Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

bugger. just lost v long message. Took me fucking ages typing with one hand.

Brown Don't be freaked. He's probably just been watching kissing on TV and got all 'interested'. And it's very positive that he doesn't mid you kissing his Dad anymore innit? :o Smallboo went through a phase recently of lying on top of me and trying to snog me - I had to explain that Mommy's don't kiss their sons like that!

Sorry to hear of bitchface receptionist. Think Kat is into something. How much will it cost if we all put together for a dildocam? I think I've got a couple of quid spare this week...

Wotcha Sunny

What you done to your hand Cunty?

*onto something I mean. Pfft.

Oh shit I have an apostrophe fail. Be gentle with me Rie

brownie I hope you thwacked him with a frying pan. Not really, I know they mean well, it's just sometimes it all comes out wrong. As for the NHS, if I were in the UK I'd be throwing bags of cash at private, but for temporarily-putting-your-mind-at-ease, will it be possible to hit your parents up for a bit of cash? I knows we are all independent wimminz etc., but when it comes to precious (FB) grandchildren they are but putty in our hands. I would use mine as a cash machine if I needed fertility/extra treatment.

Have dildo, can strap old digital camera to top?

I am CD7 according to the shag dictator (CD8 according to actual droid). Am not liking being told in digital "low fertility" - in that same sneering manner clearblue usually save for "NOT Pregnant! hahahaha".

Don't be sensitive, Alps. 7 days is pretty low. You watch it creep up over the next few days. I will have a good look at mine today.

Your dildocam sounds The Biz. Strap that camera on, wench.

Didn't get the job. Never mind, more daytime tv for me.
not entirely gutted, kids there seemed a bit naughty.

Dildo cam strap on!!!! That will make trips to the hospital more exciting. May i suggest ramming it up the bum of any unsympathetic medical personnel?

Yeurgh. Kat you are awful.

So I've just turned the TV on & there's some programme on called Too Old To Be A Mum. Apparently I should have frozen my eggs when I was 22. And Zita West has had a little too much botox.

Sorry about job Kat - sounds like you are ok about it though which is good.

Breastfeeding Boo? What's that about? Perhaps that was one meant for the deli? Or did I miss something really obvious? I gave up really early...

Oh shit no! That was an accident - Please ignore it. I meant to post

Just asked MN to remove it - sorry, I'd just sent it to someone and didn't realise I had posted it by mistake, I am right kicking myself now Braan

my link isn't even that fuuny now, it was just after what Rie said.

Back in the Gincuzzi with you! It is clearly a day for computer based errors, I sent my Prof the first draft of a paper and instead of signing it best wishes treated him to a "lots of love xxxxx"

That programme sounds awful sunny!

He must have thought he was in there, BiteMe.

Don't be daft Boo

Have just been skimming through the action in the Deli. Just for reference you see. It's been a busy old week of action out that way.

As for sending your Prof "lots of love xxxxx" - Hate it when that happens. Personally, I've never done that.

He'll definitely love it now Bitey :o

I emailed my MD once & signed it off with love Sunny xx. Embarrassing but not as embarrassing as when your a kid & you call the teacher mum. C'mon we all did that.

In good news I went to the needles woman with a headache. She stuck a needle in the middle of my forehead & it felt like someone had let a tyre down in my head. Weird but amazing. Now if the IVF needles are that good I'll be onto a winner

haha bitey I need to check myself about 50 times a day so I don't sign off with AlpinePony xx :( Professional indeed!

kat Have you started watching Jezzer Kyle yet? Going to the shops in your pyjamas? Online bingo? I'm trying to ascertain how low you've sunk.

Bonus points for the kisses

Sunny that sounds fab if a little gross - I only ever had them stuck in my back and shoulder. At the age of 22 I was adamant that I didn't want to have kids EVER. Everyone said I would change my mind. Damn them all for being smugly right.

Kat The reason you did not get that job is because a Truly Fabulous Even Better Job is right round the corner. Oh yes indeed. And cake. That's round the corner too.

I just hope he doesn't think I am trying to seduce my way into a contract extension!

kat channel four plus one is showing re-runs of frasier right now.

Needles sound amazing sunny

I wish someone would stick a needle in my belly and it would just go down like a tyre...

Or my thighs.... Can there be a treatment room in the spa for such interventions?

Wots wrong with jezza? Daytime tv also has Dr Quinn and gilmore girls. Haven't started online bingo but addicted to online scrabble !