Fantastic 40+ thread - part 4

[hippychick66]

Come on ladies - you know who you are .......

Hi Italian . Great news that you've started injecting (that sounds odd!). Do you do itn yourself? I do vaguely remember watching the programme you mention, though I think it was some time ago. I see what you mean about the reactions of the participants. I have a friend who has recently been a surrogate and she had a very positive experience. Not something I could do myself I think, and really admire anyone who can do it.
Welcome wally! Good luck with the swi . I vaguely remember what it's like (swi/swoi)

Italian that's fabulous news - I'm so excited for you!!

Apologies for the one handed typing - have often popped in to see how you all are, but finding it difficult to bf and comment!

lou big hug for you - so normal to feel as you do. Every bereaved mother I know has similar issues, and I don't think it really gets better till you hold GILS. I think you just need to be gentle with yourself - surrender to the idea that you are going to be a bit of wreck, and indulge yourself with anything that makes it easier for you. The things I found helped were seeing a homeopath and reiki (which surprised me, I suppose - cos I'm not really into all the alternative stuff normally). I also think it helped to have my own midwife - but I also know it's very individual, and all that might not help you at all x

Hippy IOW sounds fab... sounds a little bit like you're gearing down to stop ttc? Apologies if I'm over-stepping the mark! Being able to value what you've got is such an important skill, and being able to make the best of the life you can have is the important thing - I should know! Are you going to give it a shot with the last 2 clomids?

Gum Sending you lots of love x

Diege Are you a secret goth? What is the attraction with Whitby? Just amazed you are coping with working and your tribe of kids and going on holiday tbh!

Don't know why folk are confused abotu lol Isn't it clear that her ex crawled back? I hope he has eaten appropriate amounts of humble pie too Lol

Baby dust to all...

Hi Italian so excited for u
Gum hugs xx
Hi all hope everyone's well? X
TTT how lovely to hear from you. Hope you re enjoying motherhood just as much as with C. Imagine it's tough at times with C missing but hope you re " rainbow" baby helps heal a little. You re completely right I won't exhale or relax totally to GILS is with us loud and proud. I k quite proud of myself that I m not a total basket case however, that could still come after the birth!!! I do have reflexology, manicures, pedicures etc ... Being at work helps as great distraction therapy. As does having a listen in when ever I want with my Doppler. Only 48 days to section date !!!!( not that I m counting or anything!!!!)
Enjoy xxxx
Love to all xxx

Hi - just hosing down my wellies after glamping. I could live in a yurt, me. Possibly not with the witches. Their singing was dreadful.

Thanks for clearing up the misunderstanding, TTT. She's totally right everyone. xdp is eating copious amounts of humble pie, lovingly served up by me . He's now upstairs keeping the bed warm while his lovely dd sleeps in her own bedroom nearby. I'm trying hard to forget all those hurtful 'truths' that he told me and focus on the future. Which at the moment is at the Create clinic. Like Hippy and Gum I'm beginning to come to terms with what's happening. A lot of time, energy and heartache has been taken up on this baby journey. The lady at Create (who says she trained the guy at New Hope in New York) says that we need, above all, to have closure - either with a baby or with a new focus in our lives. She'll be counselling us on the 17th (or trying to push donor eggs ) but I think she's sincere when she says she just wants to right outcome for us and that closure is key.

Hi everyone. Still lurking. Just want to keep up with everyone else. Hope that's okay.

Secretly hoping that my DH will have a change of heart, but know that the chances of that are slim to nil. And still waiting on test results from the 2nd miscarriage.

Meanwhile I have been going from completely distraught to actually okay. It's very strange. I feel I'm still grieving the losses, but adding to that is the grief of the loss of the future baby I thought I might have. lol, I think you are right about closure. Without it, it is difficult to move on.

I'm doing my best to achieve closure, but it isn't easy.

I've already listed and sold(on ebay) many of the bits and pieces I'd been saving for baby. I might use the money to fly over to Melbourne, or put it towards a holiday. It's still heart wrenching to send these things away, when I'd so hoped to use them myself.

So nice to hear from you Tank.

And great news Italian that things have started for you.

lol, I'm guessing you didn't ask the witches for a spell?I hope all goes well with your treatment.

Lou, I'm glad to hear you are keeping busy. Those 48 days will fly.Soon GILS will be here!

LOL your trip sounds fun , apart from the witches!!! Hope u and your DP can work through stuff and he is eating a big fat slice of humble pie
Gum hi. You sound like , very slowly, you are finding a way to move foreward. A holiday sounds a brill idea.
Awake before my alarm again grh... This bloody insomnia doing my head in!!!
Only working to 2 then drop in session with my MW !!! Have a good day xxx

Morning! Good to hear from you Gum - I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping you wouldn't disappear. You are part of the snug and always will be, whatever you decide It does sound like you are making very positive steps. When might you expect the results from the second mc do you think?
TTT great to hear from you! If you haven't visited Whitby before you should try it - I think you would like it. Great beach, Abbey, festivals, walks (and shops!) and lots to do in and around the town. We have already booked for next year!
lol ah it all seems clearer now! I think in my mind I had jumped from xdp coming back from his trip to the IVF clinic so was a tad confused! It all sounds good though (esp. the humble pie ). Glamping sounds pretty good too!
Angel not a bad day for you with the mw this afternoon. I am technically back at work, but marking resubmissions at home. Having a sneaky 'away way' with the dds, visiting a friend and her dcs, so hope before and after e-mail checking will suffice!
Love to all!

afternoon all - just catching up with all your posts
gum glad that at least you got the results back about the reason for your mc, is the trisomy very rare? Still hope your dh changes his mind
diege I didn't buy any extra underwear but we still had lots of 'fun' not holding out any hope for a bfp though despite it being the right time.

At least I finally got the letter from the consultant at care sent to my dr referring me for a lap - his secretary said she was behind with the admin but apologised profusely. Now have an appt on fri with my dr - just hope he doesn't say it can't be done on the NHS. He's quite alarming too as every thing he says is delivered with a huge grin as in "you have an STD" (big grin) you have a terminal illness (even bigger grin)

Hey everyone

Tina - I?m pretty certain you?ll get a lap on the NHS. Have a look at the NICE guidelines. It?s treatment rather than investigations over the age of 39 which isn?t free. (Is your GP trying to scare you off by being freaky??!!)

Angel - is the insomnia because you?re feeling a bit anxious/excited at this stage. How about some acupuncture or shiatsu?

Lol - glamping sounds great. I heard about the posh camping at Glastonbury and though it sounded just perfect for 40-something, until I realised it was £10K for 3 days!! And drinks not included!!

Italian Good luck!!! Keep us posted!!

Welcome Wally, you spring-chicken, you! Yeah, keep on SWI and keep us updated.

Talking of spells, I have a book hanging around somewhere. I?ll have a look and see if there are any suitable ones for us.

DH and I had a very disappointing appointment with the NHS today. It?s only taken 9 months for them to see us following our GP referral. We thought it was worth consulting the NHS alongside private clinics. They had nothing to recommend in the way of investigations as to why the IVF hasn?t worked so far and said if cycle 3 is unsuccessful then we might as well give up. Great! Thanks NHS/NICE! Undeterred we are working on our action plan. Keeping PMA up with cocktail of Haribo and chocolate. Well, if alcohol, caffeine etc etc are banned, what else is there??!!

Hi to Hippy, Diege, Gum, Tank and everyone else. xx & hugs xx

1000 sorry your appr was a disappointment . Hopefully , the " haribo" will do the trick and you won t need any NHS input!!!!
Have had accunpuncture in the past I did enjoy it. Having reflexology every other month. The insomnia is largely due to nerves and anxiety which is pretty much what I expected at this stage, think I just have to go with it. Some of it is still to do with grief and a whole bag of mixed emotions. I ll be ok just keep plodding on 1 day at a time.
Hi Tina, Diege and all. Hope all are well ? Saw MW today I m measuring 34 weeks!!! oMG !!! GILS stay where you are!!! We don t want any scares. She's going to be a BIG baby!!!! Just done my birth plan to ensure Iif I go in to early labour midwives know to bleep my consultant and I must have IV antibiotics pre- op. But, FX she stays put for another 6 weeks ,
Love to all xxxx

Hi everyone hope all is well.

Fireflies have you considered looking into immunology issues? I wonder how old you are and how many children you already have, sorry to be nosy? just trying to work out why the NHS were so unhelpful. Sorry that they were not more helpful.

Hugs to all

Hello! fireflies your appointment sound pretty awful and not very constructive at all Your attitude is great though - I know many people (my sister included) who have been in your position and ended up with a healthy pregnancy and baby in the end x
Angel wow you have a big girl in there! Having said that, you may find that the fundal measurements do even out a bit over the next few weeks as (in my experience) some babies seem to have growth spurt and don't 'obey' the charts! I am measuring to dates at present, but with ds jumped up 6cm at 38 week appointment so they're keeping an eye on me. Nasty mw (who I hope is still firmly locked in the snug cupboard!) is sure he'll be another biggun but I am hoping to prove her wrong! I have a feeling he's head down now too - judging purely on where his hiccoups are!! - which would be encouraging for me as ds was always (until he was sectioned out) an unstable lie.
Tina, good luck for your appointment! Your Dr. sounds lovely...
Hi Italian - how are things going with the treatment?
Marking again here (re-sits) - this time my proper HE job stuff - not passed anyone as yet, hee hee!!!

OK Dottoresse Italiana - what do you reckon? Am 42 (just!!!), never been preggers, have zero children, one blocked tube, other possibly ?diseased? (thanks for that heartening description, expensive private consultant!!), all other bits appear up to the job. X 2 cycles of IVF ? all good up to day 24 when AF appears bang on time. We produce excellent quality and reasonable number of embryos despite our age, but don?t even get a chemical pregnancy. Seem to get initial implantation symptoms. NHS doc said they could help with issues producing embryos or repeat miscarriage, but that there was nothing to investigate for us, and that it was simply that I was unable to establish a pregnancy (at which point we were shown the door and wished good luck!!). Had hoped NHS would be able to help with issues such as immunology and maybe had other areas of investigation. She suggested looking into Natural Killer Cells privately, but added that any research to date on them is tenuous.

Have you or anyone else got any suggestions?

Diege - thanks for the positive stories and for the rest of your support. Really helps. I saw an article at the weekend with 43 year old preggers for the first time which cheered me up no end. I know it?s still possible but diff not to feel negative.

Hi everyone, haven't been on here before, but I was hoping for a bit of advice about coming to terms with....well, giving up, really.
I'm 40, already have two lovely DC from previous relationship, and DP and I have been trying for over two years now, with no success. I feel as though my body has conspired against me from the start, to be honest. After many years of regular periods, as soon as we decided to start trying they went to pot, arriving a week early, five days late, hardly anything one month, horribly heavy the next. I kept trying to ignore the fact that this was clearly my body deciding it was time to wind down its fertility work.

Anyway, this month my period just didn't come. I secretly hoped, waited until I was two weeks late, then tested, only to be faced with a depressing 'not pregnant'. I'm not even optimistic enough to think this is a one month blip and they'll return next month. My mother had her menopause at 36yrs old, and I've read your fertility roughly follows your mother's, so I've been dreading this for ages.

I've now decided that I need to just give up hoping - it's stressing me out enormously, particularly since my DP has recently been diagnosed with depression which has affected his libido, so we only manage to make any effort at conceiving once or twice a month. At that rate, and with my reproductive system winding down, we've had no chance of falling pregnant anyway. I suddenly feel so old knowing that my body is past being able to make a new life, which I hate, because I've never felt in the least bit old before! I feel such a grieving for the loss of what I hoped we'd have, and I'm just not sure how to get past it. I know most ladies here will still be trying and probably don't want to read a message as depressing as this one(!) but any advice would be appreciated. I don't want to become bitter and resentful, glaring at pregnant women and asking myself why they can do it when I can't :(

Hi gillyglops. I'm sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Although I have different circumstances, I am having to come to terms with giving up ttc.I know how hard it can be.

In my case it is because my DH no longer wants to ttc. I've had two recent miscarriages and to me, not trying again feels like a terrible third loss.

In your case, I think I would need to see a doctor, have some tests run, to really know where my fertility was at, so that I could know I had covered all bases, IYKWIM, then I think(for want of a better word)"closure" can be reached.

Are you able to try some assisted reproduction stuff?

I'm now taking steps to try to get some kind of "closure" for myself. It's been really hard, but I am banishing all things baby related from my house (selling it all on ebay) and will spend the money on something for myself. I've stopped reading all things fertility related, except for this thread, because I love my friends here.I've also stopped taking all the supplements etc that were supposed to enhance fertility.

But, I have to admit going out shopping etc isn't easy - seems to be pregnant women and new babes everywhere.Planning for a future without a new baby, though sad, is another way forward for me. I'm thinking about how much easier things will be financially for us as a family, about taking the kids on an overseas holiday, that sort of thing.

I hope you can find some comfort. The desire for a baby is the strongest, most compelling thing I've ever felt.

gillyglops welcome. I am sorry this is a hard time for you. If you really feel it is time to give up on this process then I wish you all the best in moving on. If you feel you wish to continue then I hope you will be successful. If your DP is depressed and not feeling like sex much then I am wondering if you are giving it the best shot! If you are only doing it twice a month are you really sure you are hitting your most ?fertile? time? I wonder if your dp's depression is affecting you. Would it be helpful to just try for the time being to have as much sex as you can and enjoy being together, get some help for your dp with his depression (men are often terrible about seeking medical help for themselves!) If you really do want to call it a day then all the best and if you end up staying around for a bit, then welcome. I also hope you will come to terms with whatever you decide.

Fireflies Dr Italian here, but I am not a medical doctor, I am a doctor of cake! Well, I would say get yourself down to a clinic that does immunology testing and get tested. If you can afford it you could have the stage 1 and 2 so-called 'Chicago' tests. I am not sure where you get these, or where you live. In London there are places and Care Fertility has clinics in the midlands/north etc. What you need to tell them is what you told me, they will probably be willing to do the tests or tell you why they don't think they are necessary. Two failed IVFs is not a lot but I got the stage 1 tests after one failed IVF and several failed IUIs because I am a persistent bugger! It is a lot of money, possibly £1,000 or £2,000 BUT you can probably get some of the tests done on the NHS. For me things that came up were Thyroid issues (I now take Thyroid pills), and possibly sticky blood, which is why I will be on baby Aspirin and also on steroids and an injection of clexane. I have no idea if this will make a difference but I did not want to go through £6,000 of fertility treatment again without the chance of finding out what might help. I think you do need to speak to a clinic that takes immunology issues seriously but that does not mean you need to get the tests, it might be that there is a reason you don?t need them. You can work it out but at least speaking to a clinic will help.

I am NOT recommending this clinic but this page gives some information on immunology:

www.fertility-academy.co.uk/recurrent-failure/reproductive-immunology/

Also you could read Baby Next Time by Nicole Klieff, which deals with the immunology issues and is apparently a true story:

www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Next-Time-Nicole-Klieff/dp/1434395138

Your call but if I were you that is what I would do. Good luck to you dear fireflies my heart goes out to you.

lol everything ok? Any news?

Hugs to Hippy , Angelgeorgie, Hairy, Pocket, Curly, Diege, Jolls, Nicole, Tank, Gum, Panshe, Shandy, Tina and Mitzimaybe and baby dust to all.

Fireflies PS I know it is anecdotal but I know someone who had about half a dozen tries at IVF and finally got pregnant when using steroids prescribed by the clinic during IVF.

Hello everyone

Italian I am so pleased that things are starting for you. Whats the procedure with the injections , how long will you be doing that for ?

Fireflies I'm really sorry things didn't work for you this time. Italians post is quite informative, hope something there helps you.

I'm a bit down, had cp I think I had a bfn about 3 weeks after mc and last week started with the sore boobs, off wine, tiredness etc. So I did a test very very faint positive, same the next two days. Then it disappeared and I started bleeding, has been a bit clotty but not as much as mc. So I;m not sure really. Am sure Gum had a faint positive after her mc but could just be our bodies playing games. Anyway I'm on cd 5 now.

How are the Hippy ??

I'm having a bit of child free time for the first time in ages. Relaxing with dp tonight probably watch the football and we are off out on the town tomorrow. I bought a new dress but need to wear a strapless bra with it, hate them they make my boobs look weird !

Can't believe its Septmeber. I do like this time of year but a little summer is almost over.

lol hope there is lots of helpings of humble pie being eaten

Hello! Hi panashe, so sorry for the cp, that's very cruel after the mc, though as you ay I think gum sadly went throguh this too. Hope you have a relaxing time with dp over the next few days and take things easy x
Welcome Gilly - loads of great advice there from Italian and gum.ng, Your situation doesn't sound depressing in a 'bad' way, just sadly rather familiar! Hoping you can get some strength and friendship from this thread.
Ok here, thoughy decorator has just rung and annouced he will be here 7.45am Monday to do dds' room First day back at school and office so don't envy him!
Hope everyone is ok - where has that pesky hippy got to again?

Bistro?s open!! I fancy a burger and chips, oooh, and maybe a limoncello trifle, washed down with a Melon Magic mocktail. Going to sit on the terrace as it?s still warmish and the blankets are out. Anyone joining me?

Welcome Gilly. So sorry to hear about your plight. I agree with Gum?s wise words ? get yourself to the Doc asap and press for as much help as you can get. There are so many more options available these days medically for us fabulous frolicsome forty-somethings. And how about feeding DP some libido/mood enhancing foods? I had similar probs with my DH for a while so fed him lots of Pecans and lit cinnamon scented candles for months on end ? don?t think they did much for his pecker but at least I felt I was doing something. He took St John?s Wort for his depression until we realised it was not recommended when TTC. And by the way, 40?s young...

Panashe - so disappointed for you. Enjoy your weekend and a bit of grown-up glam time tomorrow. I?m sure DP will think your (.Y.) will look delectable.

Italian - thank you for the info. I will do a bit of reading up and investigating. And I like all stories with happy endings, even if it?s just anecdotal.

Anyway, there?s nothing like a bit of SWI and sunshine to put a spring in your step. Got a smiley face on today?s ovulation stick, so you never know...

Cheers and positive vibes everyone. Happy Friday!! xx

I'm here diege (Hippy waves).

gilly welcome - much of what you say rings a bell with me - I too have a Dh who has depression and it pops it's ugly head up from time to time - I do feel for you. I am currently trying to wind down on the whole TTC thing too. I find it best to concentrate on my two little squirts and how lucky I am to have them and trying to carve out a different future for myself from the one I had been hoping for (and thinking about way too much) over the last 2 years.

AF is here and it's a bad one - endometriosis pain very bad and PMT so bad last night hubbie thought I was going loopy. I am seriously thinking of just taking the clomid for the next two months and then giving up and having a mirena coil put back in in time for xmas. Only problem with the clomid is that my bleedin' LP has gone from 14 days back to 10 - arrggh!!!

Mozerella, tomato and basil starter for me followed by a thai curry and a lemon sponge and custard please.

love to all. X

Penashe, so sorry about the c.p. It's bloody cruel isn't it? It's not like our hearts are broken enough already. I really hope your bfp is just around the corner. Enjoy your child free time.

Gosh Hippy, I can see why you have had enough - your endo sounds awful.I wonder why the clomid causes your LP to shorten? Are you taking a vitamin B complex? B6 is supposed to help lengthen the LP,but it works better if taken with other B vitamins, especially B12.

I was reading on another site that you can take "Soy isoflavones" as a natural clomid. Does the same thing apparently. It works by tricking your body into thinking estrogen is low, so your body amps up the production of LH and therefore gives a stronger ovulation. I don't think it would work for me because my egg reserve is so low, and I'm guessing that means my estrogen is already low. Not that it makes any difference, as I'm not ttc. However I'm a bit tired of my AF being AWOL,and would like to get back on track. I thought it might get things started up again .I'd just like to know what is going on.

It's really odd - I am dead sure I had ovulation pain( like I have for years - then I always got AF 12 -14 days later) and a + opk, and a temperature rise at the right time. But it's been over 20 days, and nothing.(definitely not bfp - I've checked!) It has me a bit concerned. I worry about Asherman's syndrome, which can be cause by D&C's, as I've had two recently. But I've not had any spotting or cramping. I've got an appointment to see the doc on Weds.

I'm wondering if I should start taking Vitex to get things going? Perhaps I'll wait til I've see the doc - maybe she will organise a scan to see what is going on.

I still haven't had results from the pathology tests on the 2nd miscarriage. That's after being told, nearly 2 weeks ago that it would be "a couple of days". It won't change anything sadly. I've not discussed it with my DH again. If I get pregnant it will be an immaculate conception. I don't have functioning fertility and I'm not feeling very much like SWOI with DH at all.And then there's the question of actually having to prevent conception. It just goes against the grain!

Italian, how is the treatment going. What are the injections for?

Fireflies - nice to hear the bistro is open. The limoncello trifle sounds delish. I'll have some of that, and for starters I'll have salt and pepper squid. Followed by a nice piece of seared salmon, Japanese style. Yum!

Thank you all for the lovely welcome and advice :)

Hopefulgum, sorry to hear you're in a similar position. I had wanted to go down the route of trying to get some help in conceiving, but DH flat refused, saying it would put more pressure on us that he couldn't cope with. I have considered seeing the doctor to confirm that my fertility is pretty much finished - I think I'll wait until next month's period doesn't show and then do that.

Italiangreyhound, thanks for your reply. You're certainly right about us not hitting the right times, but when I was pointing this out to DH, he felt it was more pressure to 'perform', then when his depression got worse, his whole ability to perform was affected. Sex has become a whole minefield, with me resenting the fact that the scarcity of it has combined with my irregular periods to make conception unlikely, and DH feeling guilty about it and therefore even more unable to have a healthy sex life! He has finally agreed to seek help for the depression, but of course it could be many months before he's even started to get sorted.

Thank you for the welcome, Diege :)

10000fireflies You're right, 40 is and should feel young, I just have to get myself feeling that way again by cutting out the stress I think lol.

hippychick66 I agree with you, I've been trying to concentrate on just enjoying my two wee ones and remembering that I'm already very lucky to have them. Like you, I've spent far too much time over the last two years thinking and wishing for a future that I hoped for, and as well as the sadness over that, I end up feeling totally guilt-ridden that all that mental energy has meant I haven't always been as happy and relaxed with my girls as I should have been. As hard as it feels to decide to give up on the future I hoped for, it does make me feel a hint of freedom from that stress where I can just hopefully relax and concentrate on a future that's achievable.

Hi Gilly welcome.
Gum. hope u get some answers on Wednesday.
Hiya hippy great you re. " living your dream" and you re all happy on the IOW.
Hi Diege hope you re managing. Don t know about you but I seem to have developed cankles!!! Very attractive!!!
Hi Italian any more news on actual start dates?
Hi Curly, Tina, Shandy,Lol and everyone else xxx
Oh Panashe sorry about CP x
I m fine, plodding on very tired and finding work quite hard going now. Thinking of packing my hospital bag as EVERYONE is convinced GILS is coming early!! God, I hope not I so don t want the stress of going in to labour when I ve got the section etc..planned. Won't pack GILS bag to much later , can t yet. I ve written a list of instructions for Ant should it happen :
Consultant to be bleeped, IV antibiotics etc...
Had a lovely meal out with friends last night: gorgeous food. Cleaning the kitichen today ( nesting????) then cinema tonight. Along with chilling and reading. LOVE weekends. Sorry, some of you are having such a crap time. Love and hope to all xxxx

diege and lou - not long now - hang on in there girls

panashe you soooo did not deserve a CP my love - you have had enough crap this year, haven't you? Wishing you better things to come.

italian i hope your patience will be rewarded - you have waited so long and i hope with all my heart that this works out for you.

gilly - As hard as it feels to decide to give up on the future I hoped for, it does make me feel a hint of freedom from that stress where I can just hopefully relax and concentrate on a future that's achievable. that is so well put - so hard to let go isn't it? ((())) hugs for you.