I am jolly well going to get pregnant this month and I'll brook no argument.

[allhailtheaubergine]

Who's in?

Ah Bloofer, that's horridly shit. Have a super indulgent night, another good sob if it helps and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and also Cd2, which is 2 days closer to upduffness for sure. Feel free to punch anyone who says "it'll be your turn soon" or "what's for you won't go by you" (annoying Scottish saying) or anything similarly patronising

Love - she's a canny one that Zita witch doctor West. Not only dies she have special pre-conception 'erbs and bits, she has a different blend for each trimester. >

Thanks, SleepyFergus. I have extended my muggery list of inventive ways to assist conception today to include booking an appointment with an acupuncturist. Bit nervous to be honest as not a huge fan of needles but am assured it is different from having an injection. Cheaper than Zita as well.

Surely I deserve a baby now if I am prepared to have needles stuck in me for the cause?

Fanks Fergie :) (and I am minded to agree on the Zita front although that's tantamount to blasphemy!)

Oooo love I have just added needles to my list! My pal always says, Bloof, have a Plan. Everyone likes a Plan. Needles are now on my Plan along with A Life of Unblemished Rectitude.

All of you over 30s out there - we mustn't worry. Kimiko Date is holding her own against Venus Williams at the age of 40. And she looks terrific.

Oooooh, exciting, Aries. I want to turn the TV on but I am supposed to be working and have already pissed away most of the day on MN.

Bloofer - yes, I am also one for Having A Plan. Something I have just been reading (believe "Conquering Infertility" but may be mis-quoting) went on about the importance of knowing where you are going next, so that even if you are already on Plan G, you still have Plans H-Z to go. My Plan A was "conceive on first go with doting DH, have perfect baby". I think I am now on about Plan F. Plan F involves needles and no . I think I resent the latter even more.

I am "working at home".

Well, I have just taken myself off to the nearest Waterstones (other retailers are available) and purchased 'What to expect before you're expecting'. Being CD3 and everything, I am obviously already expecting, but I thought it would do no harm.

Bloofer I know what you mean about convincing yourself AF is really implantation. I do it every month, as I only bleed for 3 days. I know, I know, this gives me more opportunity to smack that rat. But I don't ovulate till CD21, and there is only so much smacking the poor rat can take

Yes I'm the same maybe af was so light and short (and what with all the positive thinking and vague pink patch/line) I decided to poas cd2 this month! (Bfn of course).
I too had a grand plan- this was decided aged 18. Graduate uni (check), meet DH to be and get wed aged 27 (check), have baby by 30 (umm I'm 30 in 2 months!).

have - you will still have a baby at 30 - you're getting pregnant this month, remember?

maybe - is the book any good? I feel like I have already been pretty well educated by MN but frankly I am willing to try any tips...

I cannot bear the lingering hope that maybe AF is really an implantation
bleed. Amazing how many ways we can find to torture ourselves.

As this thread is so educational, maybe you can answer my vague musings. Am I right in thinking the sperm somehow swims through the uterus on its way to the egg, then finally meets the egg in the fallopian tube and fertilises it, upon which the fertilised egg travels back down the fallopian tube to the uterus. Wouldn't it make more sense for the egg and sperm to meet in the uterus, in the manner of an IUI? Is this how it works in all mammals? This seems to be to be the equivalent of someone from Bristol planning a date with someone from Manchester, deciding to have dinner in London, then the Bristolian ging all the way to Manchester first before travelling back down again together. Is there a reason for this madness? It seems as if our DHs' sperm would stand a better chance if they had less distance to cover with their nice robust front crawl...

I have taken a pg test right in the middle of af .

That's kinda...messy and I wouldn't recommend it.

I've done that too, pomme

I shall prolly do it this month too. MAD. as. a. HATTER.

Yup done that! Pretty nasty!
You are correct, love, of course I'm getting pregnant this month so ill have a baby when I'm 30, silly me!
I agree the whole baby making process seems bizarre. Did anyone watch that 'inside the human body' how you get pregnant. It was fascinating! The sperm swim up if you're fertile cos there's a gap to swim through. Then your body releases

Repeat after me POAS is bad!! You are all going to be / are already upduffed anyway so it's a waste of wee anyway ;)

Indeed the poor swimmers are probably too tired to bother fertilising half teh time.

too many anyways

Oops way too soon! It releases a chemical that puts the sperm to sleep til the egg is ready then wakes them up. I read somewhere a sperm reaching an egg is the equivalent of a human being swimming the Atlantic ocean if the ocean was made of treacle!

Love I ADORE that analogy. It does indeed seem bonkers.

And the Atlantic treacle thing makes me marvel anew that anyone gets pregnant ever.

I missed that programme but have heard loads about it, have. I feel slightly panicked at the idea of DH's sperm having to swim through a treacle Atlantic as he doesn't really like swimming and gets bored by it very quickly. They're probably all giving up just after the cervix. But never mind, this will be the month that one gets there. I am eagerly awaiting anything other than "low" on the Shag Dictator so give them a sporting chance. You will never guess what, though, we've already done sexing 3 times this month because we wanted to. I actually can't remember the last time before that that we did it for fun .

Oh god oh god oh god oh god I just want to be pregnant make me be pregnant am I pregnant yet how about now how about now how about now .

That has oddly made me feel slightly better... sorry you had to witness that .

because you wanted to! impressive :)

"Come on DH it's egg time get your pants off" doesn't really make it too romantic does it... I had approximately the libido of a potato for a very long time after DS was born anyway so any wee flicker of interest from me probaby freaks him out.

I am extremely tense with wantingtobepregnantness myself Love, do hyperventilate away.

Oh for feck's sake hurry up tomorrow.

If this cycle turns out to be another practice cycle DH has asked that I do not tell him when it is egg/rat smacking time. It makes him nervous and stressed apparently.
Like your non swimming sperm love dh's sperm are obviously too damn shy and introverted to approach my egg to ask her if they can fertilise it...

We had next cos we wanted to two nights ago :). I think DH's sperm swim in circles. Not this month of course, he's been on the wellman pills and lost weight so they'll be Olympic swimmers!

I do try and make an effort to have sex with dp sometimes when it is not rat smacking season as otherwise I worry he would think I only want him for his potential babies...not that he is producing on that score.

Poor thing, I do love him really even if I suspect his swimmers could do with some extra lessons

pomme - love the reticent sperm!