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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Relax and It'll Happen- at the BESH Spa

1000 replies

starcuntmole · 16/05/2011 21:45

Unwind and rest your weary wombles as we cater to your every relaxation need. If you've been getting stressed about failing to fertilise for what feels like five hundred years, and your follicles aren't getting any younger, we have the perfect combination of treatments to send you on your way uplifted, and updiffed.
Pampering experiences from head to toe, and all the bits in between, whose benefits stem from the combination of nature?s ingredients and our therapists? highly trained hands and tongues.
Feel the all over healing powers of touch, with one of our speciality Cuban massages (rum and cigarring compulsory) , indulge in a volcanic mud-cake wrap or lose yourself in our unique water experiences: gin jacuzzi, turkish delight baths, and enjoy the Sechseny pool staffed by our attentive in house swimmers. Finally treat yourself to a mani/pedi (polishes come in the full range of colours from Clearly Clear to Russet)

Complimentary bar.
Please note: Robes must be worn in all pubic areas.

OP posts:
AlpinePony · 30/05/2011 09:51

I don't keep the wee, after I've dunked I put it down the loo & flush like a normal person.

Anyway, today the Shag Dictator says I'm laying an egg on CD11 (actually CD12 due to droidal afternoon appearance). This fits exactly with what I always thought - i.e., early ov. I told jb that as my hormones are clearly top-notch that he would have to go and get his white goods inspected. He muttered something about "green eggs & ham" and then pointed at the small child in the living room. :(

brownie I'm an aspirin muncher, made Bear cling to the sides of my slippery womble when the other one fell out.

starrycunt We did actually do The Sechs yesterday and I tried to seduce him on the new sofas to "christen" them but he says he doesn't want to get them dirty. Hmm I did say it was "wipe clean" but he wasn't having any of it. What a fairy. :( Shag Dictator says he's got to deliver on a 12 hourly basis for the next 48 hours though. Ha!

MadameBoo · 30/05/2011 10:13

Happy bank holiday Monday UK ESH, and happy ordinary Monday to the rest.

Looking forward to my special faerie toilet Alps, sounds like just my thing.

Hope Starrystarrycunt has a fantabulous time in the posh hotel (am nor remotely Envy at all of course).

I don't have shag dictator Braan as I am poor and humble, I use femilia which is like fertility friend (only free!).

Happy shagging Alpy.

I am very happy for you Sunny and Rie and your mini beshmeet but a teeny weeny bit Envy as well. I want to plan a big ESH party. :o

Cakes and Kat where are you both lovelies?

MadameBoo · 30/05/2011 18:32
owlbooty · 30/05/2011 19:52
MadameBoo · 30/05/2011 20:33

I use Dove. Maybe I need to switch...

AlpinePony · 31/05/2011 08:45

Has anyone read the "I will be pregnant next month and no messing" thread? 'Tis making me lulz.

boo You smell of faeries & glitter & gypsy lavendar & green fags. Gorgeous.

I want to hear about ARIES and BOO in the House Of Menkul! Both have mightily shagged this month. Tell us. Have you poked your boobs yet?

Shag Dictator says I'm still laying an egg. The Sechs last night was a farce. We decided to christen the new couches. Not comfortable. Tried the floor. Not comfortable. Retreated to the bedroom and realised that "al fresco" and any other form of vaguely adventurous sex is now but a memory. Still, got my white goods! Grin Although slightly suspect about the use of the word "good".

BrownB · 31/05/2011 14:39

That's a funny thread for sure Alps. Smack the rat huh? I would also like news from the House of Menkul... Grin

BrownB · 31/05/2011 17:28

Am treating myself to a mani/pedi. I think 007 Excessive Cigaring is the flavour of the day...

I had my early scan today (the lovely lady who scanned me in Jan and offered an early scan was the one holding the dildocam today and so no issues about not having the right number of miscarriages under the belt.. phew). It was not reassuring. The gestational sac was 10mm (small for 6 weeks), and there was some active bleeding and a blood clot in the way so she couldn't see the baby.

This is of course not a diagnosis of a failing pregnancy, or ANYTHING really, but it was not the reassurance I was hoping for. Fuckit. I have another scan next week.

I'm going to have a virtual gin with the mani/pedi - using a straw. I'm then going to go into the chill out room and lock the door.

Ariesgirl · 31/05/2011 18:30

Alps, boobs are non-sore, ute is non-crampy, and I can still stomach the taste of coffee.

However that's by the by, because I am actually pregnant. It's just not showing up yet

MadameBoo · 31/05/2011 18:43

Boobs are sore and tender, and I have had cramps every day. However that is all the by the by as well, as I am not pregnant, as this happens to me every fucking month when we actually get to do the sechs.

So did you and Sunny hole up and eat cake and are now RL BEShmates?

MadameBoo · 31/05/2011 18:43

that q was to Rie, obviously.

MadameBoo · 31/05/2011 18:44

Oh Brown I'm sorry - I skim read fred and missed your post. Lighting mental candles for you all over my head .

Ivegotmrbitey · 31/05/2011 18:49

Mental candles lit here too BB

AlpinePony · 31/05/2011 18:56

bb :(

Ariesgirl · 31/05/2011 21:39

Dearest Brownie, I'm so sorry I didn't see your post earlier. Am hoping for the best outcome for you and crossing everything.

Muser · 31/05/2011 23:07

Just wanted to give some big hugs to BrownB, hoping that things look better at the next scan. I want to see you over with us. And everyone else too.

MadameBoo · 31/05/2011 23:16

Has anyone heard from Barbie? Hope you're ok if you're lurking m'love.

BrownB · 01/06/2011 09:47

Hmmm... preseed cake.... with a Brew. Today, I am still pregnant and I refuse to apologise for my taste buds. Smile

BrownB · 01/06/2011 09:49
AlpinePony · 01/06/2011 10:04

Personally I think Preseed cake has to be better than the icing you get on ready-made xmas cakes! Grin

brownie Have you tried a cork? Not a cork-cake I mean, but you know. As a plug. If it does fall out, I would suggest wrapping it in clingfilm and posting it to the doctor who refused you a scan because you'd only failed twice.

Ariesgirl · 01/06/2011 10:17

I have heard from BB. And she is ok, but very sicky and bleurgh. But this little BOC seems to be hanging in there, which is Very Good.

SunnyD and I are meeting on Friday for cake. What shall I wear?

owlbooty · 01/06/2011 10:20

Brownie lovely. Scans at 6 weeks are notoriously dodgy - a week may make a world of difference. Do not be too disheartened but I know exactly what you mean about wanting the reassurance and not getting it; tis a right bunch of shite.

I believe Barbs is busy throwing her guts up somewhere - I do hope she has not turned herself inside out with the vomming.

Alps don't get me started on unsympathetic doctors.

owlbooty · 01/06/2011 10:21

Ps. RieRieRie - a tutu. You jammy buggers down there in the lovely sunshine with the seaside and everything whilst I am stuck in a fecking office.

Ariesgirl · 01/06/2011 10:23
Grin

Well, I am sneaking out whilst I am supposed to be working Pellets. One of the few perks of working for yourself.

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