Freak out room for those newly updiffed after MC to hold hands and support each other... Part IV

[MummyAbroad]

Newly pregnant after miscarriage? Here is a nice place to hang out and swap symptoms and worries until you are brave enough to sign up to the grads thread.

Here is a link to the old thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1165866-Freak-out-room-for-those-newly-updiffed-after-MC-to-hold-hands-and-support-each-other-Part-III/AllOnOnePage#24507574

yay for Collie great scan news.

sorry to hear about your cp Mumtum

Izzy I'm really dosconnected which is why I'm struggling with having a little bump right now - it doesn't fit with what's in my head. I also had a huge meltdown yesterday as it should have been my first proper mothers day :(

tunnocks i have soooo much pant snot I'm constantly worrying it's blood but I've had no brown/pink/red/strange coloured goo (touch wood) for 3 weeks now, and mw said goo helps keep the fanjo clean of infection so it can't get up any higher and hurt the bean so lots of it is just fine.

katherine that does sound like a quick appointment - mine was hour and a half with bloods etc.

Hope everyone else is good today. I am booking a private scan for next Thursday eeek! Can't believe I will be in "the safe zone" then if all goes well.

Hello everyone just catching up after my post and run earlier.

Glad to hear some of you lovely mummies had nice days yesterday. To all those mummies in waiting, it?ll be our turn next year

mumtum if you are lurking I am so so so sorry darling My heart truly goes out to you. Its so so cruel. I hope with time you pain and sadness eases and you can start to look forward to your wedding again, because it really will be a magical day. I hope whenever you decided to ttc again, you don?t have to wait too long for your bpf. I?ll be thinking of you xxxxx

lovely to hear from you, glad all is ok. I am right with you in feeling nervous, about everything and anything possible. Ps are you sure about your dates. Going off mine and izzy?s eas your dates and EDD don?t match??

banana hope you managed to get through court without barfing?

lara good luck with the work trip.

knitter good luck for your scan tomorrow, I hope it goes well and its me flowing in your footsteps!!

Katherine Very at your booking in appointment. Surely they would want your history and bloods? I?d check.

izzy I too feel exactly the same way. Just to terrified to allow myself to get excited. After the scan today, I?ve lightened up a bit, but I can still see how cautious I am, and like mummya said I know the reassurance won?t last forever. As much as I want to go out and buy look at cute little baby grows, just can?t bring myself to do it. I think the 12 week date will bring me lots more reassurances, and at tat point I hope I?ll be able to start to freak out about look forward to actually having a baby. izzy I think the chats about converting the loft are a big deal, and a great step.

tunnocks I really hope you bean starts behaving soon and your 2nd and 3rd trimesters are blissfully boring.

cep thanks for all you support hun. I am sending you all my positive fives for a great scan tomorrow, what time is it? Good luck sweet.

Thanks to everyone for the handholding, would have gone even more mental if I hadn?t had you to freak out on. Thanks too for the nice words about the scan, you?re all lovely. Thanks for the reassurances on dates, my EDD is based on what fertility friend says, so was a bit upset they didn?t match, but it could be down to it taking time to fertilise or implant i suppose??? Am kicking myself as meant to ask what the hb rate was but totally forgot. And also didn?t ask for a picture ? felt a bit silly as it was the tinniest of blobs and she didn?t offer it up, but now wished I?d ask.

I also have a question about my next scan. They don?t want to see me again now until my dating scan at 12 weeks. That?s a whole 6 weeks of (eek). I do have a private scan booked in at 8+1 weeks but I lost my last bean at 9+3 so I am not sure how much extra reassurances that will give me, and its only 2 weeks off.. I go away to Scotland when I am 8+6 for 1 week. Which means the earliest I could get a scan after that would be at 10+1. Part of me thinks that would be pointless as I?d only have to wait 2 more weeks for my dating scan. But then on the other hand, I don?t know if I want to get to my dating scan again to be hold its all over. Any advice ladies??

Oh, also. EPU booked me in to the ante-natal unit at the hospital for my booking in appointment ? without even asking me!!! My last booking in apt was with the community mw and wasn?t exactly seamless but after the 3 ½ hour saga I?ve had today, I have to think what it would be like at the hospital. Anyone any views on hospital v?s community booking in appointments??

oh tunnocks I wish I was there to give you a big hug. Can you take some time off work and go away to destress for a bit? Easier said than done I know. Watery CM is normal, and your scans have all been fine so it is probably ok. I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better though. Have you spoken to DH about it (mine is useless so I don't bother)?

Thanks for adding me to the stats list knitter - looks nice to be on there

Great news re: the scan collie and I will echo the others re: the minus 2 days -very normal. I would probably encourage you to do the 10+1 scan to save yourself 2 weeks of worrying and let's be honest, we all know just how slowly time ticks by between scans.... Have just double checked on babycentre re: due date and with cycle length of 30, 26th Nov is correct, however, I'm very happy for them to tell me I'm further gone than I thought - only(!) 13 days to find out....

Reading all your feelings of disconnection izzy, mummya, velvet, tunnocks, kat (and others) is quite a relief - I almost didn't want to admit it as we're supposed to be so over the moon to be pg (which I am but there is always a "but" that follows.....) - I think mattsmama sums it up well -the scar stays with us....

We have decided this time to tell people much earlier, but only the close friends that know about the 2 previous mc's as their support was so invaluable after 2nd mc.

However, onto more positive news - I seem to have joined the fish fancying brigade - smoked haddock on sat and salmon tonight and loving it! (apologies to those suffering ms..... )

x-post tunnocks - sending lots of warm and positive thoughts your way. x

tunnocks hang on in there hun, i am so sorry you are going through this crap but it will be all ok, it will, it will...

thanks for comments about my mw appt - I phoned them late afternoon and I have to go to the hospital for my booking in now, rather than local community health centre, which the blinking receptionists didn't bother to tell me. GRRRRR

sending hugs to all

tunnocks so sorry you're worried again. it will all be fine.

collie at 10:30, i have to go on the phones before hand. my mind is not going to be on other people problems, especially when 9/10 they caused their own problem. Not much help i know but i think you ned to do whatever is going to help you feel better, if that means having a private scan a couple weeks before your 12 wk one then do so. technically this scan tomorrow is 3 weeks before my 12 wk one should be but don't get booked in till next tuesday so don't know when i'll get a scan for.

cep FX for a good scan tomorrow xx

Izz and everyone else, I know I'm only 1 week in since finding out, but I'm in total denial, and I can't imagine ever feeling any different at the moment. I guess it's just a defence mechanism.

I am not letting myself believe I could end up with a baby, in case it all goes wrong again. We're not telling anyone until we've got a good scan post 12 weeks, if we get that far.

However, and I'd welcome some advice here (my life feels like a soap opera at the moment rueful ). Both my cousin and my aunt work in the local hospital, my cousin in community midwifery. We told our parents when we'd made the booking appt last time, bcs I knew if either of them saw the records they'd not be able to keep quiet. And true to form my aunt congratulated my mum on being a granny to be (when she hadn't told anyone I was pregnant) the week after my m/c. My mum was gutted.

Given all my parents are going through at the moment (my dad is being treated for cancer, and my aunty checked his records too) I don't want them worrying about me, but equally don't want my relatives letting the cat out of the bag. So I'm nervous about going to the GP and getting into the system again incase my relatives tell my mum. Can I make a complaint about them, without them getting sacked. From what I've researched confidentiality forms part of a contract of employment, and don't think I'd want it to go that far.

that fuckwit relatives are making this stressful situation even more worrisome

Blackkat What an awkard situation to be in! Can't believe the un-professionalism of your relatives and yes you are quite within your rights to make a complaint! If I were you I would make an appointment with your GP and express your concerns to him/her and explain the situation! It really is a sackable offence - and to be honest blabbing your personal details and noseying at your dad's records THEY DESERVE TO BE SACKED. Lack of confidentiality in a job such as theirs is gross misconduct. However I know you don't want that - so if you maybe told your GP this. What about writing an anonymous letter?

The other option is to have a word with them yourself? Tell them you don't appreciate them divulging your personal details. Also do you have a choice of another hospital to go to for your antenatal care?

Other than that I'm at a bit of a loss really what else to advise - I suppose it boils down to how close your relationship with them is as to what lengths you go to - but the more I think about it the more bloody annoying it is!!! You really don't need all this extra worry. Sorry I can't be much more help.

Thanks mattsmama, I've thought about talking to them, but don't want to lose my cool, bcs I know I will.

No other choice of antenatal care sadly, so think talking to the GP might be the best option, and praps a private scan first. Trying not to get worked up about it, but every time I think about ringing the GP I get annoyed.

shit shit crampy and pink stuff here!! dont know what to do!

tunnocks ((hugs)) poor poor you. I know it's pointless saying this as I'm asking the impossible but try not to worry. You had such a good scan last week and all was fine. It really IS most likely that all still is ok, and worrying so much only results in you getting all worked up which is no good. velvets suggestion of taking some time off is a good idea I think. Even if it's just to rest, but if you can get away I think it would do you the world of good. I don't know where you work, and taking time off can be hard, but you have to put yourself and your bean first.

blackkat I too am very on your behalf at fuckwit realatives. You'd have thought after the mc situation they'd have learnt. I think if you know them well enough speaking to them directly might be a good idea. Otherwise like matts said maybe speak to your gp, although to be honest not sure what they could do. I think if you don't want them to be disciplined (which they DO deserve) I wouldn't complain anonymously unless you don't pin point them directly, as the organisation would have to deal with it formally. But you could complain, but ask that it be dealt informally. Sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything eles because other people are selfish and plain old nosey! Ps hope your dads doing ok x

x posts velvet oh im sorry. Am sure it's ok. Remember all the cramps we've all been talking about. Perfectly normal as is pink cm. How bad are the cramps? Get a hot water bottle and a blanket and rest. ((hugs)) xx

Big (((hugs))) for tunnocks and velvet - velvet so sorry you're worried, try not to panic, cramps etc can be quite normal but you know that. Rest up tonight, and if you're still worried first thing in the morning ring your mw/gp/epu/whoever your first point of contact is at this stage and get them to refer you for a scan just to reassure xx

blackkat that's appalling!! . I don't know what to suggest - would say make a complaint but I can understand why you don't want to...it is very serious though and if they're doing it to you they're probably doing it to others. Could you say that someone told your mum last time but you don't know who and ask that your notes are marked so they're only to be looked at by whoever does the appointments or something? Just thinking aloud there...

tunnocks and velvet sorry you both have to go through more worrying. I hope things are OK.

BlackKat at the relatives. Izzy's idea sounds like a good one, but I would have thought facing them off (perhaps with a threat to complain) is probably the only way to safeguard it happening again. Can you email/phone them if face to face seems to emotional?

Collie my bean died at 9 and half weeks too, and I am now at exactly that stage. I have had two scans already but want one at 10 weeks in order to know if this bean has got further than the last. I would go for the 10 week one, as you say the 8 week one will be nice but wont have lasting results IUSWIM.

good luck for your scan tommorrow knitter

I see from the list that delilahbelle had a scan today too, has she been on? How did you get on delilah?

I have been feeling a bit better today. Managed to make a chocolate cake with DS and happliy scoffed lots after. This is much more like pregnancy should be

Good luck for your scan today cep -fingers, toes and all sorts crossed for you. Same for velvet - hope you managed to get some sleep and things have eased today - thinking of you lots.

Sorry to read about the tough time you and your parents are going through with your dad blackkat - hope things are as ok as they can be. I am truly by your rellies - what an awkward situation to be in. I would be tempted to tell your parents as (if they are anything like mine) they will be worrying about you anyway and whether you are ttc and not being successful. While tinged with uncertainty, your news may give them something positive to focus on. Also, if they were to find out via your relatives about your pg state (which is quite possible by the sounds of it) without hearing it from you, that may cause them more concern. You know yourself and your parents the best so I'm sure you'll do what feels right. As for addressing the issue with your rellies, what about citing the example of what happened last time with your mum? Short of standing over them every day at work, I don't think you could physically stop them checking the records but knowing the consequences of their actions should hopefully make them think twice about looking at them and think at least three times about actually talking about them. I would second mattsmama's suggestion about voicing your concerns to your GP and also mummya's thoughts on an email - you can make it very factual and not so emotional. I know if I was trying to put my point of view across either face to face or even on the phone, on something as sensitive as this, I would probably lose my cool too. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope it's not stressing you out too much.

Glad to hear about the chocolate cake eating mummya - what a treat that must have been for you after all this time. Long may the ms stay away (but not enough to worry you into lack of symptoms )

Not much to report from here other than continuing weird dreams and general tiredness.... yawn..... in fact my mind seems to be working so hard at night with all the dreams that it's no wonder I'm feeling drained!

Good luck to knitter too on scan today.

Tunnocks I agree with the others - please see if you can take some time off. I was in a similar state to you and the MW signed me off without even seeing me - sobbing down the phone was enough.

I don't mean to scare you, but she lectured me on the harm I could do to the LO by being so stressed. Although I still meltdown occasionally, I'm calmer in between.

Please think about it

Velvet fingers crossed for you today, hope all's ok.

Blackkat I am shocked at the unprofessionalism of your relatives, but I think the others have got some really good suggestions. Good luck!

Hi all!

Good luck on scan today knitter.

velvet big hugs, how are things this morning? Do you have a friendly epu you can go to for reassurance?

blackkat I am also totally on your behalf. I would write down the points I wanted to cover and give them a call. If they were anything but totally apologetic I would make it formal. Their behaviour is disgusting and is giving you unnecessary stress! You can't casually flick through medical records-it's the first rule in the book!!!

I hope you're all doing ok. I'm trying not to get myself worked up about my shortness of breath even when I'm sitting or lying down
I've had the full range of "it's perfectly normal" through to "it's too early in your pregnancy for that" from the 'experts' so who do I believe??? It definitely gets worse if I get stressed too. I'm off work at the moment because I'm too exhausted to do anything :(

Oh and HUGE squishy hugs for tunnocks - I agree with daisy, see if you can get yourself some time off to try and relax xx

morning all.

velvet and tunnocks hope you both are ok and managed to get some sleep.

blackkat that is difficult, as the others have said it is a sackable offence. i'd be pretty as well, i don't think i'd be able to keep my mouth shut. Could you go for a private scan when that's ok tell your parents then book in?? i know it's a long way round but i can't see you relatives not peeking again. (can't believe she congratulated your mum without knowing what's going on or knowing even if she knew)

thanks for the scan wishes. i am pretty scared. really don't want to go to work first.

Sorry for haphazard catchup I can't keep up with this thread

Velvet and Tunnocks lots of women have this, but it still is so distressing isn't it? Can you not get a scan to reassure yourselves? I'm sure you don't need one though, and everything is fine x

Collie I'd go for the 10 week scan, just to put your mind at ease. I had an extra one and it was the best money I'd spent :)

Daisy and Mummya I've felt exactly the same until perhaps this week. It just like I was ill and I couldn't visualise being pg. Now I've started to feel some gentle movement I am finally getting my head around it and more connected - but still can't visualise a baby at the end of it. I think it'll come in time for you, but it's only natural after what's happened to be like this, subconscious self-protecting iykwim?

Mumtum so sorry to hear your news, I would love to see you lurk if you want to (((hugs)))

Blackkat I think you need to say something 'unofficially' at least. It isn't on at all reading yours or anyone else's personal business unless they need to for their work

Good news about all the scans, and good luck to all the scanners

Not much happening here, except to say don't eat a whole tin of prunes in one go

Good luck today with your scan knitter I hope everything is just perfect for you.