Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

Hey wino! Welcome back! Your op sounds a bit gruesome, especially the before and after pics. Not ones to show round the dinner table, I fancy. Good to hear you're on the mend and that you enjoyed the drugs. (I totally rate general anaesthetics. The woozy waking up bit is really rather fine.) Anyway, large bloody mary with some of my special homemade napalm chilli sauce in it coming your way.

Socks, WTF? I missed your BFP!! Congratulaaaaaations. (And celebrations.) Please stay - you too jars, maybe some of your galloping fertility will rub off on the rest of us

Welcome attention. Like to tell us a bit about yourself? Stories of embarrassing pissedness from long ago are always a winner.

Things are OK chez F&J, though my lower back and buttocks are aching rather alarmingly, which I hope is not a sign that it's all just totally buggered post the discectomy in June. (Suspect I don't have a lot of disc left between lumbar vertebra 5 and sacral vertebra 1, for those of you who are of an anatomical bent.) Still on the shag-every-3-days cycle, which is actually feeling a bit of an effort! Must gird my loins for the remainder of the month.... whatever that means.

Thanks all, I've had a busy couple of weeks hence no update since the D+V.
I got a faint BFP monday evening, another faint tuesday morning (both with internet strips) so did a CB digi straight after tues morning (the advantage to peeing in a cup )and it came up Pregnant 1-2 weeks.
Only reason I suspected anything at all was I had no symptoms of any sort, no preg symptoms but more to the point no impending period symptoms either (it was due on weds 5th), the lack of PMT got me wondering.
Today I'm quite frankly fecking knackered, I have just entertained 5 6-7 year olds for my dd's 7th birthday, they've gone home and now all I wanna do is sleep!

Here's a toast to my galloping fertility rubbing off on you guys

Oh for cocks sake, I have d & v again. 2ce in 2 weeks
I almost never get poorly

That's not a good way to start the week. It always sounds so 'run of the mill' to have these bugs, but when you get them for real, they're fucking hideous. Am I right in remembering that you have children to look after at the same time, too?? Hope you recover very quickly anyway.

Sorry I dropped off the radar after resurrecting the thread last week. Lots of stressful non-TTC stuff going on... DH was in court trying to stop his ex preventing him from having contact with his son (my DSS). Successful to an extent but the practicalities/travel of trying to keep contact going are going to really impact massively on us all and exhaust DH.

Anyway, not really very relevant except I'm now wondering whether another child at this point is really such a good idea. DH has gone into randy overdrive though, so clearly doesn't think the same. And it's coming up to key fertility time for me and I'll kick myself if I lose a month's opportunity by dithering, especially as I know I would never want the evil bitch ex's lazy, selfish, greedy ways to impact on decisions I make about my life (they already do, all the fucking time , but at least not on anything major so far).

Sorry, I think this is a classic me, me, me post. Somebody tell me about the wonderful happy weekend they've had. Please?!

I'm potty training DS. Next!

instructions, sorry to hear about your tribulations. Hopefully things will improve a bit now that the court hearing is over?

Unfortunately I have no wonderful happy weekend to report; spent most of it over at my mum's house, finishing clearing it out so that it can be sold to pay her care home fees. A really melancholy job, especially on one's own (I have no siblings or other relatives to help). I saw mum yesterday and she was well and truly out to lunch, poor old soul. Alzehimer's totally sucks. Care home rang today to say that her ongoing anaemia (picked up on a couple of weeks ago) is now so severe that she's going into hospital for a blood transfusion tomorrow. They've no idea what's causing it, which is a bit sinister. And I feel horribly guilty for almost hoping that it's something terminal, as it would be doing her a favour - nobody should have to live for years and years while their mind is turning irrevocably into static.

All of which is making the shag-every-three-days regime go a bit by the board. Hey ho, there's always next month.

Sorry for another me-me-me post!

Oh, love. That's awful, for you and your mum. It's not horrible to think that at all: dementia is torture for everyone. I'm not surprised shagging is the last thing on your mind. Hope Mr FJ is being supportive.

fish how awful, that is tres shitty. I don't think you should feel guilty for hoping that, at the end of the day we all want to protect our families and that as you say would be doing her a favour.

My mum cares for my poor grandma who at 96 is nearly blind, deaf, can barely walk, crippled with arthritis and is is absolutely perfectly sound of mind so feels as same as she always has. She says that she wishes she was dead almost every day. I wish her dead on practically a daily basis because she is in pain every single day and doesn't want to be alive anymore.

Mrwinos granny is in a home and they rang last week to say that she has taken to undressing in the middle of the lounge now each day so if we go and she is in a state of undress not to panic, bless her, she's 97!

Cut yourself some slack missy , it's a horrendous thing for you all to go through.

Vat of vino for you...

Oh fishandjam, what an awful way to spend the weekend. I've seen Alzheimers at reasonably close range and it's unbelievably hard on family. I'm so sorry you don't have siblings etc to share this with so also hope that your DH is on hand for lots of understanding hugs. xx

fish - how are you my dear?

Hello lovelies. Thank you for all your kind messages. I'm feeling a lot better - no thanks to F&J Jr, who decided to chuck himself down the stairs yesterday. Right from the top, bouncing all the way down. Spent morning in A&E so that I could reassure myself he wasn't developing a subarachnoid haemorrhage or equivalent. As he already has a black eye and cut from a tumble on Friday, I did wonder if I might get a quick visit from a social worker! A stiff brandy was had once we got back home, I can tell you.

Good weekend for everyone else? BFPs all still firmly stuck?

Oh dear! Definitely not quiet in the f&j household is it! Glad jnr is ok, must be have been terrifying for you.... here's an extra brandy just in case you need it (be sure to hide that if the social turn up)

had my 2yr old niece this weekend for the whole weekend and it was lush. She is officially the cutest thing ever... She is my brothers daughter and is the spitting image of me so there may possibly have been a few points over the weekend where a few people assumed she was my daughter and I may not exactly have let them know otherwise

In other news I have a GIAMUNGUS period to report following my op - not had one like this before, it's ghastly and requires lots of wine daily to see me through...

Am hoping that now I will be winging my way towards the elusive bfp!

Come on the new and improved winowomb!!!!

any more of you fuckers got sumfing to report? eh? eh?

ahoy there me hearties

socks belated congrats! all going well with you preggy types? jars? all ok?

the fishter. So sorry about your mum, and feeling for you too having to bear the brunt of it. No doubt doc f&j is doing good husbanding, but I guess the emotional complexities in losing a parent to Alzheimers are something that siblings could share in a very distinct way. Here, I've made you a bottle of sloe gin. I reckon you can sneak it past the social by virtue of its being all crafty and Kirsty-vomit-Alsopp.

instructions how are your family tribulations going?

wino! I did a bit of could-be-mine-posing with the nephew back in September but I think my cover got blown in Cafe Rouge when he started wailing and I blatantly didn't have the foggiest what to do. Mahosive period a good thing, for sure. It's the winowomb psyching up to make the most of its new improved status.

Anyways I am a fucker with nuffing particularly material to report. Have been overworked of late and kind of allowed myself to get carried away with that. But got jolted back to my ttc status and my online obligations to you lovely lot yesterday by a missed call from the midwife who I had seen at booking in gently chiding me for missing my 20 week appointment which I had forgotten would have been yesterday. So I called back and left a (slightly arsey but not too bad) voicemail saying sorry, but that I had specifically arranged with a junior doctor at the Hosp to cancel all my antenatal/over keen parenting classes etc and perhaps they could sort their shit out so people didn't get that call, thanks.

And thought that would be it, but then she called me back and talked to me for ages about how sorry she was, and finding out what had happened and asking a lot about how me & Mr J&b are doing which no one has done for a long time and which actually it was good to get asked. She's told me to call her as soon as I get a bfp and she'll get me back onto her books and into the EPU for a 6 wk reassurance scan, or that we can call her as/when we don't get a bfp and want to start that ball rolling and etc etc! On balance my MC care was pretty good I think (certainly for a London hospital) but it was functional, whereas that call was - I presume - so above and beyond a reasonable minimum that I was felt really cared for.

Gawd bless the NHS. At least gawd bless it until that cunt Lansley and his chums run a competitive tender to replace all the people like her with tesco-value-midwives.

Anyway, this was meant to be a quick log in but I've rattled on and made myself late for work so have to leg it. Take care y'all - have good weekends.

jewels what a mega shit call to have to make but am glad it ended well for you as such, so nice when people show that they care about the job they do and the people they help.

what bloody lovely weather we had at the weekend?! went for walks in the park and everyfink....

am feeling smug (and old) at having completely around 50% of my xmas shopping already!!!! mwahahahahahahaha

Hello, my darlings.

Just checking in as must go and do totally boring shit but am wishing you all much gin and shagging as you want.

Jewels, sorry you got that call, but well done that midwife fir having the ovaries to call back. Respect is due & I hope someone got a bollocking back at medical HQ for shit record keeping.

Wino, are you sure it isnt actually red wine? Have some more to help. No no, I insist. Tis only a 1928 Chateau Lafite, after all. Neck it.

Fishjam, ooh, poor DS! I dropped DSjar on his skull at 13mo and would have happily handed myself over to the police with guilt. Hope you are both over it now & he looks less like a defeated boxer now.

How do, socks?

I am okay myself but very vommy and faint, which is only to be expected and I shall STFU. But I did POAS today just to check. [berk emoticon]

Right, fucking washing fucking up. Grr. Laters, mwah.

Oh, and wino? Organised bastard!

jars ta muchly for the wine, was passable but a bit lacking for my palate....

ah my christmassy challenged comrade, advanced organisational skills are one of the positives to childlessness :)

sorry to hear you're feeling pooey, and you don't need to STFU, silly women, been wondering how you were getting on and was getting a bit worried about your radio silence. When is your scan? When does the sickey stop normally??

Mrwino has gone away on 4 day residential for work this morning - suggested to him that we have some phone sex while he is away as it is a real turn on for me, what he hasn't quite figured out is that I need to empty him out so when he gets back the 'boys' will be nice fresh ones That's scored me a few wife points me thinks :)

Oh yes womb, are you listening? - this month it is ON!!!!!!!

It's Tuesday Mojito time, gather round all, come get your buckets....

Good morrow fair ladies,

Comrade Jewels, that sounds both shitty and encouraging, IYSWIM. Like the other said, it's great when someone shows they really care about their job, especially when it deals with things that affect people's emotions. Agree with you about Lansley. Come, let us man the barricades together.

Wino, sounds like your nethers are gearing up for some serious action! I'll lend you my Barry White CD, because.... ....

.... I am a fucker with a faint, tremulous but nevertheless present BFP. (Or should that be BTP - T for thin!) Found out Sunday and have been processing it ever since. Pleased it's happened so quickly post-shitefest but really can't allow myself to feel pleased about it generally, if you follow - too apprehensive. Will try to get an early scan (the EPU said I should) but won't relax about it even then, I suspect. Reluctant to tell anyone in case it jinxes the whole thing! Ah, bugger.

Jars, I will be doing repeat PG tests to convince myself it's real, so will join you in being a berk. I will also be an obsessive gusset checker!

Wahey! Woop woop! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Don't worry, we won't jinx you. But we might nick your drink while you're peering at that stick you just pissed on, and some of us will steal your fags and give your lighter to the fit waiter in an attempt to get his phone number. Ooh, young man...

Personally, I am convinced that I am harbouring some alien being that will destroy all humans and only the birth of a human child will prove otherwise, but a scan is a good second option. Get one, and stamp your feet for more scans as needed.

My scan is in 4 weeks, which seems like a long time, but I have no previous issues so I guess I'd rather the increasingly sparse funds went towards scanning women with a history of miscarriage.

OI! Lansley! We need MORE BLOODY MONEY FOR THIS SHIT, like yesterday.

Woohoo Fish! Aw, dude that's brilliant. And excellent work you and the doc with all else you've had going on recently - v impressive that you had the energy! Standing by with support for any mentalling over coming weeks.

If my piss computer ((c) wino 2011) is to be believed I egged early this month and am 7dpo today. Half of me bit excited that I appear to have slightly itchy nips, half of me well aware that I am wearing lacy bra that has always had slight tendency towards itchiness, and that 7dpo is pretty much too early for anything other than made-up symptoms. Still...for now, yay itchiness!

Jars will your EPU let you self-refer?

Wino Even whilst I appluad your (frankly weasel like) cunning on the spunk front, I am troubled, troubled, by your childlessness = organisation. The mere fact that I am at my desk with a vague idea of what I ought to be doing today is a near miracle. Please don't set the bar any higher.

Anyways looks like its you and me on the mojitos.

YAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Get in the fish whoop! well done young lady!!! As jewels says we are here for freak out moments whenever you need....

This is turning out to be a very fertile thread indeed! Excellent!!!!

jewels I'll jump on your itchy bandwagon until it's time to POAS, come on the jewels loins!

yeah, the organisation thing comes from my job (p.a) and organising my wedding last year. It's the only thing I'm good at! (aside wine consumption and curry eating)

Mojito wise little lady - it's 'double bucket' Wednesday today in honour of our two up the duff ladiessss! whoop!

here you go jars,fish have an orange juice, snarf snarf ;)

p.s don't ever leave us will you?

on second thoughts jewels I think we should upgrade to these glasses now....

get your chops round that my love.....

Thanks for the good wishes, you lot!

And in more good news, my local EPU has booked me in for an early scan a week Thurs, without any need for me to go via my GP. Result! Because I'm on their books already, it seems.

Meanwhile, the obsessive gusset checking proceeds apace. But I am beginning to feel monster pukey. At 5 weeks, FFS. Much more so than at any point last time. Hoping that this means this one actually has an embryo attached!

Good re the early scanning, fish, and the pukiness. Definitely good. Et tu jars? And socks?

I pissed on an extremely overpriced piece of plastic (FR) this morning. BFN. Dammit! We were all over that egg. All over it. Had already put my LMP into my patronising what-to-expect app that I keep on the phone to taunt me and mused on the relative pros and cons of july baby. [Loon]

Right, wino, where are you at with this malarky? You still in for Oct or are we both looking at Nov?

Hey all, I've been awol again in the depths of the countryside for half term holidays. Apologies to any of you that aren't hardened townies like me, but... how the hell does anyone live on those teeny country lanes where there isn't even space to drive past another car??? And the roads are just mud anyway! Ended up super-stressed from the lack of tarmac, buildings and grey.

Back in the city now, but still all over the place because... BFP on Sunday night!! Thrilled, excited and terrified all at once. And fed up with DH already who I feel is just humouring me, so I'm going to ignore his preferred approach and tell a few friends. And you lot of course

Anyway, I'm also really pleased to see some more BFPs on this thread too - fish, fab news!