Fantastic 40+ thread - part 4

[hippychick66]

Come on ladies - you know who you are .......

Diege I get what you are saying because if stats are right and over 40's miscarriage rates are 40/50% it can't just be ds otherwise those stats would be higher too.

Hmm, yes I suppose it could be the 'really incompatible with life trisomies' (eg. 9). Sorry for the morbid topic, but something I have come across in the research part of my job into antenatal screening and have never really found an answer to! I remember reading the 50/50 stat and being totally by it as it seems such a drastic drop from when in our 30s..

Diege your research work sounds fascinating. I remember talking about the stats when I first joined the thread. Hippy, I think, gave me a good reality check by saying 50/50. Are the odds now worse as I'm 45? Guessing so. I'm working on 70/30 to try and be realistic. The Dr said I'd have a 70% chance of having a successful pregnancy if I had donor eggs, so I was guessing that 30% of my chances are body/chance related and 70% are chromosomal abnormality-related. Then again, I only got CSE 1 in Maths and my mind works in a weirdly visual/non-numerical way and I could be talking bs. As usual.

Did I tell xdp? Nope. How would he react if it was the month? He'd be dancing down the High Street. Can't afford to discuss it with him - his disappointment would be too great if it didn't happen. I sometimes wonder if the disappointment of another mc would do us in as friends, let alone partners. The electrician (yes, really) was telling me yesterday that his friend's wife has left (age 41) because he's been identified as the infertility 'problem'. How sad.

On a positive note, I've just been watching the new Sherlock Holmes. I thought it was brilliant! Anyone else see it?

panache thinking of you. Really hope it will be OK. Why can?t you register with the doctor? Can?t you just call and say you need to see them so can you come and register and be seen altogether on the same day?

Sorry it had been so long since I last popped on, I have been working away and I am off for a long weekend tomorrow.

Hippy I like isaboo?s comments ?chaos is not life threatening for any member of the family and nobody is handing out a "TOP MOVER" medal....?

I am a bit fed up of waiting and just feel isolated now, not part of trying, not part of not! Part of me wishes we had adopted from China and started the process 5 years ago when we were first told game over. Part of me wishes we had gone to Spain a year ago but we did not! So now we are where we are. I really feel fostering and/or adoption will be our next move. I do feel quite calm on one front and confused and pissed off on the other!

On a lighter note, so who watched The Apprentice? I watched it and thought Helen and Tom would be a pretty unstoppable team! But I was also rooting for Susan too! I did not want Jim to win but actually thought his idea was the best!

Hi everyone. Have to pop in and take my place, I don't like getting onto mumsnet and finding I am on NO threads at all!

Penashe - how are you feeling? Did you get to see a Doctor? It's hard isn't it? Those first few weeks are really hard on the mind and emotions. I hope it is all okay.

Those stats just send a shiver down my spine. How I wish I'd embarked on this years earlier. But on the other hand, even if I do have a 40% (that's the stat I was given by the doc) chance of miscarrying, I still have a 60% chance of being okay. If I was told I had a 60% chance of winning the lottery, I'd buy a ticket every week. And I suppose that is what I'm doing. Buying a ticket every month.

We've just had good friends stay with us for a couple of days. Was so nice. Very relaxed and easy. We took the kids (but not little Charlie) to see the Harry Potter movie yesterday. I haven't followed the story at all, but got quite engrossed and really enjoyed it. It helped to have my friend explain little bits that weren't clear to me. Unfortunately being at the movies meant I ate half a packet of malteasers - all that sugar! Yuck. Now I'm going to have to go through withdrawal again...

Italian, I think you have been incredible - so patient and calm- under the circumstances. I'd be going out of my mind with impatience. Is there no way the process can be sped up? You have waited for over a year haven't you(for the donor egg - I know your wait has been much, much longer)? Sending love your way - it must be very hard waiting.

AFM - it seems I have ovulated - according to my temperatures. I never got a positive opk, but I'm thinking I might have just missed it. I got one opk with some colour(but not quite positive), then all the rest were definitely negative.I wonder if I caught the end of the surge? Or perhaps this is annovulatory? But would I get a clear temp rise? Anyway, DH and I have only had sex once since the miscarriage - and it just so happened to be on the day fertility friend suggests I ovulated. I'm not holding out any hope though. I barely feel like I ovulated, and I have basically decided nothing would happen the month after the miscarriage. But who knows...

Gum only half a packet? Strewth, what willpower. I've been known to work my way through a family pack and still be delighted when later I find a single malteaser lodged in my bra!

Italian it's all so different from the 'normal' way of trying for a baby (ie, 20-34 years old, married, settled, planning decorating the new bedroom etc). It's unchartered territory and unsettled feelings are probably more appropriate than not . I've a feeling I'll be joining you on the donor egg search. Are you on any threads for women in your/our position that I could read for info?

Don't think I'm going anywhere else for my thread kicks, people - this one's far too interesting!

I am also of your restraint with the maltesters Gum . Did you have the other half when you got back though? Re : your temps, no I don't think you'd get a temp rise if you were having an annovulatory cycle (judging on Toni's book). Also, I have rarely ever got a proper pos on an opk - lines when I get them always far fainter than control line, then next day no line at all. Good that you dtd on ov day - well done
Lol er yes your maths is out there . I think so anyway - I got a 'C' at O'level maths (re-sit) that I'm prouder of than my PhD . Struggle to work out percentages etc and with dd1's maths homework Yes, you stay here on this thread !! I am aware that technically I shouldn't really be here, but no-one seems to have noticed
Italian have they said what the delay with the eggs might be? I agree, you have the pateince of a saint - it must be so frustrating xxx
Back to the scripts now - the first half of my money has come through, so that's spurred me on

Restraint? I think not - I had to share them with my friend who took me to the movies! Actually _ I think I may have eaten more than her - so it's more likely that I ate 3/4 of a packet. Bloody hell, I was much better at this giving up sugar lark the first time I did it.

Every day I say, "I will go sugar free today." Then someone visits and I make macaroons dipped in chocolate (today). Bugger! Bloody school holidays - we've had visitors every day this week. If it isn't chocolate stuff and sweets, its wine and chips! It's not helping remove the pounds I put on in those 9 short weeks of being pregnant...

I think maybe I did ovulate Deige. I think my 's might actually be a bit tender. But I'm not holding out any hope this month.

BTW - am VERY impressed by your phd Deige.

Thank-you Gum! The title would make your eyes glaze over though I think TTT also has one, although I may be making that up.
Agree, don't get stressed about this month. It must all feel very raw, and you don't want to layer disappointment on grief. Having said that, nice to think there may be a chance too .
Well there are 22, yes 22 exam scripts left and then I am free!!!! Have had a teeny splurge already (Joules' sale ), but am saving the rest so that I can stay at home an extra month on maternity leave. ON my figures, and adding holiday leave on, that takes me up to April, which will be brilliant!

I've just lost a long message again. Grr. Sorry will post again, too tired now.

Hi. Back again. dr diege how lovely to be planning your well deserved maternity leave when there's so much bad news here. Please stay around we recent mcs need some good news.

gum I've been wondering about opks. I haven't yet had a positive result with them although I don't use them non stop. Mind you temping didn't reveal much for me either so maybe it's me.

lol did you see obm USA tonight by any chance. If so I thought of you and xdp when I saw the sports presenter couple. They were so lovely.

Hi to Italian big hugs((()))) and curly,bb and panashe

Morning

Well we're allowed to register with the doctors !! Got appointments to see nurse for new patient next week so will start ball slowly rolling..Boobs have got bigger the last two days so hanging in there at the moment.

How are you Beattie ? Hope you've been reunited withthe family & getting lots of love.

Hippy I was full if good intentions to sort stuff out before moving but as the day got nearer I just panicked & started throwing everything in boxes. The worst bit is clearing out the kitchen cupboards & seeing how out of date some things are

Italian I know you must feel in no mans land sometimes and I thought this when Diege said she shouldn't really be on the thread, but we're all Fantastic and all 40+ so let's stick together

That last bit didn't sound right, what I meant to say was no matter whether we ttc,waiting for donor eggs, just mc or pregnant or even dating Mr Bean lookalikes I think you're all lovely and great support.

Yes panashe I quite agree with your comments, looking back at mine, sorry diege if my previous comment sounds a bit odd I didn't mean it in a dig type of way but like panashe said. It's nice to have all of you here through our good and bad times which keeps us all going.

I think it's good that we can stay on the thread whether we're pregnant, miscarrying or ttc. I hope everyone feels that they are welcome/safe here. I must say it's my main source of support at the moment as I'm not with dh yet and even then I don't want to go on about my mc/ttc etc. So i get to bore you lot instead!

Anyway, I'm fine. Last day without the dcs and then we're all reunited. I have felt very lonely in the last week or so without them all. I'm not good on my own at the best of times (I am one of those annoying people that needs company most of the time and I get too introspective and depressive if I'm on my own) but it has been very tough on my own. I am having very second thoughts about moving, but have told dh that I'll give it a year and will do my best to make it work. But I am going to miss my friends so much.

hippy are you moving this weekend?

panashe glad it all seems ok to you. I knew I was going to miscarry because the boobs shrank again! so it's a good sign (also I just knew weirdly, but I've since read that that's quite common).

lol how many dpo are you?

shandy i didn't really get on with most opks, but i do like the smily faced ones (can't remember who makes them!). They do seem to coincide with the peaks on the cbfm (that I also use - obsessive me?).

italian to you. And everyone else too hello!

Don't worry Shandy, I took it the right way I agree that we all have a 40 plus approach to ttc, whatever stage we're at, and that does bind us together. I've had 3 mcs, 2 before this successful pregnancy and know that I don't take a day forgranted.
BB not long now, and then you'll be wishing for solitude again . Good plan on trying London for a year - I'm sure after a few weeks you'll be feeling much happier x
Italian meant to say I was quite surprised by your Tom winning THe Aprentice . I have heard on the grapevine that Lord S is after him returning to his nail file endeavour, as it's patented so he (Lord S) can make a tidy profit off Tom's back...I also liked Suzy,and think she has a spark about her that will give her staying power in the industry.
Panashe that's good news about the boobs!! I'm sure those pains must have been linked to ligaments/growing uterus (as BB says, boobs often the first place to 'go' if bad news).
Good luck Hippy if the move is indeed this weekend. If not, stop packing and have a relax . I am off to London this weekend with the 3 dds - dreading it a bit now as I've heard the Tube is buggered lines-wise, so I don't think it will be a relaxing one! Hoping to brave Leicester Square for the cinema in the evening if we can get there!

Right you lot, bistro open so place your orders... I am having southern fried chicken breast with fried potatoes and cabbage and warm chocolate brownies with custard for pudding...Mmmmm.... Big jug of home made lemonade to drink.

Sounds yum minus the cabbage

Even fried cabbage with fried potato? Mmmm, you don't know what you're missing curly
Well I can proclaim that all the Scripts Are Finished!!!! I feel like I've been let out of prison!!

Woohoo and well done Diege Erm fried cabbage....really......??????

I'll have the warm chicken salad please, Diege. Checking in late, as ever, but have just come back from Eddie Izzard, 'Laughs in the Park'. Thought I could do with a few chuckles as xdp has gone off on a camping trip with families in the New Forest that I was ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO BE GOING ON. Sorry. Am I SHOUTING? Actually, Eddie Izzard wasn't so good, but Tommy Tierney and Ross Noble more than made up for it. My lovely ds came with me (age 22 and very protective). What a sweetie. Loads of people were smoking joints! In the park in St Albans . I can only presume it was included in the VIP goodie bags.

BB I'm 7dpo (guessing from temps). Spent the day with my friend and her twins. I've never felt bad about them, even though we were pregnant at the same time before my first mc. They are so gorgeous. Don't you just love the smell of baby skin?

Panashe I am so pleased about the . Mine definitely behaved like BBs. And I knew because I felt brilliant rather than crap. So...fingers crossed for you, P. Thinking of you.

All - sorry, it's too late to name check, but you know who you are. Loads of love - and I echo Shandy and BB. You can't beat the support here.

Smoking joints in St Albans !! Happy to hear you had a good time lol

So quiet here this weekend.

Nothing much to report here.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning and will report back afterwards.

I hope every one is feeling okay.

Sad news about Amy Winehouse and terrible news about Norway.

Hi to all, Sorry no time to catch up, back from one mini break and off on our hols a.s.a.p. Feeling stressed. DD exhibiting some VERY challenging behaviour and no donor in site yet. Only plus point is my TSH is not effecting when we get a donor so at least nothing is being unnecessarily held up!

BB Thanks for the hugs, how are you doing?

Hippy how is the move.

Panashe I guess at times it just all gets a bit much but we are all fab and forty!

Diege I am not sure how much my Tom will enjoy being a nail file king! Did I tell you I applied for the Apprentice this year! But did not get in, I mean I applied this year for next year! Am way too old and way too......I won?t finish that sentence! The delay for eggs is due to lack of donors. So we just have to wait. I feel exhausted by it all now and just wish we had gone to Spain last year and it was all a distant memory for me now!

Lol I am not on any egg donor threads but Fertility Friends does have one specifically for egg donors.

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=64.0

Or

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=15.0

If you need to know what egg sharing is, you can ask me or Google around, basically it is when the person donating half their eggs is also trying to get pregnant with the other half and your treatment costs also include some money that goes towards their costs ? altruistic donors are not having treatment so have no real costs other than the drugs and getting the eggs but our clinic (Care) rolls all the costs so whether you have an altruistic donor or an egg sharer you pay the same. I have not tried these Fertility Friends treads but have red on them a bit.

I think actually finding a donor on line is probably impossible but finding info etc is just a matter of Googling around. Actually finding the donor is about the clinic; in this country so you choose where you want to go (UK, USA, Spain, Greece, and Eastern Europe) and then you see what is on offer. There is also an assisted conception thread here and you could ask Rowing about her experiences.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1193042-Assisted-Conception-and-all-the-bits-in-between-volume-7

Also try www.donor-conception-network.org/

Hairy How are you doing, honey?

Angelgeorgie Hugs to you? How is life going?

Gum hugs, how are you?

Alba and TTT are you finding time to look in on us or too busy?

Jolly, Isaboo, Nicole Mitzimaybe*Curly, Shandy what is happening for you ladies, I am hopelessly behind!

Good luck to all.

Love to all and baby dust to all.

Good luck Gum . yes very sad about Norway not so bothered about Amy Winehouse , think she's been heading that way for a LONG time. Very tired this weekend busy, busy week at work loads of shite going off and just as I m acting up as a manager this week!!! 1 particular member of staff causing all the problems ( a male nurse in his 50s!!!!) apparently he's. " gunning" for me. Bring it on!!!!
Attended a baby shower yesterday and saw my ex " friend" from work , remember the one who way back upset me as just after Georgies service she asked 2 of my other friends to tell me she was pg. I ve not spoken yo her since and don t really consider her as a friend anymore however, I will have to work with her at some point so I m glad we ve passed that akward stage, she ' d got her 2 month old son with her but all we did was exchange pleasantries so that's that!!!
Hope all are well and enjoying the sun?
Hope Hippy has moved .love to alll xxxx