Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

razz crossed posts. How are you doing now?

Cheese, so glad you got treated well with your new consultant! Also, your new hair sounds lovely. I'm not especially worried about the baby's size, because I was always pretty sure it would be less than 8 weeks because of the 2 BFNs I had first. It is probably growing away at the correct rate.

Thanks Razz!

Spilt, all that about contractions sounds distinctly promising! Echoing Ciwi - my floor could do with some scrubbing too if yours and hers don't do the trick! I hope you have time to dash on here once you're in definite labour to let us know that it's all kicking off - it would be so exciting.

Jane, FX for you. If AF doesn't arrive tomorrow, will you be testing, or are you going to be strong and try to hang on for a few days?

Mel, I hope your BFN arrives soon - it is sounding like it might be close.

Blue, hope all is well with you and you get your BFP soon.

Thanks for all your advice on brown spotting, ladies! It seems to have stopped, at least for the moment.

Excellent news too!

ciwi hope your scan goes well tomorrow.

split sending you some good labour vibes!

Hi blue hope your well.

too im going to be very good and not test until sat/sunday if i can hold off that long and IF af stays away. FX

Fantastic news on your scan too I am so relieved for you.

Fingers crossed it's not ov blue, would be so frustrating being away from DH if it is.

Hope your willpower lasts until the weekend jane. Those sticks have a life of their own and can leap into your hands you know

Good luck for tomorrow ciwi

Well all I can say for today is at least I have clean floors. And skirting boards. But no labour. And then DH came home and spilled a huge pile of breadcrumbs on the floor . I suppose at least it gives me a good reason to clean them again!

great news too, bit of a bummer being put back but great to see the little hb! it's really good that they have booked you another scan, I have to pay for the one tommorrow, don't mind as long as things are ok but it's nice that you don't have to x
jane fx for you for the weekend, hope af stays away x

Oooh, I would be livid if DH spilt anything on my newly cleaned floors! Particularly because he never sweeps it up properly. Still, maybe the rage will bring on labour.

Jane, hold out as long as you can! I cried buckets both times I got BFNs - it's not worth testing straight away because you are never convinced it is right until your period actually comes. Which it won't, this time, I'm sure!

Oh bloody he'll just lost a long post!!!
Heres the shortened version:
Congrats Too excellent. Hope your EPU take as good care of you as mine did of me!!
Cheese sounds like a good care plan coming together. X
Jane hope you get your BFP soon x
Ciwi good luck tomorrow x
Split come on girl I ll be catching you ip soon!!!
Love to all xx

tooimm glad your scan went well.

spilt have you got a pregnancy ball? Sitting on that can help the baby engage and fx crossed bring on labour.

Im CD15 today and the signs are all there for ov tomorrow, so right on schedule, DH has just rung me he supposed to go out riding this afternoon (50miles) but he might not now as his mate is ill, so fx crossed for that as I dont want him too tired.
Saw my little nephew on skype last night hes only 5 1/2 lbs hes such a dink.
Got two weeks tomorrow till Im back at work, which sucks as I will not know if Im pg by that time, will have to wait a week after I start to test. Dont want to go back not pg but guess I will have to, my SMP money drops the week before so I need the money for the new flat.

Morning girls, today was the day my baby boy Thomas should have been born . Real mixture of emotions and thoughts going on. I have felt so bloody angry since it happened yet today I feel kind of numb. Don't want to spend the day in floods of tears for the sake of my other two children, don't really no what I want to do.
I no it is only early in the morning but nobody has phoned or text me yet to let me no that they remember and for some reason I am really hurt by that. Not even my husband has been in touch yet , he is working away. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who remembers, everyone elses lives just carry on, unaffected. Sorry, I must sound awful, like I want everyone else to suffer with me. I promise I don't, but just to remember would be nice.
Hope everybody else is okay today. Goodluck to ciwi and fx for both jane and split.

Oh razz . I found Bobbie's due date really hard. The total sense of emptiness is hard to put into words. All the weeks since she died I was mentally counting along, 25 weeks, 30 weeks, 35 weeks... and then woke up on 25th Feb when I should have been 40 weeks and there was no more pregnancy to count through. I think some mad part of me half expected to wake up from the nightmare that morning with a 40 week bump and to have a baby afterall. It was that day more than any other that underlined the fact she was never coming home, and I was heartbroken again. It was like rewinding to the day we lost her.

That's really hard on you that your DH is away today as well. Can you plan to do something special at the weekend or whenever he's back? Is there a place that means something to you both and Thomas? Or would going out for a special meal to mark his life help? Or maybe just plan for a quiet night in with a bottle of wine and make some time to talk or look through his memory box/photos. Sorry if these suggestions are not helping at all, we did all of those things on her due date and it helped me to have done them.
You don't sound awful at all. It is really important that your little boy is remembered. I hope someone mentions him to you today. Lots of love x

Hi everyone,
razz due dates are really hard, never mind having to cope with it on your own. I am sure people do remember, they probably just don't want to upset you and don't understand that they are upsetting you by not mentioning it. Could you call your mum and arrange to go out for lunch or something? Just do something so you are not on your own x
green fx for you this month, you will be fine going back to work. You will get pregnant again soon and it doesnt matter if you know or not when you go back to work because you will cope anyway x
I went for my scan this morning and everything was fine, baby measuring 9+2 with a good, strong heartbeat, waving and wriggling about on the screen. It was lovely to see and we got some lovely pictures. I cried like a baby of course, just so relieved that things look ok. Hope everyone else is doing ok x

Razz thinking of you today, I found Scarlett's due date hard to. It was all in December. We found out on the 2nd that she'd died and I gave birth on the 6th. She was due on 23rd Dec and her funeral was on the 29th. Horrible month and I always loved Christmas. Still had to get on with it though for the kids but it's the hardest thing I ever did. Be kind to yourself.

razz huge hugs to you.

I'm feeling crampy with lower back ache now, hope that isn't a bad sign. No bleeding or anything though but I'm a bit worried.

Ciwi excellent. Wonderful news on u re scan. When's your next one?
Razz hugs for u. As Georgie died at 41 weeks I never had to face her due date but there's been many " firsts" since. We are just pondering what to do on her birthday . I do have a scan at 9 on her birthday (10 th October) but we ve decided we will lay some flowers at her " special" place and go for lunch.hope u feel a little better soon. Xx
Hope everyone else is ok? Xxx

Thank you all for your kind words. In the end, after going through Thomas's memory box I went over to the cemetry with my mum and the children. The children each let a blue balloon go with a message on it, "to reach Thomas in heaven". We then went out for tea. Strange, I feel like I will have two anniversaries each year, the day he was born and the day he should have. I get what you say split,it will seem strange not to have to think,'oh, i should be so many weeks gone now' .

Great news about the scan ciwi, really so pleased for you.
cheese, Im sure what you are having is the 'normal' pains that can be experienced in early pregnancy. That will not stop you from worrying though I no. Sending you loads of positive vibes

Razz, I'm so sorry, today must be so hard for you. Like Angel my baby was born at 41 weeks, so I don't have that to deal with. Your balloons sound lovely.

Ciwi, yay for the scan! I am still on a high from yesterday - long may it last!

Green, going back to work will be fine. I have now gone back to work twice and both times it was much easier than I thought it would be. Once the awkward first-meetings were over everything was fine. And with luck you will get your BFP the week after, to give you a boost when the novelty has worn off! When do you get into your new flat?

Cheese, I have been having loads of cramping and backache and everything is fine so far, so try not to worry too much. It's probably just normal early pregnancy adjustment sort of pains. I'm sure I'm already having stretching pains and the baby is only 8mm long! Hope everything is feeling a bit better now.

cheese Im sure the back ache is just your uterus moving more forward as it accomodates your baby. BUt Im sure you will still worry, try not to but if you cant then ring maternity bleep and ask them for some advice talking to them may reassure you.

Razz that must have been hard, I remember Ophelias due date, she was born at 36 weeks so wasnt long after and was tough but as dh said its only a date and not many babies are born on their due date, but it was still tough. Its 16 weeks today since she died.

ciwi thats great news, have you named the little bean yet?

I ovulated today, a bit early, so hopefully a shorter cycle but I still have to wait three weeks. Dh was so funny rushed in from work (as I had texted him the ov news) and then stated after swi that he will wake me up before work for some more. lol did make me laugh

I know going back to work will be ok its just I hate it there, Im a gardener and work outside with mainly guys, and when I fall pregnant I have to come in to the office straight away as it can damage the baby the job I do, I work with chainsaws and other heavy machinery not to mention chemicals. Thats the tough bit is having to go back (when I wasnt going to) and having to work with stuff that could harm my baby, I dont want anyone to know when Im next pg, for some time so doing that at work will be very hard. Oh well its going to happen so cant do anythign about it, Im comstinly looking for new work, but the job market is terrible.

too hopefully the new flat will be ready in 4 weeks time, fx. They might move it again though.

and back to CD 1 for me. AF is in the building- BOO!

Morning girls
cheese how are you feeling today? Really hope the cramps have passed and you are a tiny bit more relaxed.
jane what a bummer , try to be positive (hard that may be) and we will all keep our fx that this is your month.....
Also keeping my fingers crossed that this is your month too green, Im due to start a new job in september and will have to keep quiet until around 14 weeks when they can hopefully tell me baby does not have the same condition as Thomas did........will be tough, but we can all do it, cus we have had to be tough ladies.
angel I think it is nice that your scan is on Georgies birthday, it kind of ties your family together, hope you understand what I mean x

Thanks Razz xx
Boo hoo Jane x
Some truly terrible news on MN today about a woman I " knew" from a previous site who was in her early 30s died suddenly at home on Monday. Once again life is put in perspective and all the tribal crap doesn t matter.

That's trivial!!!

That's trival not tribal!!!

Hi everyone,
jane sorry about af arriving, really hope that this month is your month x
green fx for you this month, hope your flat is ready soon! I havent named the little one yet, just keep calling him/her little bub x
angel I know what you mean, even when things are at the worst (and we have all been through it lately), there is always someone worse off than yourself. I keep thinking about that poor woman who lost her husband on their honeymoon.
cheese how are you feeling today? cramps are perfectly normal, my sister had them and even bled a bit at 8 weeksish and everything was fine. I would be a hypocrite if I said don't worry though as I am still constantly prodding my boobs and stressing if I feel healthy for too long!