Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

Blah to facecrack Dor

Cakes our FC appointment is at the end of the month when we find out what treatment we might get so it's very interesting to find out what happens to other people. Mr Sunshine has JIAP so often he says he's bored of the nurse fantasy now

Do a FB flounce Dor, I did. For three whole days

I luffs the fish fighting. Pliz continue.

Dor I flounced off here and promptly got updiffed. Possibly because I was shagging Mr Boots rather than pratting about on here. I officially name it the 'flouncy-diff'.

Poor Mr Sunny; perhaps he can start on the doctors instead?

Anything to increase the numbers of swimmers Wol

I tried the stay-off-MN-and-shag-more plan. It failed. I've tried the going on holiday and shag more plan. That failed. I tried the shag on the right day plan. It failed. Ahhhhh I'm boring myself with my dullness.....

I tried the flouncing off MN too Oh Dor - didn't work. Actually it was more of an elegant drift off into the night. Still didn't work. So I came back. But only because I was bored ok?

Actually come to think of it, it was because we were on a break at the time. But I for one will never let the facts stand in the way of a good story.

I am . Bloody sister. Bloody facebook. It's so fucking subtle, but she manages to get at me.

Please help me dear BESHes, if someone who has always seemed to love you (for 30 years or more) rejects you, and ignores you when you try to ask what, if anything, you may have done to cause upset, what the hell do you do? :(

I'm here, but boring. I'm obsessed can't stop watching America's Biggest loser...do you think Americans are born with more emotions than us? They certainly seem to love each other/life/food/ more than British people, who just think things are alright. There is so much love on this programme it has spilt out of the telly and is creeping across my (hardwood) floor like a sticky tsunami of maple syrup. What is the antidote? Paxman?

I run away from MN occasionally when I feel I have divulged so much about my private life that even the school caretaker's wife would recognise me. Then I come back and do it again FB- I just hide everyone who is likely to piss me off, and then spend ages checking their profile to see if they did piss me off, and they usually did. That basically constitutes mentioning sick children/the word hun/vaguebooking/pregnancy/babies/any kind of illness.In fact mentioning your life in any way really- unless its freaking hilarious I'm a lovely person

In between loving the love, am squeezing all my bits for InseminatedBarbie (it's a new model, will be available in the shops next week. She is covered in prick marks, and lies only on her back, with feet in the air)

Sorry boo cross posts- really don't know. I think if it were me, I would probably try to find out through someone else, but that's because I am afeared of human emotion and confrontation. She's obviously barking, because you're so unutterably lovely, but that's not much help either is it? Can I clasp you to my buzwam and distract you while I wait for a wise besh to come along think of something better to say.

Please, distract away Cuntybuzzwams. I think actually the only course of action is inaction - but it's so bloody hard. She won't tell my Mum (who isn't her real Mum), and I have asked our sister (who is my step-sis and her real sis - complicated), but she says there is nothing. The thing is, it's very obvious to MrBoo and my Mum that there is something amiss, so I'm not just being paranoid. It doesn't help that she lives miles away from me.

There is lots more to it - but as well as not wanting to turn this into boo therapy time which will be great fun for all of you I'm sure, I'm also conscious that they wouldn't want their private stuff on mumsnet, although I doubt very much that they're on here.

Sorry- there was a Terrible Incident on America's Biggest Loser, and I had to stop and collect my feelings. Tis tricky on here with the whole reveal thing- I am not good in real life at sussing when people want to Share, and when they don't, and so just veer on the side of minding my own business-which I know can come across as not being interested/not caring....but hey, this is your therapy session. So please to tell me Frau Boo, haf you had many fantasies about your doctor?

:o

I think I love Moley. Will you marry me? Your summation of FaceArse is in a nutshell why I don't go on the sodding thing. I don't have a hardwood floor though, does that matter? It's a grey sort of carpet - made up of cat and human hair, crumbs, bits of wood and dust mites that have died from attempting to eat said carpet. I'll be changing it soon to something more hygienic I promise (although the contents of a hospital bubonic plague ward bin would probably be cleaner than my carpet).

Boo rant away, that's what we're here for. All you can do is try your best - you can't control how other people behave, only how you react to said behaviour. Families are funny old things, I hope it blows over.

I'm too cowardly to flounce anywhere. Just like the cowardly lion, me. Unless someone said something really irritating about TTC, but then I'd probably unleash the Power of BESH Skull and make them cry.

Boo please never take my advice on anything feud-related. BUT I would cover her house in horse-shit and set fire to it but then I am a vindictive cah who hates it when people behave in a crap way. And I like burning things.

Moleymole I went to America once. They had extremely large buckets of coke. I bought one for a laugh and required two hands to carry the damn thing. There is something wrong with that country. Having said that I would go there again tomorrow if I could, I did rather enjoy it :)

BB sounds like my carpet. Only with less cat vom cleaning up stains. Mmmm, nice.

Moleface your post made me actual laugh out loud.

JB and I happened across the first ever US final of of "Gladiators". The competitors were all "oh I'd love to win obviously, but I'm just really happy to be here and X is so fun to be competing against, we've had a lovely time". Fast forward 15 years and it's all "I'm gonna pummel her face in to the ground. I'm a winner, no time for LUSERS! Raaaaaar!". They eat too much.

Is anyone woofling?

Too early for woofling yet, give me a week and I'll be there. I've seen a gorgeous maternity dress in a sale. AIBU to buy it on the offchance that one day I might need it? And no pregnant people I am not going to tell you where it is.

Yes, buy it anyway. Failure to diff results in the over-eating of cakes anyway. Cover yer bases!

Oh I'm woofling like mad. Had a bawl last night when I found out our friends had their baby yesterday.

I think I need therapy. Or wine. Or both.

Cakes. I like cakes. And wine. Or Both.

IoncehadanimaginarymousecalledDoriswholivedundermybedtrufax have this bottle box glass on me, and accompany it with a fish slap and nippletweak, and a picture of <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.alan-rickman.com/GQ-9-91.jpg&imgrefurl=www.alan-rickman.com/&usg=__R-N2gySoNsjcne9l1pszLBWTFbg=&h=370&w=290&sz=13&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=JmTvWW4zhAQiCM:&tbnh=163&tbnw=131&ei=7bWcTeSQJ42XOoC_zfAG&prev=/images%3Fq%3DAlan%2BRickman%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26rlz%3D1T4SKPB_enGB353GB353%26biw%3D1003%26bih%3D485%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=491&oei=7bWcTeSQJ42XOoC_zfAG&page=1&ndsp=11&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=42&ty=139" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">old silver tongue for you>(Doesn't mention that I just trawled last two freds to find your questionnaire, before remembering the search facility )

Hello it's me. Spent the day in the sunshine. I've got the horn. Want to do sechs in a lush meadow surrounded by daisiesand the scent of grass, with a gentle breeze carressing my buttocks.

I'm not Woofling yet. Sechs is on order for ce soir.

daisies and, not daisiesand. Which sounds a bit ouchy.

Oooh you slaaaaaaaaaag!