Freak Out Room For Those Newly Updiffed After M/C Part VIII

[dooscooby]

Just found out you are pregnant after a previous miscarriage and too nervous to move over the to pregnancy boards? Freaking out about spotting, cramping, symptoms (or lack there of) and nervously awaiting your first scan? Here is a lovely place for lot's of support, hand holding and problem sharing.

Courtesy of owlbooty here are the Ten Commandments of the Freak Out Room.

1. Thou shalt check thy knickers to the point of insanity until the baby actually arrives.
2. Thou shalt also check the loo roll post-wipeage (sorry, gross, I know)
3. Thou shalt bore thy physician and midwife to tears with the mentalling.
4. And thy husband/boyfriend/family/neighbour's cat.
5. Thou shalt obsess over the absence of symptoms.
6. And the presence of symptoms.
7. And the fluctuation of symptoms.
8. Thou shalt pee on a vast number of sticks and keep ClearBlue and First Response in business.
9. The day before any scan extreme mentalling is permitted without recourse to the Haddock.

10. Self-diagnosis with Dr Google is Forbidden.

The Haddock will be applied liberally to all transgressors.

See here for the previous thread

Aw Notnow well done on getting to your 6 weeks - each day is another one further along. I can remember being on here at 6 weeks and thinking i would never get to the heady heights of 7 or 8 or even 9 weeks! But hopefully you will get to tick each of those stages off.

It is really good that they will refer you for an early scan too. I had one at 8 weeks and I think that is a pretty good time to aim for. If there is a heartbeat at 8 weeks the chances of a successful pg increase dramatically ( to something like 90-95% depending on where you read about it). Also by then they should be able to find a heartbeat - if you go much earlier and there isn't one, they never know if it is just that your dates are out and everything is fine, just a few weeks behind where you thought, or if there is in fact a problem. I do know though that 2 weeks feels like a lifetime when you're waiting to tick the days off.

Hope your day of rest has made you feel a bit better - and a good cry most often does wonders for making you feel a bit better and getting it all out of your system (and that's a little bit of what doctors are there for!)

Thanks Biscuit. You see - that's the support thing I was talking about. No one in real life thinks that 6 weeks is a big deal at all, but it is to me.

I do agree that 8 weeks is the best time for a scan. Before that point you can't see very much and if you go at 6 weeks at there isn't a heartbeat yet you may worry yourself sick for no good reason. At 8 weeks you will clearly see the baby and the heartbeat and will be much more reassured.
Every little milestone that you pass is good, keep ticking off those days!

I've just had a phone call from the EPU and they were going to book me in for tomorrow, but as it's quite likely it would be inconclusive anyway, it's booked for next Thurs - 7 weeks, so should at least be able to see a heartbeat if there's one there. So much for my self-control! Scary. Going to have to tell my boss too, as will have to cancel my meeting with him on the day. Urgh.

Oh good luck Notnow - it is at least nice to have a date in mind and something to aim towards.

Is your boss OK about pg type things (not that they have a choice in the matter, but it is nicer when you get someone who is on your team!)

When I was pg with DS my boss was famously non-maternal but actually took it ok about my pg. She was really supportive etc for me but I was the first in a long line of people who all got pg one after another. My friend had a much worse time as she was at the end of the line and I think our boss was a bit bored of it all by then and she kept saying all these derogatory comments about how my friend was giving up this that and the other.

Great news on your scans Scarlet and Dachs !!

Kat heres the doppler i was lookin at. cgi.ebay.ie/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?VISuperSize&item=110736351503 there are tons of that kind on ebay, so you would be best lookin to see what the best price etc is there for you. i was thinkin of gettin it shipped from Wecaremedica in the US as even with postage it works out cheaper than the uk and Irish sellers. Let me know if you get one!!!!!

My boss can be a bit of a git but I think he will come through. The midwife just phoned me about booking in but I said I'd wait until after the scan so I don't have to phone and cancel if all goes wrong. It made me quite teary saying that aloud - makes it real somehow. Might not tell my DH that. He is so sweet but gets cross on my behalf about things that haven't happened yet so maybe doesn't need all my crazy as well as his own.

Apologies NotNow I missed your post as hadn't refreshed the screen since 2pmish... Thats great you got an apmt. And you are definitly in the right place here with us. We know exactly waht your going through. The fear and mentallin in the early weeks is so strong. Good thing is it does subside a bit as time goes on. Sending positive vibes your way x
Oh and 6 Weeks is important :)

Ladies, I have a huge predicament and wondered if I might pick your brains as to how to deal with it.

A bit of background. before getting this bfp we had been ttc for 19 months with nothing. I have quite a close friend who was going through the same thing too. Our first children are a similar age and we had been ttc for a similar length of time with nothing. We were even going through the fertility referrals etc at the same time.

Now, we got our bfp and she was the friend I was most worried about telling - I felt like I had abandoned her or something :(. However, I knew that they had their next fertility clinic appt a couple of weeks ago and I have heard from her since but no mention of the appt - hello i thought to myself - this could be promising? Fingers crossed and all that!

However, :( :( I have just had a text from her saying she was pregnant but sadly has miscarried. I just don't know what to say to her. We were going to tell them after our scan on Friday but I just can't think of a worse time to tell her. I am completely devastated - my heart leapt when she said they managed to get pg, but then fell through the floor as I read on. I just don't know how to respond to her. It kind of feels like I'd be being deceitful if I don't mention now but Ireally don't want to upset her any more.

Help :( :(

Oh Biscuits your poor friend thats so sad... I would probably leave it a week or so before telling her.

I kind of had a similarish situation, when i miscarried back in May this year, one of our close friends had just announced she was pg. So I didn't tell her about my mc in case i would upset her. I left it a long time before telling her about my mc. It just didn't seem right cos she was so excited and happy and i was so upset.

Oh how awful for her. If you can I'd leave it a couple of weeks before telling her so she can get over the worst.
However, if it's common knowledge, don't let her hear it from someone else, tell her yourself. If you haven't told loads of friends yet, leave it for a while perhaps.
She will be happy for you, as I'm sure you would be for her if it were the other way around.

I think you're right Livin - I spoke to DH and he said don't mention ours just obviously say how awful it is etc. And then we'll tell her next week - but I am dreading telling her. Will have to tell her soon ish though as she lives near my in-laws and I would hate word to get round from them.

I just feel so angry and cheated on their behalf. They had waited so long and I just feel devastated for them. And sad because it would just have been perfect for us to be due 3 weeks apart.

:( :(

Trust me Biscuits she will be thrilled for you when u do tell her. I was so happy for my friend, but it was tinged with sadness over my mc. Nature's timing sucks sometimes. But we have to deal with it. A week is grand time to leave it. And Kats right be sure to tell her yourself.

Sorry cross posts Kat - that is one thing I'm worried about - we don't really have that many mutual friends but once my MIL gets the 'go-ahead' (fingers crossed) after the scan I would hate for her to have bumped into my friend's in-laws and let it slip or something. My MIL knows everyone where they live and I'd hate for it to get back in an indirect route. My friend also works where I used to work so that would be another dangerous route of gossip.

I think I might tell MIL about it so she can at least avoid a real obvious slip up?

I mean I can quite happily not tell anyone else for another week or so.

DH suggested I arrange to meet up with her to tell her but I can't think of a worse way to tell her I'm due 3 weeks before she would have been than flaunting my big wobbly pg belly at her :( I'm thinking by text message (we don't really email each other) when she's at home in case she's upset?

A friend of mine who fell pregnant when I had just miscarried sent me a text - I had a little cry but basically I was happy for her. The text was a good way to do it as it gave me time to sort out my feelings into their proper boxes before I talked to her in person.

I agree that a text is probably best Biscuits your friend can have a cry then without feeling guilty about it.

I texted a friend the day I found out about my first mc. She texted back straight away but ended the text telling me she was 8 weeks pregnant (a week ahead of me).

Obviously I was very happy for her and it didn't really make my loss feel any worse as it was bad enough already. But I'm glad it was by text because I did have a little cry just thinking about life and how it goes sometimes. It would have been difficult to show the delighted reaction she deserved.

Scarlet - this will be a hard question so you don't have to answer, but since that is about as close as you can get to being in my friend's position would you rather your friend had waited a while to tell you about her pg? Or just got it all out of the way?

I know there just isn't an easy way or a good time to break the news so it's a choice between a rock and a hard place isn't it!

I'd meet up with her to tell her Biscuits. Even if just for a quick cuppa, it would be nice for her so she can be at home, and can have a cry after you leave if she feels like it. xx

To be honest Biscuits I think it helped me knowing sooner rather than later. If she'd have left it a week or two it might have set me back again. As it was I was in state emotionally anyway, so her telling me at that time couldn't really have made things any worse IYSWIM?

I genuinely was delighted for her though. As so many of us know, getting pregnant and staying pregnant isn't easy and I was aware she'd not had the easiest time of it also. How could I not have been happy for her when it just as easily could have been the other way round?

I can't say how your friend will feel, I just know how I felt. Some people might take it better once they're feeling a little stronger and others like myself would rather just be given news and deal with it. I'd hate to think my friend had been worrying about me during a time when she should be happy for herself.

Thank you all for your help today - it's been much appreciated. I've texted back with our condolences etc and we've decided to tell her after our scan (which had been our original plan) We'll probably leave it into next week i think before we say. What I might do is tell her by text (it's hard to meet up as she works full time so we tend to both have kids with us when we do meet up and I don't want to tell her in that circumstance) but then say it would be nice to get together for a coffee whenever she's ready.

Whatever we do, there isn't a 'right' answer - it's just a horrible situation. I just feel so sad for them and cheated on their behalf :( Just keeping my fingers crossed that things work out for them again soon.

Was thinking of you dachs fingers x for you. for your friend biscuits

Gosh the thread is blossoming with activity. I'm glad to see good news with scans from digital dachs and scarlet

The early days go on forever biscuits kat and not now Even though I had bi-weekly scans, the day after the scan made the next scan seem so far away. It is hard to believe that I won't have another scan until 4th November. It does really seem far away. Each hurdle you cross brings you to another one to start fretting about.

I haven't had another blocked call number in the last 2 days. I had a call from a number I didn't recognise, but it was my bank. I had such a sinking feeling in my stomach before she announced who she was. I think that I am in the clear on my bloods.

biscuits If you are really close, telling her by text might be too distant. However saying that, when close friends came around to announce their pregnancy, I just wanted them to disappear so I could go away and cry, but I couldn't do that as they were in my house.

I know that I struggled with jealousy and sadness when others announced their pregnancies after my miscarriages. Mostly sadness though. Your friend may become a bit distant, if she is like me, but don't give up on her. I pushed a lot of people away because I hurt so much. I figured that if they did really care about me, they wouldn't let me shut myself off from them. I'm sure your friend will be delighted for you, but also sad for herself.

I've been working long hours lately to prepare for a big meeting. The boss was happy with my work. I'm going to break the news on Friday if all goes to plan, so we will see how that goes. Off to Bedfordshire now!

LAF - no more calls from the blocked no suggests it probably was nothing to do with the results which is good - most probably trying to sell you something! And as your mw said a turnaround from fri to mon would be v v quick. Hope you get the results soon though.

With my friend we mostly text each other - she isn't a super close friend but not distant either. As you say I just need to give her a bit of space and follow her lead I think. We used to live v close to them but have recently moved so we don't meet up as often - it's a lot more of a mission to get together as she works full time, but i'll just have to try my best. I sort of feel sad too that I might not be able to support her properly through this when it is something I actually know about - nature's timing sucks!

lady how did you get on?

biscuits text sounds like the best plan then with your friend. Counting down the hours now?

Yay dachs digi and scarlet for brilliant scan news, so pleased for you all :o :o :o

biscuits what a sad situation to be in with your friend :(, sending lots of good vibes for your scan tomorrow :)

Waves to livin, notnow, kat, LAF, boodle, ladym and everyone else

Trying not to get too freaked about tonight but it is HARD, lots of work to do today so hope that will help keep my mind on other things, having lots of stretchy pains the last few days which isn?t helping. Plus have a few whopper lumps from the injections that really hurt so quite sore in general.

On the Doppler talk I have an angel sounds but still haven?t been able to get a hb yet, slightly freaked out about it but keep telling myself it?s because of the extra padding i have or i just don?t know how to use it properly. Only tried a few times as otherwise I would be a complete mess.