Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

And me Alps I am so excited about meeting you - I do hope some of the other maybes come too - and we must have more ESHmeets in the future.

Where is Kat?

(see what I did there? )

Mole it's wank isn't it. Droid has arrived here. But at least it was on day expected which is a bonus. I am going to Zimbabwe with Matthew Mcwhatshisface. Jack is all yours.

On the up side I passed my first exam today. Another one on Friday & I will be fully certified

I'm of ESH meet & hope there are more soon.

Smooches to y'all. And nipple tweaks.

Rie Did you revive Cap'n Jack with some special magic?

Whoop-whoop on the exam passery sunnydaybloodysunnyday, will you be a certified gin provider? erotic masseur?

Sorry bout droid for you too

Zimbabwe was awesome as usual, sweated my norks off.

Tomorrow is another day...nightall

Just looked ESH fred- am going to bed with the warmest glow of happiness for our lovely goddess.

Sunshineyday I didn't even congratulate you. Well done Missus. Will massage your feet to compensate

Excuse me, was our earlier nipple tweaking not erotic enough for you?

One word for your nipple tweaking Cunty: Tame. :P

I am dead pissed.

I ONLY WANT ONE SPROG FFS!! LORD IN HEAVEN GANT ME THAT

Uncharacteristic hugs for aries.

aries As another famous lady once said "SMACK THAT RAT!". You are approaching egg-time, operation seduction must begin. Under your jeans/cords today you must be wearing delicate belgian lace scanties which barely tip the scales, musk on your skin, long shining soft tendrils falling about your face. Or , you could go for the time-honoured approach of "god... just do it so we can both get some sleep".

arieetgoodshagisrequired too bloody right.

Have Johnny back my luffley, he's barely intact touched. Thanks for the loan, I've asked him to keep it down this am, in case of tender head, but he'll willingly massage your temples.

Piles on top of the Aries hug Pile on. Oops, sorry about squishing you all there... Rie .

Hows the head Ariel?

Oops a random Rie snuck in there. Odd.

Launches self at Rie pile on. Room for a little one on top?

PS. You do realise Cap'n Jack died some time ago? Perverts.

Sorry I was REALLY drunk. I have just done some judicious delelting on FB

Anyway, this morning I had 3 BARS AND AN EGGG!!!11!1!111111!!111 Had a quickie. I am diffed now fo sho.

How is everyone else.

w00t! rie laid an egg. Naturally of course you did with a stinking hangover. Now then, proof that your hormones and egg-laying abilities are OK.

whoop whoop for the egg!

Well where the fvkity fvk is my egg, eh? Perhaps I need a shag dictator. I am pishing on the pish sticks but to no avail so far. Come ON!

Whoop! What day are you on Rie? Dirty delete on FB eh? Must have been bad...

Come on EuroEgg!

I think I must be preggo already. I am (TMI alert): constipated, bloated, slightly nauseous, spotty, grumpy as fvk and have the sense of smell of a bloodhound - I keep having to take a step back when someone speaks to me because of their repulsive dogbreath. It is veh odd. There is no way I can be duffed. I haven't laid an egg yet and only had the sechsy time for the first time this cycle yesterday following my stinking cold messing up the first few days of the monthly shagathon. I think it must be a phantom pregnancy because i am just too obsessed with TTC.

Hurrah for the egg symbol and three lines riesonstobecheerful ( do you like what I did there??)

Euro I hate the piss sticks too. I only ever get a positive surge thing if I use them early evening.

Excellent egg laying action Rie! Hope the hangover has been okay, and that the drunken messages on FB went unnoticed...

Euro - the menkulling action is also very good. Any chance you ovulated earlier than you thought?

Dying to know what you had to delete on Arsecrack Buenos Aries. Please to spill Brown?

Ello lovely! How's the diffedness going?

Bonchicbongenre That sounds way suspicious.

Nope. I temp and use the pish sticks and there is no sign of egg laying yet.

Wotcha planning on doing with my kidneys?