Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

Cakes - that all sounds horrific. Hugs and hair strokes and gin and kind thoughts. As for feeling relief - I get it. Once I realised that something was wrong both times, I just wanted it to be over. Hope that it all settles down and you have a much easier time of it than I did.

Alps - JB and my DP have that in common. It took a second mc for mine to realise that giving me shit about my wanting to have the sechs at the right time of the month was, a) not fair, and b) guaranteed to make me shitty for the ENTIRE month. My friends advised me not to tell him when I was ovulating, but that felt a little lonely frankly.

I also don't know what "filleting" is. And I just bought a mani/pedi on Groupon, so am very pleased with myself.

Cake, that sounds tough.

I believe the word was supposed to be 'fillering'. As in having my grooves filled in. (oo-er) Glad to have caused so much flumoxification.

Cakes Glad you are feeling relieved. Be gentle with yourself. Gin and hairstrokes to you. I bled for about 3 days or so after I passed the sac last time - just keep an eye on it and if it starts to look clotty and get painful again then get yourself to the hosp. ps please don't slap me with a fish, I think I said chronic period pain but that is because I used to have periods which floored me. xxx

chocolatefudgecake (cos its my fave kind ) pleased (in only the way you can be in this situation) for you that all those decisions don't have to be made, and that you can start the recovery process. You have been DHB and we are all swooningly proud of you.

Hope you have plenty of televisual distraction in the coming days. Is there some niche potential here for a BESH DVd Boxset lending library facility? I have first 3 series fo the Wire I'd be happy to send to someone, and also Wonder Woman.

You poor thing. Am glad that you have avoided the medical route but so very sorry that it has been so horrible and painful. xx

If you concede the odd shag at random times, it will make him feel less like you only want him for his white goods, after all

Hello Cakie, I'm sorry I have only just seen this. It sounds so very hard :( I hope it's all over quickly and there isn't too much pain. Like Starry said, I hope you are "relaxing" and taking care of yourself. We're all thinking of you.

So sorry to hear of your losses Kat and Cake. I know it's vile. And good that is happening naturally Cake - less risks of complications that way.

And quiet fist pumps for Brownie - really hope this is a sticky one for you this time. You might want to try taking low dose aspirin - worked for me. I stopped a couple of months back I think.

Rie am thinking your military style shagging will secure a win this time round. And the sticks work better in the afternoon. But you need to do them for a few days otehrwise will miss the surge.

Hello, just to give a manly punch on the arm (a sympathetic cuddle really) to cakes. You and kat are both being so brave, thinking of you both.

Just popping in to leave chocolate cracknell for Cakes and Kat oh go on then, everyone can have some. It's home made, have been trying to immitate the belgian chocolate cornflake cake found in Starbucks as I absolutely live it. Is just like the stuff my Nan used to make and am getting close now.

I'm washing it down with cough medicine and have been recommended manuka hiney for chestyness. Is it worth the spends?

How you doin' BrownOwl?

I'm posting this because I know you've all been worrying and she won't mind. I just got a message from Rocket's sister who knew very little but the main news is she has laid baby Rocket and they were described as 'doing well'.

One for every ESH! Clink!

sorry - posted in wrong ESH fred - but it's good news anyway :)

sprout is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Whoop de whoop! can't wait to hear all the juicy details, Mahoooosive congratulations oursal and mrdabomb x

truff was going to post a cheeky quip about you living in cornflake cake, when I got to the Manuka hiney. Top double typo post!

Work today, boo, off for two weeks after, hoorah. (gotta love the 1 day week)
Fish slaps and tequila all round.

Back to business as usual. I am sulking because of the Glasto comp. I am going into work in a mo.

Paint my nails in triple 0 spa slaves, me and MrB has done the sechs and are heading for more ce soir. According to Femilia I am laying an egg today so the timing is all good.

Morning spa inmates! Well I had a nice trip to the real spa and ate lots of nice food. No sexy men in attendance though. Saw a doc with an actual brain yesterday. She is really nice and will proceed with my gynae referral. She did give me the "relax" advice but said she fully understands how unrelaxingand stressful ttc is. All in all a successful trip. And the cystitis is gone now, and the mc spotting has gone right away. Still having a bit of panicattacks but more like once r twice a day rather than hourly. Have a little bit of a job interview on Thursday too! Aargh!

cakes I'm glad the worst is over for you. It's a horrible thing to go through but it will be over soon. Use a hot water bottle helps with the cramps, and take plenty of pills if you need them. Wine and chocs and pointless tv is also therepeutic but don't worry about bothering the epu if you need any reassurance. Above all be patient with yourself and give yourself the timeyou need to get better.

brownie pleased you have got scans sorted!

Me and mrKat stayed up half the night on sat talking about shagging. Men seem to have an aversion to timed/dictated shagging. I don't like the pressure of having to always initiate at the right time. So the shag dictator can stay in the cupboard so long as he keeps up with shagging me threetimes a week, with a few days respite at droid time. I have sneakily downloaded a phone app to record if this is taking place!

One day week??? Moley you utter git.

Hello my lovely, v.glad you found a sensible doctor. To this day Mr Boots has no idea I even own a shag dictator, I thought he might also freak out at the thought of being on a schedule. Hope the job interview goes well - will be doing a small dance and crossing my fingers for you :)

Boo who the feck is Femilia and how does she know this stuff?

I want to live in a chocolate cornflake cake. That would rule.

booty sorry it's an online cycle tracking thingy - it used to be called mycycle. I've used it for years as it sends you an email before droid is due - very useful for a disorgainsed fool like moi.

Here: femilia.com/

femilia.com/

Hello....? Is everyone in the Deli or something?

I am here Brown < pokes head out of steam room>. Just saying hello as I've lots of catching up to do.

Glad you are in a slightly better place Kat

Bad luck with the Glastonbury tickets Boo. other person definitely cheated!

Sorry I'm here too. Just been having a rant in AIBU!

Thanks for clicking my links Sunny I am ok about it all really!

kat I'm so happy to hear that everything sounds like it's on an upwards trajectory! :) We are all here for you. x

brooon How are you doing? When are you going to get scanned?

boo What are you ranting about?

'Thomas and his friends'- really. Just be grateful you're not fighting the unstoppable force that is Disney Princesses.

Morning slhags. I have nothing much of interest to say. I do have a massive Obama crush though. (did you see fred where someone said every time they see Michelle they cry a bit? freaking hilarious!)

I rolled my eyes at that starcunt - I love Michelle, but you shouldn't forget she is hard as fucking nails and would make any ESH cry. She "dragged" herself up from a pretty shitty childhood on Chicago's "slums" (I never know if it's East or South), won a scholarship to Harvard (?), championed feminism and gets up at 4am to do a work-out. She is fucking nails and he is riding her coat-tails... like the Clintons I suppose.