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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

1000 replies

starcuntmole · 16/05/2011 21:45

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 12/06/2011 12:29

You can if you want, he smells a bit of sick right now though.

Ariesgirl · 12/06/2011 12:33

I'm he'll be fine once I've hosed him off.

Is it his sick or Bear's?

Ariesgirl · 12/06/2011 12:33

SURE

Ivegotmrbitey · 12/06/2011 12:36
is me only nekkid. I'm the one in the red top and grey jogging bottoms. Only nekkid obv.
AlpinePony · 12/06/2011 12:36

Bear's. Tbh you might not even notice he's asleep.

Ivegotmrbitey · 12/06/2011 12:37

Oh sorry, very interupting cross post there Blush, as you were!

InTheSunshine · 12/06/2011 13:59

OMG! What bluddy marvellous magnificent news Alps!!

eurochick · 12/06/2011 14:19

Crikey. All hail the mighty shag dictator!

Congrats!

owlbooty · 12/06/2011 15:08

Whoop! That is top news Grin

All hail the mighty body balance class. Although I have to say I did that once and it did not get me diffed so I suspect the Sechs may have had more to do with it.

BrownB · 12/06/2011 15:55

What great news Alps! Woohoo!! Cue nekkid dancing around the police station this afternoon...

MadameBoo · 12/06/2011 16:40

I'm back, and Alps is diffed?

Please to link to your post on Amazon now Snowpony? :o

BrownB · 12/06/2011 18:22

Yeah Alps - I would also like to see the review on Amazon...! Grin

Hey Boo - hope you had a nice time in spite of the Gloucestershire rain.

AlpinePony · 12/06/2011 18:49

I am not writing anything on Amazon, but I'm honing my text skillz for a review on babyandbump - there lovely their .

boo If it's the woo wot won it , why don't you live my life around OV? Become a DHB. Aviator shades, high pony-tail, red lippy, snarling, etc. ?

brownie We can be baybee buddies. Bagsy be the one who doesn't get stretchmarks!

starcuntmole · 12/06/2011 19:37

Whhooopde double whoooop! ski nipples al fresco for first BESH double differ (excluding twins obvs) !! Stick that in your pipe Daily Fail!

boo here, let me dry you off with one of my see through fluffy towels.

I ran 10km this morning, the spent the rest pf the day on sofa being poorly. Am thinking running=Not Good For You.

OP posts:
MadameBoo · 12/06/2011 20:08

Please to send me some cool aviator shades then Alps? The Primark sunnies I am currently using just won't cut it. I have plenty of red lippie though my sweet; I'm part time hippy, part time glamourpuss (I am a dichotomy with ishoos Wink ).

Hey Brown, how's it going?

Camping was fun actually. The great thing about where we went is it's only about 45 minutes away so when it throws it down you know home's not too far away. Yesterday was marvellous, sunny all day, and I drank loads of g&t by the bonfire last night. But wierdly, no hangover!

kat2504 · 12/06/2011 20:19

alps woo hoo!! Am thrilled for you!

Will get my shag dictator out next month methinks as it clearly does work!

AlpinePony · 13/06/2011 06:17

boo I am looking for something very similar. A dog-friendly, baby-friendly camp-site within a 30 minute drive. Sounds like heaven to me. This weekend there's a festival down the road (Pinkpop) - there's wee running down that there mountain. I like camping, but I like a "toilet block". Grin

kat :) Are you going to use it to baste or as a tex toy you can both use?

starcunt Brilliant isn't it!? A RE-BESH baybee. Fuck you Daily Mail. Fuck you 12 year old fertility specialists. Fuck you procreating ex-boyfriends.

AuntieDoris · 13/06/2011 06:22

Congratulations Alps :)

Was it the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor you were using?

AlpinePony · 13/06/2011 06:32

Door I rather traditionally used a penis. Wink I absolutely refuse to allow the monitor to take the credit for the diffment as I am still livid that I fell for their marketing ploys and bought one. :(

BarbiesBeaver · 13/06/2011 09:29

Worth every penny it sounds to me SmackthePony! Cool I can have a vom-buddy. We can hold back each others hair. (Exposes boobs despite the recent chilly weather and commences gyrations).

Ariesgirl · 13/06/2011 09:37

I may have to fall on a cock tonight. The machine says two bars. Two whole bars!!!!! I thought I would be a one-bar-barren through the whole month.

Though I have discovered this morning that MrA suddenly has white hairs in his beard ShockConfused

BarbiesBeaver · 13/06/2011 09:44

Ooo you two barred temptress you. Is it wrong I am so excited about your science experiment using the shag dictator?

PS. I have lots of white eyebrow hairs.

Ariesgirl · 13/06/2011 09:50

With a man thought, the white hairs in beard thing inevitably leads me to think about white goods Grin

What time's your scan, Beeb?

Ariesgirl · 13/06/2011 09:55

THOUGH not thought.

owlbooty · 13/06/2011 10:06

Hoorah for the two bars! I also am very much enjoying the science experiment and excited by the cluster-diff potential going on here.

Mr Boots is decidedly grizzled - he was grey when I met him so it is not my fault. He is an old bugger though.

Boo GnT by a bonfire sounds lush. If only there hadn't been a tent involved. Grin

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