Harassed, poor you my lovely. It sounds like you have a lot going on, no wonder you broke down last night. First of all, I am so so sorry to read about you mum. What you must have been through with her sounds so worrying and difficult. And to still not feel like she?s back to herself must be very hard, especially when all you want is to have her to lean on. I really don?t have any knowledge of the illness she has had, but from the replies you have had on your thread it doesn?t seem impossible for her illness and behaviour to be linked. If like you say, she wasn?t like this at all before, its seems unlikely to be due to just getting older, with it being quite a sudden change. But I suppose it still could be that she hasn?t come to terms with her illness and recovery. I?m really not sure how you could tell. You could confront her about her behaviour, but that would take a lot of strength on your part, and or course if it is down to her illness you might regret raising it. Perhaps you could chat with her about her illness and recovery separately, to try to get a feeling for how you think she is coping with it. From that you might be able to deduce if she is bitter or angry about it still. If it makes you feel any better though, like lara my mum has also made some comments I could have jumped on her for. When I first told her I was pg (maybe a week after I had poas) she said ?well I won?t get my hopes about this one?. The only thing that held me back from snapping back at her was that my Nan (her mum) had passed away that week so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and put it down to that. But like laras mum she also takes great joy in telling me how I?m never going to get any sleep and how hard things are going to be blah blah blah. She is forever telling my DH to stop ?spoiling me? ? by which I mean making my dinner when I?m tired after work because I?ve not been sleeping etc! But I think if she stopped to listen to herself, she?d be mortified. I know she wants the best for me, she just sometimes has a funny way of showing it. And she?s not even 55 so age has nothing to do with it!
Please also don?t beat yourself up for breaking down last night. With everything that?s going on, its hardly surprising and don?t forget that your hormones are all over the place to. Do you lurk on the grads thread? ? a couple of people over there were just yesterday talking about how they keep having emotional breakdowns. I also remember in my last pg, I had a really difficult meeting with some managers. They were just being really difficult, challenging and not listening. All in a days work for me really, but when I came out, I cried in my car. The fact that your dd is looming makes everything worse. When is it? Mines next weekend and I found it really got to me a week or so ago. I think that, combined with other things going on at the time (neighbours huge bump, colleague giving birth, fact I should be on mat leave, 20wk scan and the reminder of what dachs went through) just made it feel all the worse. Do you have plans on your dd as a distraction? We have some friends staying. Part of me is glad, but also part of me feels a bit guilty.
Not having any dc, I don?t really know what to suggest about your dd tantrums, but I think lady makes a good suggestion to perhaps just take it a little more in your stride, at least until the next few weeks have past, your dd is no longer looming and your dh is back at home. Little girls (and boys) occasionally tantrum. I am sure she is fine, and you are a great mother.
I think your dh being away most nights is just another added pressure. Are you also worried about his fight? Is there anyone else you can call upon for support? A sibling? FIL? Friend? One of your older Children? Have you talked to him about how you are feeling ? apart from last might when you got upset. I think perhaps you should. He needs to understand and maybe he can do more ? even if he can?t be around in the evenings, maybe he can do some of the ?chores? you get left with to at least take the pressure off you? Just for now at least. At 16 wks I am pretty sure I was still knackered all the time (to be fair still am) so you need to rest.
And work!!!! Very 
at your work. Treating you differently, putting new and added pressure on you and being difficult etc because your are pg is discrimination and is illegal see here If you feel you can you should challenge you boss or speak to HR. Either that or let it ride over you and take a new approach to work.
Re counselling. I can?t remember know who has had it. I know mummya did and she spoke very highly of it. She?s in the common room. Why not post in there and on the grads thread? I think it?s a good idea. I know all the people who said they had had it, spoke highly of it.
Right, where are you? At home? Get your feet up and rest woman!!! OK, epic post over!
lily think of you. Hoping everyone else with worries is doing ok.