Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

wino, I laughed like a drain both at your verbal mishaps and your band pinging. I had a similar brain fade recently - rang a contact at another company, got through to his PA, asked to speak to the chap in question, his PA said "I'll just put you through - who's calling please?" I sat there in silence, frantically thinking "Aaarghh! What's my name?" I remembered after about 6 seconds - not long you might think, but it felt like an eternity. What a dibley.

tabby, might you have had some sort of fertilisation going on, that went AWOL?

I had a great start to the morning - flat tyre halfway to work, and my car, being one of these new, low emission types, has no spare. Though as it turned out, it was probably for the best - lovely RAC man couldn't actually fix the puncture (it being the size of Hampshire) so off he went to Cambridge to get a new tyre, while I decamped to a coffee shop and had a very welcome vat of tea. (Thankfully the flat occurred within a bit of what passes for civilisation round here, rather than out in Darkest Fen.) Only 2.5 hours late to work!

I ventured onto AIBU earlier, and started my own thread (round of applause please!) Feck me, but they like to decide you're saying stuff you're not. I got a bit stroppy in the end (being told I should be grateful for what I've got really made me angry - what, like I'm not? They have no idea.)

It's the one about pain relief in labour, if you want to dip in a toe!

Hah, tis but a scratch.

fecking hell! They're a bit feisty in there aren't they!

Some people are just mean and bored!

I put my oar in just a little for you and I totally agree to be honest, my ex boyfriends sister had a natural birth and went on and on and on and on and on about how 'well' she had done - I imagined punching her in the face, alot

Also I'm sorry to hear you had such a stressful birth experience fish, reading about your birth plan this time round made me cry (hormonal?!)

oh, and you can keep the steak I'm feeling distinctly barfy

Yay, barfy wino! I can recommend lemon sherbets (random I know, but somehow they made me feel a little less awful for a short period of time).

Sorry I made you cry though. I really don't want sympathy - it was what had to happen, and all's well that ends well. My breastfeeding experiences, on the other hand, still make me choke up if I think about them (imagine trying to feed for hours on end; son getting jaw spasms from trying to get milk out and then falling asleep exhausted only to wake 15 minutes later still hungry; bleeding and agonising nipples; vasospasm; sitting on an episiotomy the length of the M11 because not one of the so-called "breastfeeding enablers" showed me how to feed lying down; unable to feed myself, sleep or even go to the bog; and all the while the midwives are wittering "ooh, he's latched on well". He ended up severely jaundiced and dehydrated and was a gnat's off needing to be tube fed, as he was so weak he could barely even suck from a bottle. Horrible, horrible time.)

Yo jewels, tabby, jars et al, how hangs it?

Ooops, can open, worms everywhere!!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I think any woman who has produced another human being should be praised and told she's done well! (Hmm, well maybe apart from the ones on One Born Every Minute who eff and blind and demand an epidural at 1cm ... )

Also fish it's awful that you didn't get proper support when you were trying to breast feed. I had a few issues to start with but my lovely midwife kept on the case and I ended up feeding for nearly a year.

It makes me sad though when people say that the NCT are anti-caesarean or anti-intervention as the NCT is supposed to be there to support all parents, regardless of the delivery they choose (or end up with). I guess because it's run locally by volunteers things can vary from branch to branch. My antenatal teacher was brilliant and totally unbiased and told us all about c-sections and what to expect if we ended up having one. Due to various complications I nearly had to have a planned c-section but because of the classes I felt pretty well prepared and I didn't feel like anyone would judge me.

Anyway, got a bit side-tracked there ... the latest here is that I spent yesterday with a VERY dodgy tummy (lost the contents of my stomach from both ends and couldn't eat all day). I guess I could have picked something up from some grubby toddler, or eaten something weird. I am not reading too much into it!!!

hello all

fish am in awe at your bf! Sounds awful :(

shit shit day :(

Basically my mum came and met me for lunch today, got back and sat down at my desk and massive, horrendous shooting pains like someone is sticking a knife up me - lasted about 10 minutes and I couldn't stand up straight.

Went to the loo to check and massive amount of bright red blood, like period amount.

Hailed a cab and went to the EPU at nearest hosp and they took me in and by the time they booked me in and i did them a wee sample the bleeding on the new tissue was brown blood so had stopped a bit.

They did an internal scan and little bean was there, heartbeat going mental, they reckon I am 6+5 so am 5 days behind what I thought. Lots and lots of brown blood on the probe (sorry for TMI)

They told me to go home and rest and go to my hosp if bleeding gets worse or carries on until tomorrow. They said the baby was ok so nothing they can do.

Got back and went for a wee and small amount of red blood again at home so just lying in bed waiting for it stop hopefully

Someone tell me something funny to cheer me up eh?

Oh no wino, that's shit. How worrying. If your tadpole has a hb then that's great news, so I guess now it's rest and crossed fingers. Do you get a follow-up scan? I will cross everything I can for you.

I'll try a joke: two hydrogen atoms walking down the road. One says "hang on, I think I've lost an electron. The other atom says "Are you sure?" And the first one says "Yes, I'm positive!"

Boom, boom?

wino, any news?

Hi guys

Seem to have stopped bleeding, small bit of brown blood but I understand that's not too bad. I have been horizontal since 6pm last night so this may have helped.

We actually had already booked a private scan for 17th so we didn't have to wait for 12 week one (told you I was impatient) so hospital have told me to use that as a follow up scan.

Lying in bed watch old re runs of silent witness - just need someone to bring me some lunch in a while! Suggested a small golden bell to dh but not worked so far!

Loving the jokes, thanks guys

jewels nice to hear from you

ssh!

Hi wino, that sounds scary, hope you're feeling OK. Get plenty of rest! The bell is an excellent idea!

Why do anarchists only drink herbal tea?

Because proper tea is theft

Damnit tabby, I was trying to remember that joke earlier, but couldn't!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even!

I'll get me coat...

jewels, want to talk? Have an un-Mumsnetty hug in the meantime.

wino, at least you don't have long to wait until your scan. Plenty of R&R in the meantime. (Could you take next week off work?)

Oh, wino, no way. That is very scary indeed. Feet up, no moving, nothing: your DH should definitely be getting you a bell. Is he okay?

Hey jewels, good to see you & sorry to hear that you're not feeling so good. Do you know, we went to Chester Zoo and the bastards wouldn't let me take an elephant home?

Here is DS's one joke:

What's scarier than a shark?

Two sharks!

I know, I know.

Okay, here goes: two bits of Tarmac are in a pub, having a quiet drink, when in walks a bit of green road surface with a bike painted on him in white. The first bit of Tarmac necks his pint and grabs his coat. "Where are you going?", his mate asks.

"Come on, I'm not staying here now he's walked in!"
"Why not?"
"I know him: he's a total cycle path!"

Ba-boom.

I had a bad night last night: bad back and abdominal pain. I think it's because I've been lifting DS and spent half the evening cross-legged on a beanbag doing the Xmas cards, but feel a bit shit and couldn't sleep past 5 this morning, hence the Mumsnetting. No bleeding here, though, and I'm going to have a very easy day. Apart from getting the Xmas tree, but DH can deal with that.

wino, have you been watching The Killing, and if not have you got BBC iplayer? 7 big fat juicy Nordic episodes...

jars hope you're feeling better and more comfortable today?

a joke for your DS in return

what's brown and sticky?

a stick...

All quiet on the wino front - still a tiny bit of brown when I go to the loo but has effectively stopped. Am a bit panicky so counting down until Saturday to check on the bean....

plus DH went away with work last night and not back until Wednesday so on my tod :(

Am going back to work tomorrow but doing reduced hours as arranged with my boss for this week so I get a seat on the tube. Think I'll go more potty on my own 24-7!

oh and on the killing front, we love it but DH does too so I'm not allowed to watch it without him!

jewels/fish you girls ok?

Hi wino. Good to hear things have cleared up a bit. Not too long to wait until Saturday. Sorry to hear you're home alone though. Could you watch The Killing and pretend to DH that you haven't?

I had some abdominal pain over the weekend, which has made me uneasy. Not cramps exactly, as that sounds like they were intermittent - this was a constant dull periody-type ache just above my pubic bone. Hoping that it's just a bit of ligament pain. We survived visiting my rellies (who adored DS - they've not met him before) and I survived visiting my mum. She's not good though; now not mobile at all (and so needs the hoist to get out of bed etc), not really eating, and doubly incontinent. Weeks/months, not years, the staff nurse told me, which was a bit of a relief TBH. At least I've finally sold her house and so we've got the cash for the care home fees.

Still, off to the USA on Thurs for a fortnight! (More rellies- lovely SIL and husband and kids and lovely MIL.) Midwest, so should get proper Xmas weather. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

Jewels, you still there? I've got a big sloppy kiss for you if you are.

Glad things seem to be settling down, wino - hopefully it was just a one-off. I had a couple of bleeds during my last pregnancy, fairly late on, and I know how terrifying it is. Fingers crossed for the scan!

Fish, that does sound like ligament pain. How many weeks are you?

I have spent the last week or so feeling sick (and being sick at one point) and having weird stomach pains but now I feel a bit PMT-y which is depressing. I suffer from recurrent bladder infections so now I am wondering if I have a low-level infection which my regular antibiotics haven't killed off. So frustrating as a lot of the symptoms are similar to pregnancy symptoms so I am driving myself crazy every month wondering why I feel so sick, only to be disappointed. (Sorry, am feeling a bit sorry for myself!!) Will just have to keep soldiering on! At least I will be able to drink over Xmas...!!

tabby, I'm 11+5. Beginning to bulge a bit, though I suspect it's mainly toast and Marmite.

jars, how are your aches and pains?

Hi all, just popping in to say hi and wtf am I still doing up? Oh yes, tis Xmas and magically there are 48 hours in each day... Not.

Hope you are all okay. I am fine, heard Tiny's heartbeat for the first time today and requested a transfer to the Home Birth team! Aches and pains all okay, I'm just doing too much heavy lifting. I have a proper 4 month bump now and might start getting a bit more consideration from DH from now on, and fewer requests to carry Xmas trees, whales, large buildings and elephants around.

Sorry, I am well grumpy tonight. Will fuck off for a sleep and cheer up. Night night all.

Hello my lovelies, glad to hear things are well. No great drama behind my recent quiet - but cumulative frustrations which I will briefly indulge below.

Have been quite stressed at work (I work for a small, high functioning but skint and internally dysfunctional charity - think complex, political work to tight deadlines in which external presentation is important, yet conducted in environment in which (for a single eg) the toilet has leaked into floor above basement resulting in kitchen ceiling poo-mushrooms) and all PCs were manufactured in/around 1874).

Plus ongoing overwork plus summer m/c plus tendency to internalise means I have neglected a lot of important relationships/enjoyable friendships this year so feel a bit isolated.

Plus I have a decent immune system and don't usually get ill but for the last 10 days or so have had (concurrently) both a seemingly unshakable UTI and a throat/chest infection so have been at my desk alternately swigging cough medicine and cranberry juice whilst plumbing new depths of gross bodily discharge (one highpoint saw bloody pleghm AND bloody pee in same day [proud]). So have felt neither like partying or rampant sexing, although brave mr j&b has done a sterling job of pretending that the wreck before him is in fact rather enticing.

Plus my christmas prep to date has consisted of buying one set of SIL/BIL a book a month ago (they have since emailed saying please can they have vouchers for their new bathroom) and knitting mr j&b about 7 inches of a special-needs scarf which quite frankly even I (who has quite low standards in such matters) would not be entirely happy to be seen out with him in.

Plus I'm worried I'm all barren and that you lot are all going to graduate to new threads any minute and I don't know anyone else here

Bless you, it's been a tough old year for you, I can't even begin to imagine what you went through in the summer and there is bound to be a lot of fall out emotion from that. Sometimes we don't deal with things completely so the residual feelings come back and bite us on the bum when we're not expecting it.

Having one thing in your life that is a severe stressor is hard enough, but if work adds to that - and then being an internaliser (like myself) you just pile the pressure on yourself and at some point something, somewhere is going to give....

Being ill on top is just plain old shite and is probably a bit of a warning that your immune system is low and you need to take care of yourself a little better (from a stress point of view)

Also when you feel like shite you tend to distance myself from friends/family - sometimes you just can't be arsed to hear other peoples problems etc etc, everyone does it so cut yourself some slack.

Are you getting a break over christmas at all? Could you maybe take a few days away somewhere in the new year if not? cheap week in greece drinking ouzo and tzatiki? weekend in the peak district with a bucket of red wine and some nice roast dinners?

I know this might sounds weird but you sound exhausted missy....

Also, you're not bloody barren and I am NOT going anywhere and I doubt very much whether jars or fish are either! I browse and occasionally contribute to other threads but this is home to me. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

fuck it, in fact

x

fish Sorry but at the same time glad to hear about your mum, if that makes sense? Hope your pains have settled down and that you have an amazing white christmas with your family. Speak to you in the New Year lovie.

jars cool about the HB! How lovely! Home birth - I love the idea of that but DH would never let me with as the nearest hospital is 45 mins away. Still grumpy today? Would a pie help?

tabby sorry to hear about your pg like symptoms, mother nature is a proper little bitch sometimes. Are you feeling any better now?

I have a stinking cold and was the person everyone glares at on the tube this morning with her sniffing and coughing and tissues. Did I care? Did I bollocks!? Ha!

, ,

Hi all! Don't really know where to start! Jewels, sorry to hear about the UTI - can totally sympathise as have suffered from recurrent infections for the last six years. Cranberry juice actually isn't the best thing as it usually contains quite a lot of sugar. The capsules are better, but even they won't shift an infection once it's taken hold - they are more about prevention. I would recommend barley water (Robinsons do some nice flavours) and half a teaspoon of bicarb in water (you can add barley water to make it more bearable). Keep drinking water too to flush it out. Caffeine and alcohol make it worse. Have you seen your GP? I think if you have blood in your urine, you ought to see the doctor really as you don't want it to spread to your kidneys.

It does sound like you really need a break!

Jars, how exciting! I know a lot of people who've had home births and they all rave about how wonderful it is.

In me, me, me news, I think I am on day 24 (but who fricking knows with my newly random cycle??). Have been feeling very angry/weepy - classic PMT signs so just waiting really. Have a Christmas party to go to on Friday so have been wondering whether or not to drink. Easy decision to make if period starts before then, I guess...!

Anyway, my two-year-old has decided to nap for once so I must get on with something useful ... like catching up with a bit of 4OD. Sod the Christmas cards! And the washing up!

Orright my loves?

jewels, you've had a shit time and no mistake. Internalising things really doesn't help (and that's coming from me, the Empress of All Bottling Up). And with what sound like really unpleasant infections at both ends, no wonder you're feeling like a pile of puppy poo. (Barley water is definitely a good thing - I'm drinking it by the quart at the moment anyway - but go for the proper old-fashioned lemon/orange stuff if you can, not the fruit and barley concoctions, and have it weak.) AND OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT BARREN - you've done it once, you can do it again. Plus, I'm not going anywhere - you lasses are too cool, and other threads just don't cut it as far as I'm concerned.

Mememe - scan this morning checked out fine. One foetus, one head (normal-looking), two arms, two legs, asleep. Tis its parents' child. I asked the sonographer to switch off the main screen though, so convinced was I that it had all gone TU.

jars, I had planned a home birth with DS! Ha.... Good on you. You'll get to sleep in your own bed - I can't think of any greater bliss than that.