Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

[starcuntmole]

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

I want to meet some BESH - if anyone is in euroland over the summer, pls to let me know and we will drink continental coffees, eat croissants & pralines, sniff cheese (that sounds so loaded!), wear effortlessly shic clothes, giant sunglasses and smoke Gitanes whilst talking in husky hushed tones.

Hello eurochick Explain yourself! How old are you? How long have you been having sex out of duty/despair rather than want or desire? Have you got an angel baybies? Is your womb teflon coated? Have you considered having sex with another man to see if it's your partner's faulty white goods which are the problem?

rie/sunny I hope you've started another BESH wave of fertility!

kat kat what are you doooooo-ing?

shic? Guess who's typing without really thinking!?

Alps as soon as I've got my passport I'll try and get over. Fancy a BESHmeet in the 'Dam? Green fags ahoy

Boo - see how I managed to make that mistake? Honestly... and you laffed at me.

alps I'm enjoying a day of waiting in for people to come round. This morning we have two insurance people, one of whom is planning to replace our dining room ceiling, the other one the bathroom flooring above it. This afternoon it will be Autoglass. Thank fuck for insurance.

I am officially a genius. MrKat is at work. I have been entrusted with choosing the new flooring to replace his hideous and now mouldy bathroom carpet. (why did he put carpet in the bathroom? I know it was 9 years ago but still??) So I have chosen somethink I like in an entirely different colour. I predict a repainting of the walls...... It will be a while because we have more pressing jobs to do around the house but hey, one day.... MrKat is a diy procrastinator. To be fair he is busy and has to spend spare time when he isn't working attempting to impregnate me.

whilst I am waiting for people to come I am watching tv that I can't watch otherwise that I have plussed/downloaded. Dr Quinn now, Tudors perhaps later.

Still no droid...... 5 weeks now.....where is it?

Am hoping to see a new BESHtionnaire soon. Especially the guilty lesbo crush bit..

"Hello eurochick Explain yourself! How old are you? How long have you been having sex out of duty/despair rather than want or desire? Have you got an angel baybies? Is your womb teflon coated? Have you considered having sex with another man to see if it's your partner's faulty white goods which are the problem? "

Hello!

I'm an ancient and decrepit (at least according to all the Daily Mail articles about "leaving it to late" (like I had a choice!)) at 35.

We were trying casually for a couple of years and much more concertedly for the last 6 months. So about 5 months of sechsing out of duty because the wee sticks say we have to than because we fancy it.

No angel baybies here. I decided it would be best to leave it really late and then panic about it....

My womb does indeed seem to be teflon coated. I got my blood test resutls today and appear to be ovulating so there are eggs, just not sticky ones. I am considering shoving some superglue up my woowoo. The bottles with the pointy spouts seem to be well-designed for the job.

Hubby is just waiting on his sperm analysis. I am expecting the results to be along the line of "there are loads of them and they look nice and healthy but are swimming in the wrong direction". He has the world's worst sense of direction. He has to turn the map around when he's map reading (the only man I have ever seen do that). I am certain that is the problem.

I assume babydust is banned in here? Because I have an overwhelming desire to harm "babydusters". Eugh.

Sounds like you'd fit in most excellently Eurochick. The BESH of yore created the BESHionnaire for new BESHies. It's not too bad... you know - lesbian crushes and the like... Either do a google search, or if you're struggling let us know and someone will post a link.

Re - the Dam/ green fags - I was being ironic see, Brown. But didn't laff at you darling, was just wanting to ensure I didn't give the wrong impression. Me and that sort of green fell out majorly about 15 or so years ago after an evening thinking the whole world hated me...

Lo Chick, welcome in.

Please to fill out the BESHtionnaire, tis the only entrance requirement...

BESHmeets resulting in diffage is a myth. This is the third time it has failed to happen for me. That is all.

You're going to have to point me in the direction of the BESHtionnaire - I can't find it through the search function.

Anyway, I am beligerantly not doing anything today. AF just got me so I am having a strop at everyone and everything.

Sulk

Surely Rie we will get diffed as we are brooking no argument?

BESH I can confirm *Rie^ is also ace, as is St Ives.

Am back.

ariel vast snoggage and stroking of furrowed brow.
You Are our most lovely and adored titian wonder, and we will all join forces with you to unleash hell on the evil fates.

eurojizz welcome. Questionnaire. (advanced search, BESH q, look in dates between sept /icy last year?)

boo I heArts you so much for actually thinking I was in 5 * hotel, and realise I must be more obvious in my veiled allusions in future. Reader, there was canvas

Big juicy Tongue snogs to all else- ESP rocketmum who we miss round these parts. I think one of the coppers who got off from the alleged terrorist beating thing today was once the boy I went on my first date with. Is this the most tenuous claim to fame ever?!

I'm going to see the that tomorrow.unBEsH like Squee!!

epic fail I am a little bit pissed. It's taken about half an hour to post these messages.

Hello BESHers I haff missed you!

Welcome Euro

< needs to read Fred tomorrow when I can string sentence together>

Oh Rierie No :( Snot fair.

Takes pity on Euro - have a look here I've narrowed the search for you somewhat.

Canvas Cunty? Glamping of course, right? Missed you

Me, MrB and miniboo have a week off. Have we booked anywhere to go? Nope. We is flying by the seat of our pants. S'excitin' .

Hello evensunnierwhendrunk come and sit next to me for a welcome back squeeze so I can take advantage of you :o

RoChic - link

What a bunch of arse Rie.

May we just have a moment for our very own skipony who has a 'discussion of the day' no less. You can go straight to the front of the massage queue, and have a free piña folate facial.

ohmygosh and fish too

Oh noes, now everyone will know that I always look like a dork in "casual". I can't do casual - my trainers always let me down. :(

Rie Oh no! And all that sechs too? Why bother ? :( I hope Mr. Rie appreciates the lengths you went to - all that time wasted when you could've been mn'ing/swimming/reading. :(

boo I don't smoke real green fags either. :( I love the smell but when I moved here I went through a bad patch and used to go to a cafe on the way home from work. That lasted oooooh, all of about 2 weeks until I started having "psychotic episodes" which triggered a major mental breakdown. Just say no kids! I think the trouble is, this modern stuff has lethal doses of THC, it's not this happy, dopey weed we used to have as kids. These days a couple of puffs just blows your head off. Plus, the cafes are full of american exchange students marvelling in the fact that whilst they're not allowed to drink at home, here they can get stoned fer legal ! Dicks.

eurochick Correct. We don't hold with babydusters, we also disapprove of people who "accidentally" get pregnant. As one of the foremothers once said, an accident is "dropping the butterdish", not falling on an upright ejaculating penis.

Don't think I've fallen on a cock at the right time this month. Am unmistakeabley pre droidal this month. I could kid myself they were diff symptoms like I usually do but I just can't be arsed :(

I quite like 'dropping the butterdish' as a euphemism. I'm just not sure what it's a euphemism for. It sounds rude though.

Welcome Eurodisney :) I concur on the splendid shaped superglue nozzle.

Rie - Buggeration. That is all. I have never met an ESH although might do this month if things go to plan.

sorry about bastard droid rie Think mine is about to start today too, join me for a bottle of gin in the gincuzzi.

Is there a besh legend about meeting up and getting diffed? If so is anyone about in the East Midlands?
Today one year ago I was pregnant for the very first time. GRRRRRR. The last year of my life has been utter shizz. IT is high time for a turn around of luck.

Yes, back in the lowly beginning of BESH when all were barren - curlycasper and iggy met up at a work's do in that there London at the end of October. Lo - and verily it was so - by 14th November, four of us had BFP's one day after the other. And so legend was born.

Later there was a BESH meet, again, in that there london (life ceases to exist outside the M25 y'see) - and there was much drinking and much smoking and BEHOLD! Barren wombles turned fruitful - even those who'd been turned away from the infertility clinic by 12 year old gynaecologists!

euro Where are you based? (For stalking purposes.)

Sorry for bastard droid Rie what a sack of shit this trying to win a baybee game is.

Alps I lived in The Hague for a bit when I was at uni. Before then I was quite fond of the green fags but living there & seeing stoned Brits every weekend put me off.

Cunty how was camping??

Sniggers at Boo's 'fallen on a cock'

Hello Katkin, I read your post in AIBU (what a silly thing to start a thread about) and agreed with every fucking word you said. That woman clearly has no idea how lucky she is. Just wanted to tell you that and say again how sorry I am about what you have been through lately.

Have a giant slap in the face with a conger eel.