Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

as in pre-sents - not as in gifts.

Same Fred that caused trouble the other day? Thought eurochick put her in her place. Stupid people.

DON'T KAT FFS! It would only upset you. I mean that in the kindest, nicest and most concerned way.

Just popped back to say that I realised I was fecking red yesterday. Hadn't read back properly and then got excited about scrapping with Aries. there are actually quite a few other lovely BESH in here that I know. And I didn't really say hello. So HELLO! :)

I did get you all back to beating the crap out of each other tho :)

So, my work here is done

Fecking red????

Fecking rude obviously. Twat.

You twat!!

I see you are right. Just read last page and then hid it. I am not convinced she is for real. Stupid cow whatever.
Is it wine o clock yet? Long day at school!
Who has been to turkey , specifically marmaris? Am thinking of getting magically diffed there during a relaxing week un in august .

I am fecking red. Well bit more Orange actually.

Here's some Kittykat.

I have this wierd thing when I put random words in capitals. Why the fuck do I do that then?

I Do That All The Time.

You probably Proof Read first then, because I hadn't noticed. I hold your sentences up as the shining example of perfect syntax Rie. I am layzee, moi.

BTW, I stalked that 'brooking no argument' fred. Isn't it brilliant?!

Wow that fred is amazing. I would never get tired of slapping that woman.

There is a person I am 'friends' with of Facecrack who, whenever he updates his status, Does So With Capital Letters At The Start Of Every Word. AIBU to de-friend him as it annoys me so much?

Kat I have never been to Turkey. Have heard mixed reports though.

I had to get my twopence worth in on that other Fred. What a cunt.

I go through phases of using capitals in Appropriate Places in manner of German Noun Usage.

It makes me laugh. I make myself laugh.

Appropriate Places is often A Good Thing.

All The Time is odd. He also talks about himself in the 3rd person.

Fucking weirdo!

I have to admit to an inappropriate crush of shame. Please update the existing spreadsheets: John Inverdale.

I'm so sorry.

Aries John Inverdale??

Next you'll be clambering on the Nick Knowles bandwagon.

mmmmmmmm Nick Knowles. I would.

Ali McCoist?
Alan Hanson?
Alan Titchmarch?

I have met Alan Titchmarsh. He kissed me on the cheek. Tis da troof.

I do draw the line at Knowles though. Though I do think he is a nice man.

Pliz to not juxtaposition the words "Nick Knowles" and "clamber on", Sunny

Ooh Alan titmarsh, he's obviously good with his hands and writes 'erotic' literature so he could be fun. Eyes closed though..

Interesting fact # 307....Nick took a pay cut last year so that the BBC could carry on making DIY SOS. I read it in the paper today.

I really fancy Nick Knowles and he'd be such a good drinking buddy too I reckon.