Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

I think I did the first month, Aries, and then it started detecting and I got the little eggy symbol.

I want a Shag Dictator now. I think it would be a waste of ££ due to the faulty white goods and lack of ovving on my part. But I still want one. AIBU?

So you get one bar, two bars, three bars and then an egg symbol - is the instruction book huge? Does it have to be assembled or is it just piss & go (so to speak)?

Grrrr assembled

Wait! There's an eggy symbol? So much to look forward to!!!

It's more or less piss'n'go, Sunny, but I am thick.

IIRC, it's 1 line, then 2 lines, then 3 plus Egg (or just 2 plus the Egg.) Egg means get shagging anyway.

I wants one :(

boo ask and Ye shall receive, next Thursday do you? :) as long as you pass it on of course.

I didn't get three black bars, it was two black bars and the top bar was laying an egg.

Great news. In olde besh scrolls 'tis revealed there were 10 hags around the cauldron. ALL 10 have now won their baybee. :):):) no esh left behind!

Fucking cunting early droid a-fucking- gain, reducing my previous (barren,so irrelevant really)'could swear by em 31 day cycle to a new (barren) 27. W t fucking fuck.

(disclaimer: I know I ^am very lucky to have
Gorgeous baby mole already, but in my defence she took 5 years to win, and I'm just majorly fucked off with the whole fucking thing. I feel like I've spent the majority of my adult life thinking about this and i'm BORED NOW) can't even be arsed to get in a pit, so will be sitting in this puddle of very grumpy tears in the corner if anyone wants me

As you were.

Wow! Bloody hell Alps I luffs you :o

I hear you Cunty my love, I so do hear you. When (PMA) I get my ironic Shag Dictator fuck you win this month I'll pass it on to you directly without passing go, ok?

and big, big squeezes to ya (yeah, what of it?).

.

Moleage that is exceptionally shit. Pliz to accept this gold-plated flamethrower (for droid) and large box of belgian chocolates (not for droid).

I concur that it is horrible the amount of brain-space ttc takes up. If we hadn't had to spend so much time doing that, we could have taken over the world or something and created a Utopia where the white goods were never shonky and there was gin on tap.

So once Boo & Mole are diffed using ironic- ness of Shag Dictator can I be next? Obv next month I am hoping for FCFU but just in case....

Well, there are going to be lots of spaces in the Deli in the next 8 - 10 weeks due to the epic cluster-lay that is about to happen.

It would be super-ace if there was an equally epic cluster-win in here to match or the place is going to be virtually empty :)

In olde besh scrolls 'tis revealed there were 10 hags around the cauldron. ALL 10 have now won their baybee. no esh left behind!

fabulous!

Would you like a go on Johnny Depp in the jacuzzi, Moley dearest? :(

Thanks for beshly love . As is usual felt much better for rant and wallow, and have spent day first with honorary BESH who's just had first baby at thirty nine, due to crap man supply, and then very harassed mother of two v close in age little demons angels,so feeling perspectivised too. (no offence ski ) (you nutjob ) also BBB managed to be unusually sensitive and sympathetic this ^am, and sunny bought me gin, so things are looking up Are you similarly afflicted inthegloaming? Here, I will share johnny depp. For a bit.

It is pretty awe inspiring when you look at the not list and see how many new people have been produced out of this den of gin sodden harridans.

I'm off to Zimbabwe now, to salsa my blues away.

Zumba. Not Zimbabwe. Ffs.

Moley - would you like this gin? Sorry about sense of humour failure. The whole thing sucks and that's the truth.

ps - it's sloe gin..

I missed the part about Sunny bringing gin. How about a brownie...?

Sorry Cunty but "off to Zimbabwe to salsa" has made me laugh my head off

Hope it makes you feel a bit better, lovely.

:o I vote we all go to Zimbabwe with Molina :o

Zimbabwe for salsa made me lol too. :)

starry I'm really sorry you're feeling shit. Hopefully a night with mugabe captain jack sparra' will cheer you up.

aries have you laid that egg yet?

boo you are more than welcome. Can't wait for next week!