30's TTC - BESH fight club. Come and get your anger out here.

[MadameBoo]

The first rule of the BESH fight club is that you don't talk about how easy it was to get updiffed.
The second rule is that you don't talk about the BESH fight club.

There you go. We have a destroyed spa to fight in - we just weren't relaxed enough.

Bring it on bitches.

Judy Blume was great.

My mother used to tell me about the sanitary towels with belt loops in an attempt to stop me asking to use tampons (to make me think that I was "lucky" to be able to shove a stick on leaky nappy in my knicks). It didn't work.

Good God! If I had asked my mum the same question Bugger, she would have said "no". She thinks sex is something to be disapproved unless you are married. She certainly didn't approve of shagging boyfriends let alone shagging randoms. This is not because of any deep seated religious belief, it's because she is a prude.

bugger There has never in the history of BESH (formed April 2009) been a BESH who's kept her cool the entire time. It's also in the rules that you're allowed at least two "me me ME" posts a week. Let it aaaaaaalllll out.

I love Queen Camilla - veh funny. Also like the Mole books - of course he's a horrible adult but he does in the end develop a little charm - or perhaps we too have mellowed. He's still an up-himself twat though. Always made me titter that Barry Kent made it! Pandora deserves a good cunt-kicking though - all those in favour say "aye". AYE!

boo Have you laid an egg yet?

It's true you know - no BESH left behind. In the original scrolls there were 10 hags, 10 baybees have been born and 1 is still cooking. No BESH left behind! :)

blimey

Off the top of my head:

me, laurielou, cosmosis, cheggers, cunexttuesday, VAG, medee, lyra (oh hallowed one) and donttry - and clearly I'm missing someone - ginhag maybe??

Oh ffs. Just wrote long post and cunting iPod switched itself off. Something about was it skatergirl, me lurking for frickin years, and wondering how needy we need to get to get in the hallowed group? Like this needy: plllllllleeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeeeew with cherry brandy and tequila on? Or do you want more?

I'm not an original besh, surely, much as I am flattered to be. We started ttc in June 09, not sure when I joined here though know it was alps who pointed me in the right direction.

Jan 10 for me but joined the BESH last August, through Rocketleaf who I have been friends with in RL since 1990.

And I'm not going to beg to join any groups.

Moley you have been lurking since about 1798 have you not? And one day a tiny little lurky voice popped up and it was tres amusing. You have given us the Any Gin Will Do song as well for the ESHarchives which is splendiferous. How the fuck does one make the internet on an iPod? Clearly I am behind with my technological understandings. Excuse me whilst I light my oil lamps and wind up the gramophone.

Btw Buggers I am also diffed and desperately trying not to be any more as unless this baybee gets a fecking move on I'm going to have to go to the hossie armed with proper weaponry to deflect the onslaught of healthcare professionals rushing towards my foof with alarming tools. Anyone want to prod my cervix? Anyone?

I have the thing they broke my waters with somewhere Wol, shall I dig it out for you so I can ensure your baybee and me share a birthday?

(I know it's mental, but me and my doulaslavemate thought it would be a fun souvenir at the time).

Ahem.....

"Joseph and his Technicolour Jizz Pot"

I closed my eyes, drew back my G-string
To feel for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was needling
But the world was sleeping
Any diff will do

I wore my womble, with ancient lining
Bright FFJ shining, stringy and eggy
And in the clinic, the doc was pubertal
And the ESH were baking
Any diff will do

A crash of dildocams, a flash of lights
My IVF baybee flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone (with 37 cats and my bitterness)

May I return to the beginning
The will is dimming, and the diff is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any diff will do

A crash of dildocams, a flash of lights
My IVF baybee flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone (with 37 cats and my bitterness)

Any diff will do (repeat to fade)

(I'm going to do the maracas with one hand and the test-tubes with the other.)

BY AlpinePony LLOYD WEBBER

Interlude:

"I look handsome I look smart
My knickers are a walking work of art
Such a dazzling gusset of many colours
How I love my pants of many textures.

They were red and yellow and pink and beige and russet and ovaltine and ochre and maroon and CRUMBLY AND STRINGY AND EGGY AND BROWN AND CLEAR!"

BY Aries RICE

(Now the moving ballad )

(Solo: Aries)

Do you remember when sechs was for pleasure?
The bed sheets were endlessly stained
In the morning, a love in for breakfast
At nightime the lust never waned

(Solo: Alps)

There'd be hand jobs and blow jobs a plenty
With no care for split drops of jizz

(Duet: Boo and me)

Now the crotch is dry and bare
No joie de bonking anywhere
We've even forgot where our Gspot is

(rest of BESH in chorus walk in together, bearing large photos of lust worthy men- I am carrying Rob Kasinsky, so Mitchell's up for grabs)(Boo, you can't have your Dave man, cos no one will know who he is, you'll have to have someone more commercial)

Our libidos
We used to know
Where have they gone
Where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your mohitos
To our libidos

BY starcuntmole ...those two out of ABBA? Have run out of composers.

Here be our efforts buggermesidewaysandcallmejim- enjoy. We are wasted, I tell you, Wasted.

It was on the Yoof club fred, and there were alps and brown not getting diffed, and now they are, hoorah.

(am thinking of you BB and hoping your absence isn't terrible news-do let us know lovely)

Also- am being dim-what happened to cakesandcava?

booty- get laughing? I swear I went into labour thanks to Eddie Izzard. And i'm sure Ina Mae advocates laughing too.

In my defence, I did only read all the previous freds in one weekend, after I had discovered the ESH which was in about March 09? (That doesn't sound much better does it) I joined in Oct-ish after mc in august- ooh anniversary next week, that'll be nice

boo I've just made an 'All the people in this group can get married to either Lucas or Aragon and will get guaranteed sexy times with both of them on their birthday group' Interested?

I fucking love you Mole

I have waited up specially bto be the very first to say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May your cake be chocolatey and your gin be Hendricks x x x x x x x

Thank you ta. :o

There is a pile of presents in the living room. At least I think there is. MrBoo won't let me go in there anyway. Unless he's got Michelle Pfeiffer in there or something...

Yes, we haven't seen Cakes for ages have we? Or Dor.

Bugger I think I found you. Otherwise one of Alps mates is going to get a very wierd PM from me.

Happy Birthday Boo.

I am feeling left out of all this bookfacing! I am going to PM some of you and ask you to add me. Then the rest of you who want to can add me from there.
My profile pic is a well lovely picture I painted myself during an afternoon with MrK's son. It looks like he did it. It is inspired by Dali.

Off to complain to the doctors today. Usually a pointless enterprise but worth a try.

Thanks for reposting the songs! Gave me a laugh - I did enjoy the yoof club thread.

Cakey hasn't been around since just after her m/c. Perhaps she is taking a break from the menkul until she can start IVF? I haven't seen her posting anywhere else either.

Ooh sorry I forgot:

Happy Birthday Boo have a fantastic day!