Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

My Shag Dictator has this morning started flashing the "m" at me, which means droid is imminent - and in light of lack of symptoms/negative test this morning, it's clear to me that the white goods are at fault. :(

Bollicks. Stupid machine, Ski :(

Bugger, Pone . Would be bloody useful if someone would invent a Shag Dictator that measured the efficacy of the white goods too, wouldn't it? Can you start grinding vitamins into his dinner?

505 of my hard-earned* pounds to measure my BBT? I'll stick to my £3 thermometer from Amazon, thx.

*This is the impression I try to give to my bosses anyways....

I say bollocks to BBT anyway. But this is mainly as I sleep with my gob open thus rendering any potential BBT readings completely useless. I did try it for a bit and it was like looking at a fecking panoramic view of the Alps.

Quiet in here today.

I have been gardening & washing. With a small hangover. MS has spent all afternoon watching Le Mann 24hr on Eurosport.

I read about the Duo thing. It's so expensive, I hate thinking about people buying it & then it doesn't work. It's such a bloody emotional business this baby making lark & then we get ripped off by companies making us believe we need to piss on the same batch of sticks or other such nonsense. I've spent ££ in Holland & Barrett on tea, tablets, liquids blah blah blah & still no fecking baby.

Fucking citizens. Fucking denizens of mayhem and destruction! Fuckity fucked fuckers! And I'm willing to bet a small fortune that NOT A SINGLE ONE has ever paid their bloody taxes. Grrrr.....!

ps - BootyWol - I had the same problem with the BBT thing. So I started measuring the temp in my foof. I refuse to blush. I'm still angry at the fuckers who inhabit my work/world.

Could have been worse, Brownie , at least you didn't stick it up your arse

Shit shift then, I take it? To this day I am convinced I was the only person in Manchester paying council tax. God knows what they did when I left.

OMG LOL! the shag diktator reely works i got pregnt the 1 st time i used it omg lol so excited!!!!!111!.

It's true, hurrah, fab news, Alpine!

Amaze!!! Fantastic news, Alps! Due when?

Hopefully some more peeps to the Deli pronto as we're beginning to run out of differs.

What? What? What?

Well as laurie had left a space I thought I'd fill it, would be rude not to. You know she was an original BESH and we must have an original in the Deli at all times.

I'll tell you what it was. Fucking Body Balance. Only ever done 3 classes in my life. Have fallen pregnant on 2 of those days. It must be all that fucking woo shite they make you do.

Due ~19th Feb I think.

ladyG I love it when the heavily pregnant ladies dance!

Was it really the first time you used it?

You will have to post on Amazon saying the above!

PS I am not sounding under-excited, Other-BESH. The lovely-secretly-soft-as-butter-Alps had let it drop earlier today. She is a squidgy soft thing despite her hard as nails demeanour. Remember the daffodils?

Yes, really was the first time I used it. And it had FUCK ALL to do with the machine, the machine only confirmed what I already suspected (that I OV CD12). I didn't use it as a baster or anything.

What? You mean the actual machine didn't get you diffed? What was it then?

Shag dictator worked for me after maybe 3 cycles (but then I had v bizarre cycles so it helped me understand those)

aries It's that bloody woo-ey Tai Chi shit innit. You could always try sticking MrA's willy in the bit where the stick is supposed to go (might need a hammer to get it in all the way) and see if the machine will give you a bar?

medee I remember your cycles were all over the place so a brilliant machine for you, because I'm sure the enthusiasm for daily sex must wane after a week month or two.

Am properly laughing my head off at the thought of his willy stuck in the stick bit. He is asking me what's so funny. I don't think I'll tell him.

Oh he'll get all huffy and storm out of the room saying "I can't believe you're talking about my sperm with complete strangers, you're not the woman I thought you were Aries".

After all he is a MAN

Can I borrow JB pliz?