastered, and start chatting about all the things you mention :)

I like the idea of a virtual night out! Yay for nelly you cheer me up. This thread is filling up. What shall our next name be?

joycep ugh, you poor thing, sounds like a nightmare lunch from hell. I would've felt exactly the same. Personally after over a year of ttc I have started to feel well within my rights to avoid this type of schizzle. Yummy mummy lunches and baby showers, no thanks, ttc is hard enough without having friends ramming their fertile goddess tendencies down my throat

It's not their fault that I can't conceive but sometimes it all gets a bit much, especially combined with the sheer tedium of the conversations and the edge of competitiveness about how wonderful it is. I think I would find it easier to accept if people talked more about the downsides of having kids.

wine you are on fire today! Everything you said about how things are changing with your friends, I couldnt agree with more. It's quite sad isn't it. I have a really close friendship group and we've been through so much over the years but it's like this is the one thing that they can't support me with and it's really starting to drive a wedge between us.

Your blood building foods sound yum by the way! I made some blood building soup yesterday, with home made chicken stock, spinach and watercress. It wasnt very tasty but it really made me feel better and got rid of the pale, anaemic feeling almost instantly so I'll definitely make it again round ERTD time.

nelly love the virtual night out idea! I wish we could have a real life night out too, it would be so cool to all go down the pub together. hope you are enjoying the wine

Oh and wine yeah I was thinking about the thread filling up before-we're all over 12 months now aren't we? Boooo

Morning lovely ladies!

CONGRATULATIONS munki that is wonderful news (and I am trying not to allow myself to build up the pressure because it is month 17 coming up here too).

So sorry about That Lunchjoycep, that sounds awful. I avoid those situations. I really admire you for coping for a number of hours. Incidentally, I am really well versed into baby-chat (my sister has had three and we are ridiculously close) but I only do the chat when I feel upto it. Which is not always. And I am determined to avoid the evil SIL for most of her pregnancy. I really don't want to torture myself.

Agree with you kitty that dealing with yummy mummies would be easier if they discussed the down-sides a bit more. But equally, I am so inpatient with the oh-I-am-shattered, oh-I-ca't-drink, etc whinges of pgs. It is the jealousy talking, I guess...

And I admire wine both for shopping with the pg friend and the numerous fab lists . I really agree with much of them. Although luckily, I have several Single Friends, who always want to go to the pub and talent spot (and OMG I have gotten useless at that game since DH). And I have some that are NOT trying. So that helps.

Oh and I was all excited about reading back Nelly's virtual night out, and then it didn't happen. We had an old people's night in (after pubbage with single friends on Sat) and I poached some pears :)

Oh, hormonal mood swings are definitely very familiar here. My DH knows I bite his head off for no good reason whatsoever when AF is on her way. And I have always done this, since well before TTC. On the other hand, being weepy and insecure when I spot (which I do every other month or so) is a TTC special.

I love the sounds of blood building foods, but I always naturally crave beef and spinach from a few days before AF. I always used to joke I could tell AF was on her way by looking in my shopping basket. If I feel the urgent need to make stew/bolognese/etc, I might as well throw in some tampax. This joking was in a time AF would be welcomed with relief rather than hated as it is now...

Morning ladies,

Thanks Joycep & Wine for your reassuring words. I feel much better than I did last week, and have almost convinced myself that a low amh shouldn't mean any less chance of a bfp.

Your lunch sounded horrible Joycep, hope you're feeling better now. I'm with you with your list Wine, and wholeheartedly agree about a night out - virtual or not! In the mean time I'm starting an eating/exercising well plan as of today. Not absolutely sure what this will entail yet, but I'm feeling positive!

Apologies in advance for what i feel is about to be another poisonous rant

wine - you are so much more eloquent with your words than me but your list hits the nail exactly on the head. Yes, yes and yes to all your points. We are all indeed stranded in this miserable place and as much as I tell myself it?s not cancer, i have my health, i am lucky blah de blah, it still sucks. I have woken up again on the wrong side of bed ? teary and seething about that lunch. It was just some of the comments that keep playing in my mind like a broken record. I told my friend about IuI and how undignified it was and I got the ?you need to get use to that? comment as it is much more undignified to give birth. And nothing is as painful as giving birth apparently, it is twenty thousand times more painful than anything else you can go through. zzzzz. And talking of Yummy Mummies, My friend also seems to have had a makeover and a whole new wardrobe since giving birth 6weeks ago. She is suddenly wearing all sorts of clothing and high boots which personally I thought looked terrible on her. The competitiveness for the most glamorous mum has begun. [I will put my claws away now]

Anyway just as I am not part of their lovey mummy group and can?t really play ball with what is going on with their lives as they all, i quote ?now have bigger fish to fry?; they aren?t part of my group either but the big difference is , no one is part of my group in RL. I?m stuck in primary school whilst friends , to use a MN term have graduated.

And as Kitty says it?s not their fault ? this is my problem to deal with. But yes wouldn?t it be easier if mummyhood didn?t sound SO amazing and if babies were ugly rather cute.
On the other foot, I had a dinner last night and there were a lot of newly marrieds there who are DHs friends and I was like an evil hawk looking around the table checking who wasn?t drinking. I felt nervous going as I was worried that someone would make an announcement; it will only be a matter of time. I felt envious of these friends who speak with such confidence of the future and say ?when our kids go to school? etc etc. I use to be like that except now I start conversations with ?if we have kids?.

These upped dosage of drugs must be making me feel rotten because i am normally fine at this point in my cycle and I'm actually not a bitchy person..usually.

At least we squeezed one bfp in before this threads wraps up. Perhaps we should just be the TTC for ever ages thread (12mths plus). If there is one thing I could wish for in the next one and that would be every single one of us will get their bfps.

every single one of us will get OUR bfps

Morning all
Congratulations munki
Its interesting hearing peoples experience with accupuncture I looked into it but it was too expensive. So i'm looking into reflexology instead see if its calming influence can help.

You all sound like you have dh who are supportive even if they haven't quite caught onto the science so I wanted to ask your opinions on the conversation I had with my dh at an extremely ungodly hour.

Recap first:29 years old TTC #1 since Oct2010 after being on pill for three years, now irregular cycle lengths. Saw dr after 11months due to an extra long cycle and raised hopes. dh SA satisfactory no action, my blood tests satisfactory no action although 2nd attempt for progesterone and then on speaking to dr discovered that lh/fsh not in ratio to each other so retest today. PCO mentioned and a scan if todays blood test has same result. Been referred to specialist just waiting for appt.

I have been trying to go for the calm non obsessive approach so only monitoring EWCM so I thought to assist with the calm aspect I would try reflexology. I hadn't had chance to mention this to my dh and he spotted the email communication regarding it.

First it was too expensive and un-neccessary then he decided that a year is no time to be ttc and I was looking for something to be wrong and his mother cant believe that the drs are involved already! Especially as she took a while to get pregnant and so did her mother. Also couldn't see there would be anything wrong with SA because none of the men in the family had ever had problems! Whereas my mother for a change is a little more supportive (mainly due to it taking 8 years for her to have me) and at least said I just needed to be patient.
He also felt that I was putting too much pressure on myself because I had always wanted 2 kids by time I was 30. I knew that would never happen cause I was 24 when we got together.
The only thing that dh said that I felt I could agree with was that its not been the calmest of years with him not always having work.
So what do you think?
Sorry for long post guess I needed to get it off my chest.
Hope everyone well

joycep I am so sorry you feel so bad. I completely understand an sympathise with everything you say (although thank god, most of my new mums just look knackered and like a truck has just run them over ).

My sister incidentally has gone for the high boot approach, but discussed it with me, as follows: "I am fat and I can't find to to exercise (she has 3 under 5s, youngest 5 months) so I wear high heels, so I feel better". This is important to her, especially now she's started back at work. And I can cope with that and I did tell her when I thought one pair was tacky, her DH agreed .

Waves at exercising pixie. What counts as a healthy regime? I am trying to have a bit more fruit and exercise between two and four times a week.

cakes I am confused about what you are asking. Is your DH not on-board with the seeing doctors, after a year? Is he unhappy because his mum is against assistance? Is he unhappy because you are considering reflexology without him? Is he concerned about your expectations (2 children within a year) and accompagnying disappointments?

The main thing I found, is that my DH gets upset when I shut him out. So he would have been horrified to find me considering reflexology without discussing it. He is quite shocked I am considering acupuncture, but happy to let me do as I please, as long as I involve him. I have not kept the science from him, but he is still less aware than me, which I think it healthy.

We do no longer use science and have been back on the SW(ithorwithout)I whenever we feel like it. No babies to show for it yet, but a lot less pressure, although as we are thinking of starting treatment in Feb a bit more pressure by now.

PS I should add DH is happy with me trying acupuncture, but I could not convince him to try any woo, or even any vitamin taking, himself. As they are unscientific

PS2 Joycep never underestimate the power of hormones. Why did they up the dose? And have some unMN-tty hugs and some home-made pear and almond tart (an excellent way to up the amount of fruit we take!)

Hello lovelies,
how are we all? I'm freezing!
Been to the hospital this AM for my Hep b/c and HIV tests, so hopefully results will be back next week for our appnt at the argc.

Hello everyone.

wine they will almost certainly remove any endo they find during the lap. I think that is pretty normal.

joycep I know what you mean about drifting away from friends when they have kids. They just have different priorities (and a lot less freedom to go out and meet friends). I think it gets easier a few years in when they are children rather than babies and it is easier to leave them with sitters.

My husband knows about my acupuncture. He hasn't really expressed a view. I tell him about bits and pieces she tells me and he isn't dismissive but seems a bit detached about the whole ttc business.

I am having an odd month. AF is due today. I usually get a day or two of cramps in the lead up to it but I have nothing going on here. I know I am not PG because I had a BFN on Saturday and my temperature dropped not just a bit but a full 0.5 degrees this morning! But I don't feel PMT-y at all.

I deserve some luck. I spent yesterday afternoon freezing my @rse off by the side of the road, waiting for the RAC and then a tow truck. We had gone to the supermarket to buy lots of lovely food to help nurse our post wedding hangover and instead spent 2.5 hrs wearing only a vest top and cardie (supermarket and its car park are in a shopping mall so you don't need to go outside there) by the side of a London red route, causing traffic chaos. We got visits from the police and firebrigade (there was a lot of smoke/steam). I am now waiting for the verdict on my baby. I LOVE my car. It is a complete money pit though. It's had a new clutch and battery already this year. It makes me sad that it is on the back of a tow truck somewhere (the RAC are storing it overnight because the garage wasn't open on a Sunday). Tis one of these:
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=nissan+350z&hl=en&sa=X&rls=com.microsoft:en-gb:IE-SearchBox&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnsr&tbnid=ZK8M3JjNy2o61M:&imgrefurl=cars.mitula.co.uk/cars/350z-northamptonshire&docid=oU30Ao_uMTPqkM&imgurl=imganuncios.mitula.net/nissan_350z_3_5_v6_gt_supercharged_400bhp_uk_supplied_car_only_35_000_miles_92986075010949912.jpg&w=600&h=450&ei=lgPBTuaJLoWMswaa9fnOAw&zoom=1&biw=1920&bih=1048&iact=rc&dur=347&sig=114339495052960802763&page=1&tbnh=126&tbnw=180&start=0&ndsp=43&ved=1t:429,r:21,s:0&tx=116&ty=54" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Pretty Car
The annoying this is, because it is a 2 seater, I will have to sell it when pregnant, which should have been before now! See, ttc is to blame for everything!

I really must start proof reading my posts. They are always littered with typos!

Oh eurochick I feel your pain, I have a two seater as well and i'm going to have to sell it when we get pregnant, I love my little car. I really should have traded mine in by now either for a newer one or something more practical, but we've waited to see what happens... yes TTC is to blame for EVERYTHING!

Hello ladies,

I completely relate to so much that has been said. wine your list is spot on. That is how I see it too. joycep I'm sorry you had to have such a horrible lunch. I had a similar experience on Sat night. It was a friend's birthday party and within 5 minutes of getting there I realised that I was the only non pregnant or non mother there. It wasn't long before I got asked when we would have kids and I replied with the usual oh, not just yet and this woman who I don't even know said something along the lines of "don't leave it too late or you'll end up being one of those women in her fifties who wonder why IVF isn't working for them". Cow. I really wish I could have thought of a witty reply but I just mumbled something and moved on to the buffet table.

I've decided to cut down contact with pregnant friends because it makes me feel bad. Sometimes when I'm with them I feel like a complete stranger and I'm pretty sure that they think there is really something odd with me because I don't have children. I know that I might lose them as friends but I won't have anything in common with them once they have their babies anyway and they all have new pregnant friends to share the experience with.

cakes I think it takes men longer to come round to the idea that there is a problem. I knew from 6 months that something wasn't right but DH told me that I was being silly and that was no time at all. I made the Dr appointment anyway even though he told me there was no need. When he got back his results he realised I was right. Maybe it was woman's intuition, DH realises now that I do know what I'm talking about. But he still thinks a miracle might happen and he really annoys me when he talks about ivf as though it is a simple process. I do think that men don't have the cycles that we go through so they don't understand how soul destroying it is for us month after month. My DH is not into woo stuff at all and I think he'd be horrified if I was spending money on lots of alternative stuff but I think he's humour me as long as I don't make him do it.

I had an awful dream last night, I was pregnant and so happy. We went for a scan and all of our extended families were there and it was a tv rather than a scan machine thing so we could see the baby in colour and it was waving and giggling and smiling. I was so happy. We sat back down on a couch and when I got up there was a pile of blood and blood was pouring down my legs. I'd lost the baby. I screamed and that's when I woke up. So horrible and it seemed so real.

Dont read the "how likely am i to get pregnant on first month of trying" post... lots of very luck ladies out there, super fertile!

too late karbea, I've just read it. Gah, it's put me back in a bad mood. There is a comment from someone who thinks it would have been nice if she got longer to enjoy trying. Ha, ha, ha.

Hi everyone,

I've been hiding/lurking and not posting lately so hope you don't mind me jumping back in...

Just wanted to say congratulations to Munki - brilliant news and I hope everything goes well from here.

Hello to everyone else!

We've had a few game changing weeks (hence the lurking rather than posting) - between various family members being in hospital and then trying to get our heads round being referred for IVF/ICSI far quicker than we thought. Last time I posted I was just about to go for a HSG but that showed up problems with my right tube, so that - combined with DH's sperm results - mean that the consultant said that IVF/ICSI was the most sensible option.

We were shell-shocked to say the least - DH more so than me as I think he still thought that we had a good chance of things happening naturally if we just waited. We're now on the NHS waiting list (but it's about 12 months where we are) so, I think, we've decided to self-fund a round, probably in the new year, scary but I don't think I have the strength to wait around for a year.

Hope everyone else is ok