Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

Oh it was nothing naughty. Just pissed ramblings, drunken misspellings and barely coherent sentences. And I may have said something suggestive in an oo-er misses type way to one of my husband's friends which would have scared startled him if I had left it.

Oo-er missus huh? I wish I'd seen it...

Euro you are clearly already updiffed, the smell thingy is a dead giveaway. Well done! It is a BESHly tradition to punch the kidneys of anyone who might be updiffed until they wet themselves whilst shouting POAS! POAS!

POAS being pee on a stick. There is also PIAP (useful for when one wishes to test sample repeatedly with more than one stick) and JIAP (what the chaps do when they go to the FC). FC being fertility clinic. I'm going to stop there as I suspect we have too many acronyms in this place. However I still feel quite proud that the phrase 'Shag Dictator' seems to be in common usage now :)

Rie hoorah for the exceeding pissness, the 3 bars + egg and the incoherent facebookage Sounds like a hat trick to me :)

I congratulate you on the phrase "shag dictator". It wonderfully illustrates the "we're doing it but only cos we have to" sense of SWI.

You can leave my kidneys alone for a bit. There is no way I can be duffed without laying an egg. Unless it is a sort of immaculate conception type thingy. I think the more likely answer is that I started taking vitamin B6 this week and it is making me come over all queer.

owlbooty SWI was also coined in the Palace! We're like the Pink Ladies around here - we roooool the skoooooool TTC boards for the ancients & barrens.

Aries is Rizzo to boo's Sandy.

Especially given recent husband/friend revelations!

I call Frenchy. cos I always used to blow smoke out my nose to when I partook of the small cool but deadly sticks.

I wish droid would catch on as a national euphemism, I feel a bit dirty when I say the P word now.

As long as I'm Sandy post makeover I don't mind - did you know she had to be sewn into that costume?

What husband/friend revelations are you on about Ski?

Bllody hell just noticed what time you posted today Ski. Ten past bloody 5? Was it that baybee or is that just your normal wake up time?

boo Quite normal for me and don't forget I'm an hour ahead. ries admitted to drunk sexting at 19:17 last night.

Oh yes, forgot about the hour thing. 20 past 6 bit more sociable :)

No I did not! I just made a lewd comment on one of his FB updates, in a WAHEY type fashion.

I have three more bars and another egg. I'm getting a bit tired now.

haha rie - you're done now. You'll be back to two bars tomorrow unless you're laying like a battery hen. And unless MrA's go off the "baton" like Usain Bolt they're never going to make it. Put your feet up and get back to lusting after other men.

Can I be the one who drops the flags to start the race? Completely forgotten her name but we have exactly the opposite same abs

I had the best dream ever this morning about this chap

Ohhh that chap in chaps

Very impressed with the egg-laying that's going on here. Rie, laying turned me into a hormonally-charged hussy. I distinctly remember seriously considering having a fling with a brazilian student of mine and flirting outrageously with him. Am sure husband would have understood it was all the egg's fault and totally out of my control.

I think we've all synched. I just pished on an ov stick and got a smiley face so egg laying is imminent. I must call hubby and tell him to get his knickers off ready for when I get home tonight.

Tremendous work, BESHies. I will sacrifice some goats in the hope of a mass-cluster-win. It's almost midsummer's day. It's got to work, right?

Euro I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you make that phone call, especially if you actually dare use the word 'knickers'.

GREASE IS ON FILM 4 NOW

spooky coincidence???

We are plugged into the zeitgeist and no mistake Biteme.

Oh God, that pic of DC has made me come over all funny

I am having the wombular digging now. The egg is actually being laid now, yes? Yes? And it will travel down the little tunnel and meet the spermz who has shot up there like Michael Phelps and are hanging around waiting. Yes?

Absofuckinglutely Rie. This is it!

We were meant to do the sechs last night but I went to body balance and then spent 2 hours chatting to my RL ESHmates afterwards and smoking green fags. MrBoo hates the smoking. Anyway - I am showered and shaved and ready to rock ce soir. TMI?

I'll even share the music I have prepared to do it to if you like? Track lasts ten minutes, hopefully that will be enough

Oh bugger if I we didn't do it last night does this mean I'll miss the cluster diff?

Do it anyway

Wanna see my shagging tune?

Oh ok

boo I read that as "showered and shaved and ready to cock ce soir".