Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Am very sorry to Kat , and also to Ski

Tis a cruel bastard, this 'game', and no mistake.

Hairstrokes and gin slings all round for the BESH.

kitkat it occurs to me that it might be possible that it's your birthday today? (2504) If it is, what insanely crap timing, and I hope it's passed as peacefully as possible. If not please to ignore me, but still sending love anyhow.

I have turned into a miniegg. Except a really big one.

I have one sunburnt arm. Have drank way too much this weekend & am thinking of having a month or 2 off the booze. The Easter bunny brought the droid almost a week early!

Rie are you ok? Have you come to any conclusions?

Kat hope you get to speak to doctors etc. tomorrow, thinking of you.

Aries I had made the decision to fuck off TTC and dedicate myself instead to a life of competition with the horse. Instadiff. I'd (just about) got my head around it all and was on a mission to start buying expensive equipment incl. 4x4 and trailer.

sunny Are you sure it wasn't the fabled implantation?

brownB You know that's nonsense (re: exercising) - look at all the athlete mummies out there. E.g., Kim Clijsters/Paula Radcliffe - Mary King won a 3 day event when she was 28 weeks pregnant!

How are you doing kat?

Paula didn't have periods for years either. Not enough body fat. And she had her second at 36

I have had the weekend with AriesNeph. He's 9 months and cries. A lot. Sigh. I don't think I've got it in me, to be perfectly frank. If I get a sickly, colicky, grisly baby, I won't be able to send it back will I?

Listen you, if victoria beckham and angelina jolie can get pregnant with a BMI (combined) of 12, you have no worries. When was the last time VB ovulated? 1992?

Don't know what to say about babyneph ries, they're not all like that. Bear only cries when he bounces his face off furniture/floor or is dropped from an almighty height. These days tears are mostly seen as an act of defiance/frustration in combination with dry eyes and instantaneous "forgetting" about crying the minute he's given what he wants! Colic should be gone by 12 weeks - and you'll have figured out (with any luck) how to deal with it by 8 weeks.

Victoria Beckham - IVF. USA. Gender selection. You mark my words.

Didn't know Jolie was up the duff. Her entire BMI is in her breasts and MrA thinks she's fit. For that reason I am not a fan

I do adore Neph, don't get me wrong. When he's not crying he is the most adorable chuckly, smiley, friendly little thing imaginable! I may post some pics on FB in defiance of his parents. After all, he's only their baby.

I have missed you Alps

Oh I reckon the both of them are IVF all the way (to my knowledge, AJ is not currently up the duff, but if she were - it would be due to massive hormone injections & ISCI). But, if they can carry to term seemingly-healthy children despite apparently not eating during pregnancy, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to once you've got that baybee in your tum-tum, be it an injections-baybee or a sechs-baybee.

AJ does not appeal to me either - she's a bit Cheryl-Cole/Davina McCall'ish in that everyone seems to have "forgotten" the fact that she used to be a massive smackhead who had an incestuous affair with her brother, massive mental problems and was a massive psycho slut - but give a couple of speeches to the UN and suddenly you're a saint? Give me strength. She's also almost entirely crafted from plastic. AND, and, and she's a tries-too-hard and I hate all this action-shtick she does. I would like her to fuck to the off pls.

I have missed you too. Dry yer eyes mate.

Yeah. AND she looks like her lips are pumped so full of enhancement she could trip over them.

Didn't know about incestuous affair

PS I adore the phrases injections-baybee and sechs-baybee.

PPS I hope people know me well enough to know I wasn't knocking IVF or IVF baybees It's just that Mrs Beckham made no secret of her wish for a girl and hey presto it is one. And she is 36 and stick thin and up the duff.

AJ is good in Girl, interrupted though. I just love the fact that she carted her entourage to the desert or wherever it was in to give birth naturally in a tent and then ended up having a c-section in it. Is that mean? I just went up the road to have mine

I agree about la Beckham's gender selection Rie, as you know.

What did Davina McCall do? I know nothing I tell you, nothing.

Davina McCall was a smackhead too - hence all the "home-styled" tattoos she has... AJ pretty much played herself in GI though. Skanky ho.

She hosted a travel programme back in 91/92 (rough guide?) on C4. She got sacked for being unable to get off the smack even though they paid for her rehab. Now she's all happy mother of 3 blah di blah, now I have no problem with people who've coped with addiction - more power to you if you can overcome it - but I do object to the re-writing of history!

Oh. btw, just so you can all update your speadsheets, I did the deed with MrBoo last night - so I'm in the running for my ironidiff.

Rie & Ski I thoroughly enjoyed that conversation I had money on old VB's baybee miraculously being a girl - lo & behold..... & as for Mrs Pitt don't start me on that homewrecking bag of bones. Grr.

It wasn't the elusive implantation although I was hoping for that last night but the full tide of the droid arrived this morning. Ah well, we have the FC appointment on Thursday - I'm convinced I'm coming home with a baybee - that's what happens isn't it, like when you go & buy a car, you look around, chose the one you want and take it home?

I entered the 2012 marathon today - surely that counts toward an ironidiff?

Wow that's ace girlwiththesuninherhair, between you and Ponytail I am put to shame with my couch potatoness.

It was a spur of the moment thing to be honest shoutingbooloudlycanstophicups & it's just the ballot so I don't find out for def until October. And I did it because people think I won't do it. I love to prove people wrong

OMG PJ Harvey is on Jools Holland - she looks madder than ever but I still love her.

and me. Doesshoutingbooloudlyreallygetridofhiccupsthen?

Not always but drinking vinegar & sugar does. It's my fail safe cure, I get hiccups quite a lot, I think it's because I eat too fast & never stop talking.

Boo - how's the hiccups? :)

SunnyD - very impressed about the marathon business. Maybe if I did that, it would spur me on? Maybe not... Will ponder that one.

Alps - I know. Excuses excuses. Rubbish excuses. Well, I'm back on me bike which is a step in the right direction. The gym is about 20 steps from my front door, so I may wander over there later on today. :)

And - I actually liked AJ until I read that stuff about her. I am very ignorant of all things celebrity. So - what's this wedding shiz all about?

Right - can someone join me online and kick me out of bed? I iz being a very lazy woman.

FFS. I just saw - [cwink] [chmm] [cenvy]

Ah well. Might make another and bring it back to bed.

Speaking of weddingz - and you all being wimminz of the world. How the fuck do I get married? I put a post on Chat which was pretty much ignored. We cannot marry in NL, Scotland, England or Wales without a HUGE amount of hoop-jumping and spending up to a month out of the country.

We're now thinking Vegas or Canada. Any more for any more? I just want to turn up with passports & birth certificates and be allowed to marry 48 hours later.

Those crowns are for us. We have been referred to another fred as Mumsnet royalty! [cgrin]

I don't have hiccups Borwniw I think Sunny does.

An very excited about your wedding Alpy but am afraid legal loopholes are beyond me. However am saving up for a trip to Vegas and picking out a suitable clothing just on the offchance the BESH bag an invitation...