Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

Barbie my love how nice to see you. Hope the sickness is done with?

Macaroon also nice to see you

I could never be a teacher I was an evil evil teenager and was horrible at school. I feel sorry for anyone who attempted to teach me between the age of 12 and 18. In fact I feel sorry for anybody who had anything to do with me then

ME ME ME ALERT - pliz feel free to move on......

I found out today that one of my very good work friends is pregnant, I am very pleased for her natch but also want to cry a little bit. She came off the pill in March.

I also have been feeling a bit 'left out' from my friends recently and just generally feel a bit miz. Is this normal? Am I still acting like a 12 year old girl?

Macaroon - you must be classy - no? Don't you live in Milan? You're just setting a standard clearly.

BB - really great to hear from you. Hope it's getting easier for you. The dire warnings from Alps have frankly made me feel a little queasy... ugh.

SunnyD - I know what you mean with the and shiz. Hope she understands and is going to be nice about it all... And as for feeling "left out" - I know what you mean. I was part of a big group of friends when I started working shift work, and over the years, have only remained close to a handful of them. It still irks me though when one of the extended group gets married, and I'm not at the wedding. I think that we go through phases like this throughout life - no? I used to think that 36 was so grown up...

Thanks Brownie. How long are you off work for?

I don't feel grown up today, I feel like I'm about 6 and last to be picked for the sports team. MrSunnyD reckons that now I am a 'wife' I shouldn't be worried abut such trivial nonsense. Meh.

Also some fuckers broken into my shed at the allotment. Nothing to steal unless they wanted some wellies or a deckchair.

The mind boggles doesn't it SunnyD? Wellies huh? Am back to work on Friday afternoon for a weekend of fun filled action. yay.

1000shiningSuns sorry you're feeling meh. You need one of <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.it/imgres?imgurl=www.tshirtgrill.com/products/D58299B8ECEA4B0C9F9FFA4A206224A6.jpg&imgrefurl=www.tshirtgrill.com/details.aspx%3FID%3D416&usg=_h9KepjQ4rSthR4XJuXm9IXPsGqo=&h=360&w=360&sz=20&hl=it&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=vwrmAhfw6f-mBM:&tbnh=133&tbnw=135&ei=v43wTfacLsH-ga14tmCAw&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dfriend%2Btshirt%26hl%3Dit%26sa%3DX%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D610%26tbm%3Disch%26prmd%3Divns&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=296&page=1&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0&tx=70&ty=58&biw=1280&bih=610" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">these

I have always been here. You just couldn't see me.

You can tell I am on mat leave now, can't you?

maybe someone was using the shed for reasons which go beyond a chair and wellies...

Oh Summertimewhenthelivingiseasy come and snulk with me. Misery loves company. Look, I've changed the water in the Spa so even Alps will come in.

Haha... I like my new word.

'Allo Sunny me old salt. I don't think any of us stops feeling 12, ever. It only takes a "funny look" from someone I think is a friend and I am in an agony of self doubt and paranoia about being disliked and unpopular. When I was 22 I went away for a year, and my two best friends in my absence became much better friends than they were with me. And they still are. We never recovered! :( They then went away travelling for a year together. Whenever I see that they are meeting up, without me, via FB of course, I feel like the girl who has not been asked to the cinema or the youth club. But then I say to myself, I have a boat and a fit husband and they don't

Besides you have us now You don't need other friends.

Bollocks to the wellies. What are some people like? Bastards.

I don't think Facebook helps with that either Rie. There have been so many times I've looked at Facebook and wished I hadn't. My sisters doing that mega love-in was when it was worst, and it actually made me cry.

Hw r u hun? Lookin 4wrd 2 C-ing u soon. Awww hun. Hv a hg.

Don't feel left out of that shit Boo :( Just thank the lord that you are better than they are. I know it's hard. I rang my sister a few months ago - she was at my parents' house with her baby. My brother's kid was there with her sisters. All lovely cousins together, playing nicely. I hadn't been told this was going to happen. "We didn't think you would be interested in being around a load of kids" was the implication. Makes you :(

Oh Rie. Mega :(

come on in Rie, Sunny, Boo. Come one, come all. What do you mean why are there loads of extra bubbles near me and it smells funny? God you lot are picky.

Nearly choked on vomit last night so not feeling quite tip top just yet. Breathing is under rated in my opinion.

Now who needs a facial massage with some rotting mackerel?

Fanks gurls

Rie I think you hit the nail on the head with the husband thing. They don't have husbands so are always out (looking for one) and then they don't invite me, when they do I go & don't have that much fun. I think we are just naturally growing apart but it's still a bit meh.

Anyway you are all right (as in correct rather than ok) - I have the BESH love & that's fab.

Macaroon whatever do you mean about another use for my shed?

sunny and rie I think it happens to all of us. I have the total Meh with two of my best friends at the moment and it doesn't help that they are all over each other on FB. I already know they don't invite me to things but seeing the pics and the mutual appreciation is making me a bit mizz. In fact, I think I will hide them. So there. God, do we never grow up?

You know, it is so comforting to hear you lot talk like this. Thanks for making me realise that being a loon is actually quite normal, even at my age.

Boo dearest I hear you and you can add me to the list of GrownUpFail too. All my friends are on Twitter and because I steadfastly refuse to join in I find they have all met up without me and had Jolly Fun and Burgers and stuff. Meh to them all.

Rie - bloody bastards the lot of them, that is unbelievably out of order. and and furthermore .

BESHlets, let's face it, people are mainly shite.

'cept us of course.

At least you lot have friends that ignore you. Lucky biatches.

I live alone at the bottom of a hole, with my only human contact being the occasional Daily Mail dropped in by a careless passer by. (Passerby?)

My problem is I don't meet interesting colourful varietastic people. Just teachers and I am the worst person at keeping in touch with people from past bits of life, as the interesting ones went off and did interesting things that made me feel inadequate, and if there's one thing my mother taught me it's to only EVER feel superior to people around you.

Is why I love the ESH innit.

I mean due to your varietous interestability.

Oh god- I killed the fred with my self pitying and word inventions. Pleeeeeeeease someone talk to me!!!! (except I'm going out for a run, so in about an hour, ta)

No you didn't Mole - I am here. Have a good run, I went after work. Made me feel better.

at Wol 'let's face it, people are mainly shite'. True that!

Why yes, I am a massive curmudgeon and very suspicious of people generally. Especially anyone who is nice to me.

Wtf is all this talk of running? That is surely not the BESHly way. Do we not eat cake and quaff gin whilst smoking green fags?

Not that I have ever smoked a fag. Couldn't see the point. Except the special ones. And I still maintain a brownie is a better form of ingestion.

Does anyone want a sherbet dibdab? I can't stop eating the feckers. I may explode due to sherbet build-up in my innards. That or it's going to be windy tonight.

Oooh Wol curmudgeon is a great word. Dibdab, yes please.

I run so I can eat more cake and drink more gin and it also prevents me from going mental sometimes.

Ms Rocketleaf knows a great recipe for brownies Wol. Don't ask her now though, she's a bit preoccupied...

I'm back, thanks sunny- you're always there to pick me up
It rained. I got very wet. (bootycall I had to run to offset the not quite Slimming World Pizza Express dinner I had earlier)

It's still raining and I have washing out. bum.

Starryfanjita - I'm going camping tomorrow. I am doomed I tell you.